There are a few posts in there I was reading this morning that left me pretty shocked.
One post in particular: all the BPD’s in there seemed to be in agreement that their partner should constantly be aware of their list of triggers. They seemed to all agree that their partner should live their entire life with their triggers at the forefront of their mind.
The thing that disturbed me so much is that none of the BPD’s posting comments seemed to consider how tiring and draining it must be for their partners to have to constantly walk on eggshells and conform to their pwBPD’s distorted perceptions of reality. They all just seemed to be in agreement that any good partner should work really hard to not trigger them if they truly loved them.
At the heart of it, it seemed to me that they were all agreeing that their partners should treat them as though they were the center of the universe, constantly comforting them and validating their emotions no matter how unreasonable, and this seemed ok to everyone posting in the sub.
Anyway, if anyone needs a wake up call about BPD, their honesty in this sub about just how self-centered some of them are really shed some light for me…
It seems that extreme self-centeredness is at the core of some people with BPD, but the outside world rarely gets a glimpse of just how bad it is until they are truly honest about it, like in their sub.
I know in my case, I did try my best to constantly be aware of my ex pwBPD’s triggers, and it nearly killed me. I didn’t even have enough mental energy to leave the house most of the time I was so drained. And it didn’t seem to matter anyway. She would always find something to be triggered about no matter how hard I tried.

I’m not sure exposure would work since looking closely and examining my body contributes to the downward spiral and obsessions.
I’ve had this fixation for as long as I can remember; I used to stare at myself in the mirror and find “flaws” to obsess over. I learned to not look too closely and I started using fashion as an outlet. However, whenever my body changes it triggers me. I zone in on changes without trying, and the need to examine and fixate is overwhelming.
This process makes me an anxious wreck and seems unending despite what I do. I eventually fall into a depressive/dissociative state. It’s happened notably several times in my lifetime and seem to coincide with stages in life.
This new one I’m experiencing has been since January, and it started out as me noticing changes on my skin, especially on my face. There is a patch of skin that is especially concerning, and it’s been eating me alive trying to get it resolved. I’ve been to all kinds of doctors, tried different skin routines, makeup, therapy, ignoring it, every kind of treatment you can think of and more. It’s actually been consuming me, and every action, decision and thought I’ve had… for 5 months…
Whenever I’m able to distract myself for a whole day and not look at it, I seem to have a better time. But usually at night it will hit me and the fixation I’ve been holding off floods in and I give into it. I always feel bad for not paying attention to it because it feels like I don’t care or I’m neglecting myself. Even tho I literally have appointments with different doctors, specialists, etc nearly every week.
I feel like no one cares and I don’t know what to do. Am I supposed to not look at myself again??

It's been a long time since I've written anything, if you have criticism, please be constructive, I'd love to write more and improve it.

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Never forget their creativity, for it takes a race, who's truly adept in nothing and makes them capable of more than the races could through cooperation.
Orcs may be able to wield shamanistic magics, enhancing their bodies, along with their natural enhancement by magick, mold trees, and command animals.
Elves may be able to bend nature's magickal elements to their will, fire a bow through a knothole a mile away, and make leather that might as well be a second skin.
Dwarves may be able to smith armor so light and weapons capable of more than their appearances would give away. They may be able to make those items enchanted to a degree that the mere thought of cutting or bludgeoning would cause the weapon to be dangerous to the touch, armor near living and capable of enhancing the wearer to the strength of an orc
But the humans, not the best at any of these for the longest times, languished, trying to find their place. During the great wars era, theirs and other races found themselves and bound themselves to a stronger, more established race. The humans and elves, the gnomes and dwarves, the orcs and trolls.
It was only once we founded the academies, our kingdom's being one of the few that continued to accept the humans as part of their people. That given the time to study, to think did their true value, their true power amongst us shine through.
They, like all races, are capable of all the magicks, but unlike us, have nothing they're particularly adept at, unlike us, they don't suffer in another to gain that advantage, they are truly neutral, and therefore it was never their use of one set of abilities, it was their creative nature, their cleverness, and their intuition that made them our most valued, from the crafts to the battlefield.
Walls built, enchanted, further warded all to make the academy a haven, a city's sanctuary in the case of a conflict or cataclysm. Many grand masters and grand masters have as testaments to their strength gone to attack with their mightiest powers only to leave naught but a chip in the edifice of these great monuments to what the races achieve when they work together. A human, one of their adolescents, while testing out the enchantment she gave armor that rivaled the dwarven students' own creations, while channeling magick through herself to enhance her body and mind, barreled through this faster than one could even see, her sprawled form dizzy as she sat where she'd crashed into a mountainside.
Many instructors, staff and students went to check on the young one, who'd been mostly unharmed except for pride over being too eager. The child was taken to the infirmary while the staff and I sat in disbelief, a hole in the walls that were meant to protect us, by a child who'd been holding back only trying to test movement. She's one of the students I hold the most pride in, she, almost 25 years later, leads the largest all human regiment on our front line, holding our borders pushing back as we teeter on war with a kingdom that joined an anti-human faction.
But of all the things I've seen humans do that have both terrified me, and inspired me. It was their nearly indefinite flexibility with wielding magick, not only our elemental magick, no, their skills with that formidable in and of themselves, they took it a step further and began forming pure magicks, it started off with forms attached to themselves an adaptation of what is done to empower one's self. Then I watched as they slowly learned how to take that form, that bubble, and separate it. Sometimes it exploded, and laughter would erupt from everyone in the room, and the student who'd had they been any other race might have just given up, would start the process anew.
In the span of a week, we'd had an entire class of human students, teaching others how to do it, how to not injure themselves while doing it, and it spawned a new course of magic, led by the ringleader of my human students who'd just graduated.
If nothing else, please remember, their creativity and cleverness is boundless, nurture it, and it will bring value to you, your other students, and themselves.

So my current LL makes people renew 6 months in advance, which I was weary about but apparently is normal in high demand markets. When I signed the lease and even during this period, they said they would just hold the apartment and let me know when I’d definitely have to tell them. A month ago, they tried having a showing, didn’t tell me anything. The whole The potential “tenant” never showed up after I told the landlord I wanted to renew during this. Basically wasted everyone’s time instead of just calling me first for a renewal.
They said they didn’t think I wanted to renew because my partner did not let the management and owner do an inspection without a proper 24 hours notice. It was basically no you can’t come in because the notice was under 24 hours, but this somehow gives them the impression we weren’t going to renew.
They sent me a new lease shortly after, but they did not include my partner on it, so I obviously emailed them about it several times and even called because they sent it a month ago.
I saw them post my apartment online recently at an even higher price listed in my renewal offer. So, like what the hell is going on? Why would they passive aggressively not renew instead of just giving any other reason? I legitimately cannot find anything like this online. I’d prefer a yes or no answer so if I need to move I’ll know.
Tldr landlord made a bad renewal lease, wont respond to any form of communication after a month.

Especially trying to complete the Money In The Bank ladder match. Shouldn't be damn near suicidal over 1 match but can't do jackshit about it. This a different subject but I speak for everyone when I say the Money In The Bank ladder match is nowhere near fun. The chaos is nowhere near fun and they're many people who have said that it took them days to complete the ladder all because for some dumb ass reason the AI decides to say "You know what F*** the person going for the briefcase let me just beat your ass so you can't stop them" and the worst thing is when you have 5 dudes/women all hitting their finisher on you at 1 time so you don't even know who reverse. At this point just remove ladder matches. It was easier in SVR.

Y’all know about the prostate gland? The male rub-to-cum? Yea that thing. This is the glorious story of how I tried (and failed) to stimulate it.
The Buildup
I was drinking Pepsi and reading an article on how prostate stimulation intensifies orgasms. So, I had the genius idea of using coke to stimulate my ass. WCGW? I mean that the carbonation feels... good in my mouth, so It should work in my ass. As an engineer, there are many logistical challenges to bypass when trying to insert coke into one’s asshole.
Q: How do I put cola in my anus in the first place?
A: You use the rim of the bottle and stick it directly in the anus.
Q: How do I make sure that the coke stays there?
A: You don’t. That’s where I fucked up
Now, with a half-assed plan, I went to the store. As I was checking out, I saw a pack mentos. Time to bring this to level two. I put back the original coke and bought diet coke instead. All 2 liters of glory.
The disaster
20 mins later...
With three mentos in my ass, I gingerly lowered the rim to my rim and poured. The reaction was nearly instant. With the tidal force of a tsunami, the bottle was violently ejected from my ass. A pressure was building up, and the gates of hell opened. I felt Satan’s sugary fire burst from my asshole onto the bed. Holy shit, you would not realize the panic I had. There was a pain, both emotional and physical. The sugary wet fart, the sound of a thousand ass-trumpets creating a heavenly cacophony. I saw the light, I saw the dark. I felt The intense sting of carbonation, I experienced nothing and everything. I had found God, and he was punishing me. There was the maddening sensation of your asshole bending over itself, inside out, shrinking, expanding. It was worse than any experience ever. My brain still cannot comprehend the sensations, but they were torturous. I have contemplated what hell might feel like, and I know that I could find peace there. My bed was soaked with shit-coke. Lord, how am I to clean up.
Don't ever try what I did.
The aftermath
I learned a very valuable lesson that day. Don’t try anything insane. Avoid the asshole.
Also, TIL that the human asshole can stretch 8 centimeters without damage.
TL;DR: Stick to beating your meat, folks.

I (26 M) have been with a girl(24 F)since August last year. I am her first serious relationship and the first person she has had sex with. Recently we were talking about our exes and she told me that before me she only had one short relationship during high school and she was in love then.
She told me that she met that boy in May of last year (we didn't know each other then) at the 5th graduation ceremony and that he tried to kiss her but she didn't want to. I found him on Instagram and saw that she liked all his pictures from that date until now, even though she hadn't liked any of his picture before may 2022. And also, he didn’t like any of her picture. Is this a red flag or not?
PS: I also like pictures of ex-girlfriends, but only if they are good pictures

i've been poor my entire life. my father had money, growing up, but he never wanted to spend much on me. he got me food and my clothes, but outside of bare essentials he wouldn't spend money on anything for me. i had poor friends who had more toys and video games than i had. even other single parent families did.
when i was very young i saved up all of the money i'd get from christmas and birthday cards. i had a small fortune, it seemed to me. it was probably only a little over 1 or 2 hundred dollars, but to very young me that was a lot. i was proud of myself for saving it, for not wasting it on anything dumb. one day, my father saw me counting it, and he took it from me. he must have thought i'd stolen it from me, he just told me he put it in my bank account (we started bank accounts in kindergarten or first or second grade or something like that, it had nothing really in it, just 25 dollars or so), but he never did. after that, i had a really hard time holding on to money, i just wanted to spend it before he'd have the opportunity to take it away again. i think i developed some kind of complex because of that, honestly.
i had a summer job, when i was 14, or so. i was a "CIT", a "counselor in training," for my local boys and girls' club. They just had you work 3 weeks out of the summer and they paid you 50 dollars a week. It was below minimum wage, I don't know why they were allowed to do that but it was somehow legally allowed by law to pay minors less than minimum wage. so i worked for my 3 weeks and my father never let me spend that money. he forced me to put it all in the bank and not buy myself anything with it, even though he'd let my older brother buy a pair of sunglasses with his when he was 14. i didn't get access to that money until I was 19 or something like that.
then i got my first real job, probably at 19 or so, cleaning a bank for an hour a night 5 nights a week. then they cut me back to 2 or 3 nights a week. i forgot how much i was making then, but it couldn't have been much more than 50 dollars a week. i did that for like 3 years before i got a job at the taco bell.
i worked part time for a few years, always at that taco bell. it was a taco bell / long john silver's combined restaurant, i fried the fish and chicken and french fries. i could only work part time, even then when i was 23 or 24 or so. at first i worked more than i could handle, something like 16 or 18 hours a week, or so. three or four nights a week. but, after a while, that was too much for me, so i cut it back to two 4-hour shifts a week. it didn't pay much, but it gave me enough money to eat at the mcdonalds i practically lived out of with how often i was forced to eat there. it was 3 quarters of a mile away and i had to walk there and back every time i ate there, but it was open 24 hours - for a while, at least -, and i needed a place to eat late at night, since i wasn't allowed to eat late at home. literally most of my money i earned went into eating because i wasn't allowed to eat in my home at night.
i didn't work for a couple of years but then i moved in with my mom and her awful alcoholic partner who extorts money out of me. first he forced me to work while i was waiting on my disability claim to come through, which had negative implications for my claim and also aversely affected my benefits once my benefits actually came through. i had to work at some dumb convenience store, stocking the sodas in the cooler, for 2 four hour shifts a week. i didn't make much money. maybe 400 dollars a month? i had to pay half of that in rent, so i'd only have 200 dollars to spend on myself, and importantly, my dog, for an entire month. things like vet bills wiped out months of savings. i'm constantly worried about money.
now i'm on disability, and i get very little money from it. i get barely more than enough to pay my rent - and, now that i'm on medicare, i have to spend more money on my medical treatment than i had to when i was on medicaid, which i no longer qualify for since i'm on medicare now. i've actually been losing money month to month lately without even spending anything on myself, i just make less per month than my expenses.
and this is just going to be the rest of my life. i will always be poor. i will never feel secure. my entire life has been in poverty.

It’s been going on for a few years and we honestly don’t know why. Hell act completely normal, sometimes even cuddle up to us and as soon as we then lean over, unlike nearly every other time, he bite us instead. It only happens every now and then and we can’t find a single common factor.
It started after he was at a family friends for a few days. They have two other dogs, one of whom is an older blind dog, the younger is much bigger than him and quite energetic. Of course, our first concern was that ye might’ve been hurt and this was his way of showing it, since that’s rather common with dogs. So we brought him to the vet, after a checkup we were told there was nothing wrong with him and it was probably just him wanting to play macho since he spent a week being spoiled and around to female dogs and being a little strict on him would fix it right up.
We weren’t overly strict and didn’t make use of cruel punishments or anything of the sort, but we tried not to change our behavior around him and not acknowledge we were admittedly a little worried. But after that it just kept happening every now and then.
Sometimes something would happen around him when he was asleep or we’d try to pet him and get bitten. Fair enough we figured, maybe he gets scared when he’s touched while asleep, that’s understandable enough… except it happened just as often when he was clearly awake. Sometimes he’d seem apologetic after (leaving, then coming back shortly after and wanting to lick us and cuddle) sometimes he wouldn’t.
It basically seems completely random. We googled quite a bit, but none of the stuff we found lined up. He doesn’t show signs of aggression beforehand, usually when he’s already close by and in a comfortable position. Many times the exact same situation will lead to him cuddled up to us getting happily pet.
He’s a smaller dog so serious injuries aren’t likely (he has been able to draw blood on a couple of occasions, but all of them were shallow and mostly on the hands) and the aggression has never been targeted at anyone else but me and my mother. He’s never shown any aggression towards children either and we love him to bits and honestly don’t think he’s dangerous (or even that a dog his size could be a serious danger if he tried) we just can’t imagine what in the world is causing this.

Hello, everyone.
My wife is an alcoholic and she kicked me out of apartment, so I am sticking with her decision and making it my own as I moved my stuff.
My wife begged me to return saying that it's hard for her, now she understood everything and won't hurt me again. She said that it's also kinda a dick move to leave her when she started to work on her behavior and such.
It all fell on deaf ears though because if I've got a dime every time she understood everything I'd surpass the wealthiest people in the world.
Well, now she used heavy artillery this weekend as she was asking her mom to talk me into returning. So her mom texted me that she wonders what happened to a guy I was before, where is that love that I talked about? I explained that her daughter sucked it out of me (and not in a pleasant way), I want to hurt myself physically from time to time and if I return that I might do much more damage than being split at least for some time.
Well, she erupted saying I lost my nobleness and that I don't need to hold her daughter down in that case.
If she said that month ago I would reacted differently. I know that she cares about her daughter and she wants what's good for her. So instead of arguing I just said that I am sorry (even though I didn't need to) and just stopped all this. Yesterday her mom changed her mind and stated that she understands what I feel and how I am powerless over this situation.
But my wife's friends told me that I am piece of youknowwhat because I LEFT my wife when she needed me. I laughed at this statement and didn't reply to this, even though I am sure there would be some hilarious dialogues in here.
I didn't leave her. She threw me out. And even if I did leave her because she threw things at me, chocked me, berated me and nearly went on cheating, isn't that enough? Well, apparently I should love her no matter what. It's like an indulgence for behaving the way she wants and I am to blame if I breathe the wrong way.
And it's not like her friends are drunks who support her by throwing parties, no. They all have families, they all have kids. But I have no idea why they inject themselves into our relationship with my wife in the first place, but most of all why do they side with her there.
Even her sponsor said that it's "strange that he left when you are starting to recover". I can only think that she told her sponsor only her side of the story and that's why I got this quote.
I find it difficult to have this kind of pressure on me to return because I see that for 4 days now my wife is still drinking and things don't change. I can't return and show how noble I am by sacrificing myself to nothing, as she would drink with or without me.
So in that state of mind I am stressed, but not defeated as I have my personal space and personal time. It's a shame that she was throwing up all night today and her mom was there to support, but there's not much I could do: call ER, hold her hair...
So yeah, your Q's people will turn on you, don't give in to their perspective if they won't care for you. Have your own head and use it to stay alive (even not so noble as they expect) and healthy yourself.

This is a much harder situation than it sounds. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for maybe a month, maybe a little bit more but I don’t like him at all. I can’t stand talking to him and being around him bothers me. I know I should just break up with him, but when I first met him he started telling me stories about how his last girlfriend absolutely destroyed him by breaking up. I don’t wanna hurt the guys feelings or break his heart, but unfortunately that’s not it. He is kinda obsessed with me, and I’m not saying that to have an ego but he likes to buy me things, expensive things. He tells me how he thinks about me 24/7 and is absolutely obsessed with me. I enjoyed the praise, gifts and money at first, but now it’s what’s stopping me from breaking it off again. Recently his parents even got me a gift so I just don’t know what to do. I feel stuck, how do I approach this? We have some mutual friends but I’m not super close with them, I’ve only known him for a month or so. I never wanted anything serious but it just got too complicated too quick. I feel like there’s nothing I can do but make him want to break up with me so I’m not the bad guy, I’m not comfortable around him as he is really childish and mean when we get into disagreements. He also obviously knows where I live. Any advice would be great! How should I approach breaking it off with him that’d be the most safe for me?

Who Got it ? Im thinking about storing my Legion 5 in it. But Concerned if having laptop in that position most of time could damage screen, hinges?
I take lap everyday with me to job near by.

I'll start by saying that I'm not sure where this is going, since, as my name suggests, I am quite delirious most of the time and especially so right now.
I have no idea how long it has been since I've last SH'd, could be weeks, could be months, time doesn't really exist for me? Anyhow, I managed to limit myself to areas that are easily hidden, but I very nearly didn't and I'm really not sure why I didn't just go for it. I can only imagine that it's because I am in a situation where I don't want to worry anyone, but I also kind of do want to, since anytime I try to say/hint that I'm not okay (I can't just be straightforward about it) I am either being way too subtle and no one is picking up on it, or when they do say anything it tends to be some kind of statement about how: 1. it probably isn't as bad as I think it is. 2. they are already very stressed and don't want to talk about anything. or 3. they say they're willing to do whatever they can to help, I just need to tell them what to do.
Now, I seem to have internalized #1(?) as I no longer have any idea how bad things are anymore, like maybe I actually am just dealing with things that everyone else does (I doubt this, but I can't tell anymore). For #2, I can't tell if they actually are about to have a heart attack or something (they sure display some kind of physical symptoms, like trouble breathing) but they also seem to read a lot of news and stuff, even when they know that it stresses them out. And #3, I have explicitly said that I don't know what I need and that even if I did, I most likely wouldn't ever ask for help because of #1 and #2
Before I completely fade here, (I suffer from heavy dissociation, not that people believe that 🙁) I guess what I'm trying to figure out is why I didn't just do something more noticeable and undeniable? I am conflicted since I kind of wanted to(?), because if I had, maybe they would finally believe me, and I'd end up being forced to talk about things even though I don't really want to. This is, unfortunately, not too uncommon for me, I tend to keep to myself and not share with others (The only reason I'm even doing this right now is because I'm a bit loopy 🙃)
So, there's a significant chance that I will forget that I did this soon, but I will leave it here so that I can read it later, when I will hopefully be in a better state of mind to deal with... whatever this is. If anyone else reads this and can make any sense of any of it and has any thoughts, I suppose it couldn't be a bad thing to have.

I just want to discuss my experience with both having Crohn's and cancer from someone in their mid 20s.
I've had Crohn's symptoms from when I was in my late teens, it crippled me for many years, the tiredness, weight loss, needing to go the toilet all the time, but mainly the severe pain. A pulsing pain that would last for a few mins on top of a constant 24/7 pain, I hated life when I was like that. Eventually after going a&e regularly when I just couldn't stand it anymore as my GP was no helping, I got diagnosed.
Not long after my Crohn's worsened, I had surgery to remove some of my large bowel and have a temporary bag. Even though the bag saved my life, that year I had it, I hated it. The constant anxiety about making sure I was near a toilet to empty it, constantly checking it, sleeping upright so it wouldn't leak on me. But after the year I had my reversal and I've been Basically Crohn's symptom free since.
2 years later I diagnosed with testicular cancer, I was afraid of going to the GP during COVID (I know I was stupid). Anyways after surgery to remove the cancerous ball which was a simple in and out on the same day surgery, I had 4 rounds of aggressive chemo. Chemo was rough but only for the first few days of each session. Now cancer free for over a year, I'm getting healthier physically.
I had a pretty mild form of cancer, I know that. To me the cancer was piss easy, I'll take going through cancer again any day of the week over the Crohn's.
But when I discuss my life with people, my health issues eventually gets brought up as it's been a big part of my life. Although surprisingly many people know what Crohn's is, when I say I've had cancer too, it's so shocking to them. They always focus on the cancer, I tell them cancer wasn't Actually that bad, Crohn's is the real killer of your life and soul.
Can anyone else relate to this? Thank you

I was an innocent kid for most of my life. I had horrible untreated anxiety that I didn’t understand and it got the best of me when I turned 21. I had never really drank or done anything of the sorts until about 19-20 and then the day I turned 21 I was finally able to purchase liquor myself… and it got out of control.
I am 27 years old and was diagnosed last spring at 26 with Liver failure, alcoholic hepatitis and Cirrhosis of the liver with advanced scarring. I was rushed to the emergency trauma center near me in Minneapolis Minnesota after my now fiancée returned home from a work conference out of state and found me in our bedroom completely yellow, tremulous and swollen legs and fluid build up in my stomach. When she left the week before I went on what would be my last drinking bender.
For the past 6 years I was consuming at minimum a liter of 80 proof vodka all the way up to a 1.75 liter handle per day. I stopped once for 2 weeks in 2020 after a small medical scare and also became sick with covid. That’s the longest break I had for those 6 years up until my hospitalization.
I spent a week in the hospital as the doctors tried to do anything they could do to get my increasing liver enzymes and bilirubin down. I was yellow and in a lot of pain. I was immediately placed into CIWA withdrawal protocol and was monitored for worsening mental status and seizures.
I had an MRI done, 2 ultra sounds and countless testing on my first night. I was informed I would need to undergo a transplant in the future as long as they could combat my symptoms. After 3 days the doctors started losing hope of getting it to come down with proven methods. They were left with no choice but to discharge me after a few more days with experimental steroids.
I returned home and was bed ridden while my fiancé spoon fed these steroids once daily and we hoped for a positive outcome. A week later I had blood work done and my bilirubin was decreasing by the day. I was so relieved.
My family is filled with alcoholics and I feel like I was foolish to think it wouldn’t come for me too.
I have since had countless imaging and ultra sounds done that show permanent damage and cirrhotic liver with abnormally enlarged spleen that hurts like a MF. I am now almost 400 days sober and have lost a ton of weight. I finished up my outpatient treatment at the original hospital and gastro clinic here in Minneapolis. I am now getting set up with a liver specialist at the Mayo Clinic here. I will be there getting 2nd opinion tests and imaging done to determine my future. I will most likely need a transplant down the road.
I’m not here to lecture but I wanted to share my story in hopes it helps someone else out. Sober life was hard as hell at first but has gotten so much easier. I am proud of where I’m at but have a long way to go.
On the 3rd morning of my stay I was pretty certain I wasn’t going to make it out. I was able to keep my drinking a secret for 6 years and no one knew about my problem or never questioned me. I didn’t want to get caught and face the embarrassment to my family. I awoke that day and thought about how I was going to have to call up my family members, brother and sister and tell them I wouldn’t be around much longer. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I would never get to see my newly born niece grow up and how selfish my actions were. They would have been so taken off guard and would have to watch me go a slow death. My over was already shutting down and the only thing left was my kidneys next. After those shut down it’s game over.
The last 6 years of my life are a blur. I now run a small business from home while I build my life back up.
Anyways, sorry for the long winded story.
TL; DR
I went to the hospital last year spring 2022 and was diagnosed with advanced liver disease. Addiction can fuck off and so can alcohol.
I drank a liter of vodka a day for 6 years. Don’t be dumb like me and ignore the signs of illness after your body can’t take it anymore.
Here’s a few links with some of my medical experience from that incident. With 400 days under my belt I feel as though I can help someone and prevent making the same mistakes I did.
https://imgur.com/gallery/IrwXhha
https://imgur.com/gallery/7gpxNsy
This is a first for me and I’m only sharing this picture of me when I checked into the emergency room. I just want people to see what can happen in a short amount of heavy drinking time and what might await some alcoholics in their older years.
https://imgur.com/gallery/lf5xKdl
Peace & love
-Michael

It's so exhausting. I'm trying really hard to open up but I'm so scared. I'm coming out of a string of bad experiences of therapists and I'm so scared this one will be like my last one who I worked with really long and trusted.. If she uses any kind of similiar methodology, it start triggering the feeling that they're the same.
Though this therapist is genuinely brilliant and managed to do a lot of good work with me since October despite not having most of my history. But it seems we've reached this point where she needs more context.
Yet I'm so scared, I can't sit in the chair near her, I dissociate and beg her to hurt me. I tell her I'll take my shirt off if she needs me to but I don't really want to.
I think I was attention ?? I feel so fucked up.
How do I build trust. Should I just tell her things and build trust off her reactions? I feel like I'm trying to make sure she's safe to open up to before doing it but I'm not getting anywhere. I just end up keep asking if she's mad and if she wants to stop working with me

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One day I was hiking along a small mile long trail and it was an ordinary weekend and a nice sunny day. I knew the weather was going to be nice today so I decided to go for a hike and I drove to my nearest state park and once I got out of my car I smelled the nice fresh air of the outdoors and then I saw a small one mile trail and decided to go on it I walked a while on the trail and while I was walking on the trail I heard the peaceful sounds of the birds chirping and I saw the beautiful forest and the beauty of mother nature around me as I was walking near the end of the trail and I was greeted by a blocked off gravel path and a sign saying please do not go on this path hikers are not allowed on this path 500 dollar fine if caught walking on it.
I was curious when I saw this and I looked around to see If anyone was around me and I saw that no one was around me and I then jumped the fence that was blocking the gravel path I was finally walking on the forbidden gravel path and I got a rush out of it knowing I was doing something forbidden. On this so called forbidden path I looked around me to see if there was any park rangers I of course did not see any. I then kept walking on the gravel path and I was walking for a while and I kept seeing signs telling me to go back and stop walking on this path of course I ignored the signs and kept walking.
I looked at my clock and saw it was getting late and I was starting to get worried because the park is closing soon and the park rangers usually check the park to see if anyone is still in the park at closing time and If I got caught that means I would get fined 500 dollar so my paranoia made me to look around me to see if there were any park rangers around me there were none around and that gave me sigh of relief. I kept walking and it was really starting to get dark and I heavily searched my bag to see if I had a flash light I found a small dim flash light in my bag but it was bright enough to see around me but as I looked around to see I thought I had saw something in the corner of my eye of course it scared me a bit but I shrugged it off as my mind playing tricks on me. I then heard the wind howling and I thought I could hear something faint in the wind as I was listening.
I at first thought my mine was playing tricks on me and I kept listening I found out my mind was not playing tricks on me I was hearing voices in the wind and the voices were telling me to go back and to get off the forbidden path. I looked around to see that no one was there,was I hallucinating? I was walking and for a while I did not hear anything but then the wind started to howl again and I heard "please go back it's not safe". I was shaken up by this so I looked around me to see that no one was there I was for sure I heard someone. I then kept seeing stuff in the corner of my eye again and I thought I saw a ghostly figure for a second but every time I looked they were gone. I then once again started to hear the wind howling and I began to hear voices again and I kept hearing "go back go back get off the gravel path". At this point dawn was starting to come and the sky was starting to turn brighter and I saw something in the distance it was some sort of mansion me being the curious and adventurous I was happy to explore what ever this mansion was. I proceed to approach the mansion and as I was walking to it the wind began to howl very violently and the wind gust were very strong and it almost knocked me over my feet.
I began to hear "please go back go back do not go in there". I of course was too curious about the mansion to listen to what the voices were saying. I then opened the front door of the mansion and I walked in and saw that the place was old and was falling apart the wooden boards were rotting away and it smelled like mildew. I knew by the looks of this place it was abandoned and no one lived there. I was curious to explore this place so I walked around and I proceed to walk to the first room and I saw that there was a lot of holes in the wall and it looked torn apart, the bed was broken and the window was broken and I could tell that this place was old and rotting away. I then proceeded to the next room and I saw that there was symbols wrote with dried blood on the wall, this of course scared me bad and I jumped and I saw that there was rotting away skeletons of animals in this room, It looked like as if there was devil worshipers here. I then tried to walk to more rooms in this mansion and I saw more scary stuff. I saw that there was a warning wrote in dried blood on the walls saying whatever you do, do not go in the basement it's dangerous.
I then was curious to go in the basement of the mansion and I was the cat who could have died from their own curiosity. I then saw the door to the basement and I looked at it for a good 20 minutes, and after minutes I finally made up my mind to go open the basement door and go down there. I then proceeded to open the basement door and I then walked down the stairs and as I walked down the stairs the basement door slammed shut and I walked back up and tried to open the basement door I tried to open as hard as I could but it would not budge "shit I'm trapped in this basement and can't get out". I tried again to get the door to open I even tried pounding the door down but it did not work the door was locked shut.
I then gave up on trying to open the basement door and walked back down the stairs and I saw that the basement was huge and the was dried blood all over the walls It was crazy how much dried blood was on the walls and I was very scared I wanted to pound on the basement door again and get out of this place but I knew that would not work. I walked around some more around the basement and saw that there was more stairs it seemed as if the stairs went down to another floor. I proceeded to walk down the stairs and I got to where this floor was and I saw on this floor had a bit more dried blood on the wall then the previous floor I was on. I saw that this floor was bigger than the previous floor I was on and It was a massive room and in the corner of my eye I saw a figure of some sort and when I turned around it was not there I jump but then told myself that my mind was playing tricks on me because this basement was just so creepy.
I again saw that something was in the corner of my eye I looked around me fast and saw that no one was there. I kept walking around this floor and saw that it was full of furniture like very old stuff from what seemed to be from the 70s or 60s and they was a radio of some sort it only had AM on it and no FM. I thought to myself if I could turn on the radio but wondered if it still had worked so I pressed the button and surprised it turned on and starting working. All I heard at first was just static but then I kept listening and I could barely hear anything and I thought I heard something though the static but then I could finally hear something though the static and I hear what sounded like creepy voices in the static. I still could not hear it because there was still a lot of static on the radio and I tried to tune the radio to see if I could hear it more but nothing came out of it and I could still hear a lot of static but then after a few minutes I heard the voices again on the radio and I heard the voices louder this time and I could hear what they where saying and I heard a bone chilling sound coming from the radio a girl screaming "dad please help me I'm being tormented the beast is tormenting me please make it stop"!
My heart nearly stopped due to how scared I was. I saw that there was even more stairs that went down what seem like even another floor a 3rd floor even. I was curious and walked down the stairs and walked into the 3rd floor it even had the number 3 on it. I saw that this floor was not as big as the 2nd floor. I began to see that there was spiders on the wall but there was only of few of them on the walls and saw some more stuff it looked like there was some writing on the wall and it said the further you go down the worse it gets.
There were bricks on the walls of this floor and there was no wallpaper just bricks on the walls and I saw that there was a door to another room of some sort on this floor. I opened the door and saw that it was pitch black in this room and I walked into the room and could not see in the room so I got the flashlight from my bag and turned it on and it still was pitch black it's like this room was sucking any light away so I had to feel around the room but as I got walking around this room and feeling my way around I felt as if someone was behind me and I felt as if I was not alone in this room and the longer I stayed in the room the stronger the feeling got and tried to find my way out of the room because I felt as if someone was behind me and I felt as if someone was gently touching me and It got me scared but I then bolted and tried to find my way out of the room but could not for a few minutes and I then could hear a faint growl in my ear and I was running as fast I could and I finally found my way out of the room I was in. I slammed the door shut to the room I was in and I saw even more stairs that went down to another floor and ran down the stairs.
I was now on the 4th floor and saw that on the 4th floor there was cobwebs on the ceiling of the floor and spiders were more common than on the 3rd floor and there was more dried blood on the wall than the previous floors I was in. There was a lot more stuff on this floor and there was dining tables and chairs on this floor and it looks like as this was a restaurant from the 60s or 70s and I walked around the floor and there was cobwebs on the tables and chairs and spiders were crawling on the table but then I saw that there was a kitchen of some sort and I kept feeling as if something was behind me but the feeling was not that strong and I kept seeing stuff in the corner of my eye but when I turned I saw that nothing was there I realized that in the darker places that where less illuminated the feeling of something being behind me was there .
There were flickering lights in this place that seem as if they were about to die out. I somehow walked into a darker place in the floor and the feeling of something behind me was coming back. I felt as if something was lurking in this place and they lurked in the darker areas with less light. I saw that was of course more stairs that went down into the 5th floor. I was now in the 5th floor and holy crap this place was getting creepy there was a lot more cobwebs on this floor then there was on floor 4 and the spiders where now in big numbers and the spiders looked even bigger than before. This floor was even darker with less light. I saw that there was tables and chairs on the 5th floor just like the last one but they where on the tables but then as I looked away and looked back I saw that the chairs were now on the floor and broken for some reasons and I thought to myself this place has to be haunted. There less light bulbs that were on this floor than on the last floor and it was darker and there was less light.
Like I said in darker areas I felt as if someone was behind me and on this floor the feeling was stronger than on the last floor. I walked around and was in darker areas with less light and the feeling of someone behind me was getting stronger and stronger until I stopped walking and I listened closely and I could faintly hear a voice of some sort and it sounded creepy and I got scared and walked to a lighter area with more light and I saw something in the corner of my vision and then turned around to see a tall skinny shadow figures and it appeared to be afraid of the areas of the place with more light so I kept going around the place and saw more figures and I went into a darker area and something jumped out at me and tried to attack me and I ran to where a light bulb illumined the place and the figures stopped were scared off by the light of the light bulb and stopped attacking me because of the light.
I kept going down more floors and my god it felt like this thing was going down forever I was on the 15th floor when things really started getting bad the cobwebs where getting the point to where they are covering everything and spiders where so big to the point to where they are the size of the palm of my hand. I saw that there was little spiders in such massive numbers that something you could not see what they were because it was covered in so many spiders. On the 15th floor it was so dark that you could barely see in front of you the only reason I could see that there spiders everywhere was because there was only a few light bulbs on the floor that were dimly lit . The Odor on this floor was bad and it smelled like dead rotting corpses and so much dried blood on everything that it covered every square inch on what was on the floor and on the wall on everything and on everywhere.
I was standing under a dimly lit light and around me I would hear voices screaming "help me help I'm being tormented"! I then saw that around be where hundreds of glowing eyes around me but I felt as if I would be safe as long as if there was light around me. I stayed under the light bulb for until the eyes went away but then a few minutes later the light bulb above me went out and when that happened I knew I was in trouble and I bolted and I could not see in the dark so I bumped around everything and tripped and fell and as I fell something grabbed me and I could tell that this thing was big. It was dark and I could not see anything but I was in this what ever this thing was grip and I thrashed and tried to punch this thing but it was not budging I felt as if my life was coming to an end.
A stroke of luck happened and for some god only knows reason I escaped from what ever this thing was grip and ran as fast I could in the dark tripping over objects and then getting back up. I was in the dark and saw a dim light in the distance and I got closer to see it was a dimly lit light bulb I felt safe under this light bulb and the thing did not go near it. I went down more floors and on floor 18 is when some very scary stuff started happening at this point spiders where the size of cats and the cob webs where so thick that it was getting hard to walk through. I was getting attacked by spiders I was fighting them off it was getting to the point where I was getting overwhelmed by them. I found a baseball bat on the floor and used it to beat the spiders and kill them.
I heard screams everywhere and they were ear piercing. All I could hear was "I'm being tormented help"! I then realized that there was water on the floor about an inch of it. I kept walking around and I kept hearing the sloshing of water on the floor as I walked I tried to turn on my flashlight because it was dark but the darkness of the room was so bad that it sucked all the light away from the flash light. I was walking and a very nasty smell hit my nose, it was the smell of rotting corpses but the smell was very strong and I began to throw up and nearly passed out. I felt as this place I was in was filled with corpses and that was confirmed when I saw a very dim light in the distance and when I went to it I was hundreds of rotting corpses and some of them where in the very thick cobwebs hanging with web wrapped around them like mummies.
I looked down and saw that the so called inch of water was not water at all it was an inch of blood filled with maggots and flies swarming them by the thousands. I looked and saw a corpse and I kept staring at it and saw that it had long flowing blond hair and was wearing a pink backpack with yellow stars and had a purple shirt that said lets go tigers and that when it hit me like a truck and tears started flowing down my face this was my daughter she is dead and was smelly rotting corpse that mostly been mummified. My daughter was 16 when she went missing and her school mascot was a tiger and her name was Amy and she had a pink backpack with stars. I miss her so much and if she was alive by now she who have been an adult at the age of 18. I then look to see at her backpack to confirm if it was her and I saw the name Amy written on her backpack I confirmed that this was in fact my daughter. I kept digging in the backpack to see what was in it and found her phone it turned on with 45 percent battery and no password was on it.
I could no longer hold it in anymore and the tears flowing down my face become full blown sobbing. My daughter is just a mummified dead corpse. I took my daughters phone out of her backpack and put it in my pocket and as I was doing that is when I heard it a low pitched growl and a very creepy one and then I froze for a solid minute and then heard a another growl and I tried to be as quiet as I could and heard the sound of water sloshing around but that of course was not water but it was blood sloshing around. I kept hearing the blood sloshing as if something was moving around in it and my heart was pounding very hard and I felt as this was the end of me I then realized I was in this thing's nest and I was going to be the fly in the web.
I heard the sloshing again and it sounded like it was getting closer to me and I felt a warm draft over me and that when I booked it and ran I fast as I could and ran up the stairs that was closest to me. I ran to the other floors I was now at floor 17 and I knew the thing was chasing after me. I was now hyperventilating and heart pounding I could hear roaring at the stair well I knew I had to run up to floor 1 and bust the door down as hard as I could I kept running tripping over everything in the dark and dirty as hell and covered in blood. I then ran up to the stairwell that went to floor 16 and of tripped and fell while on the stairwell to floor 16 and busted my head and blacked out and woke up in a spiderweb. I open my eyes and saw I had passed out and I was back on floor 18.
I knew I was doomed and I would never be found down here I was going to be this thing's meal a few hours had passed I kept struggling and struggling and could not get out of the web. I felt a warm draft on me and I felt as if I was being stabbed this thing was digging into me with it's fangs I felt I was done for. The pain of the thing digging it's fangs in me was unbearable and I was screaming. The thing was sucking my blood until it was dry. I was there in that web for god knows how long it had to be a very long time because I was dehydrated and very hungry. I was very weak and could not move much and could barley move my limbs but for some reason I began to slowly fall out of the web and broke free from the web and I got out of the web. I began to walk slowly to the stairwell that lead to the 17th floor and I climbed up the stairs slowly and when I was up on the 17th floor I walked around the floor for a while and I saw a place I could hide in from the thing there was a door and I open and there was a glowing light in the room I opened and the light was a light blub glowing and turned and lit up the room and I saw that I was in luck because there was 2 bottles of water on the shelfs in the small room I was in and a small bag of trail mix that was month passed its expiration date. I put a chair in front of the door so the thing would not get in.
I happily ate the trail mix and drank the 2 bottles of water and I put my ear on the door to see if I hear anything and when it was ready to go. I did not hear anything when I was putting ear my ear on the door at first but then a few hours had passed, and I heard a sniffing sound a faint growl. I tried to be as quiet as I could and hoped the chair in the door made where the thing could not get in the room with me, and I was no longer weak because I drank the water and ate the trail mix. I heard banging on the door the thing was trying to get in and get me. I had to think fast, and I saw a trap door and I opened and crawled into it as fast as I could. I was inside vents now and crawling and I heard the thing break down the door, but it was too big to get in the vents I was crawling in.
I began to crawl faster and found an exit to the vents, and it was on floor 15. I was now on floor 15 and the vents for some reason just collapsed right as when I crawled out of them, and I could not get back into the vents to get away from the thing. I heard the sound of the thing getting up to the floor I was at, and I booked it as fast as I could and ran up the stairwell to floor 14. I ran up more floors and I'm now on floor 12 and I fell as if this thing is catching up to me and I ran I fast as I could and kept running until I reached floor 11 and at floor 11 I grab a knife on the table and I kept running until I got to floor 10 and then on floor 10 I fell into a huge hole that was on the floor and the wood on the floor was rotting and I fell back into floor 11. I was catch up by the thing and was in its grasp and struggled to get out of it grasp and I then stabbed it in both of its eyes and it let go of me and it was screeching in pain. I ran back into the 10th floor and went around the hole and then went up into the others floor and at floor 7 I could hear it getting closer to me again but kept running as fast as I could and heart pounding.
I few more floors left, and I could pound the door down and get out of the basement. I was running and finally got up to floor 1 and began to violently pound down the door that was the entrance to the basement and I pounded as hard I could and I had super human strength from the adrenalin and I could hear the thing coming up the floors so I did one last super hard pound on the door with all my strength and busted a hole in the door and walked out the door and at last I was no longer in the basement of this damn mansion. I then ran out of the mansion and was finally outside and I kept running on the gravel path as fast as I could and then for a while, I finally found the fenced I had jumped and got over it and was back on the small 1 mile trail and collapsed on the ground where people saw me drenched in blood.
I then woke up in the hospital and the doctor said I was lucky and almost died from severe blood loss and I realized I had my daughter's phone in my pocket and cops were in the hospital room where I was at. I also saw my wife there too and she said where were you I called the cops and your boss said you were not at work, and he then called cops and I went all over the city looking for you and stayed up and it was on the news of you going missing and I'm glad you're okay and you are alive. I told them everything of what happened I told about the thing in the basement of abandon mansion in the woods and I would never go back to that place.
My wife told me her story and she told me that she looked everywhere in town for me and her first thought I was at the bar with my friends but then saw I was not there she said it was getting dark and I had to be home to or she would call the cops and she said I did not answer the phone and she got worried and called the cops. The cops came and began to search for me, and days had passed, and they did not find me so a whole search group came and looked for me and she said she looked around the city and she tried to look for me at the small park near the house and did not find me.
She said a cop was at a state park and saw a passed out person on the ground at a 1 mile trail which was me and the ambulance came and picked me up and got me to the hospital and then a cop was at the hospital and realized it was me as I was waking up.
A few months had passed and I was diagnosed with ptsd and I told my therapist everything.

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English is not my first language, sorry for the mistakes. My husband and I got married 3 months ago. He works in Italy and comes home every month. Our plan is to live together in Italy and while he is in Italy I was supposed to live with my mother. But after we got married he changed his mind and said that he wanted me to be with his mother(MIL). We argued a lot about that, but for the sake of peace and because it was only for a few months, I started living with MIL. At the beginning, everything was okay. After a while, I started to notice her competition with me. Before our marriage, he wanted to find an apartment where I would stay while he was not here,and for us when he comes home, but his MIL told him that if he did that, she would never visit him. He didn't want to tell me that, I found out that later. MIL gets angry when I go out with my friends. I do my chores, wash my clothes and clean up behind me, sometimes I make dinner for everyone. She complains about everything, her husband, me the only person she doesn't complain about is my husband. I didn't have a lot of problems with it, I just didn't spend much time at home because of work and I didn't pay that much attention that's all. Today I was lying in my room, my blinds were down and the window was open so I couldn't see outside. My MIL and I share the terrace. She went out on the terrace and talked to her mother about how I am a bad wife, how I don't respect her, how i dont help her with the housework, how I dont talk to her like his ex-girlfriends used to talk to her and I should be ashamed of myself. I was a little emotional, I thought we were in an okay relationship and I started to cry. That's when my husband called and I told him what happened and said that there is no need to talk to her. His mother would never admit to that she was wrong because in her opinion she is one of the best people in this world. I was a little hurt by her opinion but there is no need for discussion. He couldn't stand it, he asked what the problem was and why she said that. She said that she didn't say that at all, that I heard it wrong. After their conversation, she came to me and said why I want to make problems between her and her son that she didn't say that at all.I said I'm neither deaf or crazy and I don't want to argue. After that she started insulting my parents, but in the end it turned out again that she wasn't insulting my parents but I heard it wrong again. My husband always said that he would not like to leave his mother, that he would always like to live near her. That he need her in his life, but I don't need her. I packed my things and came to my mother and told my husband that I don't want to go back to his mother, that I want to start living in the apartment with him or without him. Am I the bad person for making him choose between his mother and me.