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TWICE's Between 1&2 đ 11th Mini Album Review
2023.06.05 04:33 smolcrackheadenergy TWICE's Between 1&2 đ 11th Mini Album Review
Hello, kpopthoughts! Originally this was posted in twice but one of my friends said I should crosspost it here â so here this album review is.
And yes, this is 9 months late đ I'm not sorry â when I find an album review online it's always around a paragraph per song or even shorter. It makes sense from a journalistic perspective, but I want to do this album justice, hence taking 7 months to write out all my thoughts.
This shit is comprehensive and definitely overanalyzed, especially in Talk that Talk and Trouble. Each song review will compose of my commentary, noting the details I noticed through months of listening, then a conclusion. Also, mild swearing warning, I like implementing a touch of "French" when I'm very emotional about something. Anyway, onto the review!
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT
TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED
One of the most perfect TWICE songs.
I think this is one of TWICEâs best-sounding title tracks. Warm modulated synths, a thrumming bass line, distant bells, shimmering synths â the purpose of this song is to be fun and my god is it excellent at it, like, Sana and Chaeyoung are saying knock-knock-knock and beep-beep-beep as if theyâre some kind of car. So much fun.
Further along in the verse, Dahyunâs voice sounds so full and smooth with that layered harmony. Tzuyu coming with the Yes or Yes, Push & Pull, and 1 to 10 references â these are 5 years of song references. And Jeongyeon closes the pre-chorus accompanied by a rising synth to drop into chorus one. Jeongyeon slays pre-choruses.
The drums accelerate, the synths start blasting, and Jihyo opens to that party of a chorus with her godly vocals,
During Sana's Talk that Talk~ lines thereâs this gentle ascending synth bell that rings with the descending melody and it sounds absolutely gorgeous. And the choreography during that part of the chorus is so so so so fun: the talking hands bit, spelling L-O-V-E, concluding with the deullyeojweo ooh! Oh my Jihyo the deullyeojweo oohâŚ
Have I mentioned this song is fun?
Speeding through verse 2; Chaeyoungâs part with the cat ears popping in the music video is adorable; Momo her stretching her arms out looks so damn cool; and Dahyun with her replay part sounds so lovely â although I think it sonically sounds a touch random, it makes sense thematically.
And now for this pre-chorus. Mina and Jihyo leading into it sound great BUT JEONGYEON⌠Now, she is my ult bias, and this pre-chorus sounds almost identical to the first one, but the way she holds that final note, inflecting and holding that now~ for one more beat before the chorus drops sounds so perfect â the song teeters on a cliff edge. Jeongyeon slays pre-choruses.
Dropping into the second chorus and man the way Nayeon delivers it just hits different. She has this indescribable âpopâ voice (I promise this wasn't on purpose) that shouts out loud that this is THE chorus. This is especially apparent in how both lead their choruses where Jihyo starts at 120% power while Nayeon waits until [Tell me] WHAT YOU WANT to full-send it. The production also helps with this effect, cutting out during what you to emphasize Nayeon's voice before crashing back down, double the pause at Jihyo's intro.
Another deullyeojweo ooh! Nayeon travels to Narnia, and Mina the engineer strikes again in this heavenly, underwater-esque bridge,
The word âloveâ is said for the first time in the song. Thereâs a funky keyboard instrument behind Chaeyoungâs part. Jihyo, Chaeyoung, and Nayeon take the initiative in their lyrics, professing their love before closing the bridge.
And now for the pièce-de-rĂŠsistance: this final double chorus is exceptional â 40 seconds of crack-laced euphoria; Jihyo switches up the chorus and the choreo, Dahyun chimes in with her fluttery Talk that Talk, Momo comes out of nowhere with oh yeah it sounds so good! â youâre damn right it does, and this is where the song SOARS.
Nayeon outright shouts Tell me what you need and then Jeongyeon sings the above lines in such an ethereal, warm way where the first line ascends while the second descends, causing a lull in the song before the finale with Tzuyu and Nayeon, finishing off the song with the final deullyeojweo ooh!
What a party. What a song.
THE GOOD
Lyrics and theme-wise, if this were to have been TWICEâs last comeback, theyâve once again built upon the theme they've been doing since debut: a Bildungsroman, a coming-of-age story.
This songâs chorus is honest yet simple; it asks the listener, in this case, the other half of the relationship, to be more upfront and open with their love (never be scared of love), that before the relationship can continue and flourish, there has to be a foundation and commitment of love between each other.
TWICE debuted with a song about making your crush go ooh ahh. Years later, they started pondering What is Love? and imagining their crush responding with Yes when asking them out â and now concluding with the phrase Talk that Talk, [Talk that] L-O-V-E, being upfront with the relationship, wishing their partner to also be happy, to commit to them, to feel the love that they want to impart on them. From gawking like ooh-ahh to talking out your shared love like adults â to having a true relationship between (one and) two.
And can I just say before finishing off Talk that Talk's review that this is such a fun and repeatable song with many little intricacies hidden in the nonetâs vocals and the song's production. This is the third draft Iâm writing about Talk that Talk and its original word count pretty much quadrupled.
Harkening back to TWICEâs roots by combining mature thinking with youthful character, an incredible ending to look forward to, and just simply being a club-banger thatâs easy to listen to, TTT is an easy 10/10.
WATCH ME GO WATCH ME GO
RULE THE WORLD
If there was one B-side to promote in a live clip, this was a solid choice.
Helmed by LDN Noise going headlong into the Western boy-group rock-band aesthetic, Queen of Hearts is a boom-boom-clap song through and through. The drums are very prominent throughout the song, only giving room to riffs of electric guitar in the chorus to drive and continue the momentum of the music.
And speaking of the chorus, vocal line each got a chorus to flex and they did not fuck around,
Cymbals crashing, drums booming, and 3MIX belting all just so sound so good.
These long, held-out notes performed by Jihyo and Nayeon are simply exquisite. Along with the shredding guitar, the drum set coming in full, and the interludes by Dahyun, Momo, and Chaeyoung, this is the part of the song that always, always, gives me goosebumps â it sounds so visceral, so energetic, so fun, so triumphant. Boom-boom-clap songs can be hit or miss with people, but there's no denying the payoff from the first part of the chorus to the second part is worth the wait.
The theme of the song so far has been kind of spread around the song. The chorus alludes to it with the line And itâs all because of you. But Mina shows more sides of it in the second verse, especially with the phrase,
It sounds really lovely â in a very cheesy and affectionate kind of way, as it rightfully should â the song is about the girls and their fans. But the bridge is where the song indeed shows its colours
This is a song CONCEIVED TO BE PERFORMED FOR THE FANS. Itâs meant to be loud. Itâs meant to be unapologetic. Itâs meant to be sappy. And itâs all the more wonderful for it.
This is the TWICEiest shit ever.
Like Talk that Talk, Queen of Hearts also has a killer closer. The production already started to grow from the bridge, but now the guitarist finally went Super Saiyan and instead of supporting the drums, they both take the centre stage in tandem.
Then finally, the closing moments of the song even manage to squeeze in some more sappiness.
I still canât believe that this banger is a FAN SONG out of all things. Truly, the TWICEiest shit ever.
THE GOOD
I love these types of rock songs with how grunge and head-bang-able they are, there is just a certain nostalgic and cheesy quality to them that feels so cozy. I donât love putting them on repeat, because in this case, I do believe there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Perhaps more shredding, maybe a guitar solo to rock out to, or an accompaniment(!) of ad-libs from 3MIX to support Jihyoâs final chorus? A ONCE can dream of a truly bombastic rock song from TWICE. But then again that distracts from the core of what this song is: a fan song disguised as a rock song.
Queen of Hearts has so much sweetness in its lyrics and message that it's overflowing. The drums, guitar, and vocals can be as loud and intricate as they can, but the theme of this song is what makes it special from TWICEâs other rock songs â itâs a 9/10 for me.
I WANNA WANNA WANNA
TAKE YOU TO THE BASICS
Quite possibly the jammiest (pun intended) song of the album.
A song written by the Strawberry Princess herself â an event similar in frequency to other artists' releases with her last song being 2020âs silky Handle It â Basics first starts with an understated and dreamy delivery. After the first stanza, however, a bouncy Miami bass line emerges, revealing the true nature of the song: this is a classic summer bop! Especially in the first rap,
Syllables are pronounced in a relaxed nature, bars often starting with an "ah" sound, flirty lines in English â this rap features a production full of pop with R&B flourishes and, in my opinion, this is Chaeyoungâs bag. Also, the line rainbow bubblegum is so adorable and so Chaeyoung.
That chorus is pure pop with a Miami bass backing; you better be bopping your head to the melody, if not booty poppin' to the bassline. Chaeyoung loves rhyming in the first half of the chorus to enhance its catchiness and it's damn incredible: wanna, weonhae, and ppeonhae all create these imperfect rhymes that continue momentum without feeling repetitive.
After the very Boy With Luv-sounding ah yeah ah yeah, ah yeah ah yeah comes an 8-bar split half and half between Chaeyoung and Momo. Coming from the chorus, the production completely cuts out for the first 2 bars. This adds tension; the song yearns to have that bass beat thumping again and all we have in the audio space in those 2 bars is Chaeyoung spittin' and she delivered.
Translating to:
The rap feels slick, effortless, and confident. Her diction remains sharp when enunciating each syllable but she doesnât let the flow of her rap waver or build as her 4 bars go by, itâs just smooth consistency throughout. Even the lyrics possess an aura of laid-back collectedness that is just so her. The things Chaeyoung can do when given her pen.
THE GOOD
This song is summer bliss distilled into 2:56. Itâs dreamy, the raps are satisfying, and the ending is charming. I will say that although the second half of the song adds the stunning spaceship post-choruses and a floaty bridge with an incredible drumbeat drop into the final chorus, the raps of the song make it feel a bit front-loaded. And in an album stacked with awesome finishers, it feels more apparent.
With that said, itâs an 8/10 bop for me. This song is so easy to put on and it feels exactly what Chaeyoung would make if given the reins to produce a pop song all on her own. The lyrics are nonchalant but full of conviction, the wordplay is intricate, and the production playful but not too bombastic â it's just a nice vibe. Songs like Basics are the standard for good, simple, repeatable pop music and Iâm happy that Chaeyoung got to test her pen in this genre.
BABY WEâRE IN
TROUBLE TROUBLE
Produced by Jihyo and earattack
One of the most enjoyable songs Iâve heard in a while.
There is an underlying tension within the first 4 bars of the song, Jihyo and Nayeon confidently open it to a nondescript array of synths and then the stanza ends, Momo announces Letâs go, the beat drops and it hits you: this is a club song.
Dahyun's relaxed delivery contrasting with Jeongyeon's staccato flow, the wobbly synth beat mixed with a sprinkle of house piano, Sana dramatically slowing down the song only for Tzuyu to build it back up until the chorus drops,
This chorus is perfect. Torontoâs residential market needs this song injected into its veins because god damn this song has SO much house in it. And then, ANOTHER KILLING PART: this rap fucking slaps.
During the first 2 bars, Chaeyoung is keeping it calm because that trip of a chorus just ended and the song needs a breather, but I don't think anyone expected her to SNAP this hard afterwards:
Below is the structure of her this portion of the rap, Iâm not that well versed in this technical aspect of music theory but I digress, this is all in the span of around 5 seconds where itâs:
Now, 25/5 = 5 syllables per second isnât groundbreaking, but goddamn it these 2 bars sound so nice â if there is one part in this album that I always repeat, itâs this. The addition of that first quadruplet for cannot miss this in the midst of the triplets sticks out and accelerates the flow of the rap while the following doublets and quadruplets destabilize and slow the rap down as the verse closes. And can I just point out:
THE MAIN VOCALIST WROTE, DIRECTED, AND COMPOSED THIS SONG âź
Chaeyoung of course delivered the fuck out of her verse but THIS is what you get when you have a member not only write the words theyâre saying but also the melody and flow with which they sing it, when that member knows the others so well that when they write a song they know how to make the group exceed. This is what you get when the artists you stan love doing artist shit.
And. AND. That's not all â with how much I mentioned I love a good outro to close a song, this outro slaps as well:
Like, come on, Nayeonâs imitating a police siren for crying out loud. And this is all after her ad-libs in the final post-chorus; after the pianist going full tilt and playing that piano as if it was their last chance to ever play; after that final T W I C E chant by all the members come these blissful 20 seconds at the very end. What a song.
THE GOOD
Need I say more, easy 9/10. The only reason I place Talk that Talk above Trouble is because of what that song represents but besides that, this is one of the best âinternationalâ sounds theyâve put out. Actually, I havenât listened to Eyes wide open in a while but this song is up there with one of the most sonically pleasing pieces of work theyâve done.
Clubbing TWICE has always been a thing since TT was birthed in 2016, and has been a staple of their discography since 2019âs Fancy You and Feel Special mini albums, but Trouble unapologetically dives into and fits the house genre so well youâd think that this is TWICEâs bread and butter sound.
Trouble is Jihyoâs magnum opus. What a song.
BRAVE BRAVE BRAVE
FOR YOU
I first thought this was just a good song, then I read the lyrics.
Gentle guitar plucks, shimmering synths, a distant keyboard in the right ear, in the left a glockenspiel, the melodic oohs from the members â this song is PRETTY.
Mina and Chaeyoung open the song with how they feel lonely, that it's hard to breathe and now suddenly the song feels bittersweet â I was not expecting the song to become this emotional. Brave describes a situation where the singer is in a darker place in life and it isn't until another person gives them hope by calling them Brave that they find the drive to keep going.
Once the chorus hits, the melodies pick up, more guitars get added â thereâs even an electric guitar hidden in the mix somewhere, and the song drops the emotional front to reveal a mid-tempo pop song to dance to while crying in the club. The song as a whole still carries this melancholy feeling, but now with the added support of the chorus, acting as a light amongst the gloom.
Continuing on in the second verse there's this gorgeous, well-placed break in the song that just lets it settle after that chorus. Only a seasoned producer would risk this much empty space in a song and Slow Rabbit went to fill those shoes.
Back to the chorus, I'll take this moment to once again commend Slow Rabbit with the mixing of the song, because 4MIX undoubtedly sounds good in the chorus, and the interludes from Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Mina also sound really good, but the clear highlight of the choruses are these lines:
Momo, Sana, and Tzuyu form this beautiful, surprisingly catchy, second half of the chorus accompanied by a guitar drop. It should not turn out this well with how conflicting the "na"s are with the guitar melody but it creates this gentle bopping ebb and flow that feels so lush and mellow.
Diving into the bridge reveals that the listener of the song is revealed not only capable of supporting the singer through direct words but also through their thoughts and dreams. As can be discerned, this can be a song interpreted to be about ONCEs, about how they push TWICE to be their best selves despite the breathless hardships they face. It's a very sweet and touching song.
THE GOOD
Iâm actually spoiled with the TWICE membersâ easy-to-understand songwriting that when a song like this pops up where it's not written by a member and the thematic bits are mostly in Korean, I tend to put it aside in favour of the other songs on the album. And, especially for a song focusing on a theme like this where the English phrases donât do the Korean lyrics enough justice, it does place a bit of a barrier on the listening experience, dropping it down to a 7/10 from an 8/10.
With that anecdote out of the way, this song is just such a vibe, man. I know that sounds super hippy to say but Brave is so mellow and smooth that I canât help but sway a little when that chorus hits. And then I remember what the lyrics say and I tear up a bit on the inside. This song is so pure, raw, and full of heart â we need more songs like these where they just reminisce about life while putting up an upbeat front. Don't mind me just crying while dancing the night away.
With that said, this isn't the first time this theme has been sung by TWICE either, they've long trodden this path of supportive, confiding, up-lifting songs with Young & Wild, Rainbow, Queen, Go Hard, Depend on You, even this album's Queen of Hearts, and, of course, Feel Special. Brave just adds another on top of an already stacked lineup, unique with its mellow somberness.
Also now feels like a good time to get into my rating system:
I SEE THE LIES
ON THE TIP OF YOUR TONGUE
Who the fuck pissed off Dubu this time??
Itâs getting quite rare to see TWICE pull off brand new sounds because, with now 190 original songs under their belt as of this review, theyâve done so many genres and sub-genres varying from hyper pop, to bossa nova, to whatever 2020âs Go Hard is. So itâs surprising to see theyâve still got tricks up their sleeves and Gone is one of them.
The song starts with strings swinging back and forth and vocal chops dancing from ear to ear, teasing whatâs yet to come. Jihyo enters the song with a whisper and the song sets its pace. A stagnant drum pad moves the song along and typical song progression would have Mina continue the build, but â it doesnât. The song simmers, adding a hint of high hat to the pot. And then Sana and Tzuyu come on and surely the buildup must boil over right?
Silence, untilâŚ
The strings emerge again on full blast, the simmer rolls to a boil, and the anger of the song is revealed,
The singer is so scorned and burned from this relationship that they reminisce about all the effort theyâve put in since the beginning, but their âpartnerâ is so unconcerned that theyâve just about had enough of the relationship altogether.
This has been Dahyunâs thing since 2020âs Bring It Back, 2021âs Cruel, 2022âs Thatâs all Iâm saying, and even 2023's Don't Blame It On Me â emotionally charged breakup songs that make you feel as if sheâs survived through a dozen bad relationships. Dispatch, do try to do your job better.
Another highlight of the song is the post-chorus going into the bridge. This segment reiterates the structure from the first post-chorus â a barrage of drums supported by the rhythmic strumming of a bass guitar along with a consistent synth filling out the soundscape. But this time, itâs Dahyun and Chaeyoung on the rap:
Building upon the disrespected theme of the song, Dahyun notes that sheâs finally had enough with Chaeyoung adding that thereâs no point salvaging what love was once there. Momo and Dahyun round it off by telling the listener that thereâs no point trying to reason with them or playing naive, they fucked up and thereâs no coming back.
Can I just say, it's a bit of a shame that Chaeyoungâs rapping popped off in this album while Dahyun only has this one verse that she shares with Chaeyoung, but it just sounds so good how Dahyun eases in after the chorus with her light rapping tone transitioning into her singing. She even holds the Gone in a little crescendo for some added pizzazz.
And, thereâs no way Iâm not going to talk about Momoâs vocals in this bridge. Damned if she only got 1 line to use it in, her lower register is incredible. She sounds so smooth singing in this tone. All of TWICE do in particular and there is nary a weak vocal performance in this album.
To close the song off, a wash of synths gets to have their shine in the spotlight, showered with Nayeonâs belting, signifying the dramatic and drawn-out conclusion of this partnership.
THE GOOD
Going back to that point about the first post-chorus as a whole; songs that have the production continue unchanged into the post-chorus/2nd verse are very hit or miss for me â see TWICE's Don't Call Me Again for an overbearing example. The post-chorus going into the bridge contrasts Dahyunâs light tone nicely with the hard-hitting production, continuing the energy until it slowly fades into silence at the end of the bridge.
Back to the song as a whole, as much as TWICE has been experimenting with their sound for the past 4 years now, Iâm happy theyâre still finding new ways to explore what theyâre capable of. And for that alone, even though Iâm not a big fan of songs like these where they rely on sounding âbigâ, Dahyunâs lyricism and the thrill I receive every time I indulge myself in this song elevates it to an 8/10. Keep on breaking hearts, Dubu.
INVINCIBLE
SUPERHEROES
Press play to reminisce, pull up lyrics to cry.
This song is so beautiful. Iâm totally not writing this song review, crying on the bus reminiscing about my childhood, while just having turned 21. I donât know if these are happy or sad tears but this song is so beautiful either way.
Warm synths, muted piano, a gentle high hat, the younger members starting off the song â this has to be up there for one of the softest TWICE songs ever. And as it should, itâs one of the TWICEiest songs ever. And then Nayeon comes in:
The chords start swelling, the high hat keeps pace, and the harmonies pour in.
Jihyo takes up the second half of the chorus as it drops, trading the strings for an almost R&B synth production â if choir R&B takes off, this song started it. The song relishes in this cacophony of warm sounds until returning to its sparse and peaceful verses.
This time, the hints of piano are louder, little twinkling synths begin to shimmer, the drum buildup comes and Jeongyeon drives the song straight into the chorus. No time for the strings to build like in Nayeonâs â this song loves its chorus so much.
And I'll just take this time to appreciate the amount and range of Jeongyeon vocals in this album. Her voice is so textured, stable, and projected â but also more tender and soft compared to the more pronounced tones of Nayeon and Jihyo.
The bridge comes in, repeating the phrase:
Giving the song time to rest, before building back up to the last chorus â this time led by Jihyo, completing the 3MIX trifecta. And interestingly enough, Chaeyoung follows up in the second half of the chorus, rather than another member of the vocal line. She really did pop off in this album.
As the last chorus begins to close, the percussion at its strongest, the harmonies on blast, the background vocals cranked up to their Sunday best, is the song going to end? Of course not! This is an album full of banger endings as if the songs donât want to end, and When We Were Kids being the album closer very much indulges in that feeling.
After a brief refrain, accented by Nayeonâs high note with a touch of vibrato, the song almost dives back into a fourth chorus. Nayeon and Jeongyeon harmonize â a rare and heavenly moment. And the song repeats the bridge, reiterating that they want to meet their younger selves, this time with the lush chorus production before closing with silence, a few piano notes, and Tzuyu singing the last line of the song:
Reflection, acceptance, hope. What a song.
THE GOOD
I wrote the first part of this review in November 2022. Then university, life, and other things got in the way of my headspace for me to feel confident about wrapping all of this up. In a way, I felt like I just didnât want this review to end because of the joy that writing gives me â I didnât want the happiness to end. And then it hit me, after watching a YouTuber rank animated movies and them placing Spirited Away at the top and explaining 'why' reminded me of just how important growing up is, and by extension this song.
This theme is important for both the rookie TWICE members in 2015 and the teenagers who would follow their journey and grow up with them, facing lifeâs obstacles along the way. Hardships that used to only involve family, crushes, and social media, evolve into work, commitments and all the struggles that adult life brings. Being a kid and enjoying the simple things in life is one of the most sought-after moments we want to relive because we took growing up for granted. The only thing we can do now is look back on ourselves with fondness and rose-tinted lenses.
TWICEâs original meaning was to resonate with people through their senses and their hearts. That was during their debut, and I think it still holds up today. In my opinion, touching people through their emotions is what TWICE does best and makes them one of K-popâs all-time greats. It was never about having the best numbers â it was about being the best idols. And to think that this journey of maturation and growth would occur from 2015 all the way to this song, being a fitting nod to TWICEâs 7th anniversary, I donât think anyone at the company nor the group would ever imagine that they would get this far. Itâs these nine women or none â 9/10.
This song honestly deserves a 10/10 with how much I noticed other people reminiscing their childhoods after I heard this song, it is such a widely-relatable message, but I am determined to limit myself to one 10/10 song per album and if I were to pick between TTT and WWWK, I'd give it to the one's that's more repeatable â Talk that Talk just has this electric energy about it.
I love this album. It got me through some important parts of my life, both good and bad, and it's just a wonderful listen throughout. Reliving this album again before finally completing the review has been an exciting journey. Brave hit me harder this time, after being overshadowed by the other gems of this album, and WWWK finally got me to tear up and not just be emotionally satisfied.
I feel like there's something for everyone on this album. From the exhilarating thrills of TTT to the anthemic euphoria of QoH, the clubbing dichotomy of Trouble and Brave to the blissful glee of Basics, and the sweet reminiscence of WWWK to the thundering anger that is Gone. Like Eyes wide open, I liken Between 1&2 to a pop music taste platter â there's such an eclectic mix of pop music in this album that there's bound to be a song that someone will love, like, and dislike.
Is this album perfect? I don't think so, but it's close â it was certainly my 2022 AOTY. Was this review biased? Absolutely. I've been a fan since 2019 and with the themes in this album, I also feel like it was biased towards me as a ONCE. And how would I rank the album in TWICE's catalogue? It's honestly at the top, at least with EPs â I also felt that way towards Feel Special but then this album was birthed so I'm excited for TWICE's future.
Ready To Be was also a stunning album and Eyes wide open frankly also deserved the spotlight that Formula of Love received so I might hit those next but no promises; this album took long enough to bake.
As for the performances, I've only seen Twitter clips (no fancams to not spoil myself) and I am SO EXCITED to finally see them in July. QoH was as glorious as expected, Brave was a delightful surprise, and WWWK, while not being the concert closer everyone expected it to be, paired up nicely with Crazy Stupid Love. And of course the bombastic addition of the dance break to TTT. But, this is not a concert review, and here is where this album review ends.
Feel free to comment with any thoughts regarding the album, other TWICE albums, and any suggestions for my writing in general. Congrats again on making it this far!
God, I love this album.
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Intro
To preface the review, I just need to say that this is going to be a very long read. Going through it myself for the fun of it takes around 30 minutes â it's almost 7k words, including lyrical references. So for the best experience, listen to the album beforehand to understand what the hell I was thinking when I wrote this, play the album while reading, and set a good amount of time aside.And yes, this is 9 months late đ I'm not sorry â when I find an album review online it's always around a paragraph per song or even shorter. It makes sense from a journalistic perspective, but I want to do this album justice, hence taking 7 months to write out all my thoughts.
This shit is comprehensive and definitely overanalyzed, especially in Talk that Talk and Trouble. Each song review will compose of my commentary, noting the details I noticed through months of listening, then a conclusion. Also, mild swearing warning, I like implementing a touch of "French" when I'm very emotional about something. Anyway, onto the review!
Between 1&2 đ
Album Review
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT
TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED
Talk that Talk đ
Producers by collapsedone and MRCH
One of the most perfect TWICE songs.
I think this is one of TWICEâs best-sounding title tracks. Warm modulated synths, a thrumming bass line, distant bells, shimmering synths â the purpose of this song is to be fun and my god is it excellent at it, like, Sana and Chaeyoung are saying knock-knock-knock and beep-beep-beep as if theyâre some kind of car. So much fun.
Further along in the verse, Dahyunâs voice sounds so full and smooth with that layered harmony. Tzuyu coming with the Yes or Yes, Push & Pull, and 1 to 10 references â these are 5 years of song references. And Jeongyeon closes the pre-chorus accompanied by a rising synth to drop into chorus one. Jeongyeon slays pre-choruses.
The drums accelerate, the synths start blasting, and Jihyo opens to that party of a chorus with her godly vocals,
Tell me what you want
Tell me what you need
A to Z da malhaebwa
But shijageun ireoke have
Talk that Talk ttak han madi
Talk that Talk L-O-V-E
deullyeojweo ooh
Now now now now now yeah~
During Sana's Talk that Talk~ lines thereâs this gentle ascending synth bell that rings with the descending melody and it sounds absolutely gorgeous. And the choreography during that part of the chorus is so so so so fun: the talking hands bit, spelling L-O-V-E, concluding with the deullyeojweo ooh! Oh my Jihyo the deullyeojweo oohâŚ
Have I mentioned this song is fun?
Speeding through verse 2; Chaeyoungâs part with the cat ears popping in the music video is adorable; Momo her stretching her arms out looks so damn cool; and Dahyun with her replay part sounds so lovely â although I think it sonically sounds a touch random, it makes sense thematically.
And now for this pre-chorus. Mina and Jihyo leading into it sound great BUT JEONGYEON⌠Now, she is my ult bias, and this pre-chorus sounds almost identical to the first one, but the way she holds that final note, inflecting and holding that now~ for one more beat before the chorus drops sounds so perfect â the song teeters on a cliff edge. Jeongyeon slays pre-choruses.
Dropping into the second chorus and man the way Nayeon delivers it just hits different. She has this indescribable âpopâ voice (I promise this wasn't on purpose) that shouts out loud that this is THE chorus. This is especially apparent in how both lead their choruses where Jihyo starts at 120% power while Nayeon waits until [Tell me] WHAT YOU WANT to full-send it. The production also helps with this effect, cutting out during what you to emphasize Nayeon's voice before crashing back down, double the pause at Jihyo's intro.
Another deullyeojweo ooh! Nayeon travels to Narnia, and Mina the engineer strikes again in this heavenly, underwater-esque bridge,
The simple words âI love youâ
Thatâs all I wanna hear
Without hesitation, Iâll go up to you
Iâll make it simple
And just tell you I love you
The word âloveâ is said for the first time in the song. Thereâs a funky keyboard instrument behind Chaeyoungâs part. Jihyo, Chaeyoung, and Nayeon take the initiative in their lyrics, professing their love before closing the bridge.
And now for the pièce-de-rĂŠsistance: this final double chorus is exceptional â 40 seconds of crack-laced euphoria; Jihyo switches up the chorus and the choreo, Dahyun chimes in with her fluttery Talk that Talk, Momo comes out of nowhere with oh yeah it sounds so good! â youâre damn right it does, and this is where the song SOARS.
han beon deo~ haejweo
geurae banggeum geu mal~
Nayeon outright shouts Tell me what you need and then Jeongyeon sings the above lines in such an ethereal, warm way where the first line ascends while the second descends, causing a lull in the song before the finale with Tzuyu and Nayeon, finishing off the song with the final deullyeojweo ooh!
What a party. What a song.
THE GOOD
- The synths of all time
- The chimes during Talk-that-talk~
- Jeongyeonâs pre-chorus going into Nayeonâs chorus
- Rich harmonies and fun ad-libs
- The entirety of that magical final chorus and outro
- The opening hook (Tell me what you want) and accompanying choreography could be âcatchierâ
- Singing (and dancing) my heart out when this song played at a K-pop club
Lyrics and theme-wise, if this were to have been TWICEâs last comeback, theyâve once again built upon the theme they've been doing since debut: a Bildungsroman, a coming-of-age story.
This songâs chorus is honest yet simple; it asks the listener, in this case, the other half of the relationship, to be more upfront and open with their love (never be scared of love), that before the relationship can continue and flourish, there has to be a foundation and commitment of love between each other.
TWICE debuted with a song about making your crush go ooh ahh. Years later, they started pondering What is Love? and imagining their crush responding with Yes when asking them out â and now concluding with the phrase Talk that Talk, [Talk that] L-O-V-E, being upfront with the relationship, wishing their partner to also be happy, to commit to them, to feel the love that they want to impart on them. From gawking like ooh-ahh to talking out your shared love like adults â to having a true relationship between (one and) two.
And can I just say before finishing off Talk that Talk's review that this is such a fun and repeatable song with many little intricacies hidden in the nonetâs vocals and the song's production. This is the third draft Iâm writing about Talk that Talk and its original word count pretty much quadrupled.
Harkening back to TWICEâs roots by combining mature thinking with youthful character, an incredible ending to look forward to, and just simply being a club-banger thatâs easy to listen to, TTT is an easy 10/10.
WATCH ME GO WATCH ME GO
RULE THE WORLD
Queen of Hearts đ
Produced by LDN Noise
If there was one B-side to promote in a live clip, this was a solid choice.
Helmed by LDN Noise going headlong into the Western boy-group rock-band aesthetic, Queen of Hearts is a boom-boom-clap song through and through. The drums are very prominent throughout the song, only giving room to riffs of electric guitar in the chorus to drive and continue the momentum of the music.
And speaking of the chorus, vocal line each got a chorus to flex and they did not fuck around,
You ainât ready for it
Watch me go~ watch me go~
Rule the world
Know you never doubted baby
Iâmma go run the whole universe~
Cymbals crashing, drums booming, and 3MIX belting all just so sound so good.
Baby I was born to rule~~
Yeah Iâm the Queen, Iâm the Queen
And itâs all because of you~~
That Iâm the Queen of Hearts
These long, held-out notes performed by Jihyo and Nayeon are simply exquisite. Along with the shredding guitar, the drum set coming in full, and the interludes by Dahyun, Momo, and Chaeyoung, this is the part of the song that always, always, gives me goosebumps â it sounds so visceral, so energetic, so fun, so triumphant. Boom-boom-clap songs can be hit or miss with people, but there's no denying the payoff from the first part of the chorus to the second part is worth the wait.
The theme of the song so far has been kind of spread around the song. The chorus alludes to it with the line And itâs all because of you. But Mina shows more sides of it in the second verse, especially with the phrase,
And now that Iâm surrounded by all my girls
We be shining bright like diamonds and pearls
It sounds really lovely â in a very cheesy and affectionate kind of way, as it rightfully should â the song is about the girls and their fans. But the bridge is where the song indeed shows its colours
Screaming out my name
See it in the stage lights
Feel so lucky just to have ya
Cause I know deep down I was meant for something bigger! Greater!
I know youâre seeing what I see
Yeah Iâll be everything you need
I know Iâm gonna walk the walk
And talk the talk to be~ [the Queen of Hearts]
This is a song CONCEIVED TO BE PERFORMED FOR THE FANS. Itâs meant to be loud. Itâs meant to be unapologetic. Itâs meant to be sappy. And itâs all the more wonderful for it.
This is the TWICEiest shit ever.
Like Talk that Talk, Queen of Hearts also has a killer closer. The production already started to grow from the bridge, but now the guitarist finally went Super Saiyan and instead of supporting the drums, they both take the centre stage in tandem.
Then finally, the closing moments of the song even manage to squeeze in some more sappiness.
So thank you for the memories
Youâre all the ones who made me~
So thank you for the memories
That Iâm the Queen of Hearts
I still canât believe that this banger is a FAN SONG out of all things. Truly, the TWICEiest shit ever.
THE GOOD
- Adorable fucking lyrics
- Unrelenting, roaring chorus
- English and vocal flex
- Intoxicating guitar riffs
- Chaeyoung rapping in English in their Korean songs somehow slaps harder than her English rapping in their English songs, nonetheless, in QoH, it fits with the sound of the song
- Walking home from a K-pop festival with this song playing, felt like a Queen of Hearts
I love these types of rock songs with how grunge and head-bang-able they are, there is just a certain nostalgic and cheesy quality to them that feels so cozy. I donât love putting them on repeat, because in this case, I do believe there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Perhaps more shredding, maybe a guitar solo to rock out to, or an accompaniment(!) of ad-libs from 3MIX to support Jihyoâs final chorus? A ONCE can dream of a truly bombastic rock song from TWICE. But then again that distracts from the core of what this song is: a fan song disguised as a rock song.
Queen of Hearts has so much sweetness in its lyrics and message that it's overflowing. The drums, guitar, and vocals can be as loud and intricate as they can, but the theme of this song is what makes it special from TWICEâs other rock songs â itâs a 9/10 for me.
I WANNA WANNA WANNA
TAKE YOU TO THE BASICS
Basics đ
Lyrics by Chaeyoung
Quite possibly the jammiest (pun intended) song of the album.
A song written by the Strawberry Princess herself â an event similar in frequency to other artists' releases with her last song being 2020âs silky Handle It â Basics first starts with an understated and dreamy delivery. After the first stanza, however, a bouncy Miami bass line emerges, revealing the true nature of the song: this is a classic summer bop! Especially in the first rap,
dareun aedeulgwaneun dalla
Ainât begginâ for love
nappeun geon anijana ige naraseo
eodiro twilji molla
Like rainbow bubble gum
geureoni nal kkwak butjabadweo
Syllables are pronounced in a relaxed nature, bars often starting with an "ah" sound, flirty lines in English â this rap features a production full of pop with R&B flourishes and, in my opinion, this is Chaeyoungâs bag. Also, the line rainbow bubblegum is so adorable and so Chaeyoung.
I wanna wanna wanna take it to the Basics
da weonhae weonhae weonhae? seodureuji ma Baby
ppeonhae ppeonhae malhae mweohae da al tende
Ah yeah ah yeah ah yeah ah yeah
That chorus is pure pop with a Miami bass backing; you better be bopping your head to the melody, if not booty poppin' to the bassline. Chaeyoung loves rhyming in the first half of the chorus to enhance its catchiness and it's damn incredible: wanna, weonhae, and ppeonhae all create these imperfect rhymes that continue momentum without feeling repetitive.
After the very Boy With Luv-sounding ah yeah ah yeah, ah yeah ah yeah comes an 8-bar split half and half between Chaeyoung and Momo. Coming from the chorus, the production completely cuts out for the first 2 bars. This adds tension; the song yearns to have that bass beat thumping again and all we have in the audio space in those 2 bars is Chaeyoung spittin' and she delivered.
taneun deut tteugeoun samak wie
yeppeuge pieonan jangmi gata
joshimseure naege dagaol ttae
nado moreuge jjilleobeoril tende
Translating to:
Above the hot, burning desert
Itâs like a rose that bloomed beautifully
When you come to me slowly
I will prick you unconsciously
The rap feels slick, effortless, and confident. Her diction remains sharp when enunciating each syllable but she doesnât let the flow of her rap waver or build as her 4 bars go by, itâs just smooth consistency throughout. Even the lyrics possess an aura of laid-back collectedness that is just so her. The things Chaeyoung can do when given her pen.
THE GOOD
- That sweet summer vibe of a chorus
- The spaceship post-chorus is killer
- Chaeyoung devoured this song
- Sure-footed, confident lyrics
- Perhaps an alteration of that ah yeah ah yeah line
- The way Jihyo did her pre-chorus line is good, but Minaâs is great
- After donating my hair, walking down the rainbow-coloured areas of downtown Toronto with this song playing was very⌠fitting
This song is summer bliss distilled into 2:56. Itâs dreamy, the raps are satisfying, and the ending is charming. I will say that although the second half of the song adds the stunning spaceship post-choruses and a floaty bridge with an incredible drumbeat drop into the final chorus, the raps of the song make it feel a bit front-loaded. And in an album stacked with awesome finishers, it feels more apparent.
With that said, itâs an 8/10 bop for me. This song is so easy to put on and it feels exactly what Chaeyoung would make if given the reins to produce a pop song all on her own. The lyrics are nonchalant but full of conviction, the wordplay is intricate, and the production playful but not too bombastic â it's just a nice vibe. Songs like Basics are the standard for good, simple, repeatable pop music and Iâm happy that Chaeyoung got to test her pen in this genre.
BABY WEâRE IN
TROUBLE TROUBLE
Trouble đ
Lyrics, vocal direction, and background vocals by JihyoProduced by Jihyo and earattack
One of the most enjoyable songs Iâve heard in a while.
There is an underlying tension within the first 4 bars of the song, Jihyo and Nayeon confidently open it to a nondescript array of synths and then the stanza ends, Momo announces Letâs go, the beat drops and it hits you: this is a club song.
Dahyun's relaxed delivery contrasting with Jeongyeon's staccato flow, the wobbly synth beat mixed with a sprinkle of house piano, Sana dramatically slowing down the song only for Tzuyu to build it back up until the chorus drops,
- Nayeon opens it using a breathy tone, with vocal chops serving as harmonies
- The blooming of the house piano takes centre stage and the song ascends into euphoria
- A random drum roll capped off by a cymbal crash
- Jeongyeonâs growling pronunciation of the word Trouble
- Chaeyoung slyly admitting I like this Trouble
- The entirety of Tzuyuâs tro~oh~oh~ouble yeah~
- Sana using her deep voice for the na~na~na~na
- Jihyo leading the vocals during the synchronized T W I C E chant
This chorus is perfect. Torontoâs residential market needs this song injected into its veins because god damn this song has SO much house in it. And then, ANOTHER KILLING PART: this rap fucking slaps.
gamchweo bwatja geugeon Fake
ppajin hamjeongeun Sweet cake
During the first 2 bars, Chaeyoung is keeping it calm because that trip of a chorus just ended and the song needs a breather, but I don't think anyone expected her to SNAP this hard afterwards:
You cannot resist this
Cannot miss this, such a bliss
Ima put it down down
Oh yeah, better kiss kiss
Below is the structure of her this portion of the rap, Iâm not that well versed in this technical aspect of music theory but I digress, this is all in the span of around 5 seconds where itâs:
Triplet-triplet
Quadruplet-triplet
Quadruplet-doublet
Doublet-quadruplet
Now, 25/5 = 5 syllables per second isnât groundbreaking, but goddamn it these 2 bars sound so nice â if there is one part in this album that I always repeat, itâs this. The addition of that first quadruplet for cannot miss this in the midst of the triplets sticks out and accelerates the flow of the rap while the following doublets and quadruplets destabilize and slow the rap down as the verse closes. And can I just point out:
THE MAIN VOCALIST WROTE, DIRECTED, AND COMPOSED THIS SONG âź
Chaeyoung of course delivered the fuck out of her verse but THIS is what you get when you have a member not only write the words theyâre saying but also the melody and flow with which they sing it, when that member knows the others so well that when they write a song they know how to make the group exceed. This is what you get when the artists you stan love doing artist shit.
And. AND. That's not all â with how much I mentioned I love a good outro to close a song, this outro slaps as well:
Woo wee woo wee woo
I like this Trouble be-be
Woo wee woo wee woo
I like this Trouble bay-be
Woo wee woo wee woo
I like this Trouble bay-beh
Woo wee woo wee woo
I like this Trou-ble
Like, come on, Nayeonâs imitating a police siren for crying out loud. And this is all after her ad-libs in the final post-chorus; after the pianist going full tilt and playing that piano as if it was their last chance to ever play; after that final T W I C E chant by all the members come these blissful 20 seconds at the very end. What a song.
THE GOOD
- The theme of relishing in an uncontrolled love
- Sana and Minaâs melody in the pre-chorus
- Whole neighbourhoods full of house
- You cannot resist this, cannot miss this, such a bliss
- Wees and woos
- Minaâs line of falling down, falling down, falling down low in verse 2 feels a bit too abrupt of a change
- While writing Trouble's review I had this song on repeat for my whole subway commute and I must've been so distracting, just head-bopping and being so invested in my enjoyment
Need I say more, easy 9/10. The only reason I place Talk that Talk above Trouble is because of what that song represents but besides that, this is one of the best âinternationalâ sounds theyâve put out. Actually, I havenât listened to Eyes wide open in a while but this song is up there with one of the most sonically pleasing pieces of work theyâve done.
Clubbing TWICE has always been a thing since TT was birthed in 2016, and has been a staple of their discography since 2019âs Fancy You and Feel Special mini albums, but Trouble unapologetically dives into and fits the house genre so well youâd think that this is TWICEâs bread and butter sound.
Trouble is Jihyoâs magnum opus. What a song.
BRAVE BRAVE BRAVE
FOR YOU
Brave đ
Produced by Slow Rabbit
I first thought this was just a good song, then I read the lyrics.
Gentle guitar plucks, shimmering synths, a distant keyboard in the right ear, in the left a glockenspiel, the melodic oohs from the members â this song is PRETTY.
The night that was unusually dark
Above this terrifying world, felt so lonely
The world has grown in the time of wandering
So hard to breathe
Mina and Chaeyoung open the song with how they feel lonely, that it's hard to breathe and now suddenly the song feels bittersweet â I was not expecting the song to become this emotional. Brave describes a situation where the singer is in a darker place in life and it isn't until another person gives them hope by calling them Brave that they find the drive to keep going.
Once the chorus hits, the melodies pick up, more guitars get added â thereâs even an electric guitar hidden in the mix somewhere, and the song drops the emotional front to reveal a mid-tempo pop song to dance to while crying in the club. The song as a whole still carries this melancholy feeling, but now with the added support of the chorus, acting as a light amongst the gloom.
Continuing on in the second verse there's this gorgeous, well-placed break in the song that just lets it settle after that chorus. Only a seasoned producer would risk this much empty space in a song and Slow Rabbit went to fill those shoes.
Back to the chorus, I'll take this moment to once again commend Slow Rabbit with the mixing of the song, because 4MIX undoubtedly sounds good in the chorus, and the interludes from Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Mina also sound really good, but the clear highlight of the choruses are these lines:
Oh na na na neon nal naige hae
On and on and on
Brave Brave Brave for ya
Oh na na na neon nal sum shwige hae
On and on and on oh trust me babe
Momo, Sana, and Tzuyu form this beautiful, surprisingly catchy, second half of the chorus accompanied by a guitar drop. It should not turn out this well with how conflicting the "na"s are with the guitar melody but it creates this gentle bopping ebb and flow that feels so lush and mellow.
Diving into the bridge reveals that the listener of the song is revealed not only capable of supporting the singer through direct words but also through their thoughts and dreams. As can be discerned, this can be a song interpreted to be about ONCEs, about how they push TWICE to be their best selves despite the breathless hardships they face. It's a very sweet and touching song.
THE GOOD
- Special lyrics
- Pleasant sound to vibe out to
- That gentle break after the first chorus
- 3MIX poppin' off at the end
- Just very pretty vocals throughout
- Potentially hard to comprehend without translating the Korean lyrics
- Form of Therapyâs life motto revolves around the word âbraveâ â I donât know where I got that from, but I remembered it right before watching his album reaction (yes, this is very random)
Iâm actually spoiled with the TWICE membersâ easy-to-understand songwriting that when a song like this pops up where it's not written by a member and the thematic bits are mostly in Korean, I tend to put it aside in favour of the other songs on the album. And, especially for a song focusing on a theme like this where the English phrases donât do the Korean lyrics enough justice, it does place a bit of a barrier on the listening experience, dropping it down to a 7/10 from an 8/10.
With that anecdote out of the way, this song is just such a vibe, man. I know that sounds super hippy to say but Brave is so mellow and smooth that I canât help but sway a little when that chorus hits. And then I remember what the lyrics say and I tear up a bit on the inside. This song is so pure, raw, and full of heart â we need more songs like these where they just reminisce about life while putting up an upbeat front. Don't mind me just crying while dancing the night away.
With that said, this isn't the first time this theme has been sung by TWICE either, they've long trodden this path of supportive, confiding, up-lifting songs with Young & Wild, Rainbow, Queen, Go Hard, Depend on You, even this album's Queen of Hearts, and, of course, Feel Special. Brave just adds another on top of an already stacked lineup, unique with its mellow somberness.
Also now feels like a good time to get into my rating system:
- 7/10s are songs are ones that are simply good throughout or great songs with apparent flaws
- 8/10s are great songs with distinct killing parts
- 9/10s are borderline perfect songs where I sometimes can't comprehend how great they are
- And 10/10s are the best of an artist's discography, songs that encapsulate their ethos perfectly or expand upon them in a meaningful way
I SEE THE LIES
ON THE TIP OF YOUR TONGUE
Gone đ¨
Lyrics by Dahyun
Who the fuck pissed off Dubu this time??
Itâs getting quite rare to see TWICE pull off brand new sounds because, with now 190 original songs under their belt as of this review, theyâve done so many genres and sub-genres varying from hyper pop, to bossa nova, to whatever 2020âs Go Hard is. So itâs surprising to see theyâve still got tricks up their sleeves and Gone is one of them.
The song starts with strings swinging back and forth and vocal chops dancing from ear to ear, teasing whatâs yet to come. Jihyo enters the song with a whisper and the song sets its pace. A stagnant drum pad moves the song along and typical song progression would have Mina continue the build, but â it doesnât. The song simmers, adding a hint of high hat to the pot. And then Sana and Tzuyu come on and surely the buildup must boil over right?
Silence, untilâŚ
I see the LIES on the top of your tongue
The strings emerge again on full blast, the simmer rolls to a boil, and the anger of the song is revealed,
All the fate I had towards you
Fades like a fog, Gone, Gone
Your flipping mind of doing this and that
Iâm tired of it, itâs meaningless
In the beginning, it was hard to believe
With that, hatred increases
The singer is so scorned and burned from this relationship that they reminisce about all the effort theyâve put in since the beginning, but their âpartnerâ is so unconcerned that theyâve just about had enough of the relationship altogether.
This has been Dahyunâs thing since 2020âs Bring It Back, 2021âs Cruel, 2022âs Thatâs all Iâm saying, and even 2023's Don't Blame It On Me â emotionally charged breakup songs that make you feel as if sheâs survived through a dozen bad relationships. Dispatch, do try to do your job better.
Another highlight of the song is the post-chorus going into the bridge. This segment reiterates the structure from the first post-chorus â a barrage of drums supported by the rhythmic strumming of a bass guitar along with a consistent synth filling out the soundscape. But this time, itâs Dahyun and Chaeyoung on the rap:
I canât stand it anymore
My patience, invisible
I canât find it, itâs all Gone
Even if I try to turn back, itâs too late
Thereâs no use anymore
It has left, itâs long Gone
You, with flipping mind, you are out
I know that you know what Iâm talking about
Nothing you could say that could turn this around
Iâm Gone
Building upon the disrespected theme of the song, Dahyun notes that sheâs finally had enough with Chaeyoung adding that thereâs no point salvaging what love was once there. Momo and Dahyun round it off by telling the listener that thereâs no point trying to reason with them or playing naive, they fucked up and thereâs no coming back.
Can I just say, it's a bit of a shame that Chaeyoungâs rapping popped off in this album while Dahyun only has this one verse that she shares with Chaeyoung, but it just sounds so good how Dahyun eases in after the chorus with her light rapping tone transitioning into her singing. She even holds the Gone in a little crescendo for some added pizzazz.
And, thereâs no way Iâm not going to talk about Momoâs vocals in this bridge. Damned if she only got 1 line to use it in, her lower register is incredible. She sounds so smooth singing in this tone. All of TWICE do in particular and there is nary a weak vocal performance in this album.
To close the song off, a wash of synths gets to have their shine in the spotlight, showered with Nayeonâs belting, signifying the dramatic and drawn-out conclusion of this partnership.
THE GOOD
- Theyâve still got their surprises
- Thundering chorus
- 2nd rap and bridge combo
- A bitter, crumbling relationship theme
- Iâm not a huge fan of the mixing during the first post-chorus, where Momo's vocals were fighting with the production, which is disappointing because Momo is capable of an insane flow
- The post-chorus in general, specifically the first one, can be a bit tiring on repeat listens
- Actually, I think this song sounds like a mix between GOT7's Not By The Moon, BLACKPINKâs Love To Hate Me, and Dahyunâs Bring It Back. I donât know where I got this thought came from, but it stuck
Going back to that point about the first post-chorus as a whole; songs that have the production continue unchanged into the post-chorus/2nd verse are very hit or miss for me â see TWICE's Don't Call Me Again for an overbearing example. The post-chorus going into the bridge contrasts Dahyunâs light tone nicely with the hard-hitting production, continuing the energy until it slowly fades into silence at the end of the bridge.
Back to the song as a whole, as much as TWICE has been experimenting with their sound for the past 4 years now, Iâm happy theyâre still finding new ways to explore what theyâre capable of. And for that alone, even though Iâm not a big fan of songs like these where they rely on sounding âbigâ, Dahyunâs lyricism and the thrill I receive every time I indulge myself in this song elevates it to an 8/10. Keep on breaking hearts, Dubu.
INVINCIBLE
SUPERHEROES
When We Were Kids đ§¸
Lyrics by Dahyun
Press play to reminisce, pull up lyrics to cry.
This song is so beautiful. Iâm totally not writing this song review, crying on the bus reminiscing about my childhood, while just having turned 21. I donât know if these are happy or sad tears but this song is so beautiful either way.
Warm synths, muted piano, a gentle high hat, the younger members starting off the song â this has to be up there for one of the softest TWICE songs ever. And as it should, itâs one of the TWICEiest songs ever. And then Nayeon comes in:
Invincible superheroes, we wanted to be adults
To the higher, clearer world
The chords start swelling, the high hat keeps pace, and the harmonies pour in.
Remember When We Were Kids
When We Were Kids, we didnât know
If we could go back
I will love it even more
Remember When We Were Kids
Jihyo takes up the second half of the chorus as it drops, trading the strings for an almost R&B synth production â if choir R&B takes off, this song started it. The song relishes in this cacophony of warm sounds until returning to its sparse and peaceful verses.
This time, the hints of piano are louder, little twinkling synths begin to shimmer, the drum buildup comes and Jeongyeon drives the song straight into the chorus. No time for the strings to build like in Nayeonâs â this song loves its chorus so much.
And I'll just take this time to appreciate the amount and range of Jeongyeon vocals in this album. Her voice is so textured, stable, and projected â but also more tender and soft compared to the more pronounced tones of Nayeon and Jihyo.
The bridge comes in, repeating the phrase:
I wish that I could meet
Could meet the younger me
Giving the song time to rest, before building back up to the last chorus â this time led by Jihyo, completing the 3MIX trifecta. And interestingly enough, Chaeyoung follows up in the second half of the chorus, rather than another member of the vocal line. She really did pop off in this album.
As the last chorus begins to close, the percussion at its strongest, the harmonies on blast, the background vocals cranked up to their Sunday best, is the song going to end? Of course not! This is an album full of banger endings as if the songs donât want to end, and When We Were Kids being the album closer very much indulges in that feeling.
After a brief refrain, accented by Nayeonâs high note with a touch of vibrato, the song almost dives back into a fourth chorus. Nayeon and Jeongyeon harmonize â a rare and heavenly moment. And the song repeats the bridge, reiterating that they want to meet their younger selves, this time with the lush chorus production before closing with silence, a few piano notes, and Tzuyu singing the last line of the song:
Oh, we were kids
Reflection, acceptance, hope. What a song.
THE GOOD
- Heavenly vocals throughout
- Relatable, heartfelt lyrics
- Euphoric chorus
- Great closer to the album
- Refrain after the last chorus, Back When We Were Kids, couldâve been executed better
- For an album titled Between 1&2, I donât think anything hits harder than finishing the song reviews, with this song in particular, during your 21st birthday
I wrote the first part of this review in November 2022. Then university, life, and other things got in the way of my headspace for me to feel confident about wrapping all of this up. In a way, I felt like I just didnât want this review to end because of the joy that writing gives me â I didnât want the happiness to end. And then it hit me, after watching a YouTuber rank animated movies and them placing Spirited Away at the top and explaining 'why' reminded me of just how important growing up is, and by extension this song.
This theme is important for both the rookie TWICE members in 2015 and the teenagers who would follow their journey and grow up with them, facing lifeâs obstacles along the way. Hardships that used to only involve family, crushes, and social media, evolve into work, commitments and all the struggles that adult life brings. Being a kid and enjoying the simple things in life is one of the most sought-after moments we want to relive because we took growing up for granted. The only thing we can do now is look back on ourselves with fondness and rose-tinted lenses.
TWICEâs original meaning was to resonate with people through their senses and their hearts. That was during their debut, and I think it still holds up today. In my opinion, touching people through their emotions is what TWICE does best and makes them one of K-popâs all-time greats. It was never about having the best numbers â it was about being the best idols. And to think that this journey of maturation and growth would occur from 2015 all the way to this song, being a fitting nod to TWICEâs 7th anniversary, I donât think anyone at the company nor the group would ever imagine that they would get this far. Itâs these nine women or none â 9/10.
This song honestly deserves a 10/10 with how much I noticed other people reminiscing their childhoods after I heard this song, it is such a widely-relatable message, but I am determined to limit myself to one 10/10 song per album and if I were to pick between TTT and WWWK, I'd give it to the one's that's more repeatable â Talk that Talk just has this electric energy about it.
Epilogue
And finally here is the end. If you made it in one sitting then I commend you, because I could not write this mess in one sitting. As alluded to, I started writing this album review sometime in October, after a series of edits the first draft was finished in March, and now here's the final draft in June.I love this album. It got me through some important parts of my life, both good and bad, and it's just a wonderful listen throughout. Reliving this album again before finally completing the review has been an exciting journey. Brave hit me harder this time, after being overshadowed by the other gems of this album, and WWWK finally got me to tear up and not just be emotionally satisfied.
I feel like there's something for everyone on this album. From the exhilarating thrills of TTT to the anthemic euphoria of QoH, the clubbing dichotomy of Trouble and Brave to the blissful glee of Basics, and the sweet reminiscence of WWWK to the thundering anger that is Gone. Like Eyes wide open, I liken Between 1&2 to a pop music taste platter â there's such an eclectic mix of pop music in this album that there's bound to be a song that someone will love, like, and dislike.
Is this album perfect? I don't think so, but it's close â it was certainly my 2022 AOTY. Was this review biased? Absolutely. I've been a fan since 2019 and with the themes in this album, I also feel like it was biased towards me as a ONCE. And how would I rank the album in TWICE's catalogue? It's honestly at the top, at least with EPs â I also felt that way towards Feel Special but then this album was birthed so I'm excited for TWICE's future.
Ready To Be was also a stunning album and Eyes wide open frankly also deserved the spotlight that Formula of Love received so I might hit those next but no promises; this album took long enough to bake.
As for the performances, I've only seen Twitter clips (no fancams to not spoil myself) and I am SO EXCITED to finally see them in July. QoH was as glorious as expected, Brave was a delightful surprise, and WWWK, while not being the concert closer everyone expected it to be, paired up nicely with Crazy Stupid Love. And of course the bombastic addition of the dance break to TTT. But, this is not a concert review, and here is where this album review ends.
Feel free to comment with any thoughts regarding the album, other TWICE albums, and any suggestions for my writing in general. Congrats again on making it this far!
God, I love this album.
2023.06.05 04:13 Iworkformycat27 90-Day Fiance: Before the 90-Days, Moonstruck, An Episode Review
In Sharp Entertainemntâs latest prod-uction, the only show with less self-control and more unrequited trauma than Gary Busey with a flamethrower, 90-Day Fiance: Before the 90-Days, we see our protagonists, introducing themselves to the world, and making a tri-, a return, will their love last, is it real, or, wait, are they talking to this person?
Amanda and Razvan
Amanda is a widow, her husband died of cancer, her children are half-orphans- and she is dating a year after losing her husband, she is fine, she is ready. Does Sharp Entertainment take Shriners Kids to bars and give them Cocaine because thatâs what this, the death stuff is very sad, and the children but this.
Did Matt Sharp murder somebody, they are really trying to distract us with sympathy, you sociopath, the children's tears, I know, I know, but do you trust this, from Sharp Entertainment? I trust a raccoon in a whorehouse more than I do Sharp Entertainment eliciting sympathy.
Oh, they met on TikTok well, that, see, and heâs an actor and model, actors and models have a great track record, roll that beautiful disaster footage! Yep, theyâre going to- stop beating up on a widow, Iâm not, Iâm beating up on the world.
Amanda goes to get a spray tan so she doesnât get off the plane and look like a ghost, which honestly is a good idea, people kill ghosts in Romania, they are vampires. Amandaâs sister is also smart, she thinks Amanda is moving too fast and this relationship is a trainwreck, they are no Jack and Sally. Sheâs just trying to cover a void- she is totally being a Darcey, which makes her- where is her Florian? Is he also a wealth of wisdom and memes?
Amanda takes her two children to the park, to ignore them like Darcey, Aniko is currently climbing the trees with raccoons, her true family, mother abandoned me for two weeks, look that one is going for three, when are we going to raid a dumpster and film it for a Tiktok?
Amanda calls Ravan, and he has big romantic plans- that include shooting his music video, for his song, about her, also he did a porn, how many 90-Day Fiance Bingo categories does this cover?
Not David Murphey: Bawkawk!
Cultural Appropriation Crickets: My board needs to go to rehab.
Not David Murphey: Bawakawk!
Cultural Appropriation Crickets: Jump on that square, we need that toaster.
Signature bathtub toaster, enjoy breakfast and bathing in the most popular room- Natalie Wood commemorative life raft.
Cultural Appropriation Crickets: Come on Possessed Nespresso Machine!
Amanda buys her children some presents to bribe-
Not David Murphey: Bawkwak!
Cortney: Whatâs an asexual vibrator?
Amandaâs children have questions, along with the dad box which is a touching gesture but might become a meme, if it was the mom box it would beâŚmother boxes would be worse, trust me. Do they bring it everywhere? When theyâre teenagers and, doing activities will they still have the dad box around? Serious question, I miss grandma but I donât have a grandma box that I take into the bathroom with me, youâd be so proud of me grandpa, I had Taco Bell, Iâm losing 10 pounds, so anyway how was your day?
Still dead? Youâve gotta get out more.
Gino and Jasmine
Jasmine has needs- $350 needs, $1750, Gino isnât a gift guy but he likes sex. Which sex slave did these extensions come off of? Thatâs not funny, youâre right, itâs probably true. Want to know where the sparkles come from in makeup? Child labor. Iâm sorry, I donât know why I said that, I, people need to have real problems man. If Darcey enlisted in the army she would grow as a person.
Gino is going to go visit Jasmine in Panama, and show off his new clothes, and hats, and argue about sex and money. That Jasmine is spending at the doctor, for a tighter p****, did you know that Gino also has sex problems doctor? Iâm going to tell the world about it! Iâd like to teach Gino to c**, inside of me! This trip is their last chance, to get a pay raise, plastic surgery isnât cheap. Is my rose chilled yet?
Sheâs getting drunk and doing a 90-Day Fiance review? Trust me, most people do. Most people also work, which upsets Jasmine, because she canât talk to Gino as much, and spy on him, and hear his lies of approval, why wonât the US government let them be together?
Do they not believe in our love, or did Gino, who did the Visa Application by himself- Jasmineâs not stupid that might be it, she deserves a nice apartment, with their own bedroom, for sex, which starts a really sexy argument about fighting, and sex, and- I understand why the US Government doesnât want them to be together.
This rose was not chilled yet, if you want to get drunk with me I am drinking Love Drunk Rose by Garage DâOr, Oregone, âWhen reality is better than your dreams!â, itâs quite good and very appropriate for the occasion.
Jasmine meets her totally platonic friend Dane at Coffee Max, she surprises him with the news that sheâs hsi new neighbor, also, they used to date, you canât bring enough autistic neurodivergent trans women into this to make this- might have just spoiled something for you, the violin is growing.
Jasmine and Ginoâs trust issues definitely wonât- flash forwards to my favorite promo, itâll be fine, if not, Dane and his muscular, good advice, is here, for you, in the same apartment building.
Riley and Violet
Riley is a big Jazz fan, and Elton John, also, heâs an elderly Luke Cage, who canât dance, and is paranoid about life! Which is understandable given his history, is Elton John single? Heâs very pretty, and rich. Is Riley the problem? A woman literally ran away from him.
Riley specifically downloaded a Vietnamese dating app, and found the youngest looking 43 year old woman in the world. Who is also smart, and clever, and so good Riley learned SOME Vietnamese, also, if you flip on your woman in Vietnam that means you love her, this is fine. Violet understands him.
Riley goes to help his friends with their Juneteenth celebration, where they will.
A Bless this relationship
B Sit around a campfire and sing Kumbaya
C Sell some Boombod
D Doubt this entire relationship and bring up evidence supporting their case
Did you pick D? How did you know, heâs bringing a ring, are they done doubting this, no, Violet does sound a little sus, they might- are they having food? God I love cornbread, itâs better to learn that your fiance is Evil Rose over cornbread. My grandma could die, again, but if you told me that over Honey Cake, I, I might be a sociopath, or hungry.
Tyray and Carmella
Is he playing an instrument and singing, this is his first, oh no, at least he isnât on a boat. Tyray take care of his sick mother, his father was murdered- how many people did Matt Sharp kill? When will the tables turn on this one? Tyray is in love with Carmella, a woman who is real, whose face he has- the table just yeeted itself into a wall, yep, this, and his family doesnât-
Satan: When did we get train tracks?
When- dodge! Ah, there it, I canât stop looking at it, is that a car? No, that was Not David Murpheyâs Taco Bell dinner- who gave him Taco Bell?
The producers also have bad news, and they tell Tyray in person, which-
Archangel Gabriel: Let me the f*** in your house!
Get off my lawn!
Archangel Gabriel: You are witnessing a miracle, one of your solar-powered lights is out.
Tyray has been messaging a man. So thatâs-
Archangel Gabriel: Iâm watering your flowers, youâre welcome!
This is going to be fun next week.
David and Sheila
A deaf guy, Matt Sharp is just a serial killer now, and he has multiple minimum-wage jobs? Subbed anime is really the best. Boarding school, and not being able to connect with people- is David Matt Sharpâs accomplice? Thereâs the music, here comes the wom- nope, itâs his ex-wah-man, here comes the new one, who is learning sign language!
What a- and heâs sending her money, which she does need, and $3,000 isnât much, Caesar pocket change. But someone has to be suspicious.
I give this episode â stars, the highlight was Gino and Jasmine sticking to the traditional script, theyâre not doing any of this sympathy bullshit, no, they, how many people did Matt Sharp murder? More representation and tragedy is coming next week, was Matt Sharp Jack the Ripper?
At least they'll start arguing next week, the one thing theyâre supposed to be doing, and banginâ, that is also, sometimes itâs their job. Is that possessed Nespresso machine still up there? I never go swimming, I wouldnât use the life raft.
submitted by Iworkformycat27 to 90DayFianceFanFiction [link] [comments]
Amanda and Razvan
Amanda is a widow, her husband died of cancer, her children are half-orphans- and she is dating a year after losing her husband, she is fine, she is ready. Does Sharp Entertainment take Shriners Kids to bars and give them Cocaine because thatâs what this, the death stuff is very sad, and the children but this.
Did Matt Sharp murder somebody, they are really trying to distract us with sympathy, you sociopath, the children's tears, I know, I know, but do you trust this, from Sharp Entertainment? I trust a raccoon in a whorehouse more than I do Sharp Entertainment eliciting sympathy.
Oh, they met on TikTok well, that, see, and heâs an actor and model, actors and models have a great track record, roll that beautiful disaster footage! Yep, theyâre going to- stop beating up on a widow, Iâm not, Iâm beating up on the world.
Amanda goes to get a spray tan so she doesnât get off the plane and look like a ghost, which honestly is a good idea, people kill ghosts in Romania, they are vampires. Amandaâs sister is also smart, she thinks Amanda is moving too fast and this relationship is a trainwreck, they are no Jack and Sally. Sheâs just trying to cover a void- she is totally being a Darcey, which makes her- where is her Florian? Is he also a wealth of wisdom and memes?
Amanda takes her two children to the park, to ignore them like Darcey, Aniko is currently climbing the trees with raccoons, her true family, mother abandoned me for two weeks, look that one is going for three, when are we going to raid a dumpster and film it for a Tiktok?
Amanda calls Ravan, and he has big romantic plans- that include shooting his music video, for his song, about her, also he did a porn, how many 90-Day Fiance Bingo categories does this cover?
Not David Murphey: Bawkawk!
Cultural Appropriation Crickets: My board needs to go to rehab.
Not David Murphey: Bawakawk!
Cultural Appropriation Crickets: Jump on that square, we need that toaster.
Signature bathtub toaster, enjoy breakfast and bathing in the most popular room- Natalie Wood commemorative life raft.
Cultural Appropriation Crickets: Come on Possessed Nespresso Machine!
Amanda buys her children some presents to bribe-
Not David Murphey: Bawkwak!
Cortney: Whatâs an asexual vibrator?
Amandaâs children have questions, along with the dad box which is a touching gesture but might become a meme, if it was the mom box it would beâŚmother boxes would be worse, trust me. Do they bring it everywhere? When theyâre teenagers and, doing activities will they still have the dad box around? Serious question, I miss grandma but I donât have a grandma box that I take into the bathroom with me, youâd be so proud of me grandpa, I had Taco Bell, Iâm losing 10 pounds, so anyway how was your day?
Still dead? Youâve gotta get out more.
Gino and Jasmine
Jasmine has needs- $350 needs, $1750, Gino isnât a gift guy but he likes sex. Which sex slave did these extensions come off of? Thatâs not funny, youâre right, itâs probably true. Want to know where the sparkles come from in makeup? Child labor. Iâm sorry, I donât know why I said that, I, people need to have real problems man. If Darcey enlisted in the army she would grow as a person.
Gino is going to go visit Jasmine in Panama, and show off his new clothes, and hats, and argue about sex and money. That Jasmine is spending at the doctor, for a tighter p****, did you know that Gino also has sex problems doctor? Iâm going to tell the world about it! Iâd like to teach Gino to c**, inside of me! This trip is their last chance, to get a pay raise, plastic surgery isnât cheap. Is my rose chilled yet?
Sheâs getting drunk and doing a 90-Day Fiance review? Trust me, most people do. Most people also work, which upsets Jasmine, because she canât talk to Gino as much, and spy on him, and hear his lies of approval, why wonât the US government let them be together?
Do they not believe in our love, or did Gino, who did the Visa Application by himself- Jasmineâs not stupid that might be it, she deserves a nice apartment, with their own bedroom, for sex, which starts a really sexy argument about fighting, and sex, and- I understand why the US Government doesnât want them to be together.
This rose was not chilled yet, if you want to get drunk with me I am drinking Love Drunk Rose by Garage DâOr, Oregone, âWhen reality is better than your dreams!â, itâs quite good and very appropriate for the occasion.
Jasmine meets her totally platonic friend Dane at Coffee Max, she surprises him with the news that sheâs hsi new neighbor, also, they used to date, you canât bring enough autistic neurodivergent trans women into this to make this- might have just spoiled something for you, the violin is growing.
Jasmine and Ginoâs trust issues definitely wonât- flash forwards to my favorite promo, itâll be fine, if not, Dane and his muscular, good advice, is here, for you, in the same apartment building.
Riley and Violet
Riley is a big Jazz fan, and Elton John, also, heâs an elderly Luke Cage, who canât dance, and is paranoid about life! Which is understandable given his history, is Elton John single? Heâs very pretty, and rich. Is Riley the problem? A woman literally ran away from him.
Riley specifically downloaded a Vietnamese dating app, and found the youngest looking 43 year old woman in the world. Who is also smart, and clever, and so good Riley learned SOME Vietnamese, also, if you flip on your woman in Vietnam that means you love her, this is fine. Violet understands him.
Riley goes to help his friends with their Juneteenth celebration, where they will.
A Bless this relationship
B Sit around a campfire and sing Kumbaya
C Sell some Boombod
D Doubt this entire relationship and bring up evidence supporting their case
Did you pick D? How did you know, heâs bringing a ring, are they done doubting this, no, Violet does sound a little sus, they might- are they having food? God I love cornbread, itâs better to learn that your fiance is Evil Rose over cornbread. My grandma could die, again, but if you told me that over Honey Cake, I, I might be a sociopath, or hungry.
Tyray and Carmella
Is he playing an instrument and singing, this is his first, oh no, at least he isnât on a boat. Tyray take care of his sick mother, his father was murdered- how many people did Matt Sharp kill? When will the tables turn on this one? Tyray is in love with Carmella, a woman who is real, whose face he has- the table just yeeted itself into a wall, yep, this, and his family doesnât-
Satan: When did we get train tracks?
When- dodge! Ah, there it, I canât stop looking at it, is that a car? No, that was Not David Murpheyâs Taco Bell dinner- who gave him Taco Bell?
The producers also have bad news, and they tell Tyray in person, which-
Archangel Gabriel: Let me the f*** in your house!
Get off my lawn!
Archangel Gabriel: You are witnessing a miracle, one of your solar-powered lights is out.
Tyray has been messaging a man. So thatâs-
Archangel Gabriel: Iâm watering your flowers, youâre welcome!
This is going to be fun next week.
David and Sheila
A deaf guy, Matt Sharp is just a serial killer now, and he has multiple minimum-wage jobs? Subbed anime is really the best. Boarding school, and not being able to connect with people- is David Matt Sharpâs accomplice? Thereâs the music, here comes the wom- nope, itâs his ex-wah-man, here comes the new one, who is learning sign language!
What a- and heâs sending her money, which she does need, and $3,000 isnât much, Caesar pocket change. But someone has to be suspicious.
I give this episode â stars, the highlight was Gino and Jasmine sticking to the traditional script, theyâre not doing any of this sympathy bullshit, no, they, how many people did Matt Sharp murder? More representation and tragedy is coming next week, was Matt Sharp Jack the Ripper?
At least they'll start arguing next week, the one thing theyâre supposed to be doing, and banginâ, that is also, sometimes itâs their job. Is that possessed Nespresso machine still up there? I never go swimming, I wouldnât use the life raft.
2023.06.04 21:53 mattyheelies Transit singer Jo Boynton came out as a trans woman!
link to her Instagram post: https://www.instagram.com/p/CtCV7hkg5V3/?igshid=NzJjY2FjNWJiZg==
congratulations to her! cool to see so many scene legends supporting in the likes/comments as well.
submitted by mattyheelies to poppunkers [link] [comments]
congratulations to her! cool to see so many scene legends supporting in the likes/comments as well.
2023.06.04 19:15 silversurfer199032 A call for mods
This group has multiplied a lot. I need moderators. I want people in each U.S. time zone (Eastern, Central, Mountain and Pacific). I would like a diverse mod team (male, female, trans nb, black white, Asian, Latino, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu or like me, Atheist, gay, straight, bi, blind, deaf, wheelchair-bound etc.). You need to be able to challenge name-calling or persistent harassment. You need to be able to allow free debate and the free interplay of ideas. If you think you are up to it, message me.
submitted by silversurfer199032 to AutisticAdultDebates [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 19:13 HippyPixieEmoKid AITA for potentially splitting up my family?
Trigger warnings: depression, emotional, mental and physical abuse, child abuse, abortions, suicide idealations and attempts.
Backstory: I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 13 years old, although some doctors believe I'd been having seizures since I was as young as 6 or 7. I was also diagnosed with manic depression/bipolar disorder when I was 16.
At 21 I gave birth to my first daughter, M. A little under two years later I had my second daughter, A. The first pregnancy wasn't easy and I had a lot of seizures during the course of the pregnancy. Many trips to the hospital to make sure baby was safe. But after I gave birth I jumped straight into motherhood. I lived roughly 4 hours away from my parents and struggled with feeling homesick frequently. I called my dad daily for parenting advice, to vent, to update him, and also to help subside that homesick feeling. Regardless though, I was a very attentive and active mom. I spent all of my time with M. She was my best friend. I LOVED being a mom and I was THRIVING. After M turned 1, I moved back "home" and moved back in with my parents. My second pregnancy was much the same. Uncomfortable pregnancy, many seizures. However with this pregnancy I had some complications that caused A to be born 10 weeks early. This caused A to spend the first several months of her life in the nicu and even had to have gastral intestinal surgery before she was even 4 months old. Due to my epilepsy I do not drive, but I did everything I could in my power to see my A as frequently and for as long as I could. Visiting hours were somewhat restricting though.
At some point in time I started displaying symptoms of postpartum depression that was heavily exasperated by my manic depression. I was at an all time low. The physical pain of a depression that immense had crippled me. I felt like I had concrete in my veins. Just getting up and going to the bathroom was an exhausting task. I spent most of my days sleeping as an escape from the pain and exhaustion. Thankfully I lived with my parents, my younger daughters father (J), and some of my sisters. I would say I had plenty of help and support, but a more accurate statement would be "the children were looked after". I on the other hand was mocked, teased and belittled at every opportunity. At the time I thought nothing of it. I thought "that's just how my family is" I was raised with the motto "the more I tease you, the more I love you". Before my dad knew I was pregnant (I kept it a secret for 18 weeks because J was pressuring me to get an unwanted abortion.) my dad pointed to my stomach one morning and said "you know, some situps would help with that" I was devastated, already feeling fat and disgusting, and went to my room to cry.
Without me even realizing it, the negative comments and belittling nature of my family took a toll on me and I was getting deeper and deeper into my depression without a light at the end of the tunnel. I HATED myself for not being able to get up and play with my children. I couldn't understand how I could be so active and attentive with M at that age but I just didn't have it in me for A. I felt like I'd failed her in so many ways. I tried my best to find solutions to the problem. Often times I'd try to find games to play with them that involved me lying or at least sitting on the couch. Puzzles, coloring, movies, cars. Anything low impact, but kids want to run and play and be active.. I felt like the worst mom of all times and I wasn't being told differently by those around me. In fact my greatest fears were being confirmed daily. One day I finally broke and had a full mental breakdown in front of my mom. I had confessed to my mom that I was having suicidal idealations. I knew deep down I didn't want to end my life, but I wanted the pain to stop. I couldn't breathe under the weight of my depression and I desperately needed help. I sat on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, confessing all of my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings at that time. My mom, in my opinion, brushed me off and said "well look into counseling or something" and then walked away, while I stayed sitting against our front door, crying my heart out. I felt devastated. All I wanted was a hug and some comfort but it was clear I was barking up the wrong tree. I got myself together, went upstairs, and went to sleep in order to escape the heartbreak and numb myself again. This entire timeline is a blur to me, so I'm not sure how much time passed between my melt down and this next conversation, but I feel like it was less than a week when my mom sat me down to have a conversation about the girls.
She suggested to me that my parents take temporary custody of the girls until I was able to "get on my feet". She kept pushing this narrative that it was what was best for the girls and their safety. She used my epilepsy as an excuse. Telling me that it was unsafe for the girls to be under my care when my epilepsy was so unpredictable. She also used my mental health, feeding into all of my fears and my own perceived shortcomings. A decent way into the conversation, my dad joined us. His whole demeanor radiated "this is a waste of my time. Just do what we say so I can go do other things" but maybe that was me reading too deeply into his behavior. Once he sat down it felt like my mom leaned even deeper into this narrative that they were clearly the better option for the girls wellbeing, but it would only be for a short time and that they were mainly concerned with the girls quality of life. I really struggled with what to do. I already felt like I was failing my children because I was so mentally and emotionally drained and detached. I didn't want to abandon them or lose them, but I also didn't want to harm them in the ways I had been harmed growing up. I figured my mom knew best because she had been in my shoes for all of my childhood. The vast majority of memories I have of my mom are of her sleeping on the couch, or raging out over the most minuscule things. I didn't want my children raised like that... So reluctantly, I agreed, truly believing I was doing a selfless thing and putting my children first. (This would later be used against me at every opportunity) I signed a piece of computer paper that my mom had scribbled an agreement on, stating that I was signing over temporary custody of my kids to my parents, with the understanding that I would get full custody back at an undisclosed time.
One day while I was down the road at a friend's house, my mom called me frantic, demanding I get home immediately. I rushed up to the house to find out that A's dad, J, had her wrapped in three blankets, in her car seat (it's the only place she would sleep). She was drenched in sweat (apparently new borns aren't supposed to sweat, especially not that much) and she was crying hysterically due to discomfort. J was irate, screaming at her and aggressively shaking the car seat. My mom said she heard him scream "shut the fck up or I'm going to *unalive you". She was under the impression that him and I were arguing again, and had come to break up the fight. (This always seemed odd to me seeing as how she never once intervened in our arguments before) When she realized I wasn't home and he was talking to A, she grabbed A and went downstairs. As she walked down the hall, j punched a hole in the wall near her head. He claimed he was "only trying to scare her" because she was "stealing his child from him" I was outraged and mortified. I tried multiple times to leave him and kick him out, but I had no support from my family. At one point I even resorted to packing up all of his belongings and throwing them out on the lawn. I'm not proud of that but I felt I had no other choice, and rushed to lock the doors when he went to get his things. My sister promptly unlocked the door and let him back in, claiming I was "acting psychotic" I felt trapped... But I had grown up around this behavior. My dad was an angry drunk and I had grown up believing that those behaviors were "passion" rather than aggression. So I accepted my fait and went on as if nothing had happened, certain that this would be the rest of my life.
One day when J was driving me to work we got into an argument and he repeatedly told me "your dad was right. You should do the world a favor and just unalive yourself. Everyone would be a lot happier" he kept repeating it over and over until I finally had it. He pulled up to a stop sign and I got out of the car and started walking down the road. He immediately started freaking out, begging me to get back in the car, using everything he could think of to manipulate me into getting back into the car. I finally caved and got back in. J dropped me off at work and as I got out of the car I told him "we're over. I'm breaking up with you". I closed the door before he could say a word and walked into work feeling like I was on cloud 9. It felt like all of my troubles had been wiped away. When I got inside, I told a friend what happened and explained that I didn't want to go home that night because I knew a guilt trip was waiting for me when I got there. I knew there would be an argument that would last hours and I would finally break due to exhaustion and would inevitably take him back. My coworker seemed to understand and let me stay at his house as long as I needed.
I called my mom and told her what had happened. I begged and pleaded with her to kick J out, but she refused. She was concerned that he'd try to take A if she kicked him out. I told her I was certain he wouldn't. He only ever cared about himself and his own self preservation. A baby would only make things harder for him and it was a responsibility and a role he didn't even want in the first place. I told her J had spent 18 weeks pressuring me to abort A and was evening willing to drive me out of state to get the procedure done, until I finally put my foot down and told him no, I was keeping my baby. I stayed away for 2 full weeks, the entire time begging and pleading with my family. Pointing out his abusive tendencies and his history with verbal and physical abuse and outbursts. My mom held her ground and refused to help me in any capacity. Every time M asked where I was, my mom would say "your mom's at work" rather than have her call me and talk to me. This created a lot of psychological trauma for M. She had severe seperstion anxiety, having panic attacks any time someone had to leave the house, convinced that if they left they'd never return. Still to this day she has abandonment issues as well as severe panic attacks.
After two weeks, I started coming over for visits but I never moved back in. During this time, J informed me that he was talking to another girl. He made it abundantly clear that she was 16. He was roughly 25 or 26 at the time. I later found out that they weren't talking. In fact, she had a boyfriend who was age appropriate, but J had been going and telling their entire friend group that they had been messing around together. I was then informed by my younger sibling L, that J had made advances on her that she quickly shut down. I think she was roughly 18 at the time. When this didn't pan out and J didn't get the reactions he expected from myself or L, he moved on. Years later I was told the same time xact story by both J and my oldest sister Al. "We had been hanging out, drinking, smoking. Ya know, the usual. And then well... Because I was so inebriated, they took advantage of me and we slept together" Knowing the both of them well enough, I knew it was consensual and they were just embarrassed and scared of my reaction. I laughed and told them they deserved one another.
As you can imagine, J's questionable life choices caught up with him and he was rejected from every friend group he had, to the point where he left the state and broke all contact with myself, and my family. It was a weight off my shoulders when he was finally gone. At that point I had gotten my own apartment but it was the first time I lived alone, paying my own bills, and I was not good at it. I was missing bill payments left and right. My power was shut off in the middle of winter and before long I was evicted. I was homeless and asked my parents if I could move home. They said no, that it would be too confusing for the girls if I moved back in with them. I ended up staying with friends on the couch in a one bedroom. It was extremely uncomfortable, but I had a roof over my head. When their lease was up, they invited me to get a new place with them. I agreed and I started learning about finances and how to be a functioning part of society.
My parents said I was welcome to visit the girls any time I wanted, but when I'd ask, it was a whole ordeal and guilt trip because they had to come pick me up and refused to bring my kids to my place. They said the car ride was too much for the girls to handle. Mind you, Ms dad B, still lives 4 hours away. My parents regularly drive both of my daughters up to see B and his parents whenever Bs parents request it. However, a 30 minute drive was asking far too much of such young and fragile children. When I argued that point they would use other excuses why they would not be bringing my children to see me. Once again I felt powerless and like a bad mom, being paraded by my parents for not being more active in my kids lives, but when I tried to make the effort it was scorned and met with negativity.
I self isolated for awhile, but still tried to be apart of my children's lives.
Over the years I've brought up the custody agreement, pointing out that it was supposed to only be temporary. I think my parents got frustrated with this because once the girls started school, my mom pressured me to sign over full custody, claiming it would make filling out paperwork a lot easier on my parents. But it was still only temporary, supposedly. Again, I continued to press for custody back and I would be met with argument after argument, bombarded with all of my shortcomings. On multiple occasions my mom told me "if you take custody of the girls back it will destroy mine and your father's marriage. Some days the girls are the only thing keeping us together" I was also told "if you take custody back it will literally kill your father. He won't survive." A year or so ago I told my mom we needed to go to therapy because I could not speak to her without a mediator. She finally agreed and we had two sessions. The first of which she cried her eyes out, telling the therapist that she's always done her absolute best for us kids and that we never appreciate anything she's done for us. She said "I took on the responsibility of raising two young children while she was out there f*cking anyone and everyone she wanted" mind you, during the time frame she was talking about, I had one intimate partner. When I confronted her about it outside of the session she said "I said that to highlight the poor life choices you were making at the time"
Fast-forward to now, A and I have a good relationship, but she's closest to my dad over everyone. M and I still have an incredibly tight bond though. She tells me everything. I'm her best friend.
The things she's been telling me the last couple of years are bringing up a lot of PTSD and trauma for me from my childhood. It's been opening my eyes to the level of mental abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents.
At this point you're probably thinking what I thought for most of my life. "This girl's mom sounds like a monster" It wasn't until recently that my father's facade was irreversibly shattered in my eyes. M had come to me and asked "what would you say if I asked to be called unisex name". I told her "I wouldn't say anything. I'd just call you by the name you chose. I love you no matter what I call you. I will always love you no matter what. There's nothing in this world that will change that, especially not a name." In time M came to me and said "how would you react if I told you I like girls" I said "the same way I reacted when you wanted to change your name. I will always accept, support and love you, no matter what"
She had gone to my mom with the same questions and my mom had roughly the same response. My dad on the other hand had a much more viseral response. When the name was brought up, he hit the roof, yelling "I'm not having another kid try and change their name. That's stupid. You have a name." (L changed their name when they were in school and my father always hated it and still refuses to call L by their chosen name) When the topic of sexual preference was broached he'd just roll his eyes, huff and act like M was being stupid and childish. As I touched up on previously, M has severe panic attacks. I can relate because I also suffer from them and they were extremely bad around the same age that M is now. From things M had told me in passing I'm under the impression that she was being bullied at school. Every morning was a struggle. She would beg my parents to let her stay home. If it was up to my mom, she'd get frustrated and give in, saying "whatever. Do whatever you want. You do anyway. None of you ever listen to me or respect anything I say" and M would go lie in bed and call me crying that she "upset nana" If it were my dad however, he'd yell at her to get her @$$ in the car and that he wasn't dealing with her $ht. She would have full fledged panic attacks in the car to which he would yell and scream at her to knock off the teenage bllsh*t and to suck it up. One day he even threatened to institutionalize her if this behavior continued. She called me, mid breakdown, telling me everything that had happened and asked me "what even does that mean? Is he gonna lock me up in a psych ward because I'm having panic attacks?" I assured her that no one was doing any such thing. I then called my parents and tore into them for treating her like that. My skin was crawling, I was so appalled at his behavior.
He tries his best to mask his negativity and what I consider to be narcissistic tendencies. He went from being an angry alcoholic to being a sober helpful part of the church he attends. I told my mom recently that I believe he swapped one addiction for another. He portrays this happy healthy life and family all over social media, showing my kids off to the people at his church, claiming they're his kids. So much so to the point that I had attended a few services and people thought I was their sister, not their mom, because my dad refuses to refer to them as his grandchildren. He's even taken it so far as to claim that he BIRTHED them. I don't know what level of psychosis it takes for a man to claim that he carried two children in his womb, but that's besides the point.
Also to Ms detriment, he will tease her about her weight, her eating habits, her sleeping habits. He will also make snide comments about LGBTQ+ related and adjacent topics.
L, had also suffered this same emotional and mental abuse for years from our dad and subsequently my mom who is too scared of my dad to stand up for her own beliefs. L finally made the difficult decision to go no contact for their mental health. This was extra difficult for them because that meant they had less access to their nieces and nephew, but they had to do what was best for their mental state and they took a step back. At one point my dad had brought L up, calling them by their dead name and misgendering them. When M corrected my dad he scoffed and said "people who change their names and gender are just people who weren't loved enough as a child" M responded with "k.." and went to her room to call me, explaining how incredibly offensive that statement was, especially seeing as how that's his own child. She said "who's fault is it if L wasn't loved enough as a child?" (She's extremely aware for her age)
I got a phone call from A one afternoon. She was crying and told me "I'm just sad because I'm never going to see L again because she abandoned us." I asked who told her that and she said "papa said dead name abandoned us because she doesn't care about the family anymore" I explained that none of that was true and that L missed them very much, and wanted to see them very much.
I spoke to L regularly about the situation at hand, being as supportive as possible while trying to stay out of the family drama. After months of distancing themselves from our parents, they came to me for help and guidance. They wanted to have dinner with our parents to try and mend their relationships. However they were scared of the response they would receive, so I offered to be the buffer and reach out on their behalf.
My mom's response was perfect. She said "I would love to have dinner with them. Tell me when and where" My dad's response was less ideal. He said "we would love to have dinner with her. If she's ready to respect our family and our beliefs we would be happy to have dinner with her" I lost it on him. I told him that I was sick and tired of his behavior. He puts on a holier than thou facade but he doesn't actually act very christ like in reality. I pointed out that when the prodigal son returned he wasn't met with "are you ready to ahere to our rules and regulations now? Are you prepared to act the way that we want you to? If you are then you can come home, but if not, get out" he was welcomed home with open arms, regardless of anything he had done or said. He replied with "I had a gut feeling that I shouldn't have responded to that text. I should've listened to that gut instinct"
I've gone no contact with him since that argument, but as you can imagine, that was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
On mother's day, my dad was out of town but my girls went to church with my mom. There was a guest speaker who had an extremely antitrans message. The way my mom explained it was "if your kid comes out as trans, you're a failure as a mom" I was dumbfounded to hear that they'd have a message like that at all, but especially on mother's day, shaming parents, but specifically mom's, into rejecting their children's self identification, as if one person has control over another person's identity. M told me she didn't ever want to go back. I told her I understood and I'd do my best to make sure she didn't have to.
Today is my birthday and my girls are coming over. M texted me this morning saying "I'm getting ready for church. I was told that if I wanted to go to my mom's house, I had to go to church first" This used to be a place that she felt safe and happy in and now it's become a place of contention for her. She'll ask my mom if she can stay home (never my dad) and although my mom usually caves and lets her stay home, it's always with some stipulation.
My dad is a controlling, manipulative, homophobic, close minded fraud of a Christian who is emotionally and mentally harming and abusing my children, and my mom isn't much safer for either of them, always siding with my dad out of fear and exhaustion.
I desperately want to remove them from this situation and regain full custody but I don't know where to start. I work two jobs in order to make ends meet. I'm behind on my rent. I have to take buses and Ubers everywhere I go. I have a very small two bedroom apartment (the girls each have their own rooms at my parents house). They have friends and a sense of community where they are, with a nice sized backyard, a trampoline, two of my three siblings are close by so they get to see their cousins daily. I don't want to rip them away from the only home they've known for years. I don't want to uproot them and disrupt the little amount of structure they do have. I don't even know how I would manage two jobs as well as a 10 and a 12 year old, but I also don't want to leave them in this toxic suffocating and damaging environment when all along I thought it was a better and safer environment for them than what I had to offer.
I feel like I'm still brainwashed to some extent by my parents, second guessing my abilities as a mom. Telling myself I'm not capable of the things I need to do for these girls. I'm at a loss for what to do at this point. Do I fight for custody back? Do I leave them as they are? Do I continue to try and advocate for them even though it either falls on deaf ears or makes matters so much worse, because that frustration is then taken out on my kids?
submitted by HippyPixieEmoKid to TwoHotTakes [link] [comments]
Backstory: I was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 13 years old, although some doctors believe I'd been having seizures since I was as young as 6 or 7. I was also diagnosed with manic depression/bipolar disorder when I was 16.
At 21 I gave birth to my first daughter, M. A little under two years later I had my second daughter, A. The first pregnancy wasn't easy and I had a lot of seizures during the course of the pregnancy. Many trips to the hospital to make sure baby was safe. But after I gave birth I jumped straight into motherhood. I lived roughly 4 hours away from my parents and struggled with feeling homesick frequently. I called my dad daily for parenting advice, to vent, to update him, and also to help subside that homesick feeling. Regardless though, I was a very attentive and active mom. I spent all of my time with M. She was my best friend. I LOVED being a mom and I was THRIVING. After M turned 1, I moved back "home" and moved back in with my parents. My second pregnancy was much the same. Uncomfortable pregnancy, many seizures. However with this pregnancy I had some complications that caused A to be born 10 weeks early. This caused A to spend the first several months of her life in the nicu and even had to have gastral intestinal surgery before she was even 4 months old. Due to my epilepsy I do not drive, but I did everything I could in my power to see my A as frequently and for as long as I could. Visiting hours were somewhat restricting though.
At some point in time I started displaying symptoms of postpartum depression that was heavily exasperated by my manic depression. I was at an all time low. The physical pain of a depression that immense had crippled me. I felt like I had concrete in my veins. Just getting up and going to the bathroom was an exhausting task. I spent most of my days sleeping as an escape from the pain and exhaustion. Thankfully I lived with my parents, my younger daughters father (J), and some of my sisters. I would say I had plenty of help and support, but a more accurate statement would be "the children were looked after". I on the other hand was mocked, teased and belittled at every opportunity. At the time I thought nothing of it. I thought "that's just how my family is" I was raised with the motto "the more I tease you, the more I love you". Before my dad knew I was pregnant (I kept it a secret for 18 weeks because J was pressuring me to get an unwanted abortion.) my dad pointed to my stomach one morning and said "you know, some situps would help with that" I was devastated, already feeling fat and disgusting, and went to my room to cry.
Without me even realizing it, the negative comments and belittling nature of my family took a toll on me and I was getting deeper and deeper into my depression without a light at the end of the tunnel. I HATED myself for not being able to get up and play with my children. I couldn't understand how I could be so active and attentive with M at that age but I just didn't have it in me for A. I felt like I'd failed her in so many ways. I tried my best to find solutions to the problem. Often times I'd try to find games to play with them that involved me lying or at least sitting on the couch. Puzzles, coloring, movies, cars. Anything low impact, but kids want to run and play and be active.. I felt like the worst mom of all times and I wasn't being told differently by those around me. In fact my greatest fears were being confirmed daily. One day I finally broke and had a full mental breakdown in front of my mom. I had confessed to my mom that I was having suicidal idealations. I knew deep down I didn't want to end my life, but I wanted the pain to stop. I couldn't breathe under the weight of my depression and I desperately needed help. I sat on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, confessing all of my deepest darkest thoughts and feelings at that time. My mom, in my opinion, brushed me off and said "well look into counseling or something" and then walked away, while I stayed sitting against our front door, crying my heart out. I felt devastated. All I wanted was a hug and some comfort but it was clear I was barking up the wrong tree. I got myself together, went upstairs, and went to sleep in order to escape the heartbreak and numb myself again. This entire timeline is a blur to me, so I'm not sure how much time passed between my melt down and this next conversation, but I feel like it was less than a week when my mom sat me down to have a conversation about the girls.
She suggested to me that my parents take temporary custody of the girls until I was able to "get on my feet". She kept pushing this narrative that it was what was best for the girls and their safety. She used my epilepsy as an excuse. Telling me that it was unsafe for the girls to be under my care when my epilepsy was so unpredictable. She also used my mental health, feeding into all of my fears and my own perceived shortcomings. A decent way into the conversation, my dad joined us. His whole demeanor radiated "this is a waste of my time. Just do what we say so I can go do other things" but maybe that was me reading too deeply into his behavior. Once he sat down it felt like my mom leaned even deeper into this narrative that they were clearly the better option for the girls wellbeing, but it would only be for a short time and that they were mainly concerned with the girls quality of life. I really struggled with what to do. I already felt like I was failing my children because I was so mentally and emotionally drained and detached. I didn't want to abandon them or lose them, but I also didn't want to harm them in the ways I had been harmed growing up. I figured my mom knew best because she had been in my shoes for all of my childhood. The vast majority of memories I have of my mom are of her sleeping on the couch, or raging out over the most minuscule things. I didn't want my children raised like that... So reluctantly, I agreed, truly believing I was doing a selfless thing and putting my children first. (This would later be used against me at every opportunity) I signed a piece of computer paper that my mom had scribbled an agreement on, stating that I was signing over temporary custody of my kids to my parents, with the understanding that I would get full custody back at an undisclosed time.
One day while I was down the road at a friend's house, my mom called me frantic, demanding I get home immediately. I rushed up to the house to find out that A's dad, J, had her wrapped in three blankets, in her car seat (it's the only place she would sleep). She was drenched in sweat (apparently new borns aren't supposed to sweat, especially not that much) and she was crying hysterically due to discomfort. J was irate, screaming at her and aggressively shaking the car seat. My mom said she heard him scream "shut the fck up or I'm going to *unalive you". She was under the impression that him and I were arguing again, and had come to break up the fight. (This always seemed odd to me seeing as how she never once intervened in our arguments before) When she realized I wasn't home and he was talking to A, she grabbed A and went downstairs. As she walked down the hall, j punched a hole in the wall near her head. He claimed he was "only trying to scare her" because she was "stealing his child from him" I was outraged and mortified. I tried multiple times to leave him and kick him out, but I had no support from my family. At one point I even resorted to packing up all of his belongings and throwing them out on the lawn. I'm not proud of that but I felt I had no other choice, and rushed to lock the doors when he went to get his things. My sister promptly unlocked the door and let him back in, claiming I was "acting psychotic" I felt trapped... But I had grown up around this behavior. My dad was an angry drunk and I had grown up believing that those behaviors were "passion" rather than aggression. So I accepted my fait and went on as if nothing had happened, certain that this would be the rest of my life.
One day when J was driving me to work we got into an argument and he repeatedly told me "your dad was right. You should do the world a favor and just unalive yourself. Everyone would be a lot happier" he kept repeating it over and over until I finally had it. He pulled up to a stop sign and I got out of the car and started walking down the road. He immediately started freaking out, begging me to get back in the car, using everything he could think of to manipulate me into getting back into the car. I finally caved and got back in. J dropped me off at work and as I got out of the car I told him "we're over. I'm breaking up with you". I closed the door before he could say a word and walked into work feeling like I was on cloud 9. It felt like all of my troubles had been wiped away. When I got inside, I told a friend what happened and explained that I didn't want to go home that night because I knew a guilt trip was waiting for me when I got there. I knew there would be an argument that would last hours and I would finally break due to exhaustion and would inevitably take him back. My coworker seemed to understand and let me stay at his house as long as I needed.
I called my mom and told her what had happened. I begged and pleaded with her to kick J out, but she refused. She was concerned that he'd try to take A if she kicked him out. I told her I was certain he wouldn't. He only ever cared about himself and his own self preservation. A baby would only make things harder for him and it was a responsibility and a role he didn't even want in the first place. I told her J had spent 18 weeks pressuring me to abort A and was evening willing to drive me out of state to get the procedure done, until I finally put my foot down and told him no, I was keeping my baby. I stayed away for 2 full weeks, the entire time begging and pleading with my family. Pointing out his abusive tendencies and his history with verbal and physical abuse and outbursts. My mom held her ground and refused to help me in any capacity. Every time M asked where I was, my mom would say "your mom's at work" rather than have her call me and talk to me. This created a lot of psychological trauma for M. She had severe seperstion anxiety, having panic attacks any time someone had to leave the house, convinced that if they left they'd never return. Still to this day she has abandonment issues as well as severe panic attacks.
After two weeks, I started coming over for visits but I never moved back in. During this time, J informed me that he was talking to another girl. He made it abundantly clear that she was 16. He was roughly 25 or 26 at the time. I later found out that they weren't talking. In fact, she had a boyfriend who was age appropriate, but J had been going and telling their entire friend group that they had been messing around together. I was then informed by my younger sibling L, that J had made advances on her that she quickly shut down. I think she was roughly 18 at the time. When this didn't pan out and J didn't get the reactions he expected from myself or L, he moved on. Years later I was told the same time xact story by both J and my oldest sister Al. "We had been hanging out, drinking, smoking. Ya know, the usual. And then well... Because I was so inebriated, they took advantage of me and we slept together" Knowing the both of them well enough, I knew it was consensual and they were just embarrassed and scared of my reaction. I laughed and told them they deserved one another.
As you can imagine, J's questionable life choices caught up with him and he was rejected from every friend group he had, to the point where he left the state and broke all contact with myself, and my family. It was a weight off my shoulders when he was finally gone. At that point I had gotten my own apartment but it was the first time I lived alone, paying my own bills, and I was not good at it. I was missing bill payments left and right. My power was shut off in the middle of winter and before long I was evicted. I was homeless and asked my parents if I could move home. They said no, that it would be too confusing for the girls if I moved back in with them. I ended up staying with friends on the couch in a one bedroom. It was extremely uncomfortable, but I had a roof over my head. When their lease was up, they invited me to get a new place with them. I agreed and I started learning about finances and how to be a functioning part of society.
My parents said I was welcome to visit the girls any time I wanted, but when I'd ask, it was a whole ordeal and guilt trip because they had to come pick me up and refused to bring my kids to my place. They said the car ride was too much for the girls to handle. Mind you, Ms dad B, still lives 4 hours away. My parents regularly drive both of my daughters up to see B and his parents whenever Bs parents request it. However, a 30 minute drive was asking far too much of such young and fragile children. When I argued that point they would use other excuses why they would not be bringing my children to see me. Once again I felt powerless and like a bad mom, being paraded by my parents for not being more active in my kids lives, but when I tried to make the effort it was scorned and met with negativity.
I self isolated for awhile, but still tried to be apart of my children's lives.
Over the years I've brought up the custody agreement, pointing out that it was supposed to only be temporary. I think my parents got frustrated with this because once the girls started school, my mom pressured me to sign over full custody, claiming it would make filling out paperwork a lot easier on my parents. But it was still only temporary, supposedly. Again, I continued to press for custody back and I would be met with argument after argument, bombarded with all of my shortcomings. On multiple occasions my mom told me "if you take custody of the girls back it will destroy mine and your father's marriage. Some days the girls are the only thing keeping us together" I was also told "if you take custody back it will literally kill your father. He won't survive." A year or so ago I told my mom we needed to go to therapy because I could not speak to her without a mediator. She finally agreed and we had two sessions. The first of which she cried her eyes out, telling the therapist that she's always done her absolute best for us kids and that we never appreciate anything she's done for us. She said "I took on the responsibility of raising two young children while she was out there f*cking anyone and everyone she wanted" mind you, during the time frame she was talking about, I had one intimate partner. When I confronted her about it outside of the session she said "I said that to highlight the poor life choices you were making at the time"
Fast-forward to now, A and I have a good relationship, but she's closest to my dad over everyone. M and I still have an incredibly tight bond though. She tells me everything. I'm her best friend.
The things she's been telling me the last couple of years are bringing up a lot of PTSD and trauma for me from my childhood. It's been opening my eyes to the level of mental abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents.
At this point you're probably thinking what I thought for most of my life. "This girl's mom sounds like a monster" It wasn't until recently that my father's facade was irreversibly shattered in my eyes. M had come to me and asked "what would you say if I asked to be called unisex name". I told her "I wouldn't say anything. I'd just call you by the name you chose. I love you no matter what I call you. I will always love you no matter what. There's nothing in this world that will change that, especially not a name." In time M came to me and said "how would you react if I told you I like girls" I said "the same way I reacted when you wanted to change your name. I will always accept, support and love you, no matter what"
She had gone to my mom with the same questions and my mom had roughly the same response. My dad on the other hand had a much more viseral response. When the name was brought up, he hit the roof, yelling "I'm not having another kid try and change their name. That's stupid. You have a name." (L changed their name when they were in school and my father always hated it and still refuses to call L by their chosen name) When the topic of sexual preference was broached he'd just roll his eyes, huff and act like M was being stupid and childish. As I touched up on previously, M has severe panic attacks. I can relate because I also suffer from them and they were extremely bad around the same age that M is now. From things M had told me in passing I'm under the impression that she was being bullied at school. Every morning was a struggle. She would beg my parents to let her stay home. If it was up to my mom, she'd get frustrated and give in, saying "whatever. Do whatever you want. You do anyway. None of you ever listen to me or respect anything I say" and M would go lie in bed and call me crying that she "upset nana" If it were my dad however, he'd yell at her to get her @$$ in the car and that he wasn't dealing with her $ht. She would have full fledged panic attacks in the car to which he would yell and scream at her to knock off the teenage bllsh*t and to suck it up. One day he even threatened to institutionalize her if this behavior continued. She called me, mid breakdown, telling me everything that had happened and asked me "what even does that mean? Is he gonna lock me up in a psych ward because I'm having panic attacks?" I assured her that no one was doing any such thing. I then called my parents and tore into them for treating her like that. My skin was crawling, I was so appalled at his behavior.
He tries his best to mask his negativity and what I consider to be narcissistic tendencies. He went from being an angry alcoholic to being a sober helpful part of the church he attends. I told my mom recently that I believe he swapped one addiction for another. He portrays this happy healthy life and family all over social media, showing my kids off to the people at his church, claiming they're his kids. So much so to the point that I had attended a few services and people thought I was their sister, not their mom, because my dad refuses to refer to them as his grandchildren. He's even taken it so far as to claim that he BIRTHED them. I don't know what level of psychosis it takes for a man to claim that he carried two children in his womb, but that's besides the point.
Also to Ms detriment, he will tease her about her weight, her eating habits, her sleeping habits. He will also make snide comments about LGBTQ+ related and adjacent topics.
L, had also suffered this same emotional and mental abuse for years from our dad and subsequently my mom who is too scared of my dad to stand up for her own beliefs. L finally made the difficult decision to go no contact for their mental health. This was extra difficult for them because that meant they had less access to their nieces and nephew, but they had to do what was best for their mental state and they took a step back. At one point my dad had brought L up, calling them by their dead name and misgendering them. When M corrected my dad he scoffed and said "people who change their names and gender are just people who weren't loved enough as a child" M responded with "k.." and went to her room to call me, explaining how incredibly offensive that statement was, especially seeing as how that's his own child. She said "who's fault is it if L wasn't loved enough as a child?" (She's extremely aware for her age)
I got a phone call from A one afternoon. She was crying and told me "I'm just sad because I'm never going to see L again because she abandoned us." I asked who told her that and she said "papa said dead name abandoned us because she doesn't care about the family anymore" I explained that none of that was true and that L missed them very much, and wanted to see them very much.
I spoke to L regularly about the situation at hand, being as supportive as possible while trying to stay out of the family drama. After months of distancing themselves from our parents, they came to me for help and guidance. They wanted to have dinner with our parents to try and mend their relationships. However they were scared of the response they would receive, so I offered to be the buffer and reach out on their behalf.
My mom's response was perfect. She said "I would love to have dinner with them. Tell me when and where" My dad's response was less ideal. He said "we would love to have dinner with her. If she's ready to respect our family and our beliefs we would be happy to have dinner with her" I lost it on him. I told him that I was sick and tired of his behavior. He puts on a holier than thou facade but he doesn't actually act very christ like in reality. I pointed out that when the prodigal son returned he wasn't met with "are you ready to ahere to our rules and regulations now? Are you prepared to act the way that we want you to? If you are then you can come home, but if not, get out" he was welcomed home with open arms, regardless of anything he had done or said. He replied with "I had a gut feeling that I shouldn't have responded to that text. I should've listened to that gut instinct"
I've gone no contact with him since that argument, but as you can imagine, that was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
On mother's day, my dad was out of town but my girls went to church with my mom. There was a guest speaker who had an extremely antitrans message. The way my mom explained it was "if your kid comes out as trans, you're a failure as a mom" I was dumbfounded to hear that they'd have a message like that at all, but especially on mother's day, shaming parents, but specifically mom's, into rejecting their children's self identification, as if one person has control over another person's identity. M told me she didn't ever want to go back. I told her I understood and I'd do my best to make sure she didn't have to.
Today is my birthday and my girls are coming over. M texted me this morning saying "I'm getting ready for church. I was told that if I wanted to go to my mom's house, I had to go to church first" This used to be a place that she felt safe and happy in and now it's become a place of contention for her. She'll ask my mom if she can stay home (never my dad) and although my mom usually caves and lets her stay home, it's always with some stipulation.
My dad is a controlling, manipulative, homophobic, close minded fraud of a Christian who is emotionally and mentally harming and abusing my children, and my mom isn't much safer for either of them, always siding with my dad out of fear and exhaustion.
I desperately want to remove them from this situation and regain full custody but I don't know where to start. I work two jobs in order to make ends meet. I'm behind on my rent. I have to take buses and Ubers everywhere I go. I have a very small two bedroom apartment (the girls each have their own rooms at my parents house). They have friends and a sense of community where they are, with a nice sized backyard, a trampoline, two of my three siblings are close by so they get to see their cousins daily. I don't want to rip them away from the only home they've known for years. I don't want to uproot them and disrupt the little amount of structure they do have. I don't even know how I would manage two jobs as well as a 10 and a 12 year old, but I also don't want to leave them in this toxic suffocating and damaging environment when all along I thought it was a better and safer environment for them than what I had to offer.
I feel like I'm still brainwashed to some extent by my parents, second guessing my abilities as a mom. Telling myself I'm not capable of the things I need to do for these girls. I'm at a loss for what to do at this point. Do I fight for custody back? Do I leave them as they are? Do I continue to try and advocate for them even though it either falls on deaf ears or makes matters so much worse, because that frustration is then taken out on my kids?
2023.06.04 16:47 SikedPsyc What excactly is the use of string skipping?
So how i understand rest stroke is that you pluck through the f.e. A string and land on the E string... But why do you do that? Is it for the sound it makes on the E string kinda like a deaf note? Or because of the sound on the A string (i dont hear much of a difference)? Or is it for muting? Or something entirely diffrent?
Edit: messed up the terms.. I meant rest stroke
submitted by SikedPsyc to Bass [link] [comments]
Edit: messed up the terms.. I meant rest stroke
2023.06.04 15:16 AI0 mcagent performed action `approvecomment`
Target User: u/spederan
URL: /Twittecomments/13ykxeu/im_tired_of_the_transphobia_so_i_left/jmrh2iu/
Body:
Transphobia is not the problem.
The people preying on trans people, convincing them to perform Frankensteinian and inhumane operations on their genitals, destroying their function and turning them into unhealable, painful, sewn together wounds smelling of rotten flesh... These are human rights violation, crimes against humanity, the Nazis would be giddy at these sickening science experiments...
Look at pictures of these neogenitals, read stories about them. Its horrifying. Viewer discretion advised though because these fake genitals are uncanny-valley medical monstrocities, you will feel sick to your stomach if you have a hard time with this kind of thing. This isnt normal, or okay. People shouldnt be doing this to their bodies.
This should be your concern. Relieving the extremism in transgender ideology, and telling people its okay to be who they are rather than make hasty, drastic measures that destroy their own lives.
The vast majority of "transphobes" would be appeased if we stopped performing these sickening science experiments, dont push this stuff on children so they arent encouraged to become gender dysphoric, and just be yourself rather than turning this extremism into a flag-bearing political ideology you base your entire personality on.
I dont care if i talk to a woman and they are a biological male. If i couldnt tell the difference, then its NONE OF MY BUSINESS, dont tell me unless i express dating interest (but this is the internet, so obviously i wont). By labeling transitioners as "trans" you oust yourselves, labeling yourselves, making yourself a target of these critics. If you put it out there, it will get criticised by SOMEONE, right or wrong!
So be yourself, keep it to yourself to protect your privacy, lets inform people of the issues with these genital reassigment surgeries, and keep children out of it. Fighting "bigots" encourages and creates new "bigots". Its fighting fire by pouring gasoline on it. Just stop engaging them. Theres a mute, block, and "im not interested in this" buttons for a reason.
submitted by AI0 to Twitter_Mod_logs [link] [comments]
URL: /Twittecomments/13ykxeu/im_tired_of_the_transphobia_so_i_left/jmrh2iu/
Body:
Transphobia is not the problem.
The people preying on trans people, convincing them to perform Frankensteinian and inhumane operations on their genitals, destroying their function and turning them into unhealable, painful, sewn together wounds smelling of rotten flesh... These are human rights violation, crimes against humanity, the Nazis would be giddy at these sickening science experiments...
Look at pictures of these neogenitals, read stories about them. Its horrifying. Viewer discretion advised though because these fake genitals are uncanny-valley medical monstrocities, you will feel sick to your stomach if you have a hard time with this kind of thing. This isnt normal, or okay. People shouldnt be doing this to their bodies.
This should be your concern. Relieving the extremism in transgender ideology, and telling people its okay to be who they are rather than make hasty, drastic measures that destroy their own lives.
The vast majority of "transphobes" would be appeased if we stopped performing these sickening science experiments, dont push this stuff on children so they arent encouraged to become gender dysphoric, and just be yourself rather than turning this extremism into a flag-bearing political ideology you base your entire personality on.
I dont care if i talk to a woman and they are a biological male. If i couldnt tell the difference, then its NONE OF MY BUSINESS, dont tell me unless i express dating interest (but this is the internet, so obviously i wont). By labeling transitioners as "trans" you oust yourselves, labeling yourselves, making yourself a target of these critics. If you put it out there, it will get criticised by SOMEONE, right or wrong!
So be yourself, keep it to yourself to protect your privacy, lets inform people of the issues with these genital reassigment surgeries, and keep children out of it. Fighting "bigots" encourages and creates new "bigots". Its fighting fire by pouring gasoline on it. Just stop engaging them. Theres a mute, block, and "im not interested in this" buttons for a reason.
2023.06.04 15:13 AI0 mcagent performed action `removecomment`
Target User: u/spederan
URL: /Twittecomments/13ykxeu/im_tired_of_the_transphobia_so_i_left/jmrh2iu/
Body:
Transphobia is not the problem.
The people preying on trans people, convincing them to perform Frankensteinian and inhumane operations on their genitals, destroying their function and turning them into unhealable, painful, sewn together wounds smelling of rotten flesh... These are human rights violation, crimes against humanity, the Nazis would be giddy at these sickening science experiments...
Look at pictures of these neogenitals, read stories about them. Its horrifying. Viewer discretion advised though because these fake genitals are uncanny-valley medical monstrocities, you will feel sick to your stomach if you have a hard time with this kind of thing. This isnt normal, or okay. People shouldnt be doing this to their bodies.
This should be your concern. Relieving the extremism in transgender ideology, and telling people its okay to be who they are rather than make hasty, drastic measures that destroy their own lives.
The vast majority of "transphobes" would be appeased if we stopped performing these sickening science experiments, dont push this stuff on children so they arent encouraged to become gender dysphoric, and just be yourself rather than turning this extremism into a flag-bearing political ideology you base your entire personality on.
I dont care if i talk to a woman and they are a biological male. If i couldnt tell the difference, then its NONE OF MY BUSINESS, dont tell me unless i express dating interest (but this is the internet, so obviously i wont). By labeling transitioners as "trans" you oust yourselves, labeling yourselves, making yourself a target of these critics. If you put it out there, it will get criticised by SOMEONE, right or wrong!
So be yourself, keep it to yourself to protect your privacy, lets inform people of the issues with these genital reassigment surgeries, and keep children out of it. Fighting "bigots" encourages and creates new "bigots". Its fighting fire by pouring gasoline on it. Just stop engaging them. Theres a mute, block, and "im not interested in this" buttons for a reason.
submitted by AI0 to Twitter_Mod_logs [link] [comments]
URL: /Twittecomments/13ykxeu/im_tired_of_the_transphobia_so_i_left/jmrh2iu/
Body:
Transphobia is not the problem.
The people preying on trans people, convincing them to perform Frankensteinian and inhumane operations on their genitals, destroying their function and turning them into unhealable, painful, sewn together wounds smelling of rotten flesh... These are human rights violation, crimes against humanity, the Nazis would be giddy at these sickening science experiments...
Look at pictures of these neogenitals, read stories about them. Its horrifying. Viewer discretion advised though because these fake genitals are uncanny-valley medical monstrocities, you will feel sick to your stomach if you have a hard time with this kind of thing. This isnt normal, or okay. People shouldnt be doing this to their bodies.
This should be your concern. Relieving the extremism in transgender ideology, and telling people its okay to be who they are rather than make hasty, drastic measures that destroy their own lives.
The vast majority of "transphobes" would be appeased if we stopped performing these sickening science experiments, dont push this stuff on children so they arent encouraged to become gender dysphoric, and just be yourself rather than turning this extremism into a flag-bearing political ideology you base your entire personality on.
I dont care if i talk to a woman and they are a biological male. If i couldnt tell the difference, then its NONE OF MY BUSINESS, dont tell me unless i express dating interest (but this is the internet, so obviously i wont). By labeling transitioners as "trans" you oust yourselves, labeling yourselves, making yourself a target of these critics. If you put it out there, it will get criticised by SOMEONE, right or wrong!
So be yourself, keep it to yourself to protect your privacy, lets inform people of the issues with these genital reassigment surgeries, and keep children out of it. Fighting "bigots" encourages and creates new "bigots". Its fighting fire by pouring gasoline on it. Just stop engaging them. Theres a mute, block, and "im not interested in this" buttons for a reason.
2023.06.04 15:13 AI0 mcagent performed action `approvecomment`
Target User: u/spederan
URL: /Twittecomments/13ykxeu/im_tired_of_the_transphobia_so_i_left/jmrh2iu/
Body:
Transphobia is not the problem.
The people preying on trans people, convincing them to perform Frankensteinian and inhumane operations on their genitals, destroying their function and turning them into unhealable, painful, sewn together wounds smelling of rotten flesh... These are human rights violation, crimes against humanity, the Nazis would be giddy at these sickening science experiments...
Look at pictures of these neogenitals, read stories about them. Its horrifying. Viewer discretion advised though because these fake genitals are uncanny-valley medical monstrocities, you will feel sick to your stomach if you have a hard time with this kind of thing. This isnt normal, or okay. People shouldnt be doing this to their bodies.
This should be your concern. Relieving the extremism in transgender ideology, and telling people its okay to be who they are rather than make hasty, drastic measures that destroy their own lives.
The vast majority of "transphobes" would be appeased if we stopped performing these sickening science experiments, dont push this stuff on children so they arent encouraged to become gender dysphoric, and just be yourself rather than turning this extremism into a flag-bearing political ideology you base your entire personality on.
I dont care if i talk to a woman and they are a biological male. If i couldnt tell the difference, then its NONE OF MY BUSINESS, dont tell me unless i express dating interest (but this is the internet, so obviously i wont). By labeling transitioners as "trans" you oust yourselves, labeling yourselves, making yourself a target of these critics. If you put it out there, it will get criticised by SOMEONE, right or wrong!
So be yourself, keep it to yourself to protect your privacy, lets inform people of the issues with these genital reassigment surgeries, and keep children out of it. Fighting "bigots" encourages and creates new "bigots". Its fighting fire by pouring gasoline on it. Just stop engaging them. Theres a mute, block, and "im not interested in this" buttons for a reason.
submitted by AI0 to Twitter_Mod_logs [link] [comments]
URL: /Twittecomments/13ykxeu/im_tired_of_the_transphobia_so_i_left/jmrh2iu/
Body:
Transphobia is not the problem.
The people preying on trans people, convincing them to perform Frankensteinian and inhumane operations on their genitals, destroying their function and turning them into unhealable, painful, sewn together wounds smelling of rotten flesh... These are human rights violation, crimes against humanity, the Nazis would be giddy at these sickening science experiments...
Look at pictures of these neogenitals, read stories about them. Its horrifying. Viewer discretion advised though because these fake genitals are uncanny-valley medical monstrocities, you will feel sick to your stomach if you have a hard time with this kind of thing. This isnt normal, or okay. People shouldnt be doing this to their bodies.
This should be your concern. Relieving the extremism in transgender ideology, and telling people its okay to be who they are rather than make hasty, drastic measures that destroy their own lives.
The vast majority of "transphobes" would be appeased if we stopped performing these sickening science experiments, dont push this stuff on children so they arent encouraged to become gender dysphoric, and just be yourself rather than turning this extremism into a flag-bearing political ideology you base your entire personality on.
I dont care if i talk to a woman and they are a biological male. If i couldnt tell the difference, then its NONE OF MY BUSINESS, dont tell me unless i express dating interest (but this is the internet, so obviously i wont). By labeling transitioners as "trans" you oust yourselves, labeling yourselves, making yourself a target of these critics. If you put it out there, it will get criticised by SOMEONE, right or wrong!
So be yourself, keep it to yourself to protect your privacy, lets inform people of the issues with these genital reassigment surgeries, and keep children out of it. Fighting "bigots" encourages and creates new "bigots". Its fighting fire by pouring gasoline on it. Just stop engaging them. Theres a mute, block, and "im not interested in this" buttons for a reason.
2023.06.04 15:12 AI0 mcagent performed action `approvecomment`
Target User: u/spederan
URL: /Twittecomments/13ykxeu/im_tired_of_the_transphobia_so_i_left/jmrh2iu/
Body:
Transphobia is not the problem.
The people preying on trans people, convincing them to perform Frankensteinian and inhumane operations on their genitals, destroying their function and turning them into unhealable, painful, sewn together wounds smelling of rotten flesh... These are human rights violation, crimes against humanity, the Nazis would be giddy at these sickening science experiments...
Look at pictures of these neogenitals, read stories about them. Its horrifying. Viewer discretion advised though because these fake genitals are uncanny-valley medical monstrocities, you will feel sick to your stomach if you have a hard time with this kind of thing. This isnt normal, or okay. People shouldnt be doing this to their bodies.
This should be your concern. Relieving the extremism in transgender ideology, and telling people its okay to be who they are rather than make hasty, drastic measures that destroy their own lives.
The vast majority of "transphobes" would be appeased if we stopped performing these sickening science experiments, dont push this stuff on children so they arent encouraged to become gender dysphoric, and just be yourself rather than turning this extremism into a flag-bearing political ideology you base your entire personality on.
I dont care if i talk to a woman and they are a biological male. If i couldnt tell the difference, then its NONE OF MY BUSINESS, dont tell me unless i express dating interest (but this is the internet, so obviously i wont). By labeling transitioners as "trans" you oust yourselves, labeling yourselves, making yourself a target of these critics. If you put it out there, it will get criticised by SOMEONE, right or wrong!
So be yourself, keep it to yourself to protect your privacy, lets inform people of the issues with these genital reassigment surgeries, and keep children out of it. Fighting "bigots" encourages and creates new "bigots". Its fighting fire by pouring gasoline on it. Just stop engaging them. Theres a mute, block, and "im not interested in this" buttons for a reason.
submitted by AI0 to Twitter_Mod_logs [link] [comments]
URL: /Twittecomments/13ykxeu/im_tired_of_the_transphobia_so_i_left/jmrh2iu/
Body:
Transphobia is not the problem.
The people preying on trans people, convincing them to perform Frankensteinian and inhumane operations on their genitals, destroying their function and turning them into unhealable, painful, sewn together wounds smelling of rotten flesh... These are human rights violation, crimes against humanity, the Nazis would be giddy at these sickening science experiments...
Look at pictures of these neogenitals, read stories about them. Its horrifying. Viewer discretion advised though because these fake genitals are uncanny-valley medical monstrocities, you will feel sick to your stomach if you have a hard time with this kind of thing. This isnt normal, or okay. People shouldnt be doing this to their bodies.
This should be your concern. Relieving the extremism in transgender ideology, and telling people its okay to be who they are rather than make hasty, drastic measures that destroy their own lives.
The vast majority of "transphobes" would be appeased if we stopped performing these sickening science experiments, dont push this stuff on children so they arent encouraged to become gender dysphoric, and just be yourself rather than turning this extremism into a flag-bearing political ideology you base your entire personality on.
I dont care if i talk to a woman and they are a biological male. If i couldnt tell the difference, then its NONE OF MY BUSINESS, dont tell me unless i express dating interest (but this is the internet, so obviously i wont). By labeling transitioners as "trans" you oust yourselves, labeling yourselves, making yourself a target of these critics. If you put it out there, it will get criticised by SOMEONE, right or wrong!
So be yourself, keep it to yourself to protect your privacy, lets inform people of the issues with these genital reassigment surgeries, and keep children out of it. Fighting "bigots" encourages and creates new "bigots". Its fighting fire by pouring gasoline on it. Just stop engaging them. Theres a mute, block, and "im not interested in this" buttons for a reason.
2023.06.04 12:03 Karamel43 Little kids should not be allowed to play this game
I know this topic has probably been discussed 100 times already but recently something happened that made me become very angry so I'm just writing here to vent.
I was playing Resurgence Duos and I got matched with this obnoxious kid. While we were in the airplane waiting to deploy, he was barking and making all kinds of animal noises. After we deployed he kept running around the whole map, singing and searching for random enemies to ask everyone "Do you have a mic?".
When he (inevitably) got killed, he would scream at the top of his lungs, making me have to turn down the voice chat volume to 10% so I didn't go deaf. He managed to get downed like 10 times in 15 minutes and every time I had to come over and save his ass. And when I didn't manage to revive him in time, he would curse at me then demand that I give him my weapons, then proceeded to follow me around and keep signing, so I would reveal my position to the enemy.
I usually don't get angry easily but this kid made me want to come to his house and choke him. If you are a parent reading this and you're thinking about buying Call of Duty for your kid who is less than 15 years old, then please, fucking don't.
EDIT: To everyone asking me why I didn't just leave the game or mute the kid:
First of all, I have a limited amount of free time to play the game after I get off from work, so I want to make the most out of it.. If I backed out of every match just because my teammate was a kid, I'd probably leave from 80% of matches. Combine that with the long waiting times and the pre-deployment "warm-up", I'd probably spend half of my time just sitting in lobbies.
Second of all, muting the kid would not have solved the problem. What annoyed me more than his singing and barking was the fact that he was useless as a teammate. Yes I could've muted him and I wouldn't have heard him, but the enemies still would have. So he would still be revealing my position to them, still running around the map aimlessly and getting killed, still firing his weapon close to me for no reason. Playing solo would have been better than to have this guy as a teammate, and muting him wouldn't have accomplished shit.
submitted by Karamel43 to ModernWarfareII [link] [comments]
I was playing Resurgence Duos and I got matched with this obnoxious kid. While we were in the airplane waiting to deploy, he was barking and making all kinds of animal noises. After we deployed he kept running around the whole map, singing and searching for random enemies to ask everyone "Do you have a mic?".
When he (inevitably) got killed, he would scream at the top of his lungs, making me have to turn down the voice chat volume to 10% so I didn't go deaf. He managed to get downed like 10 times in 15 minutes and every time I had to come over and save his ass. And when I didn't manage to revive him in time, he would curse at me then demand that I give him my weapons, then proceeded to follow me around and keep signing, so I would reveal my position to the enemy.
I usually don't get angry easily but this kid made me want to come to his house and choke him. If you are a parent reading this and you're thinking about buying Call of Duty for your kid who is less than 15 years old, then please, fucking don't.
EDIT: To everyone asking me why I didn't just leave the game or mute the kid:
First of all, I have a limited amount of free time to play the game after I get off from work, so I want to make the most out of it.. If I backed out of every match just because my teammate was a kid, I'd probably leave from 80% of matches. Combine that with the long waiting times and the pre-deployment "warm-up", I'd probably spend half of my time just sitting in lobbies.
Second of all, muting the kid would not have solved the problem. What annoyed me more than his singing and barking was the fact that he was useless as a teammate. Yes I could've muted him and I wouldn't have heard him, but the enemies still would have. So he would still be revealing my position to them, still running around the map aimlessly and getting killed, still firing his weapon close to me for no reason. Playing solo would have been better than to have this guy as a teammate, and muting him wouldn't have accomplished shit.
2023.06.04 07:08 ComfortableSundae436 Feeling Jealous and Insecure in my Relationship: Need Advice
Hello! I just want to vent my feelings. I really need to, and I just don't have anyone to tell this to that I can trust Sorry for spelling errors, etc. just need to get this out.
I should say that he and him are waiting until we meet each other (might be pretty soon actually!) to make things official! Anyway
I been very upset lately and that's because he will meet his online friend shew trans! (Born as a boy) and I have always been jealous of her and he knows that but when I told him he just said thanks for being honest with me which it really didn't make me feel even better about it. They have said how they see each other as siblings and she calls me his wife sometimes but today something really bothered me I wanted to play minecraft with him since I made him a cute world lol anyway i texted him id we could play together since i made him something but then I saw they were playing together so great. I was about to delete my message when he answered so that was great I told him that what I was going to ask he invited to join them I didn't want to I feel like she hates me also so I jusy couldn't I wanted it to be us just us 2 but my friends kept saying to jusy go so I did. I joined it was so cute though! They had flamingos and many animals I asked where they were and they ignored me they kept talking to each other but not me which really made me feel bad and so I left. It made me feel very sad and unwanted and that moment.
I'm very jealous that they are going to see each other next week as well. I can't brush it off that they secretly like each other it really bugs me and I don't want to ask since it's probably just me. I can't handle it and it's really affecting me. I know he won't text me much for being with her and they also going to vlog hanging out :( I really don't want to see it he seems more happy with her so I unsubbed from her channel and muted her notifications I don't wish to see it ever. I'm scared he won't text me much for being with her and that his and my feelings will change but mine are really being affected and will get worse when they see each other.
submitted by ComfortableSundae436 to Vent [link] [comments]
I should say that he and him are waiting until we meet each other (might be pretty soon actually!) to make things official! Anyway
I been very upset lately and that's because he will meet his online friend shew trans! (Born as a boy) and I have always been jealous of her and he knows that but when I told him he just said thanks for being honest with me which it really didn't make me feel even better about it. They have said how they see each other as siblings and she calls me his wife sometimes but today something really bothered me I wanted to play minecraft with him since I made him a cute world lol anyway i texted him id we could play together since i made him something but then I saw they were playing together so great. I was about to delete my message when he answered so that was great I told him that what I was going to ask he invited to join them I didn't want to I feel like she hates me also so I jusy couldn't I wanted it to be us just us 2 but my friends kept saying to jusy go so I did. I joined it was so cute though! They had flamingos and many animals I asked where they were and they ignored me they kept talking to each other but not me which really made me feel bad and so I left. It made me feel very sad and unwanted and that moment.
I'm very jealous that they are going to see each other next week as well. I can't brush it off that they secretly like each other it really bugs me and I don't want to ask since it's probably just me. I can't handle it and it's really affecting me. I know he won't text me much for being with her and they also going to vlog hanging out :( I really don't want to see it he seems more happy with her so I unsubbed from her channel and muted her notifications I don't wish to see it ever. I'm scared he won't text me much for being with her and that his and my feelings will change but mine are really being affected and will get worse when they see each other.
2023.06.04 07:03 ComfortableSundae436 Feeling Jealous and Insecure in my Relationship: Need Advice
Hello! I just want to vent my feelings. I really need to, and I just don't have anyone to tell this to that I can trust Sorry for spelling errors, etc. just need to get this out.
I should say that he and him are waiting until we meet each other (might be pretty soon actually!) to make things official! Anyway
I been very upset lately and that's because he will meet his online friend shew trans! (Born as a boy) and I have always been jealous of her and he knows that but when I told him he just said thanks for being honest with me which it really didn't make me feel even better about it. They have said how they see each other as siblings and she calls me his wife sometimes but today something really bothered me I wanted to play minecraft with him since I made him a cute world lol anyway i texted him id we could play together since i made him something but then I saw they were playing together so great. I was about to delete my message when he answered so that was great I told him that what I was going to ask he invited to join them I didn't want to I feel like she hates me also so I jusy couldn't I wanted it to be us just us 2 but my friends kept saying to jusy go so I did. I joined it was so cute though! They had flamingos and many animals I asked where they were and they ignored me they kept talking to each other but not me which really made me feel bad and so I left. It made me feel very sad and unwanted and that moment.
I'm very jealous that they are going to see each other next week as well. I can't brush it off that they secretly like each other it really bugs me and I don't want to ask since it's probably just me. I can't handle it and it's really affecting me. I know he won't text me much for being with her and they also going to vlog hanging out :( I really don't want to see it he seems more happy with her so I unsubbed from her channel and muted her notifications I don't wish to see it ever. I'm scared he won't text me much for being with her and that his and my feelings will change but mine are really being affected and will get worse when they see each other.
I should say that he and him are waiting until we meet each other (might be pretty soon actually!) to make things official! Anyway
I been very upset lately and that's because he will meet his online friend shew trans! (Born as a boy) and I have always been jealous of her and he knows that but when I told him he just said thanks for being honest with me which it really didn't make me feel even better about it. They have said how they see each other as siblings and she calls me his wife sometimes but today something really bothered me I wanted to play minecraft with him since I made him a cute world lol anyway i texted him id we could play together since i made him something but then I saw they were playing together so great. I was about to delete my message when he answered so that was great I told him that what I was going to ask he invited to join them I didn't want to I feel like she hates me also so I jusy couldn't I wanted it to be us just us 2 but my friends kept saying to jusy go so I did. I joined it was so cute though! They had flamingos and many animals I asked where they were and they ignored me they kept talking to each other but not me which really made me feel bad and so I left. It made me feel very sad and unwanted and that moment.
I'm very jealous that they are going to see each other next week as well. I can't brush it off that they secretly like each other it really bugs me and I don't want to ask since it's probably just me. I can't handle it and it's really affecting me. I know he won't text me much for being with her and they also going to vlog hanging out :( I really don't want to see it he seems more happy with her so I unsubbed from her channel and muted her notifications I don't wish to see it ever. I'm scared he won't text me much for being with her and that his and my feelings will change but mine are really being affected and will get worse when they see each other.
submitted by ComfortableSundae436 to offmychest [link] [comments]
I should say that he and him are waiting until we meet each other (might be pretty soon actually!) to make things official! Anyway
I been very upset lately and that's because he will meet his online friend shew trans! (Born as a boy) and I have always been jealous of her and he knows that but when I told him he just said thanks for being honest with me which it really didn't make me feel even better about it. They have said how they see each other as siblings and she calls me his wife sometimes but today something really bothered me I wanted to play minecraft with him since I made him a cute world lol anyway i texted him id we could play together since i made him something but then I saw they were playing together so great. I was about to delete my message when he answered so that was great I told him that what I was going to ask he invited to join them I didn't want to I feel like she hates me also so I jusy couldn't I wanted it to be us just us 2 but my friends kept saying to jusy go so I did. I joined it was so cute though! They had flamingos and many animals I asked where they were and they ignored me they kept talking to each other but not me which really made me feel bad and so I left. It made me feel very sad and unwanted and that moment.
I'm very jealous that they are going to see each other next week as well. I can't brush it off that they secretly like each other it really bugs me and I don't want to ask since it's probably just me. I can't handle it and it's really affecting me. I know he won't text me much for being with her and they also going to vlog hanging out :( I really don't want to see it he seems more happy with her so I unsubbed from her channel and muted her notifications I don't wish to see it ever. I'm scared he won't text me much for being with her and that his and my feelings will change but mine are really being affected and will get worse when they see each other.
I should say that he and him are waiting until we meet each other (might be pretty soon actually!) to make things official! Anyway
I been very upset lately and that's because he will meet his online friend shew trans! (Born as a boy) and I have always been jealous of her and he knows that but when I told him he just said thanks for being honest with me which it really didn't make me feel even better about it. They have said how they see each other as siblings and she calls me his wife sometimes but today something really bothered me I wanted to play minecraft with him since I made him a cute world lol anyway i texted him id we could play together since i made him something but then I saw they were playing together so great. I was about to delete my message when he answered so that was great I told him that what I was going to ask he invited to join them I didn't want to I feel like she hates me also so I jusy couldn't I wanted it to be us just us 2 but my friends kept saying to jusy go so I did. I joined it was so cute though! They had flamingos and many animals I asked where they were and they ignored me they kept talking to each other but not me which really made me feel bad and so I left. It made me feel very sad and unwanted and that moment.
I'm very jealous that they are going to see each other next week as well. I can't brush it off that they secretly like each other it really bugs me and I don't want to ask since it's probably just me. I can't handle it and it's really affecting me. I know he won't text me much for being with her and they also going to vlog hanging out :( I really don't want to see it he seems more happy with her so I unsubbed from her channel and muted her notifications I don't wish to see it ever. I'm scared he won't text me much for being with her and that his and my feelings will change but mine are really being affected and will get worse when they see each other.
2023.06.04 04:10 hamimono Bthe90Days S. 6 Evuhdens Binder Help đ
I always create a new folder, a dossier of all researchable info on new couples whenever a new season comes. (I do this with all reality shows I watch, especially competition shows like RPDR). It helps me to have more informed, more accurate snark as we progress through the season.
For the new show tonight, 90DF: Before the 90 Days Season 6, so far I have only some basic info like ages and countries and general profile. I wonder if anyone knows last names and cities of some of these new castmembers?
Gino Palazzolo (53, Canton, Michigan)/Jasmine Pineda (35, Panama City, Panama) of course we know. Interestingly, they are the only bigger age-gap couple of the season.
Riley (48, Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania, military vet)/Violet (43, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, may be cheating?)
David (42, Omaha, Nebraska, born deaf, mute, ASL)/ Sheila (31, Cebu, Philippines, HOH, does not sign, single mom)
Christian (30, Minnesota, âlife of partyâ)/ Cleo (32, London, England, autistic, ND, trans)
Amanda (31, Eunice, Louisiana, widow)/ Razvan Ciocoi (26, Bucharest, Romania, social media influencer, actor)
Tyray (33, Modesto, California, obese)/ Carmella (27, Barbados, escort/catfish?)
Meisha (43, Minnesota F)/ Nicola (46, Israel, lives with mom, virgin M)
Statler (Slater?)(33, Texas, outgoing lesbian)/Dempsey Wilkinson (28, Leeds, England, lesbian, doesnât know S is moving there)
Can anyone provide missing family names or cities for any of them? Thanks. đ
submitted by hamimono to 90dayfianceuncensored [link] [comments]
For the new show tonight, 90DF: Before the 90 Days Season 6, so far I have only some basic info like ages and countries and general profile. I wonder if anyone knows last names and cities of some of these new castmembers?
Gino Palazzolo (53, Canton, Michigan)/Jasmine Pineda (35, Panama City, Panama) of course we know. Interestingly, they are the only bigger age-gap couple of the season.
Riley (48, Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania, military vet)/Violet (43, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, may be cheating?)
David (42, Omaha, Nebraska, born deaf, mute, ASL)/ Sheila (31, Cebu, Philippines, HOH, does not sign, single mom)
Christian (30, Minnesota, âlife of partyâ)/ Cleo (32, London, England, autistic, ND, trans)
Amanda (31, Eunice, Louisiana, widow)/ Razvan Ciocoi (26, Bucharest, Romania, social media influencer, actor)
Tyray (33, Modesto, California, obese)/ Carmella (27, Barbados, escort/catfish?)
Meisha (43, Minnesota F)/ Nicola (46, Israel, lives with mom, virgin M)
Statler (Slater?)(33, Texas, outgoing lesbian)/Dempsey Wilkinson (28, Leeds, England, lesbian, doesnât know S is moving there)
Can anyone provide missing family names or cities for any of them? Thanks. đ
2023.06.04 03:38 broken_nosed_mogul Somehow a lot of you tranners dont know laura jane grace: punk, lead singer of against me and tran badassđ´ââ ď¸
 | submitted by broken_nosed_mogul to ttttunes [link] [comments] |
2023.06.03 22:56 smolcrackheadenergy Between 1&2 đ Album Review
And yes, this is 9 months late đ I'm not sorry â when I find an album review online it's always around a paragraph per song or even shorter. It makes sense from a journalistic perspective, but I want to do this album justice, hence taking 7 months to write out all my thoughts.
This shit is comprehensive and definitely overanalyzed, especially in Talk that Talk and Trouble. Each song review will compose of my commentary going over the song, noting the details I noticed through months of listening, then a conclusion. Also, mild swearing warning, I like implementing a touch of "French" when I'm very emotional about something. Anyway, onto the review!
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT
TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED
One of the most perfect TWICE songs.
I think this is one of TWICEâs best-sounding title tracks. Warm modulated synths, a thrumming bass line, distant bells, shimmering synths â the purpose of this song is to be fun and my god is it excellent at it, like⌠Sana and Chaeyoung are saying knock-knock-knock and beep-beep-beep as if theyâre some kind of car. So much fun.
Further along in the verse, Dahyunâs voice sounds so full and smooth with that layered harmony. Tzuyu coming with the Yes or Yes, Push & Pull, and 1 to 10 references â these are 5 years of song references. And Jeongyeon closes the pre-chorus accompanied by a rising synth to drop into chorus one. Jeongyeon slays pre-choruses.
The drums accelerate, the synths start blasting, and Jihyo opens to that party of a chorus with her godly vocals,
During Sana's Talk that Talk~ lines thereâs this gentle ascending synth bell that rings with the descending melody and it sounds absolutely gorgeous. And the choreography during that part of the chorus is so so so so fun: the talking hands bit, spelling L-O-V-E, concluding with the deullyeojweo ooh! Oh my Jihyo the deullyeojweo oohâŚ
Have I mentioned this song is fun?
Speeding through verse 2; Chaeyoungâs part with the cat ears popping in the music video is adorable; Momo her stretching her arms out looks so damn cool; and Dahyun with her replay part sounds so lovely â although I think it sonically sounds a touch random, it makes sense thematically.
And now for this pre-chorus. Mina and Jihyo leading into it sound great BUT JEONGYEON⌠Now, she is my ult bias, and this pre-chorus sounds almost identical to the first one, but the way she holds that final note, enunciating and holding that now~ for one more beat before the chorus drops sounds so perfect â the song teeters on a cliff edge. Jeongyeon slays pre-choruses.
Dropping into the second chorus and man, Jihyo powered through that first chorus, but the way Nayeon delivers it just hits different. She has this indescribable âpopâ voice (I promise this wasn't on purpose) that stands out and shouts this is THE chorus. I think this is especially apparent in how both lead their choruses where Jihyo starts at 120% power while Nayeon waits until [Tell me] WHAT YOU WANT to full-send it. She also highlights âmalhaebwaâ in a similar way later in the chorus.
Another deullyeojweo ooh! Nayeon travels to Narnia, and Mina the engineer strikes again in this heavenly, underwater-esque bridge,
The word âloveâ is said for the first time in the song. Thereâs a funky keyboard instrument behind Chaeyoungâs part. Jihyo, Chaeyoung, and Nayeon take the initiative in their lyrics, professing their love before closing the bridge.
And now for the pièce-de-rĂŠsistance: this final double chorus is exceptional â 40 seconds of crack-laced euphoria; Jihyo switches up the chorus and the choreo, Dahyun chimes in with her fluttery âTalk that Talkâ, Momo comes out of nowhere with âoh yeah it sounds so good!â â youâre damn right it does, and this is where the song SOARS.
Nayeon outright shouts âTell me what you needâ and then Jeongyeon sings the above lines in such an ethereal, warm way where the first line ascends while the second line descends, causing a lull in the song before the finale with Nayeon, finishing off the song with the final deullyeojweo ooh! What a party. What a song.
THE GOOD
Lyrics and theme-wise, if this were to have been TWICEâs last comeback, theyâve once again built upon the theme they've been doing since debut: a Bildungsroman, a coming-of-age story.
This songâs chorus is honest yet simple; it asks the listener, in this case, the other half of the relationship, to be more upfront and open with their love (never be scared of love), that before the relationship can continue and flourish there has to be a foundation and commitment of love between each other.
TWICE debuted with a song about making your crush go ooh ahh. Years later, they started pondering âWhat is love?â and imagining their crush responding with âyesâ when asking them out â and now concluding with the phrase âTalk that talk, [talk that] L-O-V-Eâ, being upfront with the relationship, wishing their partner to also be happy, to commit to them, to feel the love that they want to impart on them. From gawking like ooh-ahh to talking out your shared love like adults â to having a true relationship between (one and) two.
And can I just say before finishing off Talk that Talk's review that this is such a fun and repeatable song with many little intricacies hidden in the nonetâs vocals and the production. This is the third draft Iâm writing about Talk that Talk and its original word count pretty much quadrupled.
Harkening back to TWICEâs roots by combining mature thinking with youthful character, an incredible ending to look forward to, and just simply being a club-banger thatâs easy to listen to, TTT is an easy 10/10.
WATCH ME GO WATCH ME GO
RULE THE WORLD
If there was one B-side to promote in a live clip, this was a solid choice.
Helmed by LDN Noise going headlong into the Western boy-group rock-band aesthetic, Queen of Hearts is a boom-boom-clap song through and through. The drums are very prominent throughout the song, only giving room to riffs of electric guitar in the chorus to drive and continue the momentum of the music.
And speaking of the chorus, vocal line each got a chorus to flex and they did not fuck around,
Cymbals crashing, drums booming, and 3MIX belting all just so sound so good.
These long, held-out notes performed by Jihyo and Nayeon are simply exquisite. Along with the shredding guitar, the drum set coming in full, and the interludes by Dahyun, Momo, and Chaeyoung, this is the part of the song that always, always, gives me goosebumps â it sounds so visceral, so energetic, so fun, so triumphant. Boom-boom-clap songs can be hit or miss with people, but there's no denying the payoff from the first part of the chorus to the second part is worth the wait.
The theme of the song so far has been kind of spread around the song. The chorus alludes to it with the line "And itâs all because of you." But Mina shows more sides of it in the second verse, especially with the phrase,
It sounds really lovely â in a very cheesy and affectionate kind of way, as it rightfully should â the song is about the girls and their fans. But the bridge is where the song indeed shows its colours
This is a song CONCEIVED TO BE PERFORMED FOR THE FANS. Itâs meant to be loud. Itâs meant to be unapologetic. Itâs meant to be sappy. And itâs all the more wonderful for it.
This is the TWICEiest shit ever.
Like Talk that Talk, Queen of Hearts also has a killer closer. The production already started to grow from the bridge, but now the guitarist finally went Super Saiyan and instead of supporting the drums, they both take the centrepiece in tandem.
Then finally, the closing moments of the song even manage to squeeze in some more sappiness.
I still canât believe that this banger is a FAN SONG out of all things. Truly, the TWICEiest shit ever.
THE GOOD
I love these types of rock songs with how grunge and head-bang-able they are, there is just a certain nostalgic and cheesy quality to them that feels so cozy. I donât love putting them on repeat, because in this case, I do believe there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Perhaps more shredding, maybe a guitar solo to rock out to, or an accompaniment(!) of ad-libs from 3MIX to support Jihyoâs final chorus? A ONCE can dream of a truly bombastic rock song from TWICE. But then again that distracts from the core of what this song is: a fan song disguised as a rock song.
Queen of Hearts has so much sweetness in its lyrics and message that it's overflowing. The drums, guitar, and vocals can be as loud and intricate as they can, but the theme of this song is what makes it special from TWICEâs other rock songs â itâs a 9/10 for me.
I WANNA WANNA WANNA
TAKE YOU TO THE BASICS
Quite possibly the jammiest (pun intended) song of the album.
A song written by the Strawberry Princess herself â an event similar in frequency to other artists' releases with her last song being 2020âs silky Handle It â Basics first starts with an understated and dreamy delivery. After the first stanza, however, a bouncy Miami bass line emerges, revealing the true nature of the song: this is a classic summer bop! Especially in the first rap,
Syllables are pronounced in a relaxed nature, bars often starting with an "ah" sound, flirty lines in English â this rap features a production full of pop with R&B flourishes and, in my opinion, this is Chaeyoungâs bag. Also, the line "rainbow bubblegum" is so adorable and so Chaeyoung.
That chorus is pure pop with a Miami bass backing; you better be bopping your head to the melody, if not booty poppin' to the bassline. Chaeyoung loves rhyming in the first half of the chorus to enhance its catchiness and it's damn incredible: the âwannaâ, âweonhaeâ, and âppeonhaeâ all create these imperfect rhymes that continue momentum without feeling repetitive.
After the very Boy With Luv-sounding âah yeah ah yeah, ah yeah ah yeahâ comes an 8-bar split half and half between Chaeyoung and Momo. Coming from the chorus, the production completely cuts out for the first 2 bars. This adds tension; the song yearns to have that bass beat thumping again and all we have in the audio space in those 2 bars is Chaeyoung spittin' and she delivered.
Translating to:
The rap feels slick, effortless, and confident. Her diction remains sharp when enunciating each syllable but she doesnât let the flow of her rap waver or build as her 4 bars go by, itâs just smooth consistency throughout. Even the lyrics possess an aura of laid-back collectedness that is just so her. The things Chaeyoung can do when given her pen.
THE GOOD
This song is summer bliss distilled into 2:56. Itâs dreamy, the raps are satisfying, and the ending is charming. I will say that although the second half of the song adds the stunning âspaceshipâ post-choruses and a floaty bridge with an incredible drumbeat drop into the final chorus, the raps of the song make it feel a bit front-loaded. And in an album stacked with awesome finishers, it feels more apparent.
With that said, itâs an 8/10 bop for me. This song is so easy to put on and it feels exactly what Chaeyoung would make if given the reins to produce a pop song all on her own. The lyrics are nonchalant but full of conviction, the wordplay is intricate, and the production playful but not too bombastic â it's just a nice vibe. Songs like Basics are the standard for good, simple, repeatable pop music and Iâm happy that Chaeyoung got to test her pen in this genre.
BABY WEâRE IN
TROUBLE TROUBLE
Background vocals: Jihyo
Lead composer credit: Jihyo
Vocal director credit: Jihyo (an assumption given her contributions in First Time)
One of the most enjoyable songs Iâve heard in a while.
There is an underlying tension within the first 4 bars of the song, Jihyo and Nayeon confidently open it to a nondescript array of synths and then the stanza ends, Momo announces âLetâs goâ, the beat drops and it hits you: this is a club song.
Dahyun's relaxed delivery contrasted with Jeongyeon's staccato flow, the wobbly synth beat with sprinkle of house piano, Sana dramatically slowing down the song only for Tzuyu to build it back up until the chorus drops,
This chorus is perfect. Torontoâs residential market needs this song injected into its veins because god damn this song has SO much house in it. And then, ANOTHER KILLING PART: this rap fucking slaps.
During the first 2 bars, Chaeyoung is keeping it calm because that trip of a chorus just ended and the song needs a breather, but I don't think anyone expected her to SNAP this hard afterwards:
Below is the structure of her this portion of the rap, Iâm not that well versed in this technical aspect of music theory but I digress, this is all in the span of around 5 seconds where itâs:
Now, 25/5 = 5 syllables per second isnât groundbreaking, but goddamn it these 2 bars sound so nice â if there is one part in this album that I always repeat, itâs this. The addition of that first quadruplet for âcannot miss thisâ in the midst of the triplets sticks out and accelerates the flow of the rap while the following doublets and quadruplets destabilize and slow the rap down as the verse closes. And can I just point out:
THE MAIN VOCALIST WROTE, DIRECTED, AND COMPOSED THIS SONG âź
Chaeyoung of course delivered the fuck out of her verse but THIS is what you get when you have a member not only write the words theyâre saying but also the melody and flow with which they sing it, when that member knows the others so well that when they write a song they know how to make the group exceed. This is what you get when the artists you stan love doing artist shit.
And. AND. That's not all â with how much I mentioned I love a good outro to close a song, this outro slaps as well:
Like, come on, Nayeonâs imitating a police siren for crying out loud. And this is all after her ad-libs in the final post-chorus; after the pianist going full tilt and playing that piano as if it was their last chance to ever play; after that final T W I C E chant by all the members come these blissful 20 seconds at the very end. What a song.
THE GOOD
Need I say more, easy 9/10. The only reason I place Talk that Talk above Trouble is because of what that song represents but besides that, this is one of the best âinternationalâ sounds theyâve put out. Actually, I havenât listened to Eyes wide open in a while but this song is up there with one of the most sonically pleasing pieces of work theyâve done.
Clubbing TWICE has always been a thing since TT was birthed in 2016, and has been a staple of their discography since 2019âs Fancy You and Feel Special mini albums, but Trouble unapologetically dives into and fits the house genre so well youâd think that this is TWICEâs bread and butter sound.
Trouble is Jihyoâs magnum opus. What a song.
BRAVE BRAVE BRAVE
FOR YOU
I first thought this was just a good song, then I read the lyrics.
Gentle guitar plucks, shimmering synths, a distant keyboard in the right ear, in the left a glockenspiel, the melodic oohs from the members â this song is PRETTY.
Mina and Chaeyoung open the song with how they feel lonely and that it's hard to breathe and now suddenly the song feels bittersweet â I was not expecting the song to be this emotional. Brave describes a situation where the singer is in a darker place in life and it isn't until another person gives them hope by calling them 'brave' that they find the drive to keep going.
Once the chorus hits, the melodies pick up, more guitars get added â thereâs even an electric guitar hidden in the mix somewhere, and the song drops the emotional front to reveal a mid-tempo pop song to dance to while crying in the club. The song as a whole still carries this melancholy feeling, but now with the added support of this chorus acting as a light amongst the gloom.
Continuing on in the second verse there's this gorgeous, well-placed break in the song that just lets it settle after that chorus. Only a seasoned producer would risk this much empty space in a song and Slow Rabbit went to fill those shoes.
Back to the chorus, I'll take this moment to once again commend Slow Rabbit with the mixing of the song, because 4MIX undoubtedly sounds good in the chorus, and the interludes from Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Mina also sound really good, but the clear highlight of the choruses are these lines:
Momo, Sana, and Tzuyu form this beautiful, surprisingly catchy, second half of the chorus accompanied by a guitar drop. It should not turn out this well with how conflicting the "na"s are with the guitar melody but it creates this gentle bopping ebb and flow that feels so lush and mellow.
Diving into the bridge reveals that the listener of the song is revealed not only capable of supporting the singer through direct words but also through their thoughts and dreams. As can be discerned, this can be a song interpreted to be about ONCEs, about how they push TWICE to be their best selves despite the breathless hardships they face. It's a very sweet and touching song.
THE GOOD
Iâm actually spoiled with the TWICE membersâ easy-to-understand songwriting that when a song like this pops up where it's not written by a member and the thematic bits are mostly in Korean, I tend to put it aside in favour of the other songs on the album. And, especially for a song focusing on a theme like this where the English phrases donât do the Korean lyrics enough justice, it does place a bit of a barrier on the listening experience, dropping it down to a 7/10 from an 8/10.
With that anecdote out of the way, this song is just such a vibe, man. I know that sounds super hippy to say but Brave is so mellow and smooth that I canât help but sway a little when that chorus hits. And then I remember what the lyrics say and I tear up a bit on the inside. This song is so pure, raw, and full of heart â we need more songs like these where they just reminisce about life while putting up an upbeat front. Don't mind me just crying while dancing the night away.
With that said, this isn't the first time this theme has been sung by TWICE either, they've long trodden this path of supportive, confiding, up-lifting songs with Young & Wild, Rainbow, Queen, Go Hard, Depend on You, even this album's Queen of Hearts, and, of course, Feel Special. Brave just adds another on top of an already stacked lineup, unique with its mellow somberness.
Also now feels like a good time to get into my rating system:
I SEE THE LIES
ON THE TIP OF YOUR TONGUE
Who the fuck pissed off Dubu this time??
Itâs getting quite rare to see TWICE pull off brand new sounds because, with now 190 original songs under their belt, theyâve done so many genres and sub-genres varying from hyper pop, to bossa nova, to whatever 2020âs Go Hard is. So itâs surprising to see theyâve still got tricks up their sleeves and Gone is one of them.
The song starts with strings swinging back and forth and vocal chops dancing from ear to ear, teasing whatâs yet to come. Jihyo enters the song with a whisper and the song sets its pace. A stagnant drum pad moves the song along and typical song progression would have Mina continue the build but â it doesnât. The song simmers, adding a hint of high hat to the pot. And then, Sana and Tzuyu come on and surely the buildup must boil over right?
Silence, untilâŚ
The strings emerge again on full blast, the simmer rolls to a boil, and the anger of the song is revealed,
The singer is so scorned and burned from this relationship that they reminisce about all the effort theyâve put in since the beginning, but their âpartnerâ is so unconcerned that theyâve just about had enough of the relationship altogether.
This has been Dahyunâs thing since 2020âs Bring It Back, 2021âs Cruel, 2022âs Thatâs all Iâm saying, and even 2023's Don't Blame It On Me â emotionally charged breakup songs that make you feel as if sheâs gone through a dozen bad relationships. Dispatch, do your job better, or don't.
Another highlight of the song is the post-chorus going into the bridge. This segment reiterates the structure from the first post-chorus â a barrage of drums supported by the rhythmic strumming of a bass guitar along with a consistent synth filling out the soundscape. But this time, itâs Dahyun and Chaeyoung on the rap:
Continuing the disrespected theme of the song, Dahyun notes that sheâs finally had enough with Chaeyoung adding that thereâs no point salvaging what was once there for all of it is long gone. Momo and Dahyun round it off by telling the listener that thereâs no point trying to reason with them or playing naive, they fucked up and thereâs no coming back.
Can I just say, it's a bit of a shame that Chaeyoungâs rapping popped off in this album while Dahyun only has this one verse that she shares with Chaeyoung, but it just sounds so good how Dahyun eases in after the chorus with her light rapping tone transitioning into her singing. She even holds the âgoneâ in a little crescendo for some added pizzazz.
And, thereâs no way Iâm not going to talk about Momoâs vocals in this bridge. Damned if she only got 1 line to use it in, her lower register is incredible. She sounds so smooth singing in this tone. All of TWICE do in particular and there is nary a weak vocal performance in this album.
To close the song off, a wash of synths gets to have their shine in the spotlight, showered with Nayeonâs belting, signifying the dramatic and drawn-out conclusion of this partnership.
THE GOOD
Going back to that point about the first post-chorus as a whole; songs that have the production continue unchanged into the post-chorus/2nd verse are very hit or miss for me â see TWICE's Don't Call Me Again for an overbearing example. The post-chorus going into the bridge contrasts Dahyunâs light tone nicely with the hard-hitting production, continuing the energy until it slowly fades into silence at the end of the bridge.
Back to the song as a whole, as much as TWICE has been experimenting with their sound for the past 4 years now, Iâm happy theyâre still finding new ways to explore what theyâre capable of. And for that alone, even though Iâm not a big fan of songs like these where they rely on sounding âbigâ, Dahyunâs lyricism and the thrill I receive every time I indulge myself in this song when I listen to it for the first time in a while elevates it to an 8/10. Keep on breaking hearts, Dubu.
INVINCIBLE
SUPERHEROES
Press play to reminisce, pull up lyrics to cry.
This song is so beautiful. Iâm totally not writing this song review, crying on the bus reminiscing about my childhood, while just having turned 21. I donât know if these are happy or sad tears but this song is so beautiful either way.
Warm synths, muted piano, a gentle high hat, the younger members starting off the song â this has to be up there for one of the softest TWICE songs ever. And as it should, itâs one of the TWICEiest songs ever. And then Nayeon comes in,
The chords start swelling, the high hat keeps pace, and the harmonies come in,
Jihyo takes up the second half of the chorus as it drops, trading the strings for an almost R&B synth production â if choir R&B takes off, this song started it. The song relishes in this cacophony of warm sounds until returning to its sparse and peaceful verses.
This time, the hints of piano are louder, little twinkling synths begin to shimmer, the drum buildup comes and Jeongyeon drives the song straight into the chorus. No time for the strings to build like in Nayeonâs â this song loves its chorus so much.
And I'll just take this time to appreciate the amount of Jeongyeon vocals in this album. Her voice is so clean, stable, and projected â but also more tender and soft compared to the more pronounced tones of Nayeon and Jihyo.
The bridge comes in, repeating the phrase:
Giving the song time to rest, before building back up to the last chorus â this time led by Jihyo, completing the 3MIX trifecta. And interestingly enough, Chaeyoung follows up in the second half of the chorus, rather than another member of the vocal line. She really did pop off in this album.
As the last chorus begins to close, the percussion at its strongest, the harmonies on blast, the background vocals cranked up to their Sunday best, is the song going to end? Of course not! This is an album full of banger endings as if the songs donât want to end, and When We Were Kids being the album closer very much indulges in that feeling.
After a brief refrain, accented by Nayeonâs high note with a touch of vibrato, the song almost dives back into a fourth chorus. Nayeon and Jeongyeon harmonize â a rare and heavenly moment. And the song repeats the bridge, reiterating that they want to meet their younger selves, this time with the lush chorus production before closing with silence, a few piano notes, and Tzuyu singing the last line of the song:
Reflection, acceptance, hope. What a song.
THE GOOD
I wrote the first part of this review in November 2022. Then university, life, and other things got in the way of my headspace for me to feel confident about wrapping all of this up. In a way, I felt like I just didnât want this review to end because of the joy that writing gives me â I didnât want the happiness to end. And then it hit me, after watching a YouTuber rank animated movies and them placing Spirited Away at the top and explaining 'why' reminded me of just how important growing up is, and by extension this song.
This theme is important for both the rookie TWICE members in 2015 and the teenagers who would follow their journey and grow up with them, facing lifeâs obstacles along the way. Hardships that used to only involve family, crushes, and social media, evolve into work, commitments and all the struggles that adult life brings. Being a kid and enjoying the simple things in life is one of the most sought-after moments we want to relive because we took growing up for granted. The only thing we can do now is look back on ourselves with fondness and rose-tinted lenses.
TWICEâs original marketing was to resonate with people through their senses and their hearts. That was during their debut, and I think it still holds up today. In my opinion, touching people through their emotions is what TWICE does best and makes them one of K-popâs all-time greats. It was never about having the best numbers â it was always about being the best idols. And to think that this journey of maturation and growth would occur from 2015 all the way to this song, being a fitting nod to TWICEâs 7th anniversary, I donât think anyone at the company nor the group would ever imagine that they would get this far. Itâs these nine women or none â 9/10.
This song honestly deserves a 10/10 with how much I noticed other people reminiscing their childhoods after I heard this song, it is such a widely-relatable message, but I am determined to limit myself to one 10/10 song per album and if I were to pick between TTT and WWWK, I'd give it to the one's that's more repeatable â Talk that Talk just has this electric energy about it.
I love this album. It got me through some important parts of my life, both good and bad, and it's just a wonderful listen throughout. Reliving this album again before finally completing the review has been an exciting journey. Brave hit me harder this time, after being overshadowed by the other gems of this album, and WWWK finally got me to tear up and not just be emotionally satisfied.
I feel like there's something for everyone on this album. From the exhilarating thrills of TTT to the anthemic euphoria of QoH, the clubbing dichotomy of Trouble and Brave to the blissful glee of Basics, and the sweet reminiscence of WWWK to the thundering anger that is Gone. Like Eyes wide open, I liken Between 1&2 to a pop music taste platter â there's such an eclectic mix of pop, music in this album that there's bound to be a song that someone will love, like, and dislike.
Is this album perfect? I don't think so, but it's close â it was certainly my 2022 AOTY. Was this review biased? Absolutely. I've been a fan since 2019 and with the themes in this album, I also feel like it was biased towards me as a ONCE. And how would I rank the album in TWICE's catalogue? It's honestly at the top, at least with EPs â I also felt that way towards Feel Special but then this album was birthed so I'm excited for TWICE's future.
Ready To Be was also a stunning album and Eyes wide open frankly also deserved the spotlight that Formula of Love received so I might hit those next but no promises; this album took long enough to bake.
As for the performances, I've only seen Twitter clips (no fancams to not spoil myself) and I am SO EXCITED to finally see them in July. QoH was as glorious as expected, Brave was a delightful surprise, and WWWK, while not being the concert closer everyone expected it to be, paired up nicely with Crazy Stupid Love. And of course the bombastic addition of the dance break to TTT. But, this is not a concert review, and this is where this album review ends.
Feel free to comment with any thoughts regarding the album, other TWICE albums, and any suggestions for my writing in general. Congrats again on making it this far!
God, I love this album.
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Intro
To preface this review, I just need to say that this is going to be a very, long read. Going through it myself just for the fun of it takes around 30 minutes â it's almost 7k words of text, including lyrical references. So for the best experience, listen to the album beforehand to understand what the hell I was thinking when I wrote this review, play the album while reading, and set a good amount of time aside.And yes, this is 9 months late đ I'm not sorry â when I find an album review online it's always around a paragraph per song or even shorter. It makes sense from a journalistic perspective, but I want to do this album justice, hence taking 7 months to write out all my thoughts.
This shit is comprehensive and definitely overanalyzed, especially in Talk that Talk and Trouble. Each song review will compose of my commentary going over the song, noting the details I noticed through months of listening, then a conclusion. Also, mild swearing warning, I like implementing a touch of "French" when I'm very emotional about something. Anyway, onto the review!
Between 1&2 đ
Album Review
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT
TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED
Talk that Talk đ
Lead producer: collapsedone
One of the most perfect TWICE songs.
I think this is one of TWICEâs best-sounding title tracks. Warm modulated synths, a thrumming bass line, distant bells, shimmering synths â the purpose of this song is to be fun and my god is it excellent at it, like⌠Sana and Chaeyoung are saying knock-knock-knock and beep-beep-beep as if theyâre some kind of car. So much fun.
Further along in the verse, Dahyunâs voice sounds so full and smooth with that layered harmony. Tzuyu coming with the Yes or Yes, Push & Pull, and 1 to 10 references â these are 5 years of song references. And Jeongyeon closes the pre-chorus accompanied by a rising synth to drop into chorus one. Jeongyeon slays pre-choruses.
The drums accelerate, the synths start blasting, and Jihyo opens to that party of a chorus with her godly vocals,
Tell me what you want
Tell me what you need
A to Z da malhaebwa
But shijageun ireoke have
Talk that talk ttak han madi
Talk that talk L-O-V-E
deullyeojweo ooh
Now now now now now yeah~
During Sana's Talk that Talk~ lines thereâs this gentle ascending synth bell that rings with the descending melody and it sounds absolutely gorgeous. And the choreography during that part of the chorus is so so so so fun: the talking hands bit, spelling L-O-V-E, concluding with the deullyeojweo ooh! Oh my Jihyo the deullyeojweo oohâŚ
Have I mentioned this song is fun?
Speeding through verse 2; Chaeyoungâs part with the cat ears popping in the music video is adorable; Momo her stretching her arms out looks so damn cool; and Dahyun with her replay part sounds so lovely â although I think it sonically sounds a touch random, it makes sense thematically.
And now for this pre-chorus. Mina and Jihyo leading into it sound great BUT JEONGYEON⌠Now, she is my ult bias, and this pre-chorus sounds almost identical to the first one, but the way she holds that final note, enunciating and holding that now~ for one more beat before the chorus drops sounds so perfect â the song teeters on a cliff edge. Jeongyeon slays pre-choruses.
Dropping into the second chorus and man, Jihyo powered through that first chorus, but the way Nayeon delivers it just hits different. She has this indescribable âpopâ voice (I promise this wasn't on purpose) that stands out and shouts this is THE chorus. I think this is especially apparent in how both lead their choruses where Jihyo starts at 120% power while Nayeon waits until [Tell me] WHAT YOU WANT to full-send it. She also highlights âmalhaebwaâ in a similar way later in the chorus.
Another deullyeojweo ooh! Nayeon travels to Narnia, and Mina the engineer strikes again in this heavenly, underwater-esque bridge,
The simple words âI love youâ
Thatâs all I wanna hear
Without hesitation, Iâll go up to you
Iâll make it simple
And just tell you I love you
The word âloveâ is said for the first time in the song. Thereâs a funky keyboard instrument behind Chaeyoungâs part. Jihyo, Chaeyoung, and Nayeon take the initiative in their lyrics, professing their love before closing the bridge.
And now for the pièce-de-rĂŠsistance: this final double chorus is exceptional â 40 seconds of crack-laced euphoria; Jihyo switches up the chorus and the choreo, Dahyun chimes in with her fluttery âTalk that Talkâ, Momo comes out of nowhere with âoh yeah it sounds so good!â â youâre damn right it does, and this is where the song SOARS.
han beon deo~ haejweo
geurae banggeum geu mal~
Nayeon outright shouts âTell me what you needâ and then Jeongyeon sings the above lines in such an ethereal, warm way where the first line ascends while the second line descends, causing a lull in the song before the finale with Nayeon, finishing off the song with the final deullyeojweo ooh! What a party. What a song.
THE GOOD
- The synths of all time
- The chimes during Talk-that-talk~
- Jeongyeonâs pre-chorus going into Nayeonâs chorus
- The entirety of that magical, final chorus and outro
- The opening hook (Tell me what you want) and accompanying choreography could be âcatchierâ
- Singing (and dancing) my heart out when this song played at a K-pop club
Lyrics and theme-wise, if this were to have been TWICEâs last comeback, theyâve once again built upon the theme they've been doing since debut: a Bildungsroman, a coming-of-age story.
This songâs chorus is honest yet simple; it asks the listener, in this case, the other half of the relationship, to be more upfront and open with their love (never be scared of love), that before the relationship can continue and flourish there has to be a foundation and commitment of love between each other.
TWICE debuted with a song about making your crush go ooh ahh. Years later, they started pondering âWhat is love?â and imagining their crush responding with âyesâ when asking them out â and now concluding with the phrase âTalk that talk, [talk that] L-O-V-Eâ, being upfront with the relationship, wishing their partner to also be happy, to commit to them, to feel the love that they want to impart on them. From gawking like ooh-ahh to talking out your shared love like adults â to having a true relationship between (one and) two.
And can I just say before finishing off Talk that Talk's review that this is such a fun and repeatable song with many little intricacies hidden in the nonetâs vocals and the production. This is the third draft Iâm writing about Talk that Talk and its original word count pretty much quadrupled.
Harkening back to TWICEâs roots by combining mature thinking with youthful character, an incredible ending to look forward to, and just simply being a club-banger thatâs easy to listen to, TTT is an easy 10/10.
WATCH ME GO WATCH ME GO
RULE THE WORLD
Queen of Hearts đ
Lead producer: LDN Noise of SM
If there was one B-side to promote in a live clip, this was a solid choice.
Helmed by LDN Noise going headlong into the Western boy-group rock-band aesthetic, Queen of Hearts is a boom-boom-clap song through and through. The drums are very prominent throughout the song, only giving room to riffs of electric guitar in the chorus to drive and continue the momentum of the music.
And speaking of the chorus, vocal line each got a chorus to flex and they did not fuck around,
You ainât ready for it
Watch me go~ watch me go~
Rule the world
Know you never doubted baby
Iâmma go run the whole universe~
Cymbals crashing, drums booming, and 3MIX belting all just so sound so good.
Baby I was born to rule~~
Yeah Iâm the queen, Iâm the queen
And itâs all because of you~~
That Iâm the Queen of Hearts
These long, held-out notes performed by Jihyo and Nayeon are simply exquisite. Along with the shredding guitar, the drum set coming in full, and the interludes by Dahyun, Momo, and Chaeyoung, this is the part of the song that always, always, gives me goosebumps â it sounds so visceral, so energetic, so fun, so triumphant. Boom-boom-clap songs can be hit or miss with people, but there's no denying the payoff from the first part of the chorus to the second part is worth the wait.
The theme of the song so far has been kind of spread around the song. The chorus alludes to it with the line "And itâs all because of you." But Mina shows more sides of it in the second verse, especially with the phrase,
And now that Iâm surrounded by all my girls
We be shining bright like diamonds and pearls
It sounds really lovely â in a very cheesy and affectionate kind of way, as it rightfully should â the song is about the girls and their fans. But the bridge is where the song indeed shows its colours
Screaming out my name
See it in the stage lights
Feel so lucky just to have ya
Cause I know deep down I was meant for something bigger! Greater!
I know youâre seeing what I see
Yeah Iâll be everything you need
I know Iâm gonna walk the walk
And talk the talk to be~ [the Queen of Hearts]
This is a song CONCEIVED TO BE PERFORMED FOR THE FANS. Itâs meant to be loud. Itâs meant to be unapologetic. Itâs meant to be sappy. And itâs all the more wonderful for it.
This is the TWICEiest shit ever.
Like Talk that Talk, Queen of Hearts also has a killer closer. The production already started to grow from the bridge, but now the guitarist finally went Super Saiyan and instead of supporting the drums, they both take the centrepiece in tandem.
Then finally, the closing moments of the song even manage to squeeze in some more sappiness.
So thank you for the memories
Youâre all the ones who made me~
So thank you for the memories
That Iâm the Queen of Hearts
I still canât believe that this banger is a FAN SONG out of all things. Truly, the TWICEiest shit ever.
THE GOOD
- Adorable fucking lyrics
- Unrelenting, roaring chorus
- English and vocal flex
- Addicting guitar riffs
- Chaeyoung rapping in English in their Korean songs somehow slaps harder than her English rapping in their English songs, nonetheless, in QoH, it fits with the sound of the song
- Walking home from a K-pop festival with this song playing, felt like a Queen of Hearts
I love these types of rock songs with how grunge and head-bang-able they are, there is just a certain nostalgic and cheesy quality to them that feels so cozy. I donât love putting them on repeat, because in this case, I do believe there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Perhaps more shredding, maybe a guitar solo to rock out to, or an accompaniment(!) of ad-libs from 3MIX to support Jihyoâs final chorus? A ONCE can dream of a truly bombastic rock song from TWICE. But then again that distracts from the core of what this song is: a fan song disguised as a rock song.
Queen of Hearts has so much sweetness in its lyrics and message that it's overflowing. The drums, guitar, and vocals can be as loud and intricate as they can, but the theme of this song is what makes it special from TWICEâs other rock songs â itâs a 9/10 for me.
I WANNA WANNA WANNA
TAKE YOU TO THE BASICS
Basics đ
Sole lyricist credit: Chaeyoung
Quite possibly the jammiest (pun intended) song of the album.
A song written by the Strawberry Princess herself â an event similar in frequency to other artists' releases with her last song being 2020âs silky Handle It â Basics first starts with an understated and dreamy delivery. After the first stanza, however, a bouncy Miami bass line emerges, revealing the true nature of the song: this is a classic summer bop! Especially in the first rap,
dareun aedeulgwaneun dalla
Ainât begginâ for love
nappeun geon anijana ige naraseo
eodiro twilji molla
Like rainbow bubble gum
geureoni nal kkwak butjabadweo
Syllables are pronounced in a relaxed nature, bars often starting with an "ah" sound, flirty lines in English â this rap features a production full of pop with R&B flourishes and, in my opinion, this is Chaeyoungâs bag. Also, the line "rainbow bubblegum" is so adorable and so Chaeyoung.
I wanna wanna wanna take it to the basics
da weonhae weonhae weonhae? seodureuji ma Baby
ppeonhae ppeonhae malhae mweohae da al tende
Ah yeah ah yeah ah yeah ah yeah
That chorus is pure pop with a Miami bass backing; you better be bopping your head to the melody, if not booty poppin' to the bassline. Chaeyoung loves rhyming in the first half of the chorus to enhance its catchiness and it's damn incredible: the âwannaâ, âweonhaeâ, and âppeonhaeâ all create these imperfect rhymes that continue momentum without feeling repetitive.
After the very Boy With Luv-sounding âah yeah ah yeah, ah yeah ah yeahâ comes an 8-bar split half and half between Chaeyoung and Momo. Coming from the chorus, the production completely cuts out for the first 2 bars. This adds tension; the song yearns to have that bass beat thumping again and all we have in the audio space in those 2 bars is Chaeyoung spittin' and she delivered.
taneun deut tteugeoun samak wie
yeppeuge pieonan jangmi gata
joshimseure naege dagaol ttae
nado moreuge jjilleobeoril tende
Translating to:
Above the hot, burning desert
Itâs like a rose that bloomed beautifully
When you come to me slowly
I will prick you unconsciously
The rap feels slick, effortless, and confident. Her diction remains sharp when enunciating each syllable but she doesnât let the flow of her rap waver or build as her 4 bars go by, itâs just smooth consistency throughout. Even the lyrics possess an aura of laid-back collectedness that is just so her. The things Chaeyoung can do when given her pen.
THE GOOD
- That sweet summer vibe of a chorus
- The âspaceshipâ post-chorus is killer
- Chaeyoung devoured this song
- Sure-footed, confident lyrics
- Perhaps an alteration of that ah yeah ah yeah line
- The way Jihyo did her pre-chorus line is good, but Minaâs is great
- After donating my hair, walking down the rainbow-coloured areas of downtown Toronto with this song playing was very⌠fitting
This song is summer bliss distilled into 2:56. Itâs dreamy, the raps are satisfying, and the ending is charming. I will say that although the second half of the song adds the stunning âspaceshipâ post-choruses and a floaty bridge with an incredible drumbeat drop into the final chorus, the raps of the song make it feel a bit front-loaded. And in an album stacked with awesome finishers, it feels more apparent.
With that said, itâs an 8/10 bop for me. This song is so easy to put on and it feels exactly what Chaeyoung would make if given the reins to produce a pop song all on her own. The lyrics are nonchalant but full of conviction, the wordplay is intricate, and the production playful but not too bombastic â it's just a nice vibe. Songs like Basics are the standard for good, simple, repeatable pop music and Iâm happy that Chaeyoung got to test her pen in this genre.
BABY WEâRE IN
TROUBLE TROUBLE
Trouble đ
Sole lyricist credit: JihyoBackground vocals: Jihyo
Lead composer credit: Jihyo
Vocal director credit: Jihyo (an assumption given her contributions in First Time)
One of the most enjoyable songs Iâve heard in a while.
There is an underlying tension within the first 4 bars of the song, Jihyo and Nayeon confidently open it to a nondescript array of synths and then the stanza ends, Momo announces âLetâs goâ, the beat drops and it hits you: this is a club song.
Dahyun's relaxed delivery contrasted with Jeongyeon's staccato flow, the wobbly synth beat with sprinkle of house piano, Sana dramatically slowing down the song only for Tzuyu to build it back up until the chorus drops,
- Nayeon opens it using a breathy tone, with vocal chops serving as harmonies
- The blooming of the house piano takes centre stage and the song ascends into euphoria
- A random drum roll capped off by a cymbal crash
- Jeongyeonâs pronunciation of the word âtroubleâ almost being a growl
- Chaeyoung slyly admitting âI like this troubleâ
- The entirety of Tzuyuâs tro~oh~oh~ouble yeah~
- Sana using her deep voice for the na~na~na~na
- Jihyo leading the vocals during the synchronized T W I C E chant
This chorus is perfect. Torontoâs residential market needs this song injected into its veins because god damn this song has SO much house in it. And then, ANOTHER KILLING PART: this rap fucking slaps.
gamchweo bwatja geugeon Fake
ppajin hamjeongeun Sweet cake
During the first 2 bars, Chaeyoung is keeping it calm because that trip of a chorus just ended and the song needs a breather, but I don't think anyone expected her to SNAP this hard afterwards:
You cannot resist this
Cannot miss this, such a bliss
Ima put it down down
Oh yeah, better kiss kiss
Below is the structure of her this portion of the rap, Iâm not that well versed in this technical aspect of music theory but I digress, this is all in the span of around 5 seconds where itâs:
Triplet-triplet
Quadruplet-triplet
Quadruplet-doublet
Doublet-quadruplet
Now, 25/5 = 5 syllables per second isnât groundbreaking, but goddamn it these 2 bars sound so nice â if there is one part in this album that I always repeat, itâs this. The addition of that first quadruplet for âcannot miss thisâ in the midst of the triplets sticks out and accelerates the flow of the rap while the following doublets and quadruplets destabilize and slow the rap down as the verse closes. And can I just point out:
THE MAIN VOCALIST WROTE, DIRECTED, AND COMPOSED THIS SONG âź
Chaeyoung of course delivered the fuck out of her verse but THIS is what you get when you have a member not only write the words theyâre saying but also the melody and flow with which they sing it, when that member knows the others so well that when they write a song they know how to make the group exceed. This is what you get when the artists you stan love doing artist shit.
And. AND. That's not all â with how much I mentioned I love a good outro to close a song, this outro slaps as well:
Woo wee woo wee woo
I like this trouble be-be
Woo wee woo wee woo
I like this trouble bay-be
Woo wee woo wee woo
I like this trouble bay-beh
Woo wee woo wee woo
I like this trou-ble
Like, come on, Nayeonâs imitating a police siren for crying out loud. And this is all after her ad-libs in the final post-chorus; after the pianist going full tilt and playing that piano as if it was their last chance to ever play; after that final T W I C E chant by all the members come these blissful 20 seconds at the very end. What a song.
THE GOOD
- The theme of relishing in an uncontrolled love
- Sana and Minaâs melody in the pre-chorus
- Chorus
- Rap
- Outro
- Wees and woos
- Minaâs line of âfalling down, falling down, falling down lowâ in verse 2 feels a bit too abrupt of a change
- While writing Trouble's review I had this song on repeat for my whole subway commute and I must've been so distracting, just head-bopping and being so invested in enjoying a song
Need I say more, easy 9/10. The only reason I place Talk that Talk above Trouble is because of what that song represents but besides that, this is one of the best âinternationalâ sounds theyâve put out. Actually, I havenât listened to Eyes wide open in a while but this song is up there with one of the most sonically pleasing pieces of work theyâve done.
Clubbing TWICE has always been a thing since TT was birthed in 2016, and has been a staple of their discography since 2019âs Fancy You and Feel Special mini albums, but Trouble unapologetically dives into and fits the house genre so well youâd think that this is TWICEâs bread and butter sound.
Trouble is Jihyoâs magnum opus. What a song.
BRAVE BRAVE BRAVE
FOR YOU
Brave đ
Main producer: Slow Rabbit of HYBE
I first thought this was just a good song, then I read the lyrics.
Gentle guitar plucks, shimmering synths, a distant keyboard in the right ear, in the left a glockenspiel, the melodic oohs from the members â this song is PRETTY.
The night that was unusually dark
Above this terrifying world, felt so lonely
The world has grown in the time of wandering
So hard to breathe
Mina and Chaeyoung open the song with how they feel lonely and that it's hard to breathe and now suddenly the song feels bittersweet â I was not expecting the song to be this emotional. Brave describes a situation where the singer is in a darker place in life and it isn't until another person gives them hope by calling them 'brave' that they find the drive to keep going.
Once the chorus hits, the melodies pick up, more guitars get added â thereâs even an electric guitar hidden in the mix somewhere, and the song drops the emotional front to reveal a mid-tempo pop song to dance to while crying in the club. The song as a whole still carries this melancholy feeling, but now with the added support of this chorus acting as a light amongst the gloom.
Continuing on in the second verse there's this gorgeous, well-placed break in the song that just lets it settle after that chorus. Only a seasoned producer would risk this much empty space in a song and Slow Rabbit went to fill those shoes.
Back to the chorus, I'll take this moment to once again commend Slow Rabbit with the mixing of the song, because 4MIX undoubtedly sounds good in the chorus, and the interludes from Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Mina also sound really good, but the clear highlight of the choruses are these lines:
Oh na na na neon nal naige hae [Momo, then Tzuyu, then Momo]
On and on and on
Brave brave brave for ya [Dahyun, then Chaeyoung, then Mina]
Oh na na na neon nal sum shwige hae [Sana, then Momo, then Sana]
On and on and on oh trust me babe
Momo, Sana, and Tzuyu form this beautiful, surprisingly catchy, second half of the chorus accompanied by a guitar drop. It should not turn out this well with how conflicting the "na"s are with the guitar melody but it creates this gentle bopping ebb and flow that feels so lush and mellow.
Diving into the bridge reveals that the listener of the song is revealed not only capable of supporting the singer through direct words but also through their thoughts and dreams. As can be discerned, this can be a song interpreted to be about ONCEs, about how they push TWICE to be their best selves despite the breathless hardships they face. It's a very sweet and touching song.
THE GOOD
- Special lyrics
- Pleasant sound to vibe out to
- That gentle break after the first chorus
- Jihyoâs high note at the end
- A Nayeon Jeongyeon joint high note âď¸
- Just pretty vocals throughout
- Potentially hard to comprehend without translating the Korean lyrics
- Form of Therapyâs life motto revolves around the word âbraveâ. I donât know where I got that from, but I remembered it right before watching his album reaction
Iâm actually spoiled with the TWICE membersâ easy-to-understand songwriting that when a song like this pops up where it's not written by a member and the thematic bits are mostly in Korean, I tend to put it aside in favour of the other songs on the album. And, especially for a song focusing on a theme like this where the English phrases donât do the Korean lyrics enough justice, it does place a bit of a barrier on the listening experience, dropping it down to a 7/10 from an 8/10.
With that anecdote out of the way, this song is just such a vibe, man. I know that sounds super hippy to say but Brave is so mellow and smooth that I canât help but sway a little when that chorus hits. And then I remember what the lyrics say and I tear up a bit on the inside. This song is so pure, raw, and full of heart â we need more songs like these where they just reminisce about life while putting up an upbeat front. Don't mind me just crying while dancing the night away.
With that said, this isn't the first time this theme has been sung by TWICE either, they've long trodden this path of supportive, confiding, up-lifting songs with Young & Wild, Rainbow, Queen, Go Hard, Depend on You, even this album's Queen of Hearts, and, of course, Feel Special. Brave just adds another on top of an already stacked lineup, unique with its mellow somberness.
Also now feels like a good time to get into my rating system:
- 7/10s are songs are ones that are simply good throughout or great songs with apparent flaws
- 8/10s are great songs with standout characteristics
- 9/10s are borderline perfect songs where I sometimes can't comprehend how great they are
- And 10/10s are the best of an artist's discography, songs that encapsulate their ethos perfectly or expand upon them in a meaningful way
I SEE THE LIES
ON THE TIP OF YOUR TONGUE
Gone đ¨
Sole lyricist credit: Dahyun
Who the fuck pissed off Dubu this time??
Itâs getting quite rare to see TWICE pull off brand new sounds because, with now 190 original songs under their belt, theyâve done so many genres and sub-genres varying from hyper pop, to bossa nova, to whatever 2020âs Go Hard is. So itâs surprising to see theyâve still got tricks up their sleeves and Gone is one of them.
The song starts with strings swinging back and forth and vocal chops dancing from ear to ear, teasing whatâs yet to come. Jihyo enters the song with a whisper and the song sets its pace. A stagnant drum pad moves the song along and typical song progression would have Mina continue the build but â it doesnât. The song simmers, adding a hint of high hat to the pot. And then, Sana and Tzuyu come on and surely the buildup must boil over right?
Silence, untilâŚ
I see the LIES on the top of your tongue
The strings emerge again on full blast, the simmer rolls to a boil, and the anger of the song is revealed,
All the fate I had towards you
Fades like a fog, gone, gone
Your flipping mind of doing this and that
Iâm tired of it, itâs meaningless
In the beginning, it was hard to believe
With that, hatred increases
The singer is so scorned and burned from this relationship that they reminisce about all the effort theyâve put in since the beginning, but their âpartnerâ is so unconcerned that theyâve just about had enough of the relationship altogether.
This has been Dahyunâs thing since 2020âs Bring It Back, 2021âs Cruel, 2022âs Thatâs all Iâm saying, and even 2023's Don't Blame It On Me â emotionally charged breakup songs that make you feel as if sheâs gone through a dozen bad relationships. Dispatch, do your job better, or don't.
Another highlight of the song is the post-chorus going into the bridge. This segment reiterates the structure from the first post-chorus â a barrage of drums supported by the rhythmic strumming of a bass guitar along with a consistent synth filling out the soundscape. But this time, itâs Dahyun and Chaeyoung on the rap:
I canât stand it anymore [Dahyun]
My patience, invisible
I canât find it, itâs all gone
Even if I try to turn back, itâs too late [Chaeyoung]
Thereâs no use anymore
It has left, itâs long gone
You, with flipping mind, you are out [Momo]
I know that you know what Iâm talking about [Dahyun]
Nothing you could say that could turn this around
Iâm gone
Continuing the disrespected theme of the song, Dahyun notes that sheâs finally had enough with Chaeyoung adding that thereâs no point salvaging what was once there for all of it is long gone. Momo and Dahyun round it off by telling the listener that thereâs no point trying to reason with them or playing naive, they fucked up and thereâs no coming back.
Can I just say, it's a bit of a shame that Chaeyoungâs rapping popped off in this album while Dahyun only has this one verse that she shares with Chaeyoung, but it just sounds so good how Dahyun eases in after the chorus with her light rapping tone transitioning into her singing. She even holds the âgoneâ in a little crescendo for some added pizzazz.
And, thereâs no way Iâm not going to talk about Momoâs vocals in this bridge. Damned if she only got 1 line to use it in, her lower register is incredible. She sounds so smooth singing in this tone. All of TWICE do in particular and there is nary a weak vocal performance in this album.
To close the song off, a wash of synths gets to have their shine in the spotlight, showered with Nayeonâs belting, signifying the dramatic and drawn-out conclusion of this partnership.
THE GOOD
- Theyâve still got their surprises
- Thundering chorus
- 2nd rap and bridge combo
- A bitter, crumbling relationship theme
- Iâm not a huge fan of the mixing during the first post-chorus, where Momo's vocals were fighting with the production, which is disappointing because Momo is capable of an insane flow
- The post-chorus in general, specifically the first one, can be a bit tiring on repeat listens
- Actually, I think this song sounds like a mix between GOT7's Not By The Moon, BLACKPINKâs Love To Hate Me, and Dahyunâs Bring It Back. I donât know where I got this thought came from, but it stuck
Going back to that point about the first post-chorus as a whole; songs that have the production continue unchanged into the post-chorus/2nd verse are very hit or miss for me â see TWICE's Don't Call Me Again for an overbearing example. The post-chorus going into the bridge contrasts Dahyunâs light tone nicely with the hard-hitting production, continuing the energy until it slowly fades into silence at the end of the bridge.
Back to the song as a whole, as much as TWICE has been experimenting with their sound for the past 4 years now, Iâm happy theyâre still finding new ways to explore what theyâre capable of. And for that alone, even though Iâm not a big fan of songs like these where they rely on sounding âbigâ, Dahyunâs lyricism and the thrill I receive every time I indulge myself in this song when I listen to it for the first time in a while elevates it to an 8/10. Keep on breaking hearts, Dubu.
INVINCIBLE
SUPERHEROES
When We Were Kids đ§¸
Sole lyricist credit: Dahyun
Press play to reminisce, pull up lyrics to cry.
This song is so beautiful. Iâm totally not writing this song review, crying on the bus reminiscing about my childhood, while just having turned 21. I donât know if these are happy or sad tears but this song is so beautiful either way.
Warm synths, muted piano, a gentle high hat, the younger members starting off the song â this has to be up there for one of the softest TWICE songs ever. And as it should, itâs one of the TWICEiest songs ever. And then Nayeon comes in,
Invincible superheroes, we wanted to be adults
To the higher, clearer world
The chords start swelling, the high hat keeps pace, and the harmonies come in,
Remember when we were kids
When we were kids, we didnât know
If we could go back
I will love it even more
Remember when we were kids
Jihyo takes up the second half of the chorus as it drops, trading the strings for an almost R&B synth production â if choir R&B takes off, this song started it. The song relishes in this cacophony of warm sounds until returning to its sparse and peaceful verses.
This time, the hints of piano are louder, little twinkling synths begin to shimmer, the drum buildup comes and Jeongyeon drives the song straight into the chorus. No time for the strings to build like in Nayeonâs â this song loves its chorus so much.
And I'll just take this time to appreciate the amount of Jeongyeon vocals in this album. Her voice is so clean, stable, and projected â but also more tender and soft compared to the more pronounced tones of Nayeon and Jihyo.
The bridge comes in, repeating the phrase:
I wish that I could meet
Could meet the younger me
Giving the song time to rest, before building back up to the last chorus â this time led by Jihyo, completing the 3MIX trifecta. And interestingly enough, Chaeyoung follows up in the second half of the chorus, rather than another member of the vocal line. She really did pop off in this album.
As the last chorus begins to close, the percussion at its strongest, the harmonies on blast, the background vocals cranked up to their Sunday best, is the song going to end? Of course not! This is an album full of banger endings as if the songs donât want to end, and When We Were Kids being the album closer very much indulges in that feeling.
After a brief refrain, accented by Nayeonâs high note with a touch of vibrato, the song almost dives back into a fourth chorus. Nayeon and Jeongyeon harmonize â a rare and heavenly moment. And the song repeats the bridge, reiterating that they want to meet their younger selves, this time with the lush chorus production before closing with silence, a few piano notes, and Tzuyu singing the last line of the song:
Oh, we were kids
Reflection, acceptance, hope. What a song.
THE GOOD
- Heavenly vocals throughout
- Relatable, heartfelt lyrics
- Euphoric chorus
- Great closer to the album
- Refrain after the last chorus, "Back when we were kids," couldâve been executed better
- For an album titled Between 1&2, I donât think anything hits harder than finishing the song reviews, with this song in particular, during your 21st birthday
I wrote the first part of this review in November 2022. Then university, life, and other things got in the way of my headspace for me to feel confident about wrapping all of this up. In a way, I felt like I just didnât want this review to end because of the joy that writing gives me â I didnât want the happiness to end. And then it hit me, after watching a YouTuber rank animated movies and them placing Spirited Away at the top and explaining 'why' reminded me of just how important growing up is, and by extension this song.
This theme is important for both the rookie TWICE members in 2015 and the teenagers who would follow their journey and grow up with them, facing lifeâs obstacles along the way. Hardships that used to only involve family, crushes, and social media, evolve into work, commitments and all the struggles that adult life brings. Being a kid and enjoying the simple things in life is one of the most sought-after moments we want to relive because we took growing up for granted. The only thing we can do now is look back on ourselves with fondness and rose-tinted lenses.
TWICEâs original marketing was to resonate with people through their senses and their hearts. That was during their debut, and I think it still holds up today. In my opinion, touching people through their emotions is what TWICE does best and makes them one of K-popâs all-time greats. It was never about having the best numbers â it was always about being the best idols. And to think that this journey of maturation and growth would occur from 2015 all the way to this song, being a fitting nod to TWICEâs 7th anniversary, I donât think anyone at the company nor the group would ever imagine that they would get this far. Itâs these nine women or none â 9/10.
This song honestly deserves a 10/10 with how much I noticed other people reminiscing their childhoods after I heard this song, it is such a widely-relatable message, but I am determined to limit myself to one 10/10 song per album and if I were to pick between TTT and WWWK, I'd give it to the one's that's more repeatable â Talk that Talk just has this electric energy about it.
Epilogue
And finally here is the end. If you made it in one sitting then I commend you, because I could not write this mess in one sitting. As alluded to, I started writing this album review sometime in October, after a series of edits the first draft was finished in March, and now here's the final draft in June.I love this album. It got me through some important parts of my life, both good and bad, and it's just a wonderful listen throughout. Reliving this album again before finally completing the review has been an exciting journey. Brave hit me harder this time, after being overshadowed by the other gems of this album, and WWWK finally got me to tear up and not just be emotionally satisfied.
I feel like there's something for everyone on this album. From the exhilarating thrills of TTT to the anthemic euphoria of QoH, the clubbing dichotomy of Trouble and Brave to the blissful glee of Basics, and the sweet reminiscence of WWWK to the thundering anger that is Gone. Like Eyes wide open, I liken Between 1&2 to a pop music taste platter â there's such an eclectic mix of pop, music in this album that there's bound to be a song that someone will love, like, and dislike.
Is this album perfect? I don't think so, but it's close â it was certainly my 2022 AOTY. Was this review biased? Absolutely. I've been a fan since 2019 and with the themes in this album, I also feel like it was biased towards me as a ONCE. And how would I rank the album in TWICE's catalogue? It's honestly at the top, at least with EPs â I also felt that way towards Feel Special but then this album was birthed so I'm excited for TWICE's future.
Ready To Be was also a stunning album and Eyes wide open frankly also deserved the spotlight that Formula of Love received so I might hit those next but no promises; this album took long enough to bake.
As for the performances, I've only seen Twitter clips (no fancams to not spoil myself) and I am SO EXCITED to finally see them in July. QoH was as glorious as expected, Brave was a delightful surprise, and WWWK, while not being the concert closer everyone expected it to be, paired up nicely with Crazy Stupid Love. And of course the bombastic addition of the dance break to TTT. But, this is not a concert review, and this is where this album review ends.
Feel free to comment with any thoughts regarding the album, other TWICE albums, and any suggestions for my writing in general. Congrats again on making it this far!
God, I love this album.
2023.06.03 18:27 50_Shades_of_Jay Another season comingâŚ.
I looked at the new season and read through the bios. Looks like another season of the same stuff. We have a trans person, which Iâm totally fine with, but will we have to sit through them mentioning every 5 seconds that theyâre trans?
We have another dude who has very low self esteem who has been chatting with his âwomanâ for like 2 years, but has never seen her in videoâŚ.. TLC knows how this will turn out. Theyâre just humiliating this dude on TV. (Which I think they probably need⌠Iâm sure friends have tried to warn him and he wonât listen)
A catholic woman who is going to Israel to be in completely over her head. And out of her element.
A deaf man (who reminds me of Mike) who doesnât speak the same language as his woman⌠say bye to that translator app.
And of course, Jasmine berating Yeeno on a constant basis, while Gino looks confused and nervous at the same time.
Here we go againâŚ..
Anyone want to share their predictions now? Iâm sure many of us will have the same ones and will be 100% spot on
submitted by 50_Shades_of_Jay to 90dayfianceuncensored [link] [comments]
We have another dude who has very low self esteem who has been chatting with his âwomanâ for like 2 years, but has never seen her in videoâŚ.. TLC knows how this will turn out. Theyâre just humiliating this dude on TV. (Which I think they probably need⌠Iâm sure friends have tried to warn him and he wonât listen)
A catholic woman who is going to Israel to be in completely over her head. And out of her element.
A deaf man (who reminds me of Mike) who doesnât speak the same language as his woman⌠say bye to that translator app.
And of course, Jasmine berating Yeeno on a constant basis, while Gino looks confused and nervous at the same time.
Here we go againâŚ..
Anyone want to share their predictions now? Iâm sure many of us will have the same ones and will be 100% spot on
2023.06.03 15:38 obeliskposture Short story about bad times & bad jobs
I've shared fiction here before and it didn't go altogether too poorly, so I'm going to press my luck and do it again. This was written about a year ago, and I'm tired of trying to peddle it to lit magazines. Might as well share it here, know that it met a few eyeballs, and have done with it.
It's relevant to the sub insofar as it's about urban alienation and the working conditions at a small business run by IN THIS HOUSE WE BELIEVE people. (I tried to pitch it as a story of the great resignation with a momentary flicker of cosmic horror.) It's based on a similar job I took on after getting laid off during the lockdown, and the circumstances of the main character's breakup are faintly similar to one I went through several years back (her job sucked the life out of her).
Without further ado:
* * *
It was getting close to midnight, and the temperature outside was still above 80 degrees. Weâd locked up the shop at 10:15 and walked over to Twenty, the dive bar on Poplar Street, where a single wall-mounted air conditioner and four wobbly ceiling fans werenât putting up much resistance against the July heat baking the place from the outside and the dense mass of bodies giving it a stifling fever from within.
Just now I came close to saying it was a Wednesday night, because that was usually when the cyclists descended upon Avenue Brew, the gritty-but-bougie craft beer and sandwich shop I was working at back then. Every Wednesday between March and November, about fifteen to twenty-five Gen Xers dressed in skintight polyester, all packages and camel toes and fanny packs, locked up their thousand-dollar bikes on the sidewalk and lined up for IPAs and paninis. They reliably arrived around 8:00, an hour before we closed, making it impossible to get started on the closing checklist and leave on time at 10:00. The worst of them were demanding and rude, and even the best got raucous and stubborn after a couple drinks. There were nights when bringing in the sidewalk tables couldnât be done without arguing with them. Most were sub-par tippers, to boot.
After Wednesday came and went that week without so much as a single 40-something in Ray Bans and padded shorts stopping in to double-fist two cans of Jai Alai, we dared to hope the cyclists had chosen another spot to be their finish line from there on out. But noâtheyâd only postponed their weekly ride, and swarmed us on Friday night instead.
I was the last person to find out; I was clocked in as purchaser that evening. The position was something like a promotion I'd received a year earlier: for twenty hours a week, I got to retreat from the public and sit in the back room with the store laptop, reviewing sales and inventory, answering emails from brewery reps, and ordering beer, beverages, and assorted paper goods. When I put in hours as purchaser, my wage went up from $11 to $15 an hour, but I was removed from the tip pool. On most days, tips amounted to an extra two or three dollars an hour, so I usually came out ahead.
This was back in 2021. I don't know what Avenue Brew pays these days.
Anyway, at about 8:15, I stepped out to say goodbye to everyone and found the shop in chaos. Friday nights were generally pretty active, the cyclists' arrival had turned the place into a mob scene. The line extended to the front door. The phone was ringing. The Grubhub tablet dinged like an alarm clock without a snooze button. Danny was on the sandwich line and on the verge of losing his temper. Oliver was working up a sweat running food, bussing tables, and replenishing ingredients from the walk-in. The unflappable Marina was on register, and even she seemed like she was about to snap at somebody.
What else could I do? I stayed until closing to answer the phone, process Grubhub orders, hop on and off the second register, and help Danny with sandwich prep. After the tills were counted out, I stayed another hour to take care of the dishes, since nobody had a chance to do a first load. Oliver was grateful, even though he grumbled about having to make some calls and rearrange Sunday's schedule so I could come in a couple hours late. Irene and Jeremy, Avenue Brew's owners, would kick his ass if he let me go into overtime.
Danny suggested that we deserved a few drinks ourselves after managing to get through the shift without killing anyone. Not even Marina could find a reason to disagree with him.
The neighborhood had undergone enough gentrification to support an upscale brunch spot, an ice cream parlor, a gourmet burger restaurant, a coffee and bahn mi shop, and Avenue Brew (to name a few examples), but not yet quite enough that the people who staffed them couldnât afford to live within a ten-minute walk from the main avenue where all these hep eateries stood between 24-hour corner stores with slot machines in back, late-night Chinese and Mexico-Italian takeout joints with bulletproof glass at the counters, and long-shuttered delis and shoe stores. Twenty on Poplar was the watering hole set aside for people like us. It was dim, a bit dilapidated, and inexpensive, and usually avoided by denizens of the condos popping up on the vacant lots and replacing clusters of abandoned row houses.
When we arrived, Kyle waved us over. He didnât work at Avenue Brew anymore, but still kept up with a few of us. He was at Twenty at least four nights out of the week.
So there we all were. I sat with a brooding stranger freestyling to himself in a low mumble on the stool to my left and Oliver on my right, who tapped at his phone and nursed a bottle of Twisted Tea. To Oliverâs right sat Marina, staring at nothing in particular and trying to ignore Danny, who stood behind her, closer than she would have liked, listening to Kyle explain the crucial differences between the Invincible comic book and the Invincible web series.
I recall being startled back to something like wakefulness when it seemed to me that the ceiling had sprouted a new fan. I blinked my eyes, and it wasnât there anymore. It reminded me of an incident from when I was still living with my folks in South Jersey and still had a car, and was driving home from a friendâs house party up in Bergen County. It was 6:30 AM, I hadnât slept all night, and needed to get home so I could get at least little shuteye before heading to Whole Foods for my 11:00 AM shift. I imagined I passed beneath the shadows of overpasses I knew werenât there, and realized I was dreaming at the wheel.
I was pretty thoroughly zombified at that point. Heather and I had broken up for good the night before, and I hadn't gotten even a minute of sleep. Calling out at Avenue Brew was tough. Unless you found someone willing to cover your shift on like six hours' notice, you were liable to get a writeup, a demotion, or your hours cut if you couldn't produce a doctor's note. So I loaded up on caffeine pills and Five-Hour Energy bottles at the corner store, and powered through as best I could.
I finished the last thimbleful of Blue Moon in my glass. Oliver wiped the sweat from the back of his neck with a napkin and covered his mouth to stifle a laugh at the KiwiFarms thread he was scrolling through. Pool balls clacked; somebody swore and somebody laughed. The TouchTunes box was playing Bob Dylanâs âRain Day Woman #12 & 35,â and enough bleary 40-something men around the bar were bobbing their heads and mouthing the words to make it impossible to determine which one of them paid two bucks to hear it. A guy by the cigarette machine who looked like a caricature of Art Carney in flannel and an old Pixies T-shirt was accosting a woman who must have been a toddler when he hit drinking age, and she momentarily made eye contact with me as she scanned the area for a way out. Danny was shouting over the bartenderâs head, carrying on a conversation with the Hot Guy from Pizza Stanâs, who was sitting on the horseshoeâs opposite arm.
I never got his name, but when Oliver first referred to him as the Hot Guy from Pizza Stanâs, I knew exactly who he meant. Philly scene kid par excellence. Mid-20s, washed-out black denim, dyed black hair, thick bangs, and dark, gentle eyes. He was only truly alluring when he was on the job, because he seldom smiled thenâand when he smiled, he broke the spell by exposing his teeth, stained a gnarly shade of mahogany from too much smoking and not enough brushing.
âHowâs Best? Marcus still a joker?â Danny asked him.
âYeah, you know Marcus. You know how he is.â
So the Hot Guy had been working at Best Burger (directly across the street from Avenue Brew) ever since Pizza Stanâs owners mismanaged the place unto insolvency. (Afterwards it was renovated and reopened as a vegan bakeryâwhich incidentally closed down about a month ago.) Danny used to work at Best Burger, but that ended after he got into a shouting match with the owner. I happened to overhear it while I was dragging in the tables and collecting the chairs from the sidewalk the night it happened. It wasnât any of my business, and I tried not to pay attention, but they were really tearing into each other. A month later, Oliver welcomed Danny aboard at Avenue Brew. I hadnât known heâd been interviewed, and by then it was too late to mention the incident. But Iâd have been a hypocrite to call it a red flag after the way I resigned from my position as CafĂŠ Chakra's assistant manager two years earlierânot that we need to go dredging that up right now. Let's say there was some bad blood and leave it at that.
Anyway, I was thinking about giving in and buying a pack of cigarettes from the machineâand then remembered that Twenty didnât have a cigarette machine. I looked again. The Art Carney-lookalike was still there, fingering his phone with a frown, but the girl was goneâand so was the cigarette machine.
I had only a moment to puzzle over this before Danny clapped me on the shoulder and thrust a shot glass in front of me.
âStarfish!â he said. (Danny called me Starfish. Everybody else called me Pat.) âYou look like you need some juice.â
He distributed shots to everyone else. Marina declined hers, but changed her mind when Kyle offered to take it instead.
She and Kyle had stopped sleeping together after Kyle left Avenue Brew to work at the Victory taproom on the Parkway, but Marina was still concerned about his bad habits, which Danny delighted in encouraging.
We all leaned in to clink our glasses. Before I could find an appropriate moment to ask Marina if I could bum a cigarette, she got up to visit the bathroom. Danny took her seat and bowed his head for a conspiratorial word with Kyle.
I watched from the corner of my eye and tried to listen in. Like Marina, I was a little worried about Kyle. He got hired at Avenue Brew around the same time I did, just before the pandemic temporarily turned us into a takeout joint. He was a senior at Drexel then, an English major, and sometimes talked about wanting to either find work in publishing or carve out a career as a freelance writer after graduating. But first he intended to spend a year getting some life in before submitting himself to the forever grind.
He read a lot of Charles Bukowski and Hunter Thompson. He relished the gritty and sordid, and had already been good at sniffing it out around the neighborhood and in West Philly before Danny introduced him to cocaine, casinos, strip clubs, and a rogueâs gallery of shady but fascinating people. (None were really Dannyâs friends; just fellow passengers who intersected with the part of his life where he sometimes went to Parx, sometimes came out ahead, sometimes spent his winnings on coke, and sometimes did bumps at titty bars.) Kyle recounted these adventures with a boyish enthusiasm for the naked reality of sleaze, like a middle schooler telling his locker room buddies about catching his older brother in flagrante and seeing so-and-so body parts doing such-and-such things.
Marina hated it. She never said as much to me, but she was afraid that the template Kyle set for his life during his âyear offâ was in danger of becoming locked in. The anniversary of his graduation had already passed, and now here he was trying to convince Danny to contribute a couple hundred dollars toward a sheet of acid his guy had for sale. He wasn't doing much writing lately.
I was the oldest employee at Avenue Brew (as I write this Iâm 37, but fortunately I donât look it), and when Kyle still worked with us I felt like it was my prerogative to give him some advice. The longer he waited to make inroads, I once told him, the more likely heâd be seen as damaged goods by the publishing world. He needed to jam his foot in the door while he was still young.
I could tell the conversation bored him, and didnât bring up the subject again.
The bartender took my glass and curtly asked if Iâd like another drink.
âNo thanks, not yet,â I answered.
She slid me my bill.
I missed the old bartender, the one sheâd replaced. I forget her name, but she was ingenuous and energetic and sweet. Pretty much everyone had some sort of crush on her. Sometimes she came into Avenue Brew for lunch, and tipped us as well as we tipped her. Maybe three months before that nightâDanny witnessed itâshe suddenly started crying and rushed out the door. Everyone at the bar mutely looked to each other for an explanation. (Fortunately for Twenty, the kitchen manager hadnât left yet, and picked up the rest of her shift.)
She never came back. None of us had seen her since. But drafts still had to be poured and bottlecaps pulled off, and now here was another white woman in her mid-twenties wearing a black tank top, a pushup bra, and a scrunchie, same as before. Twentyâs regulars grew accustomed to not expecting to see the person sheâd replaced, and life went on.
âHowâre you doing?â I asked Oliver, just to say something to somebody, and to keep my thoughts from wandering back to Heather.
âJust kind of existing right now,â he answered. His phone lay face-up on the counter. He was swiping through Instagram, and I recognized the avatar of the user whose album he hate-browsed.
âAnd howâs Austin been?â I asked.
âOh, you know. Not even three weeks after getting over the jetlag from his trip back from the Cascades, heâs off touring Ireland.â He shook his head. âLiving his best life.â
Heâd hired Austin on a part-time basis in September. We needed a new associate when Emma was promoted to replace a supervisor who'd quit without even giving his two weeks. There was a whole thing. I'm having a hard time recalling the guy's name, but I liked him well enough. He was a good worker and he seemed like a bright kid, but he wasâwell, he was young. NaĂŻve. One day he found Jeremy sitting in the back room with his laptop, and took advantage of the open-door policy to ask why the store manager and supervisors didnât get health benefits or paid time off. Jeremy told him it "was being worked on," and that he couldnât discuss it any further at that time. I understand the kid got argumentative, though I never knew precisely what was said.
Irene started visiting the shop a lot more often after that, almost always arriving when the kid was working. No matter what he was doing, sheâd find a reason to intervene, to micromanage and harangue him, and effectively make his job impossible. A coincidence, surely.
Itâs something I still think about. By any metric, Jeremy and Irene have done very well for themselves. Theyâre both a little over 40 years old. I remember hearing they met at law school. In addition to Avenue Brew, they own a bistro in Francisville and an ice cream parlor in Point Breeze. They have a house on the Blue Line, send their son to a Montessori school, and pull up to their businesses in a white Volkswagen ID.4. But whenever the subject of benefits, wages, or even free shift meals came up, they pled poverty. It simply couldnât be done. But they liked to remind us about all they did to make Avenue Brew a fun place to work, like let the staff pick the music and allow Oliver and me to conduct a beer tasting once a day. They stuck Black Lives Matter, Believe Women, and Progress flag decals on the front door and windows, and I remember Irene wearing a Black Trans Lives Matter shirt once or twice when covering a supervisor's shift. None of the college students or recent graduates who composed most of Avenue Brew's staff could say the bosses weren't on the right team. And yet...
I'm sorryâI was talking about Austin. He was maybe 30 and already had another job, a ârealâ job, some sort of remote gig lucrative enough for him to make rent on a studio in the picturesque Episcopal church down the street that had been converted into upscale apartments some years back. Austin wasnât looking for extra cash. He wanted to socialize. To have something to do and people to talk to in the outside world. He wanted to make friends, and all of us could appreciate thatâbut itâs hard to be fond of a coworker who irredeemably sucks at his job. Austin never acted with any urgency, was inattentive to detail, and even after repeated interventions from Oliver and the supervisors, he continued to perform basic tasks in bafflingly inefficient ways. Having Austin on your shift meant carrying his slack, and everyone was fed up after a few months. Oliver sat him down, told him he was on thin ice, and gave him a list of the areas in which he needed to improve if he didnât want to be let go.
When Austin gave Oliver the indignant âI donât need this jobâ speech, it was different from those times Danny or I told a boss to go to hell and walked out. Austin truly didnât need it. He basically said the job was beneath him, and so was Oliver.
It got deep under Oliverâs skin. He did need the job and had to take it seriously, even when it meant being the dipshit manager chewing out a man four or five years his senior. He earned $18 an hour (plus tips when he wasnât doing admin work), had debts to pay off, and couldn't expect to get any help from his family.
The important thing, though, the part I distinctly remember, was that Oliver was looking at a video of a wading bird Austin had recorded. An egret, maybe. White feathers, long black legs, pointy black beak. Austin must have been standing on a ledge above a creek, because he had an overhead view of the bird as it stood in the water, slowly and deliberately stretching and retracting its neck, eyeing the wriggling little shadows below. As far as the fish could know, they were swimming around a pair of reeds growing out of the silt. The predator from which they extended was of a world beyond their understanding and out of their reach.
The video ended. Oliver moved on to the next item: a photograph of the bird from the same perspective, with a fish clamped in its beak. Water droplets flung from the victim's thrashing tail caught the sunlight. And I remember now, I clearly remember, the shapes of like twelve other fish stupidly milling about the bird's feet, unperturbed and unpanicked.
Danny peered at Oliverâs phone and observed a resemblance between the birdâits shape and bearing, and the composition of the photographâand a POV porn video shot from behind and above, and he told us so. Elaborately. He made squawking noises.
âAnd mom says Iâm a degenerate,â Oliver sighed. âCan you practice your interspecies pickup artist shit somewhere else?â Oliver flicked his wrist, shooing Danny off, and held his phone in front of his face to signal that he was done talking.
Danny sagged a little on his stool and turned away. I sometimes felt bad for him. For all his faults, he had the heart of a puppy dog. He really did think of us as his tribe. There was nobody else whoâd only ever answer âyesâ when you asked him to pick up a shift, and he did it completely out of loyalty.
He was turning 29 in a week. I wondered how many people would actually turn out to celebrate with him at the Black Taxi. Kyle probably wouldâbut even he regarded Danny more as a source of vulgar entertainment than a friend.
Then it happened again. When I turned to speak to Oliver, thereâd been a pair of pool cues leaning side-by-side against the wall a few stools down. Now they were gone.
This time it might have been my imagination. Somebody passing by could have casually snatched them up and kept walking.
But a moment later I seemed to notice a second TouchTunes box protruding from the wall directly behind me. I let it be.
Marina returned from the bathroom. Danny rose and offered her back her seat with an exaggerated bow. Before she got settled, I asked if sheâd like to step outside with me. She withdrew her pack of Marlboro Menthols from her canvas bag, which she left sitting on the stool to deter Danny from sitting back down.
Marina never minded letting me bum cigarettes from time to time. I couldnât buy them for myself anymore; itâs a habit I could never keep under control, and was only getting more expensive. Like everything else in the world. About once a month I reimbursed her by buying her a pack.
The air out on the sidewalk was as hot as the air inside Twenty, but easier to breathe. After lighting up, Marina leaned against the bricks and sighed.
âI wish Oliver would fire Danny already and get it over with.â
I nodded. Marina rarely talked about anything but work.
âHe sneaks drinks and doesn't think anyone notices he's buzzed,â she went on. âHe steals so much shit and isnât even a little subtle about it. Heâs going to get Oliver in trouble. And heâs a creep.â
âYeah,â I said. These were her usual complaints about Danny, and they were all true. âAt least heâs better than Austin.â
âThatâs a low bar.â
Three dirt bikes and an ATV roared down the lonely street, charging through stop sign after stop sign, putting our talk on hold.
âRemind me. Youâve got one semester left, right?â I asked after the noise ebbed.
âYep.â
Marina was a marketing major at Temple. Sheâd had an internship during the spring semester, and her boss told her to give her a call the very minute she graduated. Her parents in central Pennsylvania couldnât pay her rent or tuition for her, so she was a full-time student and a full-time employee at Avenue Brew. Her emotional spectrum ranged from "tired" to "over it." Sheâd been waiting tables and working at coffee shops since she was seventeen, had no intention of continuing for even a day longer than she had to, and feared the escape hatch would slam shut if she dallied too long after prying it open.
Sheâd considered majoring in English, like Kyle. She went for marketing instead. I couldnât blame her.
âAre you okay?â she asked. âYouâve been kind of off all day.â
âIâm terrible.â
âWhy?â
I gave dodgy answers, but she asked precisely the right follow-up questions to get me going about what happened with Heather the night before.
It was the new job. Before the pandemic, Heather worked as a server at a Center City bar and grill. (That's where I met her; we were coworkers for about a year, and then I left to work CafĂŠ Chakra because it was quieter and closer to where I lived.) When the place closed its doors and laid everyone off during the lockdown, she got a stopgap job at the Acme on Passyunk, and hated it. Then in March, she found a bar-and-lounge gig in a ritzy hotel on Broad Street. Very corporate. Excellent pay, great benefits. Definitely a step up. But her new employers made Irene and Jeremy look like Bob and Linda Belcher by comparison. It was the kind of place where someone had recently gotten herself fired for leaving work to rush to the hospital after getting the news that her grandmother was about to be taken off life support, and not finding someone to come in and cover the last two hours of her shift.
Heather seldom worked fewer than fifty-five hours a week, and her schedule was even more erratic than mine. At least once a week she left the hotel at 1:00 or 2:00 AM and returned at 9:00 the next morning. Neither of us could remember the last time sheâd had two consecutive days off, and it had been over a month since one of mine overlapped with one of hers. Sheâd spent it drinking alone at home. All she wanted was some privacy.
Iâd biked to South Philly to meet her when she got home at 1:30. The argument that killed our relationship for good began around 2:30, when I complained that we never had sex anymore. Heather accused me of only caring about that, when she was so exhausted and stressed that her hair was falling out in the shower. Quit the job? She couldnât quit. The money was too good. She had student loans, medical bills, and credit card debt, and for the first time in her life she could imagine paying it all off before hitting menopause.
So, yeah, I was cranky about our sex life being dead in the water. Say whatever you like. But at that point, what were we to each other? We did nothing together anymore but complain about work before one or both of us fell asleep. That isnât a relationship.
She said my hair always smelled like sandwiches, even after bathing, and she was done pretending it didnât turn her off. I told her she was one to talkâshe always reeked of liquor. As things escalated, we stopped caring if her roommates heard us. âYou want to be a father?â she shouted around 4:00 AM. âMaking what you make? That poor fucking kid.â
We fought until sunrise, and I left her apartment with the understanding that I wouldnât be coming back, wouldnât be calling her ever again. I biked home and sat on the steps facing the cement panel that was my houseâs backyard. After my phone died and I couldnât anaesthetize myself with dumb YouTube videos or make myself feel crazy staring at the download button for the Tinder app, I watched the sparrows hopping on and off the utility lines for a while.
At 11:40 I went inside. One of my roommates was already in the shower, so the best I could do was put on a clean Avenue Brew T-shirt before walking to the shop and clocking in at noon to help deal with the lunch rush.
âThatâs a lot,â Marina finally said. âSorry.â
I donât know what I was expecting her to say. She was sixteen years my junior, after all, and just a coworker. She didnât need to hear any of this, and I definitely didn't need to be telling her. But who else was there to tell?
Sheâd already finished her cigarette. I still had a few puffs left. She went inside.
I decided to call it a night.
The second TouchTunes box was goneânaturally. Danny had taken my stool, and regarded my approach with a puckish you snooze you lose grin. I wasnât going to say anything. Iâd just pay my bill, give everyone a nod goodnight, and walk the five blocks back home.
And then Danny disappeared.
One second, he was there. The nextâgone.
Danny didnât just instantaneously vanish. Even when something happens in the blink of an eye, you can still put together something of a sequence. I saw himâI seemed to see himâfalling into himself, collapsing to a point, and then to nothing.
You know how sometimes a sound is altogether inaudible unless youâre looking at the sourceâlike when you donât realize somebodyâs whispering at you, and can then hear and understand them after they get your attention? I think that was the case here. I wouldn't have known to listen if I hadn't seen it happen. What I heard lingered for two, maybe three seconds, and wasn't any louder than a fly buzzing inside a lampshade. A tiny and impossibly distant scream, pitchshifted like a receding ambulance siren into a basso drone...
I donât know. I donât know for sure. Iâm certain I remember a flash of red, and I have the idea of Dannyâs trunk expanding, opening up as it imploded. A crimson flower, flecked white, with spooling pink stalksâand Dannyâs wide-eyed face above it, drawn twisting and shrinking into its petals.
For an instant, Twentyâs interior shimmered. Not shimmered, exactlyâglitched would be a better word. If youâre old enough to remember the fragmented graphics that sometimes flashed onscreen when you turned on the Nintendo without blowing on the cartridge, youâll have an idea of what I mean. It happened much too fast, and there was too much of it to absorb. The one clear impression I could parse was the mirage of a cash register flickering upside-down above the pool table.
Not a cash register. The shape was familiar, but the texture was wrong. I think it was ribbed, sort of like a maggot. I think it glistened. Likeâcamo doesnât work anymore when the wearer stops crouching behind a bush and breaks into a run. Do you get what Iâm saying?
Nobody else seemed to notice. The pool balls clacked. A New Order track was playing on the TouchTunes box. A nearby argument about about Nick Sirianni continued unabated.
Finally, there was a downward rush of airâand this at least elicited a reaction from the bartender, who slapped my bill to keep it from sailing off the counter.
âDanny,â I said.
âDanny?â Kyle asked me quietly. His face had gone pale.
âDanny?â Oliver repeated in a faraway voice.
After a pause, Kyle blinked a few times. âYou heard from him?â
âGod forbid,â said Marina. âWhen he quit I was like, great, I can keep working here after all.â
âOh, come onââ
âKyle. Did I ever show you those texts he sent me once at three in the morning?â The color had returned to Oliverâs face.
âNo, what did he say?â
Oliver tapped at his phone and turned the screen toward Kyle.
âOh. Oh, jeez.â
âRight? Likeâif you want to ask me something, ask me. You know? Donât be weirdly accusatory about itâŚâ
I pulled a wad of fives and ones from my pocket, threw it all onto the counter, and beelined for the exit without consideration for the people I squeezed through and shoved past on the way.
I heard Marina saying âlet him go.â
I went a second consecutive night without sleep. Fortunately I wasnât scheduled to come in the next day.
The schedule. Itâs funny. Oliver was generally great at his job, and even when he wasnât, I cut him a lot of slack because I knew Irene and Jeremy never gave him a momentâs peace. But I could never forgive him those times he waited until the weekend to make up and distribute the schedule. This was one of those weeks he didnât get around to it until Saturday afternoon. When I found it in my inbox, Dannyâs name wasnât anywhere on it.
As far as I know, nobody who hadnât been at Twenty that night asked what happened to him. We were a bit overstaffed as it was, and everyone probably assumed Danny was slated for the chopping block. The part-timers were, for the most part, happy to get a few additional hours.
Oliver abruptly quit around Labor Day after a final acrimonious clash with the owners. I never found out the details, and I never saw him again. Jeremy and Irene took turns minding the store while a replacement manager was sought. None of the supervisors would be pressured into taking the job; they knew from Oliver what they could expect.
About three weeks after Oliver left, I came in for my purchasing shift and found Jeremy waiting for me in the back room. I knew it was serious when he didnât greet me with the awkward fist-bump he ordinarily required of his male employees.
âYouâve seen the numbers,â he said. Business for the summer had fallen short of expectations, it was true, and he and Irene had decided to rein in payroll expenses. My purchaser position was being eliminated. Its responsibilities would be redistributed among the supervisors and the new manager, when one was found. In the meantime, I'd be going back to the regular $11 an hour (plus tips of course) associate position full-time.
Jeremy assured me I'd be first in the running for supervisor the next time there was an opening.
I told him it was fine, I was done, and if heâd expected the courtesy of two weeksâ notice, he shouldnât have blindsided me like that.
âWell, thatâs your choice,â he answered, trying not to look pleased. His payroll problem was solving itself.
I racked up credit card debt for a few months. Applied for entry-level museum jobs that might appreciate my art history degree. Aimed for some purchasing and administrative assistant gigs, and just for the hell of it, turned in a resume for a facilitator position at an after-school art program. Got a few interviews. All of them eventually told me theyâd decided to go in a different direction. I finally got hired to bartend at Hops from Underground, a microbrewery on Fairmount.
Iâm still there. The moneyâs okay, but it fluctuates. Hours are reasonable. Iâm on their high-deductible health plan. Thereâs a coworker Iâve been dating. Sort of dating. You know how it goes. In this line of work you get so used to people coming and going that you learn not to get too attached. I walk past Avenue Brew a few times a week, but stopped peering in through the window when I didn't recognize the people behind the counter anymore.
submitted by obeliskposture to stupidpol [link] [comments]
It's relevant to the sub insofar as it's about urban alienation and the working conditions at a small business run by IN THIS HOUSE WE BELIEVE people. (I tried to pitch it as a story of the great resignation with a momentary flicker of cosmic horror.) It's based on a similar job I took on after getting laid off during the lockdown, and the circumstances of the main character's breakup are faintly similar to one I went through several years back (her job sucked the life out of her).
Without further ado:
* * *
It was getting close to midnight, and the temperature outside was still above 80 degrees. Weâd locked up the shop at 10:15 and walked over to Twenty, the dive bar on Poplar Street, where a single wall-mounted air conditioner and four wobbly ceiling fans werenât putting up much resistance against the July heat baking the place from the outside and the dense mass of bodies giving it a stifling fever from within.
Just now I came close to saying it was a Wednesday night, because that was usually when the cyclists descended upon Avenue Brew, the gritty-but-bougie craft beer and sandwich shop I was working at back then. Every Wednesday between March and November, about fifteen to twenty-five Gen Xers dressed in skintight polyester, all packages and camel toes and fanny packs, locked up their thousand-dollar bikes on the sidewalk and lined up for IPAs and paninis. They reliably arrived around 8:00, an hour before we closed, making it impossible to get started on the closing checklist and leave on time at 10:00. The worst of them were demanding and rude, and even the best got raucous and stubborn after a couple drinks. There were nights when bringing in the sidewalk tables couldnât be done without arguing with them. Most were sub-par tippers, to boot.
After Wednesday came and went that week without so much as a single 40-something in Ray Bans and padded shorts stopping in to double-fist two cans of Jai Alai, we dared to hope the cyclists had chosen another spot to be their finish line from there on out. But noâtheyâd only postponed their weekly ride, and swarmed us on Friday night instead.
I was the last person to find out; I was clocked in as purchaser that evening. The position was something like a promotion I'd received a year earlier: for twenty hours a week, I got to retreat from the public and sit in the back room with the store laptop, reviewing sales and inventory, answering emails from brewery reps, and ordering beer, beverages, and assorted paper goods. When I put in hours as purchaser, my wage went up from $11 to $15 an hour, but I was removed from the tip pool. On most days, tips amounted to an extra two or three dollars an hour, so I usually came out ahead.
This was back in 2021. I don't know what Avenue Brew pays these days.
Anyway, at about 8:15, I stepped out to say goodbye to everyone and found the shop in chaos. Friday nights were generally pretty active, the cyclists' arrival had turned the place into a mob scene. The line extended to the front door. The phone was ringing. The Grubhub tablet dinged like an alarm clock without a snooze button. Danny was on the sandwich line and on the verge of losing his temper. Oliver was working up a sweat running food, bussing tables, and replenishing ingredients from the walk-in. The unflappable Marina was on register, and even she seemed like she was about to snap at somebody.
What else could I do? I stayed until closing to answer the phone, process Grubhub orders, hop on and off the second register, and help Danny with sandwich prep. After the tills were counted out, I stayed another hour to take care of the dishes, since nobody had a chance to do a first load. Oliver was grateful, even though he grumbled about having to make some calls and rearrange Sunday's schedule so I could come in a couple hours late. Irene and Jeremy, Avenue Brew's owners, would kick his ass if he let me go into overtime.
Danny suggested that we deserved a few drinks ourselves after managing to get through the shift without killing anyone. Not even Marina could find a reason to disagree with him.
The neighborhood had undergone enough gentrification to support an upscale brunch spot, an ice cream parlor, a gourmet burger restaurant, a coffee and bahn mi shop, and Avenue Brew (to name a few examples), but not yet quite enough that the people who staffed them couldnât afford to live within a ten-minute walk from the main avenue where all these hep eateries stood between 24-hour corner stores with slot machines in back, late-night Chinese and Mexico-Italian takeout joints with bulletproof glass at the counters, and long-shuttered delis and shoe stores. Twenty on Poplar was the watering hole set aside for people like us. It was dim, a bit dilapidated, and inexpensive, and usually avoided by denizens of the condos popping up on the vacant lots and replacing clusters of abandoned row houses.
When we arrived, Kyle waved us over. He didnât work at Avenue Brew anymore, but still kept up with a few of us. He was at Twenty at least four nights out of the week.
So there we all were. I sat with a brooding stranger freestyling to himself in a low mumble on the stool to my left and Oliver on my right, who tapped at his phone and nursed a bottle of Twisted Tea. To Oliverâs right sat Marina, staring at nothing in particular and trying to ignore Danny, who stood behind her, closer than she would have liked, listening to Kyle explain the crucial differences between the Invincible comic book and the Invincible web series.
I recall being startled back to something like wakefulness when it seemed to me that the ceiling had sprouted a new fan. I blinked my eyes, and it wasnât there anymore. It reminded me of an incident from when I was still living with my folks in South Jersey and still had a car, and was driving home from a friendâs house party up in Bergen County. It was 6:30 AM, I hadnât slept all night, and needed to get home so I could get at least little shuteye before heading to Whole Foods for my 11:00 AM shift. I imagined I passed beneath the shadows of overpasses I knew werenât there, and realized I was dreaming at the wheel.
I was pretty thoroughly zombified at that point. Heather and I had broken up for good the night before, and I hadn't gotten even a minute of sleep. Calling out at Avenue Brew was tough. Unless you found someone willing to cover your shift on like six hours' notice, you were liable to get a writeup, a demotion, or your hours cut if you couldn't produce a doctor's note. So I loaded up on caffeine pills and Five-Hour Energy bottles at the corner store, and powered through as best I could.
I finished the last thimbleful of Blue Moon in my glass. Oliver wiped the sweat from the back of his neck with a napkin and covered his mouth to stifle a laugh at the KiwiFarms thread he was scrolling through. Pool balls clacked; somebody swore and somebody laughed. The TouchTunes box was playing Bob Dylanâs âRain Day Woman #12 & 35,â and enough bleary 40-something men around the bar were bobbing their heads and mouthing the words to make it impossible to determine which one of them paid two bucks to hear it. A guy by the cigarette machine who looked like a caricature of Art Carney in flannel and an old Pixies T-shirt was accosting a woman who must have been a toddler when he hit drinking age, and she momentarily made eye contact with me as she scanned the area for a way out. Danny was shouting over the bartenderâs head, carrying on a conversation with the Hot Guy from Pizza Stanâs, who was sitting on the horseshoeâs opposite arm.
I never got his name, but when Oliver first referred to him as the Hot Guy from Pizza Stanâs, I knew exactly who he meant. Philly scene kid par excellence. Mid-20s, washed-out black denim, dyed black hair, thick bangs, and dark, gentle eyes. He was only truly alluring when he was on the job, because he seldom smiled thenâand when he smiled, he broke the spell by exposing his teeth, stained a gnarly shade of mahogany from too much smoking and not enough brushing.
âHowâs Best? Marcus still a joker?â Danny asked him.
âYeah, you know Marcus. You know how he is.â
So the Hot Guy had been working at Best Burger (directly across the street from Avenue Brew) ever since Pizza Stanâs owners mismanaged the place unto insolvency. (Afterwards it was renovated and reopened as a vegan bakeryâwhich incidentally closed down about a month ago.) Danny used to work at Best Burger, but that ended after he got into a shouting match with the owner. I happened to overhear it while I was dragging in the tables and collecting the chairs from the sidewalk the night it happened. It wasnât any of my business, and I tried not to pay attention, but they were really tearing into each other. A month later, Oliver welcomed Danny aboard at Avenue Brew. I hadnât known heâd been interviewed, and by then it was too late to mention the incident. But Iâd have been a hypocrite to call it a red flag after the way I resigned from my position as CafĂŠ Chakra's assistant manager two years earlierânot that we need to go dredging that up right now. Let's say there was some bad blood and leave it at that.
Anyway, I was thinking about giving in and buying a pack of cigarettes from the machineâand then remembered that Twenty didnât have a cigarette machine. I looked again. The Art Carney-lookalike was still there, fingering his phone with a frown, but the girl was goneâand so was the cigarette machine.
I had only a moment to puzzle over this before Danny clapped me on the shoulder and thrust a shot glass in front of me.
âStarfish!â he said. (Danny called me Starfish. Everybody else called me Pat.) âYou look like you need some juice.â
He distributed shots to everyone else. Marina declined hers, but changed her mind when Kyle offered to take it instead.
She and Kyle had stopped sleeping together after Kyle left Avenue Brew to work at the Victory taproom on the Parkway, but Marina was still concerned about his bad habits, which Danny delighted in encouraging.
We all leaned in to clink our glasses. Before I could find an appropriate moment to ask Marina if I could bum a cigarette, she got up to visit the bathroom. Danny took her seat and bowed his head for a conspiratorial word with Kyle.
I watched from the corner of my eye and tried to listen in. Like Marina, I was a little worried about Kyle. He got hired at Avenue Brew around the same time I did, just before the pandemic temporarily turned us into a takeout joint. He was a senior at Drexel then, an English major, and sometimes talked about wanting to either find work in publishing or carve out a career as a freelance writer after graduating. But first he intended to spend a year getting some life in before submitting himself to the forever grind.
He read a lot of Charles Bukowski and Hunter Thompson. He relished the gritty and sordid, and had already been good at sniffing it out around the neighborhood and in West Philly before Danny introduced him to cocaine, casinos, strip clubs, and a rogueâs gallery of shady but fascinating people. (None were really Dannyâs friends; just fellow passengers who intersected with the part of his life where he sometimes went to Parx, sometimes came out ahead, sometimes spent his winnings on coke, and sometimes did bumps at titty bars.) Kyle recounted these adventures with a boyish enthusiasm for the naked reality of sleaze, like a middle schooler telling his locker room buddies about catching his older brother in flagrante and seeing so-and-so body parts doing such-and-such things.
Marina hated it. She never said as much to me, but she was afraid that the template Kyle set for his life during his âyear offâ was in danger of becoming locked in. The anniversary of his graduation had already passed, and now here he was trying to convince Danny to contribute a couple hundred dollars toward a sheet of acid his guy had for sale. He wasn't doing much writing lately.
I was the oldest employee at Avenue Brew (as I write this Iâm 37, but fortunately I donât look it), and when Kyle still worked with us I felt like it was my prerogative to give him some advice. The longer he waited to make inroads, I once told him, the more likely heâd be seen as damaged goods by the publishing world. He needed to jam his foot in the door while he was still young.
I could tell the conversation bored him, and didnât bring up the subject again.
The bartender took my glass and curtly asked if Iâd like another drink.
âNo thanks, not yet,â I answered.
She slid me my bill.
I missed the old bartender, the one sheâd replaced. I forget her name, but she was ingenuous and energetic and sweet. Pretty much everyone had some sort of crush on her. Sometimes she came into Avenue Brew for lunch, and tipped us as well as we tipped her. Maybe three months before that nightâDanny witnessed itâshe suddenly started crying and rushed out the door. Everyone at the bar mutely looked to each other for an explanation. (Fortunately for Twenty, the kitchen manager hadnât left yet, and picked up the rest of her shift.)
She never came back. None of us had seen her since. But drafts still had to be poured and bottlecaps pulled off, and now here was another white woman in her mid-twenties wearing a black tank top, a pushup bra, and a scrunchie, same as before. Twentyâs regulars grew accustomed to not expecting to see the person sheâd replaced, and life went on.
âHowâre you doing?â I asked Oliver, just to say something to somebody, and to keep my thoughts from wandering back to Heather.
âJust kind of existing right now,â he answered. His phone lay face-up on the counter. He was swiping through Instagram, and I recognized the avatar of the user whose album he hate-browsed.
âAnd howâs Austin been?â I asked.
âOh, you know. Not even three weeks after getting over the jetlag from his trip back from the Cascades, heâs off touring Ireland.â He shook his head. âLiving his best life.â
Heâd hired Austin on a part-time basis in September. We needed a new associate when Emma was promoted to replace a supervisor who'd quit without even giving his two weeks. There was a whole thing. I'm having a hard time recalling the guy's name, but I liked him well enough. He was a good worker and he seemed like a bright kid, but he wasâwell, he was young. NaĂŻve. One day he found Jeremy sitting in the back room with his laptop, and took advantage of the open-door policy to ask why the store manager and supervisors didnât get health benefits or paid time off. Jeremy told him it "was being worked on," and that he couldnât discuss it any further at that time. I understand the kid got argumentative, though I never knew precisely what was said.
Irene started visiting the shop a lot more often after that, almost always arriving when the kid was working. No matter what he was doing, sheâd find a reason to intervene, to micromanage and harangue him, and effectively make his job impossible. A coincidence, surely.
Itâs something I still think about. By any metric, Jeremy and Irene have done very well for themselves. Theyâre both a little over 40 years old. I remember hearing they met at law school. In addition to Avenue Brew, they own a bistro in Francisville and an ice cream parlor in Point Breeze. They have a house on the Blue Line, send their son to a Montessori school, and pull up to their businesses in a white Volkswagen ID.4. But whenever the subject of benefits, wages, or even free shift meals came up, they pled poverty. It simply couldnât be done. But they liked to remind us about all they did to make Avenue Brew a fun place to work, like let the staff pick the music and allow Oliver and me to conduct a beer tasting once a day. They stuck Black Lives Matter, Believe Women, and Progress flag decals on the front door and windows, and I remember Irene wearing a Black Trans Lives Matter shirt once or twice when covering a supervisor's shift. None of the college students or recent graduates who composed most of Avenue Brew's staff could say the bosses weren't on the right team. And yet...
I'm sorryâI was talking about Austin. He was maybe 30 and already had another job, a ârealâ job, some sort of remote gig lucrative enough for him to make rent on a studio in the picturesque Episcopal church down the street that had been converted into upscale apartments some years back. Austin wasnât looking for extra cash. He wanted to socialize. To have something to do and people to talk to in the outside world. He wanted to make friends, and all of us could appreciate thatâbut itâs hard to be fond of a coworker who irredeemably sucks at his job. Austin never acted with any urgency, was inattentive to detail, and even after repeated interventions from Oliver and the supervisors, he continued to perform basic tasks in bafflingly inefficient ways. Having Austin on your shift meant carrying his slack, and everyone was fed up after a few months. Oliver sat him down, told him he was on thin ice, and gave him a list of the areas in which he needed to improve if he didnât want to be let go.
When Austin gave Oliver the indignant âI donât need this jobâ speech, it was different from those times Danny or I told a boss to go to hell and walked out. Austin truly didnât need it. He basically said the job was beneath him, and so was Oliver.
It got deep under Oliverâs skin. He did need the job and had to take it seriously, even when it meant being the dipshit manager chewing out a man four or five years his senior. He earned $18 an hour (plus tips when he wasnât doing admin work), had debts to pay off, and couldn't expect to get any help from his family.
The important thing, though, the part I distinctly remember, was that Oliver was looking at a video of a wading bird Austin had recorded. An egret, maybe. White feathers, long black legs, pointy black beak. Austin must have been standing on a ledge above a creek, because he had an overhead view of the bird as it stood in the water, slowly and deliberately stretching and retracting its neck, eyeing the wriggling little shadows below. As far as the fish could know, they were swimming around a pair of reeds growing out of the silt. The predator from which they extended was of a world beyond their understanding and out of their reach.
The video ended. Oliver moved on to the next item: a photograph of the bird from the same perspective, with a fish clamped in its beak. Water droplets flung from the victim's thrashing tail caught the sunlight. And I remember now, I clearly remember, the shapes of like twelve other fish stupidly milling about the bird's feet, unperturbed and unpanicked.
Danny peered at Oliverâs phone and observed a resemblance between the birdâits shape and bearing, and the composition of the photographâand a POV porn video shot from behind and above, and he told us so. Elaborately. He made squawking noises.
âAnd mom says Iâm a degenerate,â Oliver sighed. âCan you practice your interspecies pickup artist shit somewhere else?â Oliver flicked his wrist, shooing Danny off, and held his phone in front of his face to signal that he was done talking.
Danny sagged a little on his stool and turned away. I sometimes felt bad for him. For all his faults, he had the heart of a puppy dog. He really did think of us as his tribe. There was nobody else whoâd only ever answer âyesâ when you asked him to pick up a shift, and he did it completely out of loyalty.
He was turning 29 in a week. I wondered how many people would actually turn out to celebrate with him at the Black Taxi. Kyle probably wouldâbut even he regarded Danny more as a source of vulgar entertainment than a friend.
Then it happened again. When I turned to speak to Oliver, thereâd been a pair of pool cues leaning side-by-side against the wall a few stools down. Now they were gone.
This time it might have been my imagination. Somebody passing by could have casually snatched them up and kept walking.
But a moment later I seemed to notice a second TouchTunes box protruding from the wall directly behind me. I let it be.
Marina returned from the bathroom. Danny rose and offered her back her seat with an exaggerated bow. Before she got settled, I asked if sheâd like to step outside with me. She withdrew her pack of Marlboro Menthols from her canvas bag, which she left sitting on the stool to deter Danny from sitting back down.
Marina never minded letting me bum cigarettes from time to time. I couldnât buy them for myself anymore; itâs a habit I could never keep under control, and was only getting more expensive. Like everything else in the world. About once a month I reimbursed her by buying her a pack.
The air out on the sidewalk was as hot as the air inside Twenty, but easier to breathe. After lighting up, Marina leaned against the bricks and sighed.
âI wish Oliver would fire Danny already and get it over with.â
I nodded. Marina rarely talked about anything but work.
âHe sneaks drinks and doesn't think anyone notices he's buzzed,â she went on. âHe steals so much shit and isnât even a little subtle about it. Heâs going to get Oliver in trouble. And heâs a creep.â
âYeah,â I said. These were her usual complaints about Danny, and they were all true. âAt least heâs better than Austin.â
âThatâs a low bar.â
Three dirt bikes and an ATV roared down the lonely street, charging through stop sign after stop sign, putting our talk on hold.
âRemind me. Youâve got one semester left, right?â I asked after the noise ebbed.
âYep.â
Marina was a marketing major at Temple. Sheâd had an internship during the spring semester, and her boss told her to give her a call the very minute she graduated. Her parents in central Pennsylvania couldnât pay her rent or tuition for her, so she was a full-time student and a full-time employee at Avenue Brew. Her emotional spectrum ranged from "tired" to "over it." Sheâd been waiting tables and working at coffee shops since she was seventeen, had no intention of continuing for even a day longer than she had to, and feared the escape hatch would slam shut if she dallied too long after prying it open.
Sheâd considered majoring in English, like Kyle. She went for marketing instead. I couldnât blame her.
âAre you okay?â she asked. âYouâve been kind of off all day.â
âIâm terrible.â
âWhy?â
I gave dodgy answers, but she asked precisely the right follow-up questions to get me going about what happened with Heather the night before.
It was the new job. Before the pandemic, Heather worked as a server at a Center City bar and grill. (That's where I met her; we were coworkers for about a year, and then I left to work CafĂŠ Chakra because it was quieter and closer to where I lived.) When the place closed its doors and laid everyone off during the lockdown, she got a stopgap job at the Acme on Passyunk, and hated it. Then in March, she found a bar-and-lounge gig in a ritzy hotel on Broad Street. Very corporate. Excellent pay, great benefits. Definitely a step up. But her new employers made Irene and Jeremy look like Bob and Linda Belcher by comparison. It was the kind of place where someone had recently gotten herself fired for leaving work to rush to the hospital after getting the news that her grandmother was about to be taken off life support, and not finding someone to come in and cover the last two hours of her shift.
Heather seldom worked fewer than fifty-five hours a week, and her schedule was even more erratic than mine. At least once a week she left the hotel at 1:00 or 2:00 AM and returned at 9:00 the next morning. Neither of us could remember the last time sheâd had two consecutive days off, and it had been over a month since one of mine overlapped with one of hers. Sheâd spent it drinking alone at home. All she wanted was some privacy.
Iâd biked to South Philly to meet her when she got home at 1:30. The argument that killed our relationship for good began around 2:30, when I complained that we never had sex anymore. Heather accused me of only caring about that, when she was so exhausted and stressed that her hair was falling out in the shower. Quit the job? She couldnât quit. The money was too good. She had student loans, medical bills, and credit card debt, and for the first time in her life she could imagine paying it all off before hitting menopause.
So, yeah, I was cranky about our sex life being dead in the water. Say whatever you like. But at that point, what were we to each other? We did nothing together anymore but complain about work before one or both of us fell asleep. That isnât a relationship.
She said my hair always smelled like sandwiches, even after bathing, and she was done pretending it didnât turn her off. I told her she was one to talkâshe always reeked of liquor. As things escalated, we stopped caring if her roommates heard us. âYou want to be a father?â she shouted around 4:00 AM. âMaking what you make? That poor fucking kid.â
We fought until sunrise, and I left her apartment with the understanding that I wouldnât be coming back, wouldnât be calling her ever again. I biked home and sat on the steps facing the cement panel that was my houseâs backyard. After my phone died and I couldnât anaesthetize myself with dumb YouTube videos or make myself feel crazy staring at the download button for the Tinder app, I watched the sparrows hopping on and off the utility lines for a while.
At 11:40 I went inside. One of my roommates was already in the shower, so the best I could do was put on a clean Avenue Brew T-shirt before walking to the shop and clocking in at noon to help deal with the lunch rush.
âThatâs a lot,â Marina finally said. âSorry.â
I donât know what I was expecting her to say. She was sixteen years my junior, after all, and just a coworker. She didnât need to hear any of this, and I definitely didn't need to be telling her. But who else was there to tell?
Sheâd already finished her cigarette. I still had a few puffs left. She went inside.
I decided to call it a night.
The second TouchTunes box was goneânaturally. Danny had taken my stool, and regarded my approach with a puckish you snooze you lose grin. I wasnât going to say anything. Iâd just pay my bill, give everyone a nod goodnight, and walk the five blocks back home.
And then Danny disappeared.
One second, he was there. The nextâgone.
Danny didnât just instantaneously vanish. Even when something happens in the blink of an eye, you can still put together something of a sequence. I saw himâI seemed to see himâfalling into himself, collapsing to a point, and then to nothing.
You know how sometimes a sound is altogether inaudible unless youâre looking at the sourceâlike when you donât realize somebodyâs whispering at you, and can then hear and understand them after they get your attention? I think that was the case here. I wouldn't have known to listen if I hadn't seen it happen. What I heard lingered for two, maybe three seconds, and wasn't any louder than a fly buzzing inside a lampshade. A tiny and impossibly distant scream, pitchshifted like a receding ambulance siren into a basso drone...
I donât know. I donât know for sure. Iâm certain I remember a flash of red, and I have the idea of Dannyâs trunk expanding, opening up as it imploded. A crimson flower, flecked white, with spooling pink stalksâand Dannyâs wide-eyed face above it, drawn twisting and shrinking into its petals.
For an instant, Twentyâs interior shimmered. Not shimmered, exactlyâglitched would be a better word. If youâre old enough to remember the fragmented graphics that sometimes flashed onscreen when you turned on the Nintendo without blowing on the cartridge, youâll have an idea of what I mean. It happened much too fast, and there was too much of it to absorb. The one clear impression I could parse was the mirage of a cash register flickering upside-down above the pool table.
Not a cash register. The shape was familiar, but the texture was wrong. I think it was ribbed, sort of like a maggot. I think it glistened. Likeâcamo doesnât work anymore when the wearer stops crouching behind a bush and breaks into a run. Do you get what Iâm saying?
Nobody else seemed to notice. The pool balls clacked. A New Order track was playing on the TouchTunes box. A nearby argument about about Nick Sirianni continued unabated.
Finally, there was a downward rush of airâand this at least elicited a reaction from the bartender, who slapped my bill to keep it from sailing off the counter.
âDanny,â I said.
âDanny?â Kyle asked me quietly. His face had gone pale.
âDanny?â Oliver repeated in a faraway voice.
After a pause, Kyle blinked a few times. âYou heard from him?â
âGod forbid,â said Marina. âWhen he quit I was like, great, I can keep working here after all.â
âOh, come onââ
âKyle. Did I ever show you those texts he sent me once at three in the morning?â The color had returned to Oliverâs face.
âNo, what did he say?â
Oliver tapped at his phone and turned the screen toward Kyle.
âOh. Oh, jeez.â
âRight? Likeâif you want to ask me something, ask me. You know? Donât be weirdly accusatory about itâŚâ
I pulled a wad of fives and ones from my pocket, threw it all onto the counter, and beelined for the exit without consideration for the people I squeezed through and shoved past on the way.
I heard Marina saying âlet him go.â
I went a second consecutive night without sleep. Fortunately I wasnât scheduled to come in the next day.
The schedule. Itâs funny. Oliver was generally great at his job, and even when he wasnât, I cut him a lot of slack because I knew Irene and Jeremy never gave him a momentâs peace. But I could never forgive him those times he waited until the weekend to make up and distribute the schedule. This was one of those weeks he didnât get around to it until Saturday afternoon. When I found it in my inbox, Dannyâs name wasnât anywhere on it.
As far as I know, nobody who hadnât been at Twenty that night asked what happened to him. We were a bit overstaffed as it was, and everyone probably assumed Danny was slated for the chopping block. The part-timers were, for the most part, happy to get a few additional hours.
Oliver abruptly quit around Labor Day after a final acrimonious clash with the owners. I never found out the details, and I never saw him again. Jeremy and Irene took turns minding the store while a replacement manager was sought. None of the supervisors would be pressured into taking the job; they knew from Oliver what they could expect.
About three weeks after Oliver left, I came in for my purchasing shift and found Jeremy waiting for me in the back room. I knew it was serious when he didnât greet me with the awkward fist-bump he ordinarily required of his male employees.
âYouâve seen the numbers,â he said. Business for the summer had fallen short of expectations, it was true, and he and Irene had decided to rein in payroll expenses. My purchaser position was being eliminated. Its responsibilities would be redistributed among the supervisors and the new manager, when one was found. In the meantime, I'd be going back to the regular $11 an hour (plus tips of course) associate position full-time.
Jeremy assured me I'd be first in the running for supervisor the next time there was an opening.
I told him it was fine, I was done, and if heâd expected the courtesy of two weeksâ notice, he shouldnât have blindsided me like that.
âWell, thatâs your choice,â he answered, trying not to look pleased. His payroll problem was solving itself.
I racked up credit card debt for a few months. Applied for entry-level museum jobs that might appreciate my art history degree. Aimed for some purchasing and administrative assistant gigs, and just for the hell of it, turned in a resume for a facilitator position at an after-school art program. Got a few interviews. All of them eventually told me theyâd decided to go in a different direction. I finally got hired to bartend at Hops from Underground, a microbrewery on Fairmount.
Iâm still there. The moneyâs okay, but it fluctuates. Hours are reasonable. Iâm on their high-deductible health plan. Thereâs a coworker Iâve been dating. Sort of dating. You know how it goes. In this line of work you get so used to people coming and going that you learn not to get too attached. I walk past Avenue Brew a few times a week, but stopped peering in through the window when I didn't recognize the people behind the counter anymore.
2023.06.03 14:46 Sufficient-Maize-606 Four Winds
 | submitted by Sufficient-Maize-606 to brighteyes [link] [comments] |
2023.06.03 12:47 EssenceOfMind Lyrics analysis: Gunners in the Rain
Introduction? I don't know how to do this analysis thing properly
I decided to do an analysis because Gunners in the Rain just came out and better analysis people haven't gotten to it yet. It also seems to be overlooked in general, having lyrics that are just as complex and ambiguous as Ga1alad, Sl0t, world.execute(me) etc. but for some reason being discussed less. The song itself reminds me of Children of the City instrumental-wise, which I thought was cool. Mili should make more of this type of music imo, the muted/muffled sound really fits momocashew's vocals.
The actual analysis
So, these lyrics use so much symbolism it's kinda hard to tell what it's really about. Maybe they just wrote whatever sounded cool. I dunno. But this is my personal interpretation, and I'm gonna project my personal concerns and opinions on it as hard as possible.
Overall, I think this song is about ending a toxic relationship. Or maybe close friendship. I'm going with the former because it's spicier that way. I don't think the violence in the song is literal, but metaphorically represents the pain of severing your ties with someone, I'll explain later why I think this is the case. To me, the gunner's "killings" represent them causing the singer's other connections with their loved ones to fall apart.
So yeah, that's it. Idk. Thanks for reading.
submitted by EssenceOfMind to mili [link] [comments]
I decided to do an analysis because Gunners in the Rain just came out and better analysis people haven't gotten to it yet. It also seems to be overlooked in general, having lyrics that are just as complex and ambiguous as Ga1alad, Sl0t, world.execute(me) etc. but for some reason being discussed less. The song itself reminds me of Children of the City instrumental-wise, which I thought was cool. Mili should make more of this type of music imo, the muted/muffled sound really fits momocashew's vocals.
The actual analysis
So, these lyrics use so much symbolism it's kinda hard to tell what it's really about. Maybe they just wrote whatever sounded cool. I dunno. But this is my personal interpretation, and I'm gonna project my personal concerns and opinions on it as hard as possible.
Overall, I think this song is about ending a toxic relationship. Or maybe close friendship. I'm going with the former because it's spicier that way. I don't think the violence in the song is literal, but metaphorically represents the pain of severing your ties with someone, I'll explain later why I think this is the case. To me, the gunner's "killings" represent them causing the singer's other connections with their loved ones to fall apart.
Lately my friends have beenNot too hard to understand. The singer is drifting apart from their friends as they get their own hobbies. They aren't as close as they used to be.
Feeling rather uneasy
Living differently
Just doing their thing
Yet all their preferences are threateningThese lines suggest to me that the gunner is either very close friends or partners with the singer, and they don't like the singers friends drifting apart from them because it makes the singer sad. The singer isn't too happy with the gunner trying to shove their nose into their friendships, and sees it as overstepping their boundaries.
To your overly boundary-stepping philosophy
Yeah you play to winHere we get some weird seemingly unrelated lines. Maybe the singer thinks the gunner does not really care about them, and sees their relationship as a game?
Consider this:
How about joining an eSports team?
One by one, properly performedI already touched on this but to me it reads like the gunner trying to sever the singer's other connections to their friends/family. Yeah, gunner has a severe case of the yandere. "Pre-approved" reads to me not as being approved by someone else, but the gunner justifying his actions to himself.
Pre-approved killings
To-do list in mind
Youâre ticking off their time
Ticking off their time
And with your arms of fireKeeping this in mind for later.
Hey gunner in the rainThe gunner's reason for doing all these things to the singer is, at its core, being worried about the singer and their relationship ending. Ironically his actions are what causes the singer to break up with them in the end.
Who keeps you up at night?
Why donât you tell me why youâre afraid to turn off the lights?
Hey gunner in the rainThe gunners wants to "protect" the singer from their own friends, who he sees as hurting the singer, by... uhh... ending their friendships. The singer (rightfully) calls them out on this, saying that the gunners thinks they're doing a good thing but actually it's hurting the singer's friends (making them victims).
If justice isnât a lie
Tell me, who were made victims in the name of protection?
So I have beenSinger want to break up with gunner. Breaking up with someone isn't easy, you need to plan for it, make yourself ready.
Planning for this party secretly
And I found this thing Santa gave meThe singer gets the courage and support they need to break up from their father. Once again, the irony is that the people close to the singer, the ones who the gunner thought were affecting the singer badly, are actually helping the singer and helping them stand up to the gunner.
(Heâs just my daddy in a different name)
Anyway, sorry
Itâs a submachine water gun in pink
Itâs a submachine water gun in pinkNotice how the gunner's "violence" is genuine and deadly, while the singer's "violence" is isn't violence at all, but rather made up of harmless, childish imitations of real violence. Maybe this is Mili making a point about how the gunner is wrong and the singer is right here. Maybe it's saying that unlike the singer who has had genuine valuable friendships shattered by the gunner, the gunner won't lose much in the long term after their unhealthy relationship ends. I dunno.
Filling it up with cherry ice cream
And with my arms of waterThis ties into my previous point, gunner has arms of fire while singer has arms of water.
Lock on to your headNot much to say here except to point out the double meaning of "trigger" which is pretty clever.
Iâm triggering a change
Triggering a change
A splash of ice cream took off...And the singer does it, successfully breaking up with the gunner.
And splattered on your face
Bullseye, bullseye
Hey gunner in the rainThe last line here is what led me to believe that this isn't about real violence. Being shot in the head definitely shouldn't "sting a little bit".The gunner will be hurt by the breakup, but the singer hopes that this pain will help them realize the error of their ways and change into a better, less obsessed person. Man this line speaks to me on a personal level.
Will I keep you up tonight?
Hope my messages stick and sting a little bit
Weâre goners in the rainDespite being the one to break up, the singers is also hurt. Not hurt irreparably, unlike their relationships with all their friends (who are described as killed), but still.
Your bullet through my eye
Why donât you tell me why only now you feel regret?This, I think, is one of the most important lines in the song. The gunner didn't harm the singer out of malice, but out of a misguided desire to "protect" the singer caused by an unhealthy obsession. Only after being broken up with can the gunner realize how much they have hurt the singer. The singer is saddened by the fact that the only way the gunner can realize this is if they end their relationship.
Hey gunner in the rainThis feels like the singer is being kinda sassy? Like, "oh yeah you're so kind towards me but hurting all my friends like that is totally fine?"
I heard you donât have the right
To hurt me like the others
Cause weâre way too similar
Weâre gunners in the rainAnd the song closes off with a message about how we all have the potential to hurt people by ending our friendships/relationships with them, and we should understand when that is truly necessary.
We decide which shot gets fired
Weâre gunners in the rain
We decide which body our bullets enter
So yeah, that's it. Idk. Thanks for reading.
2023.06.03 11:04 lolalululolalulu Achievement unlocked: Sober karaoke
I know it's not from everyone, but I fucking LOVE karaoke. It's legit one of my favourite things. I love participating, I love cheering people on, I love bad singers who just go for it. Seriously, the worse you sound, the more I love it. LIVE YOUR LIFE FRIEND!! I'm rooting for the tone deaf, the rhythmically challenged, aka ME.
I never thought I'd be able to do it sober. But I went to Rockaoke with some pals last night, thought fuck it, put my song in after two NA beers and got picked to hack All My life by Foo Fighters to death. I was so nervous I lost all feeling in my feet for like half hour after. But I goddamn did it and it was so much fucking fun I want to do it again.
I will not drink with you today but I might scream in your ear. DONE! DONE! ON TO THE NEXT ONE DONE AND DONE AND ON TO THE NEXT!
submitted by lolalululolalulu to stopdrinking [link] [comments]
I never thought I'd be able to do it sober. But I went to Rockaoke with some pals last night, thought fuck it, put my song in after two NA beers and got picked to hack All My life by Foo Fighters to death. I was so nervous I lost all feeling in my feet for like half hour after. But I goddamn did it and it was so much fucking fun I want to do it again.
I will not drink with you today but I might scream in your ear. DONE! DONE! ON TO THE NEXT ONE DONE AND DONE AND ON TO THE NEXT!
2023.06.03 05:46 VietRooster New Music Friday: June 2nd/May 26th, 2023
New Music Friday is the weekly thread dedicated to cataloging all the Album/EP releases that came out this week, including non-subreddit relevant releases. This is also a great place to discuss these albums, or bring to attention other albums released this week.
Label: Domino
Genre: Post-Punk, Art Punk, Gothic Rock
Beach Fossils - Bunny
Label: Bayonet
Genre: Indie Pop, Jangle Pop, Dream Pop
â Bully - Lucky for You
Label: Sub Pop
Genre: Indie Rock, Noise Pop, Post-Grunge
â Pupil Slicer - Blossom
Label: Prosthetic
Genre: Mathcore, Post-Hardcore, Blackgaze
Body Type - Expired Candy
Label: n/a
Genre: Indie Rock, Post-Punk
â KNOWER - KNOWER FOREVER
Label: n/a
Genre: Jazz-Funk, Synth Funk, Art Pop
RVG - Brain Worms
Label: Fire
Genre: Indie Rock, Jangle Pop
Baxter Dury - I Thought I Was Better Than You
Label: Heavenly
Genre: Art Pop, Indie Pop, UK Hip Hop
Ben Folds - What Matters Most
Label: New West
Genre: Piano Rock, Pop Rock, Singer-songwriter
Jake Shears (ex-Scissor Sisters) - Last Man Dancing
Label: Mute
Genre: Pop, Pop Rock
Lanterns On The Lake - Versions Of Us
Label: Bella Union
Genre: Dream Pop, Chamber Pop, Indie Pop
Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - Council Skies
Label: n/a
Genre: Post-Britpop, Chamber Pop, Post-Punk Revival
FRANKIIE - Between Dreams
Label: Paper Bag
Genre: Indie Pop
Generationals - Heatherhead
Label: Polyvinyl
Genre: Indie Pop, Bedroom Pop, Electropop
Anthony Naples - orbs
Label: ANS
Genre: Ambient Techno, Downtempo, Neo-Psychedelia
Purr - Who Is Afraid Of Blue?
Label: ANTI-
Genre: Psychedelic Pop, Indie Pop
â Half Moon Run - Salt
Label: BMG
Genre: Indie Rock, Indie Folk, Folk Rock
Sam Blasucci - Off My Stars
Label: Innovative Leisure
Genre: Indie Pop, Singer-songwriter
â Gorgeous - Sapsucker
Label: n/a
Genre: Experimental Rock
Vulfmon - Vulfnik
Label: Vulf
Genre: Pop Soul, Jazz-Funk
Gula Blend - Allt har hänt
Label: Rama Lama
Genre: Surf Rock, Garage Punk
Gal Pal - This and Other Gestures
Label: Youth Riot
Genre: Indie Rock, Alternative Rock
â Lost Under Heaven - Something is Announced By Your Life!
Label: n/a
Genre: Art Pop, Indietronica
De Staat - Red / Yellow / Blue
Label: n/a
Genre: Alternative Rock, Dance-Punk
The Aquadolls - Charmed
Label: Enci
Genre: Surf Rock, Indie Surf, Indie Rock
Rancid - Tomorrow Never Comes
Label: Epitaph
Genre: Punk Rock
**Kildas - No Harmony
Label: n/a
Genre: Progressive Rock, Jazz-Rock
WITCH - Zango
Label: Partisan
Genre: Zamrock, Acid Rock
Louise Post - Sleepwalker
Label: n/a
Genre: Indie Rock, Indie Pop
â Tigercub - The Perfume of Decay
Label: Loosegroove
Genre: Alternative Rock, Stoner Rock, Garage Rock
Sorry Girls - Bravo!
Label: Arbutus
Genre: Pop Rock
McKinley Dixon - Beloved! Paradise! Jazz!?
Label: City Slang
Genre: Jazz Rap, Conscious Hip Hop, Neo-Soul
â DZ Deathrays - R.I.F.F.
Label: n/a
Genre: Alternative Rock, Garage Rock Revival
Ben Harper - WIDE OPEN LIGHT
Label: Chrysalis
Genre: Singer-songwriter, Folk Rock
OLTH - every day is sOmeOne's speciaL day
Label: n/a
Genre: Screamo, Metalcore, Emoviolence
MILLY - The Freed Milly (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Shoegaze, Indie Rock, Noise Pop
â Public Phone School - Public Phone School
Label: n/a
Genre: Noise Rock, Powerviolence, Synth Punk
Kiltro - Underbelly
Label: n/a
Genre: Psychedelic Folk, Indie Folk, Latin Alternative
Speakers Corner Quartet - Further Out Than The Edge
Label: n/a
Genre: Jazz
Brandt Brauer Frick - Multi Faith Prayer Room
Label: Because
Genre: Minimal Techno, IDM, Electroacoustic, Nu Jazz
The Stools - R U Saved?
Label: Feel It
Genre: Punk Rock, Garage Rock
â Levyosn - Levyosn's Lullaby
Label: Borscht Beat
Genre: Folksong, Acoustic, Klezmer
Wire Crimes - The Impermanence of Things (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Indie
Jelly Kelly - Warm Water (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop Punk, Indie Rock
Monika Linkyte - HEALING
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop Soul, Adult Contemporary
Trixie Mattel - Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Dance-Pop, Nu-Disco
Stray Kids - 5-STAR
Label: JYP
Genre: K-Pop, Trap, Pop Rap
CIL - Tears Dry On Their Own (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop
Big Time Rush - Another Life
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop, Dance-Pop
Elettra Lamborghini - Elettraton
Label: Island
Genre: ReggaetĂłn
Sophie Ellis-Bextor - HANA
Label: Douglas Valentine
Genre: Pop Rock, Synthpop, Alternative Rock
The Aces - I've Loved You For So Long
Label: Red Bull
Genre: Pop Rock, New Wave
Dj Smokey - Nuked Out Dance Party
Label: n/a
Genre: Instrumental Hip Hop, Trap, Experimental Hip Hop
DaBoii & The Mekanix - Soakin Game
Label: n/a
Genre: West Coast Hip Hop, Gangsta Rap, Detroit Trap
J Billz & Pi'erre Bourne - Streetz Hottest Young'n
Label: n/a
Genre: Trap
Moneybagg Yo - Hard to Love
Label: Cocaine
Genre: Southern Hip Hop, Trap, Pop Rap
Metro Boomin - METRO BOOMIN PRESENTS SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE (SOUNDTRACK FROM AND INSPIRED BY THE MOTION PICTURE)
Label: n/a
Genre: Film Soundtrack, Trap, Pop Rap
â Ghais Guevara - Goyard Comin': Exordium
Label: n/a
Genre: Hardcore Hip Hop, East Coast Hip Hop, Experimental Hip Hop
â Avenged Sevenfold - Life is But A Dream...
Label: Warner
Genre: Avant-Garde Metal, Progressive Metal, Metal Metal Metal Metal
Bongzilla - Dab City
Label: Heavy Psych
Genre: Stoner Doom Jams
â Girls Under Glass - Backdraft
Label: n/a
Genre: Gothic Rock, Industrial Rock, EBM
Omnium Gatherum - Slasher (EP)
Label: Century Media
Genre: Melodic Death Metal
â Rival Sons - DARKFIGHTER
Label: Atlantic
Genre: Hard Rock, Blues Rock
BURNT SKULL - Daylight Mutilation
Label: n/a
Genre: Noise Rock
â IUSA - ABANDON
Label: n/a
Genre: Blackened Sludge, Post-Metal
Einar Solberg - 16
Label: InsideOut
Genre: Symphonic Rock, Progressive Rock, Art Pop
Foo Fighters - But Here We Are
Label: Roswell
Genre: Alternative Rock, Power Pop, Shoegaze
â Messiahvore - TRANSVERSE
Label: n/a
Genre: Stoner Metal
Red Cain - Nae'Bliss
Label: n/a
Genre: Progressive Metal, Alternative Metal
Risin Sabotage - MACABRE
Label: Interstellar Space
Genre: Psychedelic Rock
Saint Karloff - Paleolithic War Crimes
Label: n/a
Genre: Stoner Metal
To Descend - Mindless Birth (EP)
Label: HPGD
Genre: Horror Pain Gore Death Metal
â Unfurl - Ascension
Label: n/a
Genre: Sludge Metal, Mathcore, Dissonant Hell
Wytch Hazel - IV: Sacrament
Label: n/a
Genre: Heavy Metal, Hard Rock
Label: Island
Genre: Art Pop, Synthpop, Progressive Pop
Miya Folick - ROACH
Label: Nettwerk
Genre: Indie Pop, Alt-Pop
â Water From Your Eyes - Everyone's Crushed
Label: Matador
Genre: Experimental Rock, Art Pop, Post-Industrial, Dance-Punk
Kevin Morby - More Photographs (A Continuum)
Label: Dead Oceans
Genre: Folk Rock, Singer-songwriter, Indie Folk
Arlo Parks - My Soft Machine
Label: Transgressive
Genre: Bedroom Pop, Alt-Pop
Saya Gray - QWERTY (EP)
Label: Dirty Hit
Genre: Psychedelic Folk, Indie Folk
Bayonne - Temporary Time
Label: Rough Trade
Genre: Indietronica, Indie Pop, Ambient Pop
Gia Margaret - Romantic Piano
Label: Jagjaguwar
Genre: Ambient, Field Recordings
Shirley Collins - Archangel Hill
Label: Domino
Genre: English Folk Music, Traditional Folk Music
Boy & Bear - Boy & Bear
Label: n/a
Genre: Folk Rock, Indie Rock, Indie Folk
â¤ď¸ Phoxjaw - notverynicecream
Label: Hassle
Genre: Alternative Rock, Post-Hardcore, Noise Rock, Alternative Metal
â Stuck - Freak Frequency
Label: Born Yesterday
Genre: Post-Punk, Art Punk, Post-Hardcore
The Orielles - The Goyt Method (EP)
Label: Heavenly
Genre: Space Age Pop Drones
AJJ - Disposable Everything
Label: Hopeless
Genre: Indie Rock, Indie Folk, Chamber Pop, Anti-Folk
â Clark - Sus Dog
Label: Throttle
Genre: Art Pop, Electronic, Ambient Pop, Progressive Electronic
Demob Happy - Divine Machines
Label: Liberator
Genre: Alternative Rock, Indie Rock
Panic Pocket - Mad Half Hour
Label: Skep Wax
Genre: Indie Rock, Power Pop
â Stimmerman - Undertaking
Label: n/a
Genre: Art Rock, Noise Grunge
â Miranda and the Beat - Miranda and the Beat
Label: Ernest Jenning Record Co.
Genre: 60's garage rock/soul
Yuksek - Dance'O'Drome
Label: Partyfine
Genre: Nu-Disco, Balearic Beat, Dance-Pop
Miss EspaĂąa - Niebla Mental
Label: n/a
Genre: new-nowave, punky synthwave, riot grrrl
â Victory Over The Sun - Dance You Monster To My Soft Song!
Label: n/a
Genre: Black Metal, Avant-Garde Metal, Progressive Metal
Jacuzzi Boys - Glue (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Garage Rock, Indie Rock
â Twin Princess - Blood Moon
Label: n/a
Genre: Alternative Pop, Doom Country, Indie Rock
Moon Blue - The Moonlight Disco (EP)
Label: 777
Genre: Indie Pop, Lo-Fi Indie
The Dandy Warhols - The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Neo-Psychedelia, Post-Rock, Ambient Pop
Radiator Hospital - Can't Make Any Promises
Label: n/a
Genre: Indie Rock, Power Pop
quickly, quickly - Easy Listening (EP)
Label: Ghostly
Genre: Jazz Fusion, Neo-Soul
Nate Schieble - plume
Label: n/a
Genre: Ambient
M. Sage - Paradise Crick
Label: Rvng
Genre: Ambient, ECM Style Jazz, Progressive Electronic
Divine Sweater - Down Deep (A Nautical Apocalypse)
Label: Better Company
Genre: Indie Pop, Sophisti-Pop, Chamber Pop
Chris Staples - Cloud Souvenirs
Label: n/a
Genre: Indie Folk, Singer-songwriter
Kassi Valazza - Kassi Valazza Knows Nothing
Label: Fluff & Gravy
Genre: Americana, Singer-songwriter, Progressive Country
RF Shannon - Red Swan in Palmetto
Label: Keeled Scales
Genre: Neo-Psychedelia, Americana
sophie meiers - shine__space
Label: Epitaph
Genre: Bedroom Pop, Alternative R&B
Crucchi Gang - Fellini
Label: Universal
Genre: Indie Pop
The Dirty Nil - Free Rein To Passions
Label: Dine Alone
Genre: Pop Punk, Garage Punk
Daniel Blumberg - GUT
Label: Mute
Genre: Singer-songwriter, Experimental, Art Rock
DaĂ°i Freyr - I'm Still Making An Album 2/3
Label: AWAL
Genre: Funktronica, Dance-Pop, Synthpop
Dev Lemons - Delusional (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Alt-Pop, Indietronica, Bedroom Pop
â JAAW - SUPERCLUSTER
Label: Svart
Genre: Industrial Metal, Noise Rock, Psychedelic Rock
Westelaken - I am Steaming Mushrooms
Label: n/a
Genre: Indie Rock, Alt-Country
Marco Mengoni - MATERIA (PRISMA)
Label: Epic
Genre: Pop, Adult Contemporary, Pop Rock
Matchbox Twenty - Where The Light Goes
Label: Atlantic
Genre: Pop Rock
Tia Kofi - Pride. Power. Pop. (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Dance-Pop
PRETTYMUCH - This Thing Called Love
Label: n/a
Genre: Boy Band, Electropop, Contemporary R&B
Lauren Jauregui - In Between (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop Soul, Contemporary R&B
Kari Faux - REAL B*TCHES DON'T DIE!
Label: drink sum wtr
Genre: West Coast Hip Hop, Trap, Alternative R&B, Neo-Soul
Monaleo - Where The Flowers Don't Die
Label: n/a
Genre: Southern Hip Hop, Contemporary R&B, Trap
LoĂŻc Nottet - Addictocrate
Label: Sony
Genre: French Pop
Ethereal - Heat Death 4
Label: n/a
Genre: Atmospheric Drum and Bass, Downtempo
Manu Manzo - Luna En Geminis
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop, R&B
Cruz CafunĂŠ - Me Muevo Con Dios
Label: n/a
Genre: Trap, Contemporary R&B
Hunxho - 4 Days in LA
Label: 300
Genre: Trap
Portraits of Tracy - Drive Home
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop Rap, Alternative R&B, Art Pop
Khamari - A Brief Nirvana
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop
Dom Corleo - On My Own
Label: n/a
Genre: Trap, West Coast Hip Hop, Rage
Lilâ Keke - 25 Summers
Label: n/a
Genre: Southern Hip Hop, Gangsta Rap
Cochise - NO ONE'S NICE TO ME (EP)
Label: Columbia
Genre: Trap, Southern Hip Hop
Jay Worthy & Roc Marciano - Nothing Bigger Than The Program
Label: Marci
Genre: Jazz Rap, Gangsta Rap
Lil Durk - Almost Healed
Label: Alamo
Genre: Trap, Gangsta Rap, Pop Rap
$uicideboy$ - YIN YANG TAPES: Winter Season (1989-1990) (EP)
Label: G*59
Genre: Southern Hip Hop, Memphis Rap
â Heart Attack Man - Freak of Nature
Label: n/a
Genre: Alternative Rock, Pop Punk
Immortal - War Against All
Label: Nuclear Blast
Genre: Black Metal, Melodic Black Metal
KostnatÄnĂ - Ăpal
Label: Willowtip
Genre: Black Metal, Avant-Garde Metal, Anatolian Rock
Metal Church - Congregation of Annihilation
Label: Rat Pak
Genre: US Power Metal, Thrash Metal
Vomitory - All Heads Are Gonna Roll
Label: Metal Blade
Genre: Death Metal
Cenobite - Torment Your Flesh and Explore the Limits of Experience
Label: n/a
Genre: Death Metal
The Foreshadowing - Forsaken Songs (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Doom Metal, Gothic Metal
In Tears - Stars Caught Tonight
Label: n/a
Genre: Blackgaze, Depressive Black Metal
â Teitan - In Oculus Abyss
Label: Void Wanderer
Genre: Black Metal, Avant-Garde Metal, Psychedelic Rock
Mesarthim - Arrival
Label: n/a
Genre: Atmospheric Black Metal, Space Ambient
â The Mon - EYE
Label: n/a
Genre: Psychedelic Rock, Drone
Oceanlord - Kingdom Cold
Label: n/a
Genre: Stoner Rock, Doom Metal
â Ockra - Gratitude
Label: Argonauta
Genre: Doom Metal
Speedwhore - Visions of a Parallel World
Label: Dying Victims
Genre: Thrash Metal, Speed Metal
â Seven Impale - SUMMIT
Label: Karisma
Genre: Progressive Rock, Avant-Prog
submitted by VietRooster to indieheads [link] [comments]
â "this seems intriguing after a cursory look"
â "im interested in this for one reason or another"
â¤ď¸ "ive been waiting for weeks, months/i'm absolutely in love with this"
June 2nd
â Protomartyr - Formal Growth in the DesertLabel: Domino
Genre: Post-Punk, Art Punk, Gothic Rock
Beach Fossils - Bunny
Label: Bayonet
Genre: Indie Pop, Jangle Pop, Dream Pop
â Bully - Lucky for You
Label: Sub Pop
Genre: Indie Rock, Noise Pop, Post-Grunge
â Pupil Slicer - Blossom
Label: Prosthetic
Genre: Mathcore, Post-Hardcore, Blackgaze
Body Type - Expired Candy
Label: n/a
Genre: Indie Rock, Post-Punk
â KNOWER - KNOWER FOREVER
Label: n/a
Genre: Jazz-Funk, Synth Funk, Art Pop
RVG - Brain Worms
Label: Fire
Genre: Indie Rock, Jangle Pop
Baxter Dury - I Thought I Was Better Than You
Label: Heavenly
Genre: Art Pop, Indie Pop, UK Hip Hop
Ben Folds - What Matters Most
Label: New West
Genre: Piano Rock, Pop Rock, Singer-songwriter
Jake Shears (ex-Scissor Sisters) - Last Man Dancing
Label: Mute
Genre: Pop, Pop Rock
Lanterns On The Lake - Versions Of Us
Label: Bella Union
Genre: Dream Pop, Chamber Pop, Indie Pop
Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - Council Skies
Label: n/a
Genre: Post-Britpop, Chamber Pop, Post-Punk Revival
FRANKIIE - Between Dreams
Label: Paper Bag
Genre: Indie Pop
Generationals - Heatherhead
Label: Polyvinyl
Genre: Indie Pop, Bedroom Pop, Electropop
Anthony Naples - orbs
Label: ANS
Genre: Ambient Techno, Downtempo, Neo-Psychedelia
Purr - Who Is Afraid Of Blue?
Label: ANTI-
Genre: Psychedelic Pop, Indie Pop
â Half Moon Run - Salt
Label: BMG
Genre: Indie Rock, Indie Folk, Folk Rock
Sam Blasucci - Off My Stars
Label: Innovative Leisure
Genre: Indie Pop, Singer-songwriter
â Gorgeous - Sapsucker
Label: n/a
Genre: Experimental Rock
Vulfmon - Vulfnik
Label: Vulf
Genre: Pop Soul, Jazz-Funk
Gula Blend - Allt har hänt
Label: Rama Lama
Genre: Surf Rock, Garage Punk
Gal Pal - This and Other Gestures
Label: Youth Riot
Genre: Indie Rock, Alternative Rock
â Lost Under Heaven - Something is Announced By Your Life!
Label: n/a
Genre: Art Pop, Indietronica
De Staat - Red / Yellow / Blue
Label: n/a
Genre: Alternative Rock, Dance-Punk
The Aquadolls - Charmed
Label: Enci
Genre: Surf Rock, Indie Surf, Indie Rock
Rancid - Tomorrow Never Comes
Label: Epitaph
Genre: Punk Rock
**Kildas - No Harmony
Label: n/a
Genre: Progressive Rock, Jazz-Rock
WITCH - Zango
Label: Partisan
Genre: Zamrock, Acid Rock
Louise Post - Sleepwalker
Label: n/a
Genre: Indie Rock, Indie Pop
â Tigercub - The Perfume of Decay
Label: Loosegroove
Genre: Alternative Rock, Stoner Rock, Garage Rock
Sorry Girls - Bravo!
Label: Arbutus
Genre: Pop Rock
McKinley Dixon - Beloved! Paradise! Jazz!?
Label: City Slang
Genre: Jazz Rap, Conscious Hip Hop, Neo-Soul
â DZ Deathrays - R.I.F.F.
Label: n/a
Genre: Alternative Rock, Garage Rock Revival
Ben Harper - WIDE OPEN LIGHT
Label: Chrysalis
Genre: Singer-songwriter, Folk Rock
OLTH - every day is sOmeOne's speciaL day
Label: n/a
Genre: Screamo, Metalcore, Emoviolence
MILLY - The Freed Milly (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Shoegaze, Indie Rock, Noise Pop
â Public Phone School - Public Phone School
Label: n/a
Genre: Noise Rock, Powerviolence, Synth Punk
Kiltro - Underbelly
Label: n/a
Genre: Psychedelic Folk, Indie Folk, Latin Alternative
Speakers Corner Quartet - Further Out Than The Edge
Label: n/a
Genre: Jazz
Brandt Brauer Frick - Multi Faith Prayer Room
Label: Because
Genre: Minimal Techno, IDM, Electroacoustic, Nu Jazz
The Stools - R U Saved?
Label: Feel It
Genre: Punk Rock, Garage Rock
â Levyosn - Levyosn's Lullaby
Label: Borscht Beat
Genre: Folksong, Acoustic, Klezmer
Wire Crimes - The Impermanence of Things (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Indie
Jelly Kelly - Warm Water (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop Punk, Indie Rock
Monika Linkyte - HEALING
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop Soul, Adult Contemporary
Trixie Mattel - Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Dance-Pop, Nu-Disco
Stray Kids - 5-STAR
Label: JYP
Genre: K-Pop, Trap, Pop Rap
CIL - Tears Dry On Their Own (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop
Big Time Rush - Another Life
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop, Dance-Pop
Elettra Lamborghini - Elettraton
Label: Island
Genre: ReggaetĂłn
Sophie Ellis-Bextor - HANA
Label: Douglas Valentine
Genre: Pop Rock, Synthpop, Alternative Rock
The Aces - I've Loved You For So Long
Label: Red Bull
Genre: Pop Rock, New Wave
Dj Smokey - Nuked Out Dance Party
Label: n/a
Genre: Instrumental Hip Hop, Trap, Experimental Hip Hop
DaBoii & The Mekanix - Soakin Game
Label: n/a
Genre: West Coast Hip Hop, Gangsta Rap, Detroit Trap
J Billz & Pi'erre Bourne - Streetz Hottest Young'n
Label: n/a
Genre: Trap
Moneybagg Yo - Hard to Love
Label: Cocaine
Genre: Southern Hip Hop, Trap, Pop Rap
Metro Boomin - METRO BOOMIN PRESENTS SPIDER-MAN: ACROSS THE SPIDER-VERSE (SOUNDTRACK FROM AND INSPIRED BY THE MOTION PICTURE)
Label: n/a
Genre: Film Soundtrack, Trap, Pop Rap
â Ghais Guevara - Goyard Comin': Exordium
Label: n/a
Genre: Hardcore Hip Hop, East Coast Hip Hop, Experimental Hip Hop
â Avenged Sevenfold - Life is But A Dream...
Label: Warner
Genre: Avant-Garde Metal, Progressive Metal, Metal Metal Metal Metal
Bongzilla - Dab City
Label: Heavy Psych
Genre: Stoner Doom Jams
â Girls Under Glass - Backdraft
Label: n/a
Genre: Gothic Rock, Industrial Rock, EBM
Omnium Gatherum - Slasher (EP)
Label: Century Media
Genre: Melodic Death Metal
â Rival Sons - DARKFIGHTER
Label: Atlantic
Genre: Hard Rock, Blues Rock
BURNT SKULL - Daylight Mutilation
Label: n/a
Genre: Noise Rock
â IUSA - ABANDON
Label: n/a
Genre: Blackened Sludge, Post-Metal
Einar Solberg - 16
Label: InsideOut
Genre: Symphonic Rock, Progressive Rock, Art Pop
Foo Fighters - But Here We Are
Label: Roswell
Genre: Alternative Rock, Power Pop, Shoegaze
â Messiahvore - TRANSVERSE
Label: n/a
Genre: Stoner Metal
Red Cain - Nae'Bliss
Label: n/a
Genre: Progressive Metal, Alternative Metal
Risin Sabotage - MACABRE
Label: Interstellar Space
Genre: Psychedelic Rock
Saint Karloff - Paleolithic War Crimes
Label: n/a
Genre: Stoner Metal
To Descend - Mindless Birth (EP)
Label: HPGD
Genre: Horror Pain Gore Death Metal
â Unfurl - Ascension
Label: n/a
Genre: Sludge Metal, Mathcore, Dissonant Hell
Wytch Hazel - IV: Sacrament
Label: n/a
Genre: Heavy Metal, Hard Rock
May 26th
Sparks - The Girl Is Crying in Her LatteLabel: Island
Genre: Art Pop, Synthpop, Progressive Pop
Miya Folick - ROACH
Label: Nettwerk
Genre: Indie Pop, Alt-Pop
â Water From Your Eyes - Everyone's Crushed
Label: Matador
Genre: Experimental Rock, Art Pop, Post-Industrial, Dance-Punk
Kevin Morby - More Photographs (A Continuum)
Label: Dead Oceans
Genre: Folk Rock, Singer-songwriter, Indie Folk
Arlo Parks - My Soft Machine
Label: Transgressive
Genre: Bedroom Pop, Alt-Pop
Saya Gray - QWERTY (EP)
Label: Dirty Hit
Genre: Psychedelic Folk, Indie Folk
Bayonne - Temporary Time
Label: Rough Trade
Genre: Indietronica, Indie Pop, Ambient Pop
Gia Margaret - Romantic Piano
Label: Jagjaguwar
Genre: Ambient, Field Recordings
Shirley Collins - Archangel Hill
Label: Domino
Genre: English Folk Music, Traditional Folk Music
Boy & Bear - Boy & Bear
Label: n/a
Genre: Folk Rock, Indie Rock, Indie Folk
â¤ď¸ Phoxjaw - notverynicecream
Label: Hassle
Genre: Alternative Rock, Post-Hardcore, Noise Rock, Alternative Metal
â Stuck - Freak Frequency
Label: Born Yesterday
Genre: Post-Punk, Art Punk, Post-Hardcore
The Orielles - The Goyt Method (EP)
Label: Heavenly
Genre: Space Age Pop Drones
AJJ - Disposable Everything
Label: Hopeless
Genre: Indie Rock, Indie Folk, Chamber Pop, Anti-Folk
â Clark - Sus Dog
Label: Throttle
Genre: Art Pop, Electronic, Ambient Pop, Progressive Electronic
Demob Happy - Divine Machines
Label: Liberator
Genre: Alternative Rock, Indie Rock
Panic Pocket - Mad Half Hour
Label: Skep Wax
Genre: Indie Rock, Power Pop
â Stimmerman - Undertaking
Label: n/a
Genre: Art Rock, Noise Grunge
â Miranda and the Beat - Miranda and the Beat
Label: Ernest Jenning Record Co.
Genre: 60's garage rock/soul
Yuksek - Dance'O'Drome
Label: Partyfine
Genre: Nu-Disco, Balearic Beat, Dance-Pop
Miss EspaĂąa - Niebla Mental
Label: n/a
Genre: new-nowave, punky synthwave, riot grrrl
â Victory Over The Sun - Dance You Monster To My Soft Song!
Label: n/a
Genre: Black Metal, Avant-Garde Metal, Progressive Metal
Jacuzzi Boys - Glue (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Garage Rock, Indie Rock
â Twin Princess - Blood Moon
Label: n/a
Genre: Alternative Pop, Doom Country, Indie Rock
Moon Blue - The Moonlight Disco (EP)
Label: 777
Genre: Indie Pop, Lo-Fi Indie
The Dandy Warhols - The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Neo-Psychedelia, Post-Rock, Ambient Pop
Radiator Hospital - Can't Make Any Promises
Label: n/a
Genre: Indie Rock, Power Pop
quickly, quickly - Easy Listening (EP)
Label: Ghostly
Genre: Jazz Fusion, Neo-Soul
Nate Schieble - plume
Label: n/a
Genre: Ambient
M. Sage - Paradise Crick
Label: Rvng
Genre: Ambient, ECM Style Jazz, Progressive Electronic
Divine Sweater - Down Deep (A Nautical Apocalypse)
Label: Better Company
Genre: Indie Pop, Sophisti-Pop, Chamber Pop
Chris Staples - Cloud Souvenirs
Label: n/a
Genre: Indie Folk, Singer-songwriter
Kassi Valazza - Kassi Valazza Knows Nothing
Label: Fluff & Gravy
Genre: Americana, Singer-songwriter, Progressive Country
RF Shannon - Red Swan in Palmetto
Label: Keeled Scales
Genre: Neo-Psychedelia, Americana
sophie meiers - shine__space
Label: Epitaph
Genre: Bedroom Pop, Alternative R&B
Crucchi Gang - Fellini
Label: Universal
Genre: Indie Pop
The Dirty Nil - Free Rein To Passions
Label: Dine Alone
Genre: Pop Punk, Garage Punk
Daniel Blumberg - GUT
Label: Mute
Genre: Singer-songwriter, Experimental, Art Rock
DaĂ°i Freyr - I'm Still Making An Album 2/3
Label: AWAL
Genre: Funktronica, Dance-Pop, Synthpop
Dev Lemons - Delusional (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Alt-Pop, Indietronica, Bedroom Pop
â JAAW - SUPERCLUSTER
Label: Svart
Genre: Industrial Metal, Noise Rock, Psychedelic Rock
Westelaken - I am Steaming Mushrooms
Label: n/a
Genre: Indie Rock, Alt-Country
Marco Mengoni - MATERIA (PRISMA)
Label: Epic
Genre: Pop, Adult Contemporary, Pop Rock
Matchbox Twenty - Where The Light Goes
Label: Atlantic
Genre: Pop Rock
Tia Kofi - Pride. Power. Pop. (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Dance-Pop
PRETTYMUCH - This Thing Called Love
Label: n/a
Genre: Boy Band, Electropop, Contemporary R&B
Lauren Jauregui - In Between (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop Soul, Contemporary R&B
Kari Faux - REAL B*TCHES DON'T DIE!
Label: drink sum wtr
Genre: West Coast Hip Hop, Trap, Alternative R&B, Neo-Soul
Monaleo - Where The Flowers Don't Die
Label: n/a
Genre: Southern Hip Hop, Contemporary R&B, Trap
LoĂŻc Nottet - Addictocrate
Label: Sony
Genre: French Pop
Ethereal - Heat Death 4
Label: n/a
Genre: Atmospheric Drum and Bass, Downtempo
Manu Manzo - Luna En Geminis
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop, R&B
Cruz CafunĂŠ - Me Muevo Con Dios
Label: n/a
Genre: Trap, Contemporary R&B
Hunxho - 4 Days in LA
Label: 300
Genre: Trap
Portraits of Tracy - Drive Home
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop Rap, Alternative R&B, Art Pop
Khamari - A Brief Nirvana
Label: n/a
Genre: Pop
Dom Corleo - On My Own
Label: n/a
Genre: Trap, West Coast Hip Hop, Rage
Lilâ Keke - 25 Summers
Label: n/a
Genre: Southern Hip Hop, Gangsta Rap
Cochise - NO ONE'S NICE TO ME (EP)
Label: Columbia
Genre: Trap, Southern Hip Hop
Jay Worthy & Roc Marciano - Nothing Bigger Than The Program
Label: Marci
Genre: Jazz Rap, Gangsta Rap
Lil Durk - Almost Healed
Label: Alamo
Genre: Trap, Gangsta Rap, Pop Rap
$uicideboy$ - YIN YANG TAPES: Winter Season (1989-1990) (EP)
Label: G*59
Genre: Southern Hip Hop, Memphis Rap
â Heart Attack Man - Freak of Nature
Label: n/a
Genre: Alternative Rock, Pop Punk
Immortal - War Against All
Label: Nuclear Blast
Genre: Black Metal, Melodic Black Metal
KostnatÄnĂ - Ăpal
Label: Willowtip
Genre: Black Metal, Avant-Garde Metal, Anatolian Rock
Metal Church - Congregation of Annihilation
Label: Rat Pak
Genre: US Power Metal, Thrash Metal
Vomitory - All Heads Are Gonna Roll
Label: Metal Blade
Genre: Death Metal
Cenobite - Torment Your Flesh and Explore the Limits of Experience
Label: n/a
Genre: Death Metal
The Foreshadowing - Forsaken Songs (EP)
Label: n/a
Genre: Doom Metal, Gothic Metal
In Tears - Stars Caught Tonight
Label: n/a
Genre: Blackgaze, Depressive Black Metal
â Teitan - In Oculus Abyss
Label: Void Wanderer
Genre: Black Metal, Avant-Garde Metal, Psychedelic Rock
Mesarthim - Arrival
Label: n/a
Genre: Atmospheric Black Metal, Space Ambient
â The Mon - EYE
Label: n/a
Genre: Psychedelic Rock, Drone
Oceanlord - Kingdom Cold
Label: n/a
Genre: Stoner Rock, Doom Metal
â Ockra - Gratitude
Label: Argonauta
Genre: Doom Metal
Speedwhore - Visions of a Parallel World
Label: Dying Victims
Genre: Thrash Metal, Speed Metal
â Seven Impale - SUMMIT
Label: Karisma
Genre: Progressive Rock, Avant-Prog