"Live your life. Don't be swayed and give it to others."Edhart's words were quite arbitrary but they strangely resonated with me. However, my marriage with him was close to misfortune and my precious child was taken away. I died lonely in a humble detached house.My second life was thankfully given to me when I gave up on everything. I vowed to make take the opportunity I was given."When I close my ... Read Duchess In The Glass House - Chapter 94 - MangaPuma. Read more at https://mangapuma.com/duchess-in-the-glass-house/chapter-94

Hi, I wanted to do a Legends Arceus Nuzlocke because I wanted to torture myself. I have 2 ways to play the game as a nuzlocke, please vote for which one's the better way, and comment down ways that you think are better than the existing ways!
Idea #1:

1. You can only catch the first Pokemon you see in each area, and if it faints or flees, the encounter for that area is skipped.
2. All Pokemon that fainted are considered dead and must be boxed/released.
3. All Pokemon must be nicknamed so that you get a special attachment to each of them.
4. Pokemon can be caught for progressing the story (increasing ranks), but they cannot be used on the party unless they are the first encounter of the area. If for some reason those Pokemon are on your party (you have an extra space in your party etc), they are considered illegal and cannot be used in battles. Pokemon can be brought to the party only for increasing its research level.
5. Each time a noble Pokemon is defeated, the player can go to whichever area they want, and redo #1.

Idea #2

1. In each area, you will choose a number and the (number) species will be your encounter, and if it faints or flees, the encounter for that area is skipped.
2. All Pokemon that fainted are considered dead and must be boxed/released.
3. All Pokemon must be nicknamed so that you get a special attachment to each of them.
4. Pokemon can be caught for progressing the story (increasing ranks), but they cannot be used on the party unless they are the first encounter of the area. If for some reason those Pokemon are on your party (you have an extra space in your party etc), they are considered illegal and cannot be used in battles. Pokemon can be brought to the party only for increasing its research level.
5. Each time a noble Pokemon is defeated, the player can go to whichever area they want, and redo #1.

Please comment down your preferred way as well as what you would do if you were nuzlocking this game. Thanks!
Next week, I'll make a poll on which starter to choose in my nuzlocke.

Hello everyone,
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Imagine being trapped in a destructive cycle for eight long years, knowing you need to escape but feeling utterly powerless to do so. That was my reality. I'm a 26-year-old man who, from the tender age of 12, found himself caught in the relentless grip of pornography and masturbation addiction.
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By 18, I was painfully aware of the damage it was causing and desperate to break free. I tried everything – NoFap, meditation, sports, cold showers, even punishing myself, but to no avail. It felt like my addiction was an unshakeable opponent. But then, something changed. I discovered a strategy that changed my life. If you're struggling, I want to share this with you...
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Caught in the grip of this addiction, I would spend an average of seven hours per day, even peaking at thirteen hours sometimes. The toll of this habit was heavy, affecting my personal, professional, and social life severely. Yet everything changed when I discovered Jack Trimpey's Rational Recovery method.
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While his book provided me with crucial insights, it was his comprehensive AVRT Demonstration, where Trimpey guided an alcohol addict towards permanent abstinence, that truly filled the missing pieces in my fight against addiction. The Rational Recovery method fundamentally shifted my perspective towards addiction, helping me to recognize and silence the voice of my brain (the Beast) pushing me to consume. Today, I want to share my experience, hoping it could be an effective solution for many of you. You can access the entire demonstration at the end in the 'Useful Resources' section.
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Understanding Addiction and Navigating this Guide
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Let's talk about what addiction really is. Addiction isn't about the behavior itself, but rather the desire to escape pain and seek a better life. It is marked by ambivalence, a feeling of being torn between two minds. Overcoming addiction involves breaking free from the grip of pleasure and reclaiming control over oneself.
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Before I delve into how I applied the Rational Recovery method and the results I got, I want to pose a simple but powerful question: If I placed a big red button in front of you that, when pressed, would instantly eradicate your addiction, would you press it?
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If your answer is 'yes', then you have all the reasons you need to quit. I've been where you are now, writing pages upon pages of reasons to stop, yet relapsing despite knowing how harmful it was. It's important to recognize when a pattern becomes harmful, it's time to stop.
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As you explore this guide, remember the importance of keeping an open mind. Let's borrow some wisdom from Mark Twain, who once said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” It's a nod to the importance of being receptive to new ideas and methods. This guide may offer a different approach, but embracing it might bring about the change you're seeking.
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What is AVRT?

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AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) is a transformative strategy that I've found invaluable in my journey to overcoming addiction. This technique helps you recognize and differentiate yourself from the 'addictive voice', the part of your primitive brain structure that fuels your addiction.
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Think of AVRT as your personal defense mechanism that works under any circumstance, regardless of your emotional state – be it sadness, anger,boredom, loneliness, or stress. The aim here isn't to suppress these emotions, but rather to stay in control of your actions, no matter what you're feeling.
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The 'addictive voice' – which we'll call the 'beast' – is a sneaky internal saboteur. It's the part of you that wants to continue with the harmful habit, despite you consciously knowing it's not beneficial. AVRT is about learning to separate this beast from your own true will, thus empowering you to reclaim your life.
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The power of AVRT lies in this distinction between you and the beast. Once you master this technique, you'll learn to reject the rationalizations and temptations that originate from the beast. The dissociation from the beast is what makes it possible to make a firm, irrevocable commitment to quit your addiction. By not identifying with the beast, you can prevent yourself from suffering commonly associated with resisting addiction.
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In essence, AVRT isn't about fighting or resisting; it's about recognizing, dissociating, and reclaiming control of your life.
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What is the "beast"?

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The "beast" is a term coined by the Rational Recovery method to denote the part of your brain pushing you towards your addiction. We call it the Beast because, like a wild, uncontrollable animal, it cares about nothing but fulfilling its need. It is a cunning inner voice, whispering that you need to engage in porn and masturbation to feel satisfied, relieved, or happy. This voice, often referred to as the Addictive Voice (AV), can be quite deceptive. It might paint you a picture of an enticing scene, produce alluring sounds, offer a moment of relief, or even present a false promise of control—"Just be more careful next time."
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This beast manipulates you with excuses, deceptive emotions, and outright lies to make you succumb to your addiction. But let's make one thing clear: the beast is not your friend. It's your worst enemy. It's a parasitic entity that has latched onto your life, thriving on your addictive behavior. Like every living thing, it fears its end, and that end comes when you stop feeding the addiction. It has no regard for your well-being, your relationships, your life goals, or your health. Only its survival matters.
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As you read through this guide, it's crucial to remain aware of the Beast's interference. Remember, the Beast manifests as a voice in your head or as an emotion, pushing you towards addictive thoughts and actions. You might experience feelings of resistance, discomfort, anger, fear, anxiety, or even a cringe reaction. These are the Beast's attempts to disrupt your progress.
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While the Beast can attempt to manipulate your thoughts and emotions, it does not and cannot control your actions. It's your survival instincts that the Beast taps into, but your ability to make decisions, to govern your actions, thoughts, and emotions is uniquely yours.
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The Beast may present itself in thoughts like, "This is too difficult to understand," "This won't work for me," or "I'm an exception to this method." Understand that these thoughts are not your own, but the Beast's desperate attempts to maintain control.
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In its relentless quest for satisfaction, the beast views everything, including you, as expendable. It's the embodiment of your addiction, caring for nothing but its next fix. It's deaf to reason, blind to consequences, and immune to remorse.
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If this description resonates with you, don't panic. You're not 'sick.' It's merely an error of association made by your body - an error in the script, so to speak. It mistakenly believes that this addictive behavior is as vital for your survival as breathing or eating.
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Take these moments of resistance as signs that you are on the right track. You're threatening the Beast's existence, and it's trying to fight back. Recognize these voices for what they are, continue moving forward, and know that each step brings you closer to reaffirming your control and freedom from addiction.
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[How to Proceed]
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Recognition Technique

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Let me share an effective exercise, adapted from the Rational Recovery book, that could help you end your porn and masturbation addiction right now.
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Start by observing your thoughts and feelings about watching porn or masturbating, both positive and negative. The thoughts and feelings that encourage continued use represent your Addictive Voice (AV), while those advocating for abstinence represent the real you.
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When you learn to identify and understand your AV, it becomes an easily defeated foe causing you to indulge. All it craves is pleasure. The main tactic of the Beast is to seize control of the pronoun 'I'. It will try to convince you by saying things like "I want to watch porn" or "I need pornography ".
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However, you can effectively counter this strategy. By simply adding a 't' and shifting the 'I' to 'It', you can remind yourself that these thoughts are not truly yours, but are the Beast's manipulations. So the sentences become, "It wants to watch porn" or "It needs pornography ".
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By changing "I" to "It", you dissociate from the discomfort or distress. Yes, it's that simple, placing it squarely on the Beast instead of yourself. It's crucial to recognize that these feelings are the Beast's attempts to coerce you back into addiction.
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Now, tell yourself, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again", and listen for any negative reactions – this is your AV responding. Conversely, if you think, "I will consume porn or masturbate whenever I please," any pleasant feelings that arise are also your AV asserting control.
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This recognition technique dispels short-term desire, making abstinence effortless. Complete separation of 'you' from 'it' results in complete recovery and hope for a better life.
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Picture the AVRT technique as a form of gardening. The Addictive Voice is the weed trying to overtake your garden and sapping nutrients from the other plants. Recognizing the weed for what it is and uprooting it preserves your garden's health. Similarly, identifying and acting against your Addictive Voice safeguards a healthy and fulfilling life free from addiction.
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Shifting Technique

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Shifting is another powerful technique to help you dissociate from the beast of addiction. The idea is to alternate between viewing your addiction from the perspective of the beast and your own.
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When viewing addiction through the Beast's eyes, you visualize what it craves the most about the addictive behavior and imagine the associated pleasure for a few minutes. It will express sentiments like "I want this now!" or "Please give it to me!", and you may start to feel the beast getting excited, happy, or impatient.
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Then, shift to your perspective and reflect on the pain and negative impact the addiction has on you and those around you. Allow yourself feelings of disgust. Let your own feelings now take over, and you will find that your Beast withdraws and you feel either neutral or put off. This back-and-forth process allows you to dissociate from the Beast.
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Think of Shifting as toggling between two TV channels: one projects a seductive yet distorted image of addiction, while the other reveals the harsh reality of its damage.
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Introducing the "Big Plan"

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The idea of the Big Plan in Rational Recovery is to make a personal commitment to lifelong abstinence from addiction. This commitment, for me, took the form of the decisive statement, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again". It involves pinpointing a day and an hour for your turning point. For me, that was a Sunday at 12am. This moment represents a clear and definitive end to your addictive behavior and the start of a new chapter in your life. You can decide to commit either immediately after going through this post or by specifying your day and hour. It's entirely your choice, and we'll discuss this in more depth later.
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Your Power Over the Beast

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The Beast, despite its intimidating name, is in fact harmless. It may try to coerce, manipulate, and instill fear, but it is important to remember that it is powerless without your consent. It cannot force you to return to the addictive behavior; only you can make that decision. In fact, you are the main authority, the one in charge, and it's the Beast that fears you.
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The Beast is aware of your power and control, and it's terrified of it. It knows that you can shatter its illusions in a snap, without any difficulty. You're the one who makes the call, not the Beast, and it fears your unyielding decision to quit the addiction forever.
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Its tactics may often involve fear. It's like the Beast is pointing a gun at you, but the truth is, its gun is empty. It's just a bluff, an illusion. You know it, and the Beast knows it too. It's simply trying to maintain its influence by resorting to fear tactics, but you can see through its lies.
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"Don't trust yourself in tempting situations...you're not strong enough yet." – The Beast's voice:
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The Beast tries to maintain control by suggesting certain places, events, or people will trigger a relapse. You might hear it whisper, "You can't go to that event, you might relapse," or "Avoid that location, it's too risky." This is simply the Beast's tactic to keep a hold on you, aiming to make you believe you're not completely in control.
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By simply recognizing it for what it is - a tactic of the Beast to undermine your confidence - you can dismiss these fear tactics and reaffirm your control.
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What if I Lose Control?

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The Beast within you is a cunning entity, ever ready to exploit your moments of doubt and vulnerability. It whispers falsehoods, instilling fear and shaking your confidence. But don't be swayed, for you have always held the reins. The Beast may inhabit a corner of your mind, but it lacks the power to control your actions.
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Not convinced? Try this: Extend your finger in front of your eyes and move it, then ask the Beast to do the same. The Beast can't because it doesn't hold sway over your physical actions.
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The truth is, you've never truly "failed" in your endeavor against addiction. You've always had the choice, and sometimes you've elected to surrender to the Beast's desires. But that doesn't equate to losing control. It merely shows you gave in, momentarily, to the Beast's whisperings.
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Expectations

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Recovery from addiction isn't about becoming a superhero or uncovering the universe's hidden secrets. It's about realizing that we don't have control over every aspect of life. However, we do have control over our actions, our reactions, and how we choose to face life's unpredictable events.
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Do you choose the path of self-discovery and freedom from addiction? Or do you prefer to remain confined by the restrictions that addiction imposes? Be cautious: the Beast may distort your perspective, asking, "Where are the benefits?" or suggesting, "You haven't gained anything," and even instigating impatience by incessantly asking, "How long until I see the benefits?"
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But don't fall prey to these distortions. Escaping addiction isn't about immediate gain or fixing all your life's problems. Recovery isn't a magic solution; it's a step towards personal empowerment. It's about gaining freedom and unlocking your potential, not just as a person in recovery, but as an individual capable of resilience and authenticity.
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Concentrate on the liberation that breaking free from addiction brings. Let's choose this path towards a life where addiction no longer controls us, allowing us to genuinely live and experience life to its fullest.
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Understanding the Real Reason You're Engaging in This

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Engaging in this addiction is solely for pleasure and nothing more. Every other justification is a fabrication of the Beast. It's designed to make you believe that giving in to your addiction is the only route to happiness or relief when you're feeling depressed, bored, lonely, stressed, or miserable.
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Speaking from personal experience, I used to think that I turned to pornography and masturbation because I was lonely, stressed, or had a rough day. I thought that because I spent my entire day working alone on a computer, my environment or lifestyle was to blame for my addiction. These were excuses, a way to avoid taking responsibility for my actions, guided by the Beast's narrative.
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The key to recognizing the Beast is noticing that the conversation always bends towards indulgence in your addiction.
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Imagine you're having a tough day, and you begin to feel down. Instead of recognizing this as a passing mood, the Beast seizes this opportunity. It will amplify your negative emotions by saying things like, "You're always unhappy, aren't you? You know what would make you feel better... just one quick session won't hurt." Or, "You're so lonely, this is unbearable. Just indulge, it's your only comfort." These harsh whispers are the Beast's attempts to deepen your feeling of depression and nudge you towards the addictive behavior. Depression doesn't create addiction; addiction does.
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The Beast's goal? To make you feel so low that resorting to your addiction seems like the only way out. Conversely, when you're content and joyful, the Beast will persuade you to give in, arguing it will amplify your satisfaction. Just think about it. If you're living what you perceive as a perfect life, the Beast will still argue you could feel even better with pornography and masturbation. It's a never-ending, destructive cycle.
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Understanding and Separating Desire

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Desire, in its essence, is not a negative emotion; it's a natural human condition. It propels us toward achievement, drives creativity, and gives meaning to our experiences. It also plays a crucial role in our relationships and our sexuality. The key in overcoming addiction is not to extinguish desire altogether, but to discern between healthy desires and those manipulated by the Beast.
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Imagine your desires as a beautiful, roaring river. It's full of life, movement, and potential. This river represents your natural, healthy desires - things like connecting with others, pursuing your hobbies, personal growth, and even your sexual desires. These are your desires, part of who you are.
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Then, there's the Beast's desire - a poisonous stream trying to merge into your river, attempting to hijack your natural flow. This stream carries the pull of addiction, steering you away from your authentic path, manipulating your thoughts, and distorting your perceptions.
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Recognize this poisonous stream and refuse to let it merge with your river. This is not about damming the entire river or stifling your desires, but about rejecting the poisonous stream that the Beast introduces. It's about retaining your authentic desires and letting them guide you.
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Identify that any thought associated with the desire to indulge in the addiction is coming from the Beast. By doing so, you begin to differentiate between what you truly want and what the Beast wants. This understanding will empower you, helping you keep your river clean, vibrant, and true to its course.
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In the whirlwind of addiction, it can be easy to confuse the Beast's desires with our own. I, too, was lost in this confusion. I believed I was drawn to endless layers of perversion, thinking that I was attracted to the limitless exploration of perversion. But deep down, this wasn't me, it was the Beast's influence, its relentless push for more and more. Upon reflection, I realized my true desire was much simpler and profoundly more meaningful: to love and be loved. To have a wife, to raise children together, to share in the mundane and the magical moments of life. That's my authentic desire, not the empty promises of temporary pleasure the Beast kept pushing. This profound clarity is a stark contrast to the Beast's corruption, a beacon that can guide you back to your true self.
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The goal is not to eliminate desire, but to reclaim it, to keep it authentic and personal. Desire is a part of your humanity; it's the Beast's manipulation of it that leads to addiction.

The Myth of Relapse and the Power of Perfection.

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The Beast might sometimes whisper, "It's okay to relapse. You'll do better next time." This is a shrewd strategy designed to maintain its hold on you by normalizing relapse as a part of the recovery journey. It uses these tactics to sow seeds of doubt in your mind, aiming to eventually lead you to relapse. Rational Recovery, however, views this differently: the key is making a definitive decision—your Big Plan—to abstain from the addictive behavior and sticking to it under any circumstances.
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Human beings are perfectly capable of achieving perfection in certain aspects of life. Consider the professional athlete who plays a perfect game or the musician who delivers a flawless performance. They do so by making a firm commitment to their goal and adhering to it diligently, without allowing any room for mistakes.
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Similarly, your recovery journey can be perfect too. Once you make your Big Plan to abstain from addictive behavior, you can stick to it perfectly, without any relapses. This is the ideal that Rational Recovery promotes—not "try, fail, and try again," but "decide and stick to your decision perfectly."
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Your Beast wants you to believe that perfection is unachievable, as this gives it room to persuade you to relapse. But don't let it fool you. You have the power to make a perfect decision and stick to it.
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What if it's too Difficult or Painful?

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Instead of pondering over this, consider a different question: 'For whom is it too painful or difficult?' Any discomfort or difficulty associated with ceasing the addiction stems from the Beast, not you. Observing the Beast's distress is a positive sign - it shows you're successfully dissociating from it.
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Remember that humans can only fully experience one feeling at a time. When you start feeling discomfort from abstaining, it's crucial to recognize that this isn't your discomfort. It's the Beast that suffering. The Beast is protesting because it's not getting what it wants. This suffering isn't negative for you; in fact, it's a positive sign. It means you're successfully asserting control over your decisions, as the Beast's discomfort indicates that it's losing its influence over you.
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Most importantly, remember: you are safe. You risk nothing by quitting this addiction. Every feeling of discomfort or fear is from the Beast, not you. Your well-being and safety are never in jeopardy by choosing to stop. By rejecting the Beast's influence and asserting your control, you reclaim your freedom from addiction.
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How would I know what I will do in the future?

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While predicting your future actions may be impossible, you can certainly define what you would never do. Consider the activities that you find disturbing, unhealthy, and reprehensible - those that you would never engage in.
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Now, add porn and masturbation addiction to that list. As you do this, pay attention to your Beast. It might try to concoct far-fetched scenarios that seem to justify succumbing to the addiction. Recognize these for what they are: desperate attempts by the Beast to manipulate your thoughts. By doing so, you can effectively disregard its interference and remain true to your values.
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I'm scared to relapse, what should I do?

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Relapse anxiety is a common pitfall many encounter on their NoFap journey. You may be confidently progressing, then suddenly a thought creeps in: "What if I relapse tomorrow?" This thought triggers anxiety, shaking your belief in your commitment.
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From the Rational Recovery standpoint, relapse anxiety is the Beast's deceptive voice trying to manipulate you. It incites fear and uncertainty, making you feel as if relapse is imminent. The Beast attempts to shake your confidence and sense of control. But here's the truth: relapse anxiety is an illusion, a tactic used by the Beast to tighten its grip.
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Combat this by distancing yourself from the Beast and recognizing that relapse anxiety is a deceptive tactic used by the Beast to instill fear and weaken your resolve. Remember, you risk nothing by quitting this addiction; you are safe. Any discomfort you experience stems from the Beast, not you.
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Reiterate your Big Plan: "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." By affirming your decision and distancing yourself from the Beast's influence, you can dispel the anxiety and stay firmly on your path. Remember, you are in control, and you will always stay in control, the fears conjured by the Beast hold no sway over you.
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The Beast's Attack on the Dreamscape

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The Beast's intrusion into your dreams should not be a source of fear. This isn't a situation that requires extensive concern, this is just a sign of the Beast's distress.
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There are generally two types of dreams where the Beast tries to assert its influence. The first type are explicit sex dreams, designed to reignite the desires and cravings associated with your addiction. The second type are dreams where you see yourself relapsing, which can be distressing and seem all too real.
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When your neocortex (the real you) goes to sleep, the Beast sees an opportunity to attack and tries to regain influence over you through these dreams. This is evidence that you are on the right track. Your progress towards your goal of freedom from addiction is causing this panicked response from the Beast.
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Remember, no matter what happens in your dreams, you are in control in reality. These dreams are just dreams, and they do not have the power to make you do anything.
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Understanding 'Blue Balls' and Nocturnal Emissions in Recovery

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Experiencing discomfort or an aching in the testicles, often referred to as 'blue balls,' is something that some individuals might encounter during their decision to quit their porn and masturbation addiction. Similarly, you may also experience nocturnal emissions or 'wet dreams' during your journey to recovery.
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These phenomena aren't signs of harm, danger, or relapse, but rather physical manifestations of your body adjusting to your firm decision to quit the addiction.
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While your body is adapting to a new, healthier state, not reliant on constant sexual stimulation, the Beast might attempt to distort these occurrences into negative experiences. It might tell you that nocturnal emissions are relapses, causing unwarranted fear and anxiety. But remember, you're in control.
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Consider these sensations and events as physical signs of your transformation, a testament to the changes happening within you. It's important to remember that not everyone experiences this, and even if you do, it's not something to be overly concerned about. These adjustments are something you are more than capable of handling. As your body adjusts to your new lifestyle, such events will likely decrease and eventually stop. Don't let the Beast use these natural bodily responses as a scare tactic.
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Gradual Reduction: A Beast's Strategy

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In your journey of breaking free from addiction, you might be tempted to adopt a "gradual reduction" approach - cutting back little by little rather than quitting outright. This strategy, while seemingly logical, is often a ploy from the Beast, setting you up for failure.
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During my own journey, for many months, I was enticed by the concept of gradually reducing my addictive behaviors. The approach felt less abrupt, seemingly offering a smoother transition. Even the Beast within me suggested compromises such as, "Let's start by indulging only in the afternoon," or "How about we limit it to weekends?".However, I discovered through experience that this gradual reduction strategy often creates more problems than it resolves. Let me tell you why.
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Firstly, by not making a clean break, you're continually feeding the addiction, keeping the Beast alive and active. It's akin to trying to put out a fire while still pouring small amounts of gasoline on it - it keeps the flames going, never fully extinguishing the fire.
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Secondly, when you set specific times or days for indulging, you're not freeing your mind from the addiction; instead, you're refocusing it. You find yourself constantly counting down the hours or days until your next 'allowed' session. This fixation lead to a persistent preoccupation with the addiction, turning the process into something torturous and counterproductive.
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Lastly, even on the days where you've decided not to indulge, the Beast is still at work. It doesn't take breaks. It try to convince you to deviate from your plan, asserting things like, "You're going to do it in a couple of days anyway, so why not just do it today? Why wait?" This becomes a recurring battle with the Beast, undermining your resolve.
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The gradual reduction method keeps the addiction in focus, maintains the Beast's influence, and undermines your resolve. It's far more effective to make a clean break and assert your decision to quit outright. Remember, you're not losing anything by quitting - you're freeing yourself from the Beast's control.
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Counting Days

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Why should you spend energy on counting days for an activity you've resolved never to engage in? The Beast excels at setting goals and then weaponizing them against us.
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Here's how the Beast use day counting against you:
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Making a big deal of milestones: The Beast lead you to focus excessively on reaching a certain number of days, weeks, or months. While milestones can be motivational, the Beast use them to create unnecessary stress and pressure, saying things like "What if you don't make it?" or "Imagine how bad it would feel to start over."
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Justifying a lapse: "You've made it 100 days, you deserve a reward!" or "One slip after so many days won't hurt." The Beast use the number of days as an excuse to suggest that it would be "safe" or "earned" to indulge in the addictive behavior.
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Creating a false sense of security: The Beast suggest that after a certain number of days without indulging in the addiction, you're "cured" and could safely return to the behavior without becoming addicted again.
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Undermining early progress: In the initial stages, the Beast belittle the small number of days you've been free from the addiction, making statements like "You've only managed two days, you'll never make it a week."
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Leveraging bad days: If you're having a tough day, the Beast say, "You're miserable even after 30 days clean. See, quitting doesn't make things better. Might as well go back."
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Remember, these are all tricks of the Beast trying to manipulate you into returning to the addictive behavior. The Beast will use anything, including the count of days, to try to get what it wants. The best way to deal with this is to remain steadfast in your decision and continue dissociating from the Beast.
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So, instead of getting trapped in the Beast's game of counting days, surrender this act to it. We can concentrate on the broader scope - liberating ourselves from the Beast's clutches, embracing enduring change, and regaining our freedom. Day counting becomes insignificant because it no longer illustrates our path. Our chosen journey is one where the Beast's urges hold no power, and our authentic liberation takes the limelight. Let the Beast obsess over counting days, while we commit to a life of emancipation and self-discovery.
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Why Punishment Doesn't Work

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Self-punishment is a common response to addiction, yet it often proves ineffective. This can take many forms, from physical discomfort to emotional torment. In my own battle against addiction, I tried various self-punishment strategies. On the physical side, I would resort to self-harm. Emotionally, I burdened myself with negative self-talk, depression, feelings of hopelessness, anger, sadness, and even thoughts of death. It's important to note, however, that these intense feelings of guilt and self-condemnation were amplified by the Beast. The Beast utilizes such negative emotions to paint addiction as the only respite, the only 'good thing' left in life. It is a manipulative trick to keep you chained to the addiction.
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Yet, over time, these painful memories have faded, while the seductive pull of the addictive behavior has remained vivid in my mind. It's a compelling illustration of the human condition: we often forget pain and remember pleasure.
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Consider individuals who struggle with drug addiction. They might end up in a hospital after an overdose, experiencing immense physical pain. But as time passes, the memory of this pain dissipates, while the allure of the drug, the pleasure it brought, remains clear and tempting. This imbalance often leads them back into the cycle of addiction.
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This became evident to me during the last week leading up to my final decision to quit - my Big Plan. It was the most challenging week of my life; I was counting the days until my liberation. Now that I'm free, when I think back to that week, the Beast tries to rewrite the narrative, calling it the "best week of all time!"
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This disparity between the memory of pain and pleasure underscores why self-punishment is an ineffective strategy for long-term addiction recovery. Rational Recovery offers a different approach. Rather than relying on the fleeting memory of pain, it focuses on recognizing and dissociating from the addictive voice—the Beast.
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Arguing with the beast

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Let's clarify something: arguing with the Beast is futile. The Beast is single-minded, craving only the satisfaction of its addiction. Moreover, it's cunning, capable of playing both sides of an argument.
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For instance, the Beast might implant thoughts such as, "You could indulge now, it's not a big deal." Then, to create confusion and feign agreement, it might echo that very idea, saying, "Yes, I could indulge now." It's essential to recognize that both these sentiments are from the Beast. It is a clear demonstration of how it can promote the idea of indulgence while also pretending to be 'you' to create an illusion of consent.
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In the Rational Recovery technique, every thought or feeling associated with the indulgence in the addiction is identified as coming from the Beast, including its attempts to take possession of the pronoun "I".
​
You are the decision-maker here, you are in control. Your will is what truly matters, and the Beast must inevitably conform to your decisions.
​

Dealing with White-Knuckling and Intense Urges

​
Feeling urges, cravings, or hunger sensations is a natural part of the recovery journey. In fact, it's a positive sign, an indication that you are making progress. However, these feelings can turn into white-knuckling when you identify with the Beast's thoughts and feelings. When you start saying things like "I'm so horny" or "I need a relief ASAP," you're identifying with the beast voice. When you find yourself arguing with the Beast or doubting your decision to quit, you're in the grip of white-knuckling.
​
In my own journey to recovery, I experienced these urges, cravings, and sensations. But rather than identifying with them and turning them into a struggle, I recognized them as signs of the Beast's distress, not mine. It was the Beast who was desperate and frustrated, not me. This recognition made these moments not just bearable but even satisfying, as they signaled that I was on the right track in my recovery.
​
The power of these urges and cravings diminished with my Big Plan, my absolute decision to never indulge in the addictive behavior again. Even if you find yourself in a white-knuckling situation, remember that you can shift your perspective. Recognize that every thought encouraging the addictive behavior is coming from the Beast, and use the Recognition or Shifting techniques to help you dissociate from these thoughts and feelings. After that, reaffirm your Big Plan, stating firmly and clearly, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." This firm commitment to your Big Plan will dispel all doubt, releasing you from the grip of white-knuckling.
​

The Big Plan: Your Commitment to Freedom

​
Taking a firm decision is a critical step in overcoming addiction, and this is what making a Big Plan entails. This plan is a complete commitment, devoid of room for negotiation or compromise. When you formulate a Big Plan, you're making a promise to yourself to never indulge in your addiction again, under any circumstances.
​
Choosing a specific day for your Big Plan can help add a sense of occasion and finality to your decision. For instance, I personally chose a Sunday at 12am. Your Beast will likely agree to this arrangement, looking forward to a "last hurrah."
​
But as you approach your chosen day to initiate your Big Plan, the Beast may start getting anxious. It may whisper, "I can't let this go!" or "Let's postpone the Big Plan, and enjoy this for now!" This is not your voice. It's the voice of the Beast, trying to make you delay your decision and panicking at the impending loss of its control.
​
Your declaration for the Big Plan could be: "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." This phrase embodies the essence of the Big Plan — a firm, unyielding decision that signifies your commitment to stay addiction-free.
​
In your journey to overcome addiction, the video I am about to share will be invaluable. It features Jack Trimpey, the founder of Rational Recovery, directly guiding you through the process of making a Big Plan. Although Trimpey focuses on alcohol and drug addiction in the video, his guidance applies to any addiction, including pornography and masturbation. Carefully absorb his words, understanding their relevance to your personal struggle.
​
watch this video, skip to 33:39 for the Big Plan section: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_n2YH8RLd_4&list=PLazOJVze5_z3BdcDSF3uPtN8Vu9VDqVJl&index=3where

Conclusion

I've spent a month compiling my experiences and sharing the tools that aided me on my journey. You are free to ask questions while I'm around, but please note that I'm not a regular Reddit user and won't be able to answer indefinitely. For those interested in Rational Recovery, all the information you need is in the "Useful Resources" section. If you found this post helpful, please consider upvoting or sharing it with friends who might benefit from it. Always remember to dissociate from the Beast and stand firm in your Big Plan. Holding unwavering trust in your decision is the key to defeating the Beast. May you embrace your journey to freedom and experience the liberation you've been longing for. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

Useful Resources

Rational Recovery Book : https://www.amazon.fRational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=rational+recovery&sr=8-1
AVRT Demonstration (AVRT Live Vol 1-5) : https://www.youtube.com/@DeborahSpringborn/videos

I'm M22 and she is also my age In the first year of college every thing was normal there was this girl (same class)😅 but i was one of her friend she was a good friend and she also had a boyfriend (different class).He was also my friend but he is really a fake guy ( he pretend as a friend more over only for his advantage when we need him he will not be available but if he is lonely he will need us ( not only me also towards everyone)) They were dating i was happy with that after the first year many junior girls arrived so he dumped her my saying we are just friends. But I felt bad for her but i didn't say anything. But we were friends we talk that's all after completing the second year i became close to her I felt she was into me ( i don't exactly know but through the body language i felt like she was into me ) the main reason I fall for her was she was into cricket 😅😂 🏏 Anyway we were together writing our improvement exam and we copied using the same bit😂😂😂 🤌 but i was not actually felt like this before. My view towards her completely change . And at the end of the semester there was an iv our branch and her exs branch was traveling together. He was still a friend of mine but i didn't notice it's going to be a mess for me he used he so badly so badly sit close to her and telling old things and at last i can't beleive my eyes she again fall for the same guy that dumped her i felt burning my heart but what to do. They were cuddling all the way back 🔙 ( I know it's not my problem but it hurst dude) After the tour there were a cricket tournament she was participating she called me to visit her and teased me again and again why you are sad ??????? ( I know she knows) but i didn't say anything after that I was mad inorder to get over her i told a random jr that I love her ( it's kinda felt bad but it was the last day i just wanna show her i had the guts - she was also teasing me i can't confess a love towards anyone i know it will be bad for the third person 🥺 but i felt sorry for her playing with her feelings but at that time I remembered nothing) And after that we goes seperate ways i ignored everyone i became aloner for months i recovered and after that she continued her studies and i was searching for job that time I heard that she again got dumped by him . I felt nothing i just ignored both of them and after that she called me to visit the college i told her i have other Business to attend but there were a meet up 2 days later we speak alot ( normal talks ) she keep sending me this reels about being single and humour ( indirectly saying loves me like that) so i made a decision to change myself completely i joined gym and for a motivation i told her how i felt for her she told me she only saw me as a friend and she don't really know how she feel and she said indirectly to wait buy saying I'm not saying you to wait but I'm here for you all the time 🤌
I get what I wanted i conveyed that energy towards gym i ignored her completely but she keep sending me this shity reels again and again about 3 month's so she called me to see her in the college i again ignored focusing on my self but after 6 months i felt bad i started replying but normal ( not like i used to talk to her ) if i post my flexing gym workouts she compliments alot
Suddenly she stop messaging i kinda felt wierd my motivation was gone 😂 so i ignored her way better after some days the cycle continues
guys i just wanted to is there any solution for this she is my good friend i really liked her but a part of me also don't want to be with her i don't know she is playing me or not but it's kinda wierd situation i guess why could she just stop messing with me and ignore me it would be a good thing for me and her but i don't know what she is saying indirectly Please find me a solution for this problem

I have a friend I've known since I was 3, we'll call him M. M's father had an interest in ouija boards and the such, always claiming their old home was Haunted. Many others I've met have claimed to have witnessed strange events on their property as well.
When M was 12-13 he went with his father to put some tables in storage when his father dropped a table and started having a conversation with someone in the corner of their Barn. As M approached he noticed a tall man standing in the corner wearing what he describes as a suit jacket that goes below his knees, he oddly couldn't make out the man's face. He heard his father say " no, you can't have him. He's my son" "he's too young. Leave him alone."
After hearing this he said his eyes lost track of the man and his father brushed it off, acting like it never happened. Well M's father died when M was 14-15. M didn't think of this event for a couple of years, thinking the whole thing was a figment of his imagination.
On M's 18 birthday he said he noticed a man dressed in the same attire but could not make out his face. Since then he's seen this man on numerous occasions but can never make out his face, he says it's always too far, blurred, or he's gone when he tries to look at the face. M is 20 now and claims to see the man at the worst of times, he claims when he sees him it kills his desire to do anything that day as it always turns out bad.
I've no clue what to think of this, M has the worst luck often being the sole victim of any situation His cars always break down, for no reason only to act fine when I look at them, he often loses sentimental items of his father's, etc
Both of us believe in the Paranormal and this Man he sees out of the corner of his eye, or on the side of the road is about to drive him crazy. I'm open to any suggestions, and hope to hear something.

I am so desperate for advice right now. I am in a difficult situation and I am feeling really lonely.
I was raised in a fairly strict family, and I have never been able to make friends easily. As I got older, the loneliness grew - especially during times of crisis. It seemed like I was going it alone.
Then, a few months ago, something awful happened. Someone close to me passed away suddenly. It was so sudden that I could hardly process what had happened. In my grief, I was left feeling completely alone and isolated. It felt like I had nobody to talk to or to share my feelings with.
I've now been trying to cope with this situation on my own. I don't want to burden my family or overwhelm my few friends. But loneliness still overwhelms me. I feel lonely and isolated all the time.
I know I should reach out for support, but I'm not sure who to turn to. I'm scared to open up to anyone because I feel so vulnerable and afraid of being judged.
I'm looking for advice about how to handle this loneliness and how to navigate this difficult situation. Does anyone have any advice?

I'm in need of some assistance regarding the installation and launch of Tree of Savior (specifically the Papaya Play version) on my Steam Deck running SteamOS. Unfortunately, I'm facing issues, I've successfully installed the Tree of Savior launcher through Steam on my Steam Deck running SteamOS. I've even downloaded all the necessary game files. However, whenever I try to launch the game, whether in 32-bit or 64-bit mode, it immediately closes without any error messages or indication of what might be causing the problem.
If anyone in the community has managed to install and run Tree of Savior (Papaya Play version) on the Steam Deck or has any insights on how to overcome these installation hurdles, your help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you all for your time and support. Let's work together to ensure that Tree of Savior finds its way onto the Steam Deck in our Linux gaming journeys!

The Fool who convenes the Tarot Club The mysterious ruler above the gray fog An amicable powerhouse of ancientness Arcane invoker of mystification and preeminence
Miss Justice, beloved noble of Backlund Spectator of aristocrats in the land Elicitor of sympathy for the wretched survivors The Hall family's clandestine protector
Mr. Hanged Man, sailor of the vast ocean Ingratiates himself with The Fool every mission Church of Storms' faithless commander He is the captain of the Blue Avenger
Little Sun, citizen from City of Silver He who led his people out of their cloister A warrior who fought for liberation The archbishop of The Fool's Congregation
Miss Magician, author of romances & adventures Hearer of Door's ravings and mutters Disciple of one from the Abraham family Traveler of multifarious villages and cities
Mr. Moon, Sanguine Earl of his race Tending his dolls he constellates Prideful sanguine by nature A faithful believer of Lilith, their ancestor
Ma'am Hermit, Pirate Queen of Star Enigmas of the universe truly bizarre Prying of mysteries is inherent to her She sails The Future ship & dominates the water
Mr. Star, captain of the Red Gloves A poet ascending the ranks above Dragging adversaries into dreams & nightmares Every comrade he has, he always cares
Miss Judgment, judge of MI9 Perplexing Beyonder trials, she's assigned Capital of Loen, it's her home ground Intelligence and information constantly around
Mr. World, attendant of Mysteries The crazy adventurer of the Five Seas A marionettist and a faceless Conjurer of miracles and wishes
In the Sefirah Castle, they rendezvous The members operate to attain certain clues Codenamed by ten of the 22 Major Arcana cards This is the Tarot Club hiding in the dark

```
As an amateur poet, I endure a never ending struggle with myself between wanting to show everyone I know all my freshest poems picked off the trees in my backyard daily
and the fear of annoying everyone I know with my fresh poems picked off the trees in my backyard just for them.
If a poem

 falls 

in the backyard of a poet
and no one is there to read it,
does it make a sounding of the alarms?
The alarms warning everyone
that the guy who makes you read
his shitty poems
shittily
shit
out of his dumb

 idiot fingers is here 

and he’s armed
to the trees.
```

I’m super bored since my college semester has ended. I get pretty lonely sometimes and just looking for someone to get to know and chat to. Hopefully after a bit we can talk on snapchat I like all things sports and play a few video games. Let’s talk about favorite movies, shows, and music always like discovering new stuff. I’m high rn btw lol

So I just did my first station attack, on a lone Kha'ak Installation. I had 2 destroyers, an M, and 6 or 7 fighters. The fighters were commanded by the M which was commanded by my destroyer. First, I tried setting the M to "intercept for commander" and the fighters to "attack for commander", which usually would make the fighters attack whatever the M goes to attack. However, in this case once the Kha'ak fighters were dead, all my fighters decided to go attack the station, even thought they should've just been ignoring it. This wasn't a case of them just flying near it careless, they had an actual attack order for it. I didn't understand why, but figured maybe the "attack for commander" had somehow passed down the attack command from the parent Destroyer.
I tried again, this time with all the fighters set to intercept rather than attack. The exact same thing happened: They stayed in formation with me until the first defenders appeared, killed them, and then got an attack order to attack the station. It's my understanding that intercept should only attack S/M ships and nothing else. I ended up just having to order them to go fly away and stay there, but it would be really nice to be able to have fighter escorts just automatically attack incoming fighters and stay in format otherwise. What am I doing wrong?

Caste is an interesting evil and a social phenomenon of the Indian soil. It is founded neither on subjective nor objective fact or reality; yet it influences our minds in a strange way and makes us behave peculiarly, as if possessed by the notion, which becomes sufficiently real to us. The patterns that the notion is able to trace on social behavior have strange outlines and persistent and deep origins. Primitive peoples suffer from it more than those who lead an open and dynamic life. Separatist instinct itself supports it from the negative side. Race and color provide it sometimes with a semblance of objective reality.
From the positive side of human nature, vague notions of traditional origin and of supposed spiritual value lend it support. Thus nourished it thrives on the tree of life as epiphyte. Though unsupported by scientific ethnology, weak people rely on a pseudo-sociology in which they find some consolation. As it works in favor of some sections of the people as against others, those who reap the advantage naturally give it their support. The notion thus enters as a factor in the struggle for life and the very vagueness of the claims of caste superiority keeps it alive from generation to generation.
Outward marks and behavior give caste an independent objective reality, as when a policeman wears his uniform. Thus given artificially, the outer reality meets the inner psychology, so that with vague sociological and psychological justifications, the notion of caste establishes itself firmly rooted in the body politic, economic and social. Its very unreasonableness is its strength, and unwary people get their notions of spirituality molded by it through its ready-made shapes of forms available in actual society at a given time.
The social value called ‘chastity’, especially the chastity of women, is at the core of this notion of caste. As the Epic Ramayana had Sita at its core in the long and eventful stories in which men killed each other in great numbers, so caste thrives as a vague fear in the subconscious group mind of peoples lest imaginary cultural or religious barriers should be violated by the so-called outsiders. The danger of the confusion of castes to which Arjuna himself alludes in the Bhagavad Gita (I.41) is thought of as arising from unchaste women due to mixing up of castes. It is true that Krishna himself, as representing Absolute wisdom, does not support this view, but wholly ignores the plea. Caste is a word of Portuguese origin currently used in India after the historic connection of the Portuguese with India in recent times. It is derived from the same root as ‘chaste’. It refers to the purity claimed by a clan or tribe because of the chastity of the women within its closed and static imaginary frontiers.
When caste notions became a chronic nightmare to the Indian mind, various rationalizations were attempted by the fundamentalist orthodoxy at different epochs of Indian history. The post-Gupta period was responsible for formulating caste as a social system, and it was then it got its sonorous title of varna-ashrama-dharma (duty, based on color or race and stage or calling in life).
In Spite of such a fine-sounding name based on a compromise and an attempted rationalization, however, caste as a system remains vague and indefinable still from any understandable norms or standards, whether ethnological, sociological or biological. Varna-ashrama-dharma (color-calling-duty), kula-dharma (clan-duty) and jati-dharma (duty as belonging to a kind of species of beings) are to be distinguished carefully if we are to get anywhere to the bottom of the riddle of caste.
We have seen that the first term (varna-ashrama-dharma) is a vague attempt at the rationalization of caste for politico-economic purposes after the Gupta period. The second term, kula-dharma refers to the inbreeding and purity of strain of certain clans. A lower-caste woman could marry a high-caste man but the converse would not be permissible, and so forth. These are features of such a caste-system as prevailed for historical reasons and which no longer hold good in modern India. They deserve to be forgotten as a bad dream.
Casteism in Bhagavad Gita and Vedas
The Bhagavad Gita has two main references to caste, one at the end of ninth chapter and one in the eighteenth chapter. The well-known ‘chatur-varnyam’ reference alluded to Bhagavad Gita’s attempt at making a social hierarchy as presented in chapter 4 verse 13 is a himalayan attempt by the orthodoxy to justify caste and make an impression that it is hardwired to the social system by God, giving it an absolute status.
Chapter 4 of Gita is called Jnana-Yoga (Unitive Wisdom) which is preceded by the teachings pertaining to the Unitive way of action. On carefully studying the Gita, the specific verse (13) is not talking about a four-fold division in society but it is talking about the nature of action (karma) and its apparent origin in Absolute Reality. The obligatory character of caste is taken away and characterized as a free and contingent factor in life. This is found in Chapter XI, verse 32, which throws open the door of the high spirituality recommended in the Gita to women, vaisyas (traders) and even those outside the Aryan pale (sudras). A further comparison of the implications of the sequence of verses (Chapter XVIII, 41 et seq) confers a revalued status of caste free from all obligatory character altogether. When this is read together with (XVIII.66) the wisdom-teacher says to abandon all dharma (duties) and take refuge in Absolute wisdom, which is not a state of inaction or morbid selflessness but to act according to one's own inherent tendencies and talents without the anxiety and spiritual regret. Then the caste hierarchy based on vocation becomes shadowy and non-existent and humans are free to choose their own caste.
Furthermore, in one among the 108 Upanishads which are considered as authentic, the Vajrasuchika Upanishad explicitly talks about who is a Brahamana - the holy order. It is not based on birth or action that a Brahamana is identified but his spiritual status as a person endowed with Absolute experiential wisdom. There are more references from even major Upanishads (Chandogya Upanishad - the episode of Janasruti and Raikva) where a sudra was instructed in Brahma-vidya (the Science of the Absolute) which is kept secret and away from all by the Brahmanical orthodoxy now. This shows how ignorant, misinformed and fanatical the orthodoxy really is.
Man’s Humanity Distinguishes the Human Kind
Reformist Sage like Narayana Guru (from Kerala) had an approach to the problem of caste which was neither accidental or unconscious. In the first line of his composition he evidently addresses himself to the Hindu orthodoxy when he insists in the Sanskrit language of Hindu orthodoxy itself that humanity is what should give us superiority. In other words the good person is one who is more human and who recognizes humanity in his fellow beings.
The requirements of social justice, of morality, and for the superiority in the name of one’s caste are all thus referred to the same central and unitive principle in the value called Humanity. Likewise when human and godly values are treated unitively in the religious context we get the same result of an absolute human value at the core of human affairs.
On a certain occasion the Guru went so far as to say that if his devoted followers insisted as they sometimes did, on considering him as an apostle of God, they could so only on condition that such a status was conferred on him because of his opposition to caste as it prevailed.
The unique status of Narayana Guru implicit and explicit in his attitude as one who wished to abolish caste barriers is a matter that needs greater recognition in modern times not only in India but the world over. The poignant complaint of the Guru is expressed at the very end of the very first verse of his composition: “Alas ! This truth no one understands!”
We see that authentic Indian seers and wisdom teachers were not with the orthodoxy in their claims of being a superior individual but they saw sameness in all beings. This we see in the master-mind of Vyasa himself in his epoch-making masterpiece - The Bhagavad Gita, we read:

“The wise man considers with equality the brahmin endowed with learning and humility, the cow, the elephant and the dog as also the dog-eater. (V.18)”

These words put the seal as it were on the uniqueness of the discovery of the Indian Gurus in their own words. The unity and solidarity of humanity was what was most dear to the heart of these spiritual giants.
Narayana Guru, like many others spent all his life revaluing and restating the ancient perennial wisdom of the Indian seers - the Upanishads. When there was a gathering in his humble hermitage, he asked one of his attendants to make a welcome sign in bold letters which says: “AUM! SAHODARYAM SARVATRA !” “AUM! Brotherhood Omnipresent Fills !”

Back in October a friend (F) of my boyfriend and I asked us to foster two kittens for them. That quickly changed to us keeping one of the cats and fostering the other. We agreed to this under the impression that F would pay for food and litter and the foster kitten would be out by Thanksgiving. We were under this impression because that is exactly what F had told us.
Thanksgiving comes and we still have the cat. The story we were told was that F's sister was going to take the kitten but had to finish her ESA form for her college and we were just waiting on that. No problem, the new plan was for the kitten to leave around Christmas. But again that didn't happen. F continued to string us along telling us their sister just needed to fill out the form, but in April their partner let it slip that the sister only just got accepted to her school within the past few weeks. So this entire time we were waiting for a form to be filled out that was never going to be filled out because she wasn't even enrolled in a school. During this time F has never paid for food or litter like originally stated but did pay $180 for a vet visit.
Today, F blindsided me by letting me know they would be taking the foster next week. I honestly don't want to give up the cat, we've had her for 8 months now, my boyfriend and I are attached but so is our other cat. They were kittens from the same litter and have been together for 10 months at this point. I feel like it would be cruel to both cats to separate them. I know they are still young so they may be able to cope with this change but I am so concerned for them, especially since my boyfriend and I spend a good chunk of time at work/school, I'm worried that the cat we are keeping is going to become lonely and depressed.
I really don't want them to take this cat, it feels unfair, this was supposed to be about a month, not 8 and they never communicated anything about the status of their sister in all this. It feels too late for the sister to take this specific cat at this point, why can't she just adopt another???? I would pay F back for the $180 just out of courtesy but I also don't want this to ruin our friendship.

i lost all my friends last year. ive been lonely since. i was forced to be with a "friend" last year so i wouldnt be alone on recess. she treated me like absolute shit, so i dropped her the second the year was over. i deleted her number, blocked her everywhere and deleted every chat. my cousin was the only one i had, but hes literally so hard to be around with sometimes so im avoiding him too. i dont understand what i did to deserve all these horrible people in my life. a certain someone from my family when i was a child would treat me like an "adult" and expect things from me even though i was a learning kid who was allowed to make mistakes. one of my ex closest friends hates my guts after i left the friend group even though i didnt do anything. i share a bus with my ex friends and i had to endure every single day with them both going to school and returning to school (2 hour rides because i live far) hearing them talk, laugh, share earphones to listen to music, and i would just sit there, lonely. i dont know why she hates me, i dont know why everyone just hurts me. i just want a genuine connection with someone who actually respects me.
i was on my school since 5th grade and ive rarely ever had any nice memories from it, so i decided to switch this year. i havent decided where to go yet, school started a month ago, my mom wont stop nagging about choosing. i just feel so horrible right now. i got nothing going on. and i keep remembering traumatic memories that i cant let go of. i genuinely dont have any good memories past the age of 7.
my mom thinks i should be happy because we arent in an economic crisis anymore and she gets angry if im sad. last time i had a meltdown because the aur wasnt cooling ( i was overwhelmed and overstimulated) and she got upset.
i dont feel good about myself either. my vocabulary is very poor, im extremely unattractive and im not necessarily smart.

I was messing around with skill tree for necro several times since the game came out a few days ago. (FYI I am a super casual player so I was simply having fun with the build) Below is a summary of how I ended up with Darkness + minion build.
Funkiness with bone cage: I initially went bone build for primary and secondary due to crit affinity, but everything else kinda fell apart when I faced astaroth at act 2 (just felt harder than it should've been with my build at the time.). The thing I think makes bone spear build particularly disappointing for me was how the bone cage works now compared to diablo 2. It didn't feel like the sklill synergized with how it was played before in d2. (large cage, can only create one at a time, doesn't work for bosses).
Funkiness with corpse explosion: Initially, I tried to incorporate corpse explosion as much as possible, but I realized that this one skill (or the nature of having corpses drop, and making me feel like I gotta use it somehow), was the thing that made my initial builds super restrictive. Like, if corpses as resources is such a central nature of the necromancer, I wish the skill tree was dynamic enough to adapt it to different passives and affinities. I ended up just not using corpse explosion at all, despite how counter-intuitive this path was.
Darkness + minion build: Going full synergy for darkness works quite well with aspects that increase the number of minions, and having an extra golem to tank/taunt. - I use the golem to occasionally make the stun+vulnerability status on the enemies. I think that having at least one skill that gives vulnerability state on enemy is crucial for d4. - 3 aspects. One increases damage of my warriors, while the other 2 increases the # of minions (+2 warrior, +3 mage): I have 6 warrior, 6 mage, 1 golem. - Ult has a cooldown I think its about 70 seconds - maxed out the path so that it also respawns ALL of my minions. Very useful for the current build when fighting bosses or elites. usually my minions don't completely die, but there are times they come close. - my core attack with scyth scales with number of minions (I think 2% damage increase?) so that's 26% - the downside with this build is that I still have to use warrior I have decrepify at level 1 + enhanced (was contemplating even that might not have been worth) - this is good because relatively cheap skill that I can spam on pve, and I needed this so it worked with terror passive (darkness) that does more dmg on slowed enemies (I don't think it matter what % of slow is applied, so I only put 1 point in that skill to proc passive).
The build has been working alright for me so far for pve and boss fights (only lvl 50 atm). I might swap to bone spear build and somehow find a good synergy path later down the road, or replace the use of golems with something else for darkness+ minion build (honestly, golem has been a G. tanky af).
One really annoying thing about this build was that sometimes I have to proactively manage the corpses so that my minions with low health get recycled before the shit hits the fan (wipe out). It feels like an unnecessary amount of APM to be on par with other builds' damage output etc.

Have any of you found anything spooky or supernatural in your family trees? Any ghosts or psychics or witches?
I was searching ancestors names on the New Zealand newspaper archive and while searching about one ancestor who disappeared in a swamp in 1863, I found some later mentions of a ghost story that to me seems clearly inspired by the disappearance.
In real life, a woman called Sarah Gaffney disappeared in the swamps that used to be around the town of Featherston in the Wairarapa region of New Zealand, and was never found, and her husband William died a few years later. https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/WAIST18670518.2.11 (around half way down the page with the header "Lost in the Bush.") https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/EP18740406.2.14.3
The first mention of the ghost is from a story about some soldiers encounter with the ghost while they were marching over the hills in that area in 1917, and although the ghost is male and is said to have "lost his way in the thickly-timbered hills" instead of a swamp. https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/DOM19170215.2.46
And there is a second mention in a sort of letters to the editor section from 1923, mentioning that the story had been told in the writers childhood. In this version again the ghost is male, and "said to have vanished from mortal ken after setting out to search on the Rimutakas (mountains) for his wife, who had just previously wandered from home.". Apparently Gaffney's ghost haunted the hill road and followed travellers. https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/DOM19230621.2.76 (the text starting with "N.J.B." about half way down)

517 BCY
[Trigger warning: suicide]
The following is a transcript of the final log recorded by commander Durlan Tralynn aboard the Orbital Research Station in the days during and immediately following the Last War. Commander Durlan was the astronaut in charge of the ORS when hostilities erupted. These logs have been preserved by the Museum of Pre-Federation History for their unique perspective on that devastating conflict.
[Recording Begins]
Taegen and Elwin took the capsule down today. I refused to go with them. They begged and pleaded with me, but my mind is set. I refused the supplies they offered to leave. We all know staying behind is a death sentence. The capsule is the only way down to the surface, and nobody is coming back up for me. The world ended two months ago.
They think they saw signs of life in the xenith tree forests on the western continent. A fool’s hope. Even if someone is still moving around down there, they won’t last long. The air has gone toxic. But I didn’t try to disabuse them of the notion. Any hope, even a fool’s hope, must be better than this despair. I wished them luck and watched the capsule separate from the station. I could see Elwin looking back at me until the capsule drifted too far to make out any details.
As for me, I’m setting in the observation bay, looking down at what’s left of Arcadia. I’ve already adjusted the atmosphere scrubbers. It’s shocking how easy it was. Just a little tweak, barely noticeable unless you’re looking for it, and in a little while I’ll drift off to sleep. No pain, no fuss. Just an end. I wonder if I’ll dream. That would be nice. To sit here looking down, and dream of a world full of life that I’ll never see again.
The recording is quiet for a long while, except for the ever present whir of the station’s machinery. After some time commander Durlan speaks again.
I suppose I should say something of substance. For the historical record, if nothing else. Not that there’s anyone left to record it. But still, it feels like the right thing to do.
Like I said, the world ended two months ago. The bastards finally did it. I don’t know who fired the first megaspell, or what kind of incident escalated into war, I just know we were over the southern continent when it happened. It was night and the planet lit up with flashes.
The defenses on the continent worked. It was a brilliant strategy, I’ll say that for them. They knew they couldn’t compete with the larger powers, so instead of trying to stop everything cold with shields and anti-missile defenses, they played a subtler game. Misdirection and deflection. They sent the incoming megaspells sliding away into the sea, far from their major cities and industrial centers.
Taegen read the scans. Those defenses turned aside a full ninety percent of the incoming megaspells. But thousands got through. It must have been a devastating blow, but we didn’t really see the aftermath. Their military planners never considered the consequences of dumping tens of thousands of megaspells into the sea. The ocean boiled. Not much of it, but all around the coast of the southern continent. By the time we swung over it during the daytime, the entire continent was covered in steam. Their own defenses fried them. It took three days for the ocean to cool, and another four weeks for the clouds of steam to clear away.
I haven’t brought myself to look at the continent. Not through the optics anyway. My eyes can’t see any details from way out here, and I’m happy to keep it that way.
There follows a long pause, during which commander Durlan makes several attempts to start expressing his next thought, before he finally settles on his words.
We thought it would end there. Flash. Bang. World over. But it didn’t. The fighting went on for days. Taegen spotted a massive fleet battle in the Central Sea which only ended when a wave of megaspells vaporized both sides. He detected weapons fire around many of the major cities, too. Poor bastards fighting over ruins. There was still fighting around Essa Ennore. The city endured several megaspell hits, followed by two days of heavy fighting, before a dozen more megaspells wiped it off the map.
Taegen told me Soliana and Meira might have gotten out during the fighting. He was trying to comfort me, but I hope they didn’t. I hope they died in that first wave of megaspells, before they even knew what was happening. I hope they didn’t have to suffer through the hell we created.
Commander Durlan stops talking for a long while, but his heavy sobs are a constant reminder of his presence on the recording. Finally he speaks up again.
I can feel it now. Getting drowsy. Not much time left. It’s better this way, there’s no life left to live. No survival down there. I’ve seen the scans, the horrors of those megaspells. They weren’t all just explosions. The air has turned toxic, and some of those poisonous clouds have minds. They can think. They can chase down their prey, seep through sealed bunkers, scouring away survivors in choking agony. Half the eastern continent is covered in frost, the remnants of roving ice storm megaspells that sought out any source of heat and froze it solid. Even the dead had no peace, reanimated into mindless magical automatons to overwhelm any scattered survivors.
I’ll give us this, we were thorough. We left no stone unturned in our quest to wipe our entire world clean of life.
I don’t know if anyone will ever hear this recording. I don’t believe there’s anyone left on the planet below. At least, nobody who will survive beyond a few more terrified weeks. Arcadia is dead. But if there’s anyone else out there, some traveler from the stars that finds the ruins of our home, I want you to know something: we weren’t bad people.
We were greedy, and selfish, and shortsighted fools. But we weren’t monsters. We weren’t this senseless final act of destruction. There was joy and celebration and love here too. We’ve done a terrible thing, but it wasn’t because we were evil, spiteful creatures. Please, don’t judge us by our worst mistake. And please, I beg of you, don’t make the same mistakes we did.
I can barely keep my eyes open anymore. It’s not too late to grab one of the vacuum suits, fix the air scrubbers… no. It’s better this way. Better to die peacefully, than scrabble in futile defiance of the inevitable. Maybe I’ll see my Soliana again. And little Meira.
Commander Durlan is quiet for a moment before he starts softly singing a love song. The lyrics are about a young couple and the wonderful summer nights they spend together. He occasionally interrupts himself with wracking sobs, and his voice grows quieter and weaker until his words are little more than murmurs that eventually fade altogether. The recording continues for another five hours, silence broken only by the whir of the station’s machinery, until the tape runs out.
[Recording Ends]
These logs were recovered in 370 BCY, 147 years after the Last War, by the team of historian Tarathiel Tralynn, great grandson of Meira Tralynn. Tarathiel placed a plaque inside the Orbital Research Station bearing his great great grandfather’s name and the lyrics of that final song. The station was carefully moved into a more stable orbit and marked as a historical monument. Commander Durlan’s remains were left as they were found, sitting in the station’s observation bay. There he sits for the rest of eternity, staring down at a world full of life that he had only dreamed to see again.

I'm building my family tree starting from myself and my parents with as many details as I've been given. I have access to US and world records and I've really gotten a long way honestly. I'm having some issues with discrepancies in US Census Records and I wasn't sure if this is the place to find assistance.
So more specifically, I'm comparing the same people's specifics over the course of decades through census records and then checking those against any birth, death, marriage certs I can find. I'm having big issues deciphering actual dates/children/names for my 3x great grandmother. It almost seems like there could be a couple different people at the same time with the same name, but that would be a bit odd because she already has an unusual name. I have some contradictory information going on here. If anyone thinks they know how to figure it out, please let me know. I can provide the documents. Again, if this isn't the right place or doesn't have proper flair, please just let me know. Thanks!

Hi All,
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not sure if this is the right sub for it. my neighbour's garden backs out onto my driveway and where I park my car. He has trees and bushes at the end of his garden which have grown over the panelling fence and are hanging above my car. There are loads of flower droppings and thorns and leaves that drop all over my car all year round. Who's responsibility is it to trim the plants to ensure they stay within his boundaries? is it mine or his? and if mine, can i just go ahead and cut anything that hangs over the fence?

i would say i am an introvert and i get socially anxious pretty easily. i am 19F and have never had much life experiences. i come from a very religious (muslim) household, and i am religious too. as a kid, my parents never trusted other people enough to let me go to their houses, i had only one birthday party and i went to only two birthday parties. as a teenager, my parents still didn't let me hang out with my friends, and at some point my friends gradually just stopped inviting me. when i got around 17 years old, i had probably been out with friends around 4 times, only to go shopping or to go watch a movie. now i go out more often, (maybe 2 times every month) but i have to ask permission first, and i can't stay out late. (after sunset) to cope, i made many internet friends, i play video games with them, text them, and call them on discord. but i still feel terribly alone. i have a best friend, which is an internet friend that lives in the same city as me. we see each other only a few times a year in real life but text everyday. i am grateful to have her. (i feel so bad that i can't be a normal best friend to her, that can be with her when she wants) from always only socializing online and rarely in real life, i think started to hide in my shell. meeting new people in real life and trying to make new friends literally make me panic. but i am okay with seeing my old friends (which don't even talk to me that much anymore since i never hang out with them) sometimes, i just turn off everything and don't talk to no one in real life. i go to school, avoid all my acquaintances the best i can, go home and only socialize online. i feel fucking pathetic, i am literally so lonely. i don't even take care of myself, if i don't have school, i just sleep too much or not enough, i lack on my hygiene in general, and i lock myself up in my room. i had an iron deficiency from not eating enough because of how stressed/depressed i was. and i also at some point gained around 10-15 kilos because of binge eating. in those moments, socializing is so exhausting and i feel like it's just best for me to stay locked up like this, i just feel comfortable in this mess. but sometimes, i just get terribly sad and depressed of how lonely i am, i realize that i do not have a solid friend group, i will have absolutely nothing to tell my kids and grandkids about the 19 years of my life. i start to get out of my bubble. i make enormous efforts to feel better, feel prettier, feel confident. i force myself to try and socialize, rebuild my friendship with old friends, try to approach them and try to plan some fun things to do. but still, my parents absolutely destroy that.
if i try to have a new style and buy new clothes, my parents will tell me how it's too flashy. not modest enough. not pretty at all in their opinion. they never ever compliment it. if i try to have new hobbies, they do not encourage me at all. they show absolutely no interests. they ignore me. if i try to tell them about how lonely i feel and how i do not have friends, and that i want to change it. they ignore my cries. ignore the times i literally cry all night, when i am in clear emotional distress. sometimes, everything is fine, i am still standing, and my mother just rants for hours how i am the worst child she could possible have, and that she doesn't know what she did wrong to god to have me. how can you say this to a child, and think they will be ok. i have heard those rants my entire life, it hurts.
recently, my old friends decided to organize a cookout and invited me. my parents let me because the friend lives a street away. (they never let me go to someone's house before) i was very hyped, those were the friends i wanted to rebuild a friendship with. i decided to prepare brownies and hamburger patties with halal meat for the muslim friends that will be there. my friend cleaned her barbecue, told the muslims they can cook the halal meat first so that it doesn't get mixed up with the pork or the other non halal meat. when my mother learnt that it would be a cookout with meat (no shit..) she immediately refused that i go. even if i explained that i would bring myself the halal meat, that there was absolutely no fucking way i would end up accidentally eating pork or non halal meat. that was just my last straw. all that might seem ridiculous and lame to some of you guys, you might just say wtf go live alone, just go without asking their permission, stuff like that. but i just can't, you can't understand how deep it is, i still love my parents (they are not as bad to me as you might think) and i do not want to sadden them by leaving or disobeying them. i know that there is a whole cultural and temporal barrier between my parents and i, but i want them to understand me, and i want to understand them. has anyone been in that situation? how did you get out?