Killer whale sex club

Yesterday I got a first degree burn across a lot of the palm of my hand. For the first couple of hours, I was in more pain than l've ever experienced in my life and I'm a pretty accident prone person so it's not like l've not injured myself before. The nurse I saw was very sympathetic but the doctor treated me like I was overreacting and just needed to calm down (I was screaming in pain until my pain killers (codine) kicked in about 30-40 minutes later). They dressed it in some kind of gel patch and bandage and told me I'd need to see a nurse in a few days to check it's healing okay. My painkillers started to wear off a couple of hours later and the pain started to get worse and worse (despite being much calmer now) until the new painkillers kicked in. However, once those ones started to fade I noticed that the pain was suddenly way more manageable (it’s been at like a 3-4/10 since then, instead of a full 10/10).
I'm trying to understand how the pain could have gone from so extreme to so manageable in such a short space of time/ why the initial burn caused so much pain when the doctor was acting like it shouldn't be hurting as much as it was. For context, the burn is all on the palm of my hand, a thick strip across the bit under my fingers and pretty much all of the area inside the line around my thumb (There's also some on my fingertips but it didn't really hurt). Will put a photo in the comments! Could anyone offer any ideas for why this could have happened?
Age - 25
Sex -Female
Height -5ft 5
Weight 61kg
Current medications - SSRI for anxiety/depression, birth control, fish oil supplements & Eye drops for Sjogrens

Why are mafia romances the same??? I'm tired of the overuse of kidnapped FM and the MC trying to get revenge or at odds with another mafia don as a subplot. Especially when the damn heroine keeps getting kidnapped back and forth. I want to scream!
I need a different plot. Like a mafia boss falling for his very competent secretary who rejects him because she knows who he is. Or a mafia boss falling for the female assassin or hitman or bodyguard. Or two mafia bosses falling in love after getting stuck in a situation where they're trying to stay alive. Or just ANYTHING where the heroine isn't kidnapped because their parent/uncle/cousin-once-removed owes a debt, or the MC saw her once for a second and just had to have her.
But, most especially, NOT looking for heroines that are so innocent, virginal, or working in a sexually charged environment when they barely know what sex is. Know what I mean? I get most people don't want a promiscuous FM but I can't stand when she's in like a sex club and hasn't even had sex yet. Like, make it make sense.
Love very dark, BDSM, or any extremes. So long as it isn't the same rehashed stuff.
Anything??? Help!

Being on a huge show does not guarantee success once the show ends. A lot of actors on big shows struggle once their shows end. Look at the cast of Seinfeld or Friends. Michael Imperioli bumbled around for over a decade until he scored with White Lotus. Tim Olyphant and Walt Goggins haven't exactly lit it up post Justified etc.
I'm guessing Nicolas Braun goes back to indie movie purgatory, which is where he was pre Succession. Kieran will probably get a few movies playing sidekicks and variations on Roman before settling into another TV series. Jeremy Strong will probably get a few starring roles in some movies. Whether he can be a leading man and carry a film is another story. Matthew Macfadyen will probably settle in as a successful character actor. Sarah Snook doesn't seem to have much lined up acc to IMDB plus she lives across the globe and seems to be more interested in starting a family these days so who knows what she'll do. I don't really see any of them branching out and becoming huge outside of Succession world
I think Nicolas Braun will bottom out and be forgotten about and be in B movie world. He never showed any acting range at all other than a poor Crispin Glover impression and his movie career pre Succession was littered with shitty teen sex comedies.
I think Kieran will end up with the most solid career. He'll land some killer role on another series at some point.

I'm f23, and my boyfriend is M28. We have been together for 4 years. I have dated other guys before him, but my relationship with him was my first sexual one. We are planning to get married next year
Generally our relationship is quite stable. We can solve conflicts well, and don't fight. We solve it by talking it out calmly, about our feelings, etc, and apologise. Our sex life is good too I guess. But his libido is much higher than mine, which is not ideal for me, especially when we live together in the future. Generally he treats me well, and dotes on me like a princess. He compromises on small things, like what to eat, my ideal wedding, etc. But bigger things involving money or where we stay, he doesn't compromise.
One of the flaws in our relationship is that he wants to live in a place that is twice the price of another place I want to live in, for the same size and similar amenities around the area. I was initially very against the idea as the price was twice as much, even though the size of the house and amenities were about the same. He says he wants to live there because it's nearer to his side of the family, and prefers the amenities there, even though I think the area I prefer has similar amenities and transport. Yes, the place I prefer is nearer to my parents as well, but I personally prefer it because it is so much cheaper, and money isn't easy to earn. But eventually I compromised to save money so that we can buy a house in the estate he wants for twice the price. (We haven't bought it yet, will buy it in 3 years)
So I guess after that, money became a sensitive topic in our relationship. Sometimes I feel like I am missing out. I am working multiple jobs and saving a lot more to afford the house he wants. (We are sharing the cost, 60% - him, 40% - me, for context) I wanted to venture into an industry that I liked, but I was going to earn less, so I gave that up. It was my choice, he didn't force me to do so. But I guess sometimes I feel that if I was single, or in a relationship with someone who isn't going to settle down so soon, I would be able to have more financial freedom. So it makes me a little upset.
Recently I wanted to invest in stocks long term, and I could only take the money after 20 years, with an attractive amount of interest rate, which is enough for my retirement. I only need to set aside 200 bucks per month for it, which is not a lot. He expressed his displeasure and said even though it was only a hundred bucks per month, it was still money that I am unable to get back for 20 years, and it may take a longer time to save up for his desired house. I was upset because it was him that insisted on buying the house that costs twice as much as the one I wanted, but he is controlling my spending. He said he will let me make my own choice, and I don't know if I am defensive or what, but it felt like he was guilt tripping me.
When conflicts like this arise, sometimes I think about how much I haven't explored in terms of romantic relationships, like sex, clubbing, fooling around, etc. I would turn down every guy that hit on me, even though I found them attractive. So when we have conflicts like this, it makes me wonder if I really did miss out by marrying my first boyfriend.
Like I said earlier, he does compromise on small things and treats me like a princess, and sometimes I'm like omg I love him so much I can't wait to marry him. But other times when we have bigger conflicts due to money, I would think of breaking up and what I have missed out on by being with him
I guess at the end of the day, I am just unsure if I am the toxic one instead that doesn't treasure a good relationship. Because well, all relationships have flaws, and we do need to compromise sometimes. So I am unsure if I should compromise more or what. Am I toxic for thinking about what I missed out on for marrying my first boyfriend? Or is he the bad guy? Should I leave this relationship? Or any other alternative? I really do appreciate constructive feedback. Feel free to tell me if I am wrong too. I am here to learn and grow
tl;dr my relationship has their pros and cons, we have conflicts about money, which hinders the lifestyle I want. Sometimes I think about the people I missed out on by marrying my first love. Am I the asshole AITA

I'm f23, and my boyfriend is M28. We have been together for 4 years. I have dated other guys before him, but my relationship with him was my first sexual one. We are planning to get married next year
Generally our relationship is quite stable. We can solve conflicts well, and don't fight. We solve it by talking it out calmly, about our feelings, etc, and apologise. Our sex life is good too I guess. But his libido is much higher than mine, which is not ideal for me, especially when we live together in the future. Generally he treats me well, and dotes on me like a princess. He compromises on small things, like what to eat, my ideal wedding, etc. But bigger things involving money or where we stay, he doesn't compromise.
One of the flaws in our relationship is that he wants to live in a place that is twice the price of another place I want to live in, for the same size and similar amenities around the area. I was initially very against the idea as the price was twice as much, even though the size of the house and amenities were about the same. He says he wants to live there because it's nearer to his side of the family, and prefers the amenities there, even though I think the area I prefer has similar amenities and transport. Yes, the place I prefer is nearer to my parents as well, but I personally prefer it because it is so much cheaper, and money isn't easy to earn. But eventually I compromised to save money so that we can buy a house in the estate he wants for twice the price. (We haven't bought it yet, will buy it in 3 years)
So I guess after that, money became a sensitive topic in our relationship. Sometimes I feel like I am missing out. I am working multiple jobs and saving a lot more to afford the house he wants. (We are sharing the cost, 60% - him, 40% - me, for context) I wanted to venture into an industry that I liked, but I was going to earn less, so I gave that up. It was my choice, he didn't force me to do so. But I guess sometimes I feel that if I was single, or in a relationship with someone who isn't going to settle down so soon, I would be able to have more financial freedom. So it makes me a little upset.
Recently I wanted to invest in stocks long term, and I could only take the money after 20 years, with an attractive amount of interest rate, which is enough for my retirement. I only need to set aside 200 bucks per month for it, which is not a lot. He expressed his displeasure and said even though it was only a hundred bucks per month, it was still money that I am unable to get back for 20 years, and it may take a longer time to save up for his desired house. I was upset because it was him that insisted on buying the house that costs twice as much as the one I wanted, but he is controlling my spending. He said he will let me make my own choice, and I don't know if I am defensive or what, but it felt like he was guilt tripping me.
When conflicts like this arise, sometimes I think about how much I haven't explored in terms of romantic relationships, like sex, clubbing, fooling around, etc. I would turn down every guy that hit on me, even though I found them attractive. So when we have conflicts like this, it makes me wonder if I really did miss out by marrying my first boyfriend.
Like I said earlier, he does compromise on small things and treats me like a princess, and sometimes I'm like omg I love him so much I can't wait to marry him. But other times when we have bigger conflicts due to money, I would think of breaking up and what I have missed out on by being with him
I guess at the end of the day, I am just unsure if I am the toxic one instead that doesn't treasure a good relationship. Because well, all relationships have flaws, and we do need to compromise sometimes. So I am unsure if I should compromise more or what. Am I toxic for thinking about what I missed out on for marrying my first boyfriend? Or is he the bad guy? Should I leave this relationship? Or any other alternative? I really do appreciate constructive feedback. Feel free to tell me if I am wrong too. I am here to learn and grow
tl;dr my relationship has their pros and cons, we have conflicts about money, which hinders the lifestyle I want. Sometimes I think about the people I missed out on by marrying my first love. Am I the asshole AITA

I'm f23, and my boyfriend is M28. We have been together for 4 years. I have dated other guys before him, but my relationship with him was my first sexual one. We are planning to get married next year
Generally our relationship is quite stable. We can solve conflicts well, and don't fight. We solve it by talking it out calmly, about our feelings, etc, and apologise. Our sex life is good too I guess. But his libido is much higher than mine, which is not ideal for me, especially when we live together in the future. Generally he treats me well, and dotes on me like a princess. He compromises on small things, like what to eat, my ideal wedding, etc. But bigger things involving money or where we stay, he doesn't compromise.
One of the flaws in our relationship is that he wants to live in a place that is twice the price of another place I want to live in, for the same size and similar amenities around the area. I was initially very against the idea as the price was twice as much, even though the size of the house and amenities were about the same. He says he wants to live there because it's nearer to his side of the family, and prefers the amenities there, even though I think the area I prefer has similar amenities and transport. Yes, the place I prefer is nearer to my parents as well, but I personally prefer it because it is so much cheaper, and money isn't easy to earn. But eventually I compromised to save money so that we can buy a house in the estate he wants for twice the price. (We haven't bought it yet, will buy it in 3 years)
So I guess after that, money became a sensitive topic in our relationship. Sometimes I feel like I am missing out. I am working multiple jobs and saving a lot more to afford the house he wants. (We are sharing the cost, 60% - him, 40% - me, for context) I wanted to venture into an industry that I liked, but I was going to earn less, so I gave that up. It was my choice, he didn't force me to do so. But I guess sometimes I feel that if I was single, or in a relationship with someone who isn't going to settle down so soon, I would be able to have more financial freedom. So it makes me a little upset.
Recently I wanted to invest in stocks long term, and I could only take the money after 20 years, with an attractive amount of interest rate, which is enough for my retirement. I only need to set aside 200 bucks per month for it, which is not a lot. He expressed his displeasure and said even though it was only a hundred bucks per month, it was still money that I am unable to get back for 20 years, and it may take a longer time to save up for his desired house. I was upset because it was him that insisted on buying the house that costs twice as much as the one I wanted, but he is controlling my spending. He said he will let me make my own choice, and I don't know if I am defensive or what, but it felt like he was guilt tripping me.
When conflicts like this arise, sometimes I think about how much I haven't explored in terms of romantic relationships, like sex, clubbing, fooling around, etc. I would turn down every guy that hit on me, even though I found them attractive. So when we have conflicts like this, it makes me wonder if I really did miss out by marrying my first boyfriend.
Like I said earlier, he does compromise on small things and treats me like a princess, and sometimes I'm like omg I love him so much I can't wait to marry him. But other times when we have bigger conflicts due to money, I would think of breaking up and what I have missed out on by being with him
I guess at the end of the day, I am just unsure if I am the toxic one instead that doesn't treasure a good relationship. Because well, all relationships have flaws, and we do need to compromise sometimes. So I am unsure if I should compromise more or what. Am I toxic for thinking about what I missed out on for marrying my first boyfriend? Or is he the bad guy? Should I leave this relationship? Or any other alternative? I really do appreciate constructive feedback. Feel free to tell me if I am wrong too. I am here to learn and grow
tl;dr my relationship has their pros and cons, we have conflicts about money, which hinders the lifestyle I want. Sometimes I think about the people I missed out on by marrying my first love. Am I the asshole AITA

I'm f23, and my boyfriend is M28. We have been together for 4 years. I have dated other guys before him, but my relationship with him was my first sexual one. We are planning to get married next year
Generally our relationship is quite stable. We can solve conflicts well, and don't fight. We solve it by talking it out calmly, about our feelings, etc, and apologise. Our sex life is good too I guess. But his libido is much higher than mine, which is not ideal for me, especially when we live together in the future. Generally he treats me well, and dotes on me like a princess. He compromises on small things, like what to eat, my ideal wedding, etc. But bigger things involving money or where we stay, he doesn't compromise.
One of the flaws in our relationship is that he wants to live in a place that is twice the price of another place I want to live in, for the same size and similar amenities around the area. I was initially very against the idea as the price was twice as much, even though the size of the house and amenities were about the same. He says he wants to live there because it's nearer to his side of the family, and prefers the amenities there, even though I think the area I prefer has similar amenities and transport. Yes, the place I prefer is nearer to my parents as well, but I personally prefer it because it is so much cheaper, and money isn't easy to earn. But eventually I compromised to save money so that we can buy a house in the estate he wants for twice the price. (We haven't bought it yet, will buy it in 3 years)
So I guess after that, money became a sensitive topic in our relationship. Sometimes I feel like I am missing out. I am working multiple jobs and saving a lot more to afford the house he wants. (We are sharing the cost, 60% - him, 40% - me, for context) I wanted to venture into an industry that I liked, but I was going to earn less, so I gave that up. It was my choice, he didn't force me to do so. But I guess sometimes I feel that if I was single, or in a relationship with someone who isn't going to settle down so soon, I would be able to have more financial freedom. So it makes me a little upset.
Recently I wanted to invest in stocks long term, and I could only take the money after 20 years, with an attractive amount of interest rate, which is enough for my retirement. I only need to set aside 200 bucks per month for it, which is not a lot. He expressed his displeasure and said even though it was only a hundred bucks per month, it was still money that I am unable to get back for 20 years, and it may take a longer time to save up for his desired house. I was upset because it was him that insisted on buying the house that costs twice as much as the one I wanted, but he is controlling my spending. He said he will let me make my own choice, and I don't know if I am defensive or what, but it felt like he was guilt tripping me.
When conflicts like this arise, sometimes I think about how much I haven't explored in terms of romantic relationships, like sex, clubbing, fooling around, etc. I would turn down every guy that hit on me, even though I found them attractive. So when we have conflicts like this, it makes me wonder if I really did miss out by marrying my first boyfriend.
Like I said earlier, he does compromise on small things and treats me like a princess, and sometimes I'm like omg I love him so much I can't wait to marry him. But other times when we have bigger conflicts due to money, I would think of breaking up and what I have missed out on by being with him
I guess at the end of the day, I am just unsure if I am the toxic one instead that doesn't treasure a good relationship. Because well, all relationships have flaws, and we do need to compromise sometimes. So I am unsure if I should compromise more or what. Am I toxic for thinking about what I missed out on for marrying my first boyfriend? Or is he the bad guy? Should I leave this relationship? Or any other alternative? I really do appreciate constructive feedback. Feel free to tell me if I am wrong too. I am here to learn and grow
tl;dr my relationship has their pros and cons, we have conflicts about money, which hinders the lifestyle I want. Sometimes I think about the people I missed out on by marrying my first love. Am I the asshole AITA

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The Spirit iTunes $3.50
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The Time Travelers Wife SD MA $1.50
The Vanishing HD VD $3.50
The Vow SD MA $1.50
The Warlords HD VD $3.50
The Warriors Way iTunes $3.50
The Wedding Ringer HD MA $3.50
The Wolf On Wall Street HD VD/IT $3.50
The Woman In Black SD MA $1.50
Think Like A Man HD MA $3
Thor 4K MA $5.50 HD GP $4
Thor Dark World 4K MA $5.50 HD GP $3
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Thor Ragnarok 4K MA $5 4KIT/HDMA $3 HD GP $1
Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri HD MA $4
Tinkerbell NeverBeast HD MA $4.50 HD GP $3.50
Tinkerbell Pirate Fairy HD MA $4.50 HD GP $3.50
Tinkerbell Fairy Pixie Hollow Games HD MA $4
Top Gun HD VD/4KIT $4.50
Total Recall 1990 4K VD/IT $5
Tower Heist Itunes $3.50
Toy Story HDMA/4KIT $6 HD GP $4
Toy Story 4 4KIT/HDMA $4.50 HD GP $2.50
Toy Story Of Terror HD MA $4.50
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Transformers 4K VS/IT $5.50
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X-Men Wolverine 2013 HD MA $3.50 Itunes 3.50
XXX Return Of Xander Cage 4K IT $4.50 HD VD/IT $3
Zero Dark Thirty HD VD $3.50
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Hi,
I'm looking for a very affectionate, passionate woman to build an ongoing relationship. I want that woman that loves to cuddle and kiss. The woman that wants someone to spend evenings cuddling and watching something. I want to get random hugs, kisses, bjs and more. I want a relationship that's full of affection and sex. Lets build a connection and satisfy each other.
I'm 35, single, white, 6 ft, 240 (working on it), brown hair, blue eyes, drug free (including 420), smoke free, rarely drink, never married, no kids (don't want any), no tattoos or piercings and completely clean. I'm the shy, nerdy guy but have a longing for affection. Touch is my love language but I'm not big on PDA. I enjoy scifi, drama, action movies/shows. Not watching any particular show right now. I enjoyed the last season on Mando, Last of Us. Currently I'm catching up on Critical role. I do play video games. Survival and building games lately. I do play Overwatch as well. I enjoy cooking also.
I'm wanting to find a woman 30+, cute, clean, single, affectionate, loving, supportive to jump right into things. Have similar interest. If you're a baclub person please move on. I'm a homebody and really want a woman to join me or spend time at her place. I'm open on race. Body type thin to curvy, some bbw. Drug free, smoke free, high drive, child free or have them grown and out of the house. Older women welcome.
Feel free to ask me anything specific.
Lets chat, exchange photos and go from there. Thanks

Hi, I'm not going to leave my name here but I'm a sex addict, and have been for a long time. In the last year it's escalated heavily.
I'm in my late 30s. The cycle has been ferocious, but I've decided I'm done. I've long relied on porn to "self medicate" around my (recently diagnosed) ADHD, potential ASD, OCD, alcoholism, depression, anxiety (and the rest), but now I know I've got a serious problem and I want to make a change. The jump from online chat rooms to strip clubs and escorts has ruined my finances and honesty, but I really haven't been able.to help myself.
It's ripping me apart, and I don't want to be like this. I'd just like some direction on how to start living authentically and be the me I want to be. It's been hell and I feel like everyone in the world will not understand this at all.

1. Understand that you are not alone in being alone. The West does not build community in to peoples’ lives, and cultural individualism is a historical aberration. Technology and political malfunction have devastated civil society. ACTION: use the internet to learn hobbies/skills, not to try to connect with people. In real life, join a club; charities are a good choice, as there is profound purpose in serving others. Loneliness is often centered around ego delusions which dissolve in the practice of loving others.
   
2. You must participate in your own rescue, and find your people. No one is coming to save you, passivity doesn’t work, the world doesnt care, and fate is for the proactive. ACTION: the best first step for most people is to take social couples dance lessons, and start attending dance events. Touch is built in, and you learn to see yourself as a person no different from others despite how they appear.
   
3. Young men are lonely by nature. This is your “in the wilderness” time to begin your journey to build an interesting, purposeful life. MOST men are lonely in their youth; the sex drive is supposed to propel a young man toward the horizon. ACTION: if you have not found your mission/purpose yet, understand the importance of meditating on it. In the meantime, it is important to move forward with purpose. Join a hiking or outdoor fitness/challenge group like GORUCK or Spartan. Pursue excellence for its own sake.
   

Loneliness is difficult, but inaction is a choice. Taking personal responsibility for your feelings is the path to steering your own fate and defeating the powerless feeling.
Brotherly love to you all.

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*History is a beta feature, only goes back as far as I've been tracking this item, and may not be 100% accurate

Let me start off by saying I know I'm a horrible POS human being and I'm going to hell for what I did, so feel free to tell me that but it's not necessary. Also, I will break up with him either way because despite treating me rather poorly, obviously he deserves much better than a cheater.
I know the cheating itself is wrong no matter what the situation, but please consider the context before just saying I should tell him the truth.
I met my BF the summer before our freshman year of college. We were from different states but attended a retreat together on campus a month before school and became acquaintances. The first night of school we met up and spent every weekend together after that, just hooking up (technically not in a relationship, but exclusive) for the next five months. Both of us were virgins who had never been in relationships before because we wanted to wait for someone special. Because of this, our bond was extremely strong and I fell deeply in love with him. He asked me to be his girlfriend in January of 2022.
I have realized over the last few months that I likely have undiagnosed BPD. There are many reasons for that, but in the context of our relationship it mainly made me constantly overthink and all of my emotions relied on how he was treating me, how long it took him to text me back, etc. Because he was the only guy I had ever been with, I was uncontrollably obsessed with him and constantly stressed/ jealous of any time he had fun without me. The fact that it took him five months to make it official with me also made me very insecure. Looking back, he was perfect for someone like me because he took no interest in being friendly with other girls, voluntarily unfollowed every other girl but me on Instagram, and did lots of other things to express his loyalty. I never asked him to do any of these things because I was self-aware enough to not be controlling and take my craziness out on him, but he was always trying to make me feel more comfortable regardless. I have severe anxiety (and probably BPD) so no matter what he did, I always felt emotionally exhausted, worried he would find someone he liked more and cheat on me. I know, ironic.
Despite his expressed loyalty, there have been a lot of bad things about our relationship. He has pretty bad anger issues, and I've seen him get scarily violent when he's upset. He has never actually struck me intentionally, but when he is drunk he has a tendency to manhandle me a bit and will push me around when I try to take care of him. He also borderline sexually assaulted me one night back when we were still just hooking up. He was blacked out and forced himself on me when he was drunk despite me complaining that I was in pain. I also have reason to believe he may have cheated on me one night, as he never went home and lied about where he was. All of that is not super relevant to the story, but I'm trying to help convey that he had some somewhat abusive/toxic characteristics.
Aside from those more dramatic things, my BF is simply not very good at being a BF. He has probably taken me on maybe two or three dates our entire relationship, and any other time we go out it's because I planned it. He is horrible at communicating and despite the number of times I ask him to be more attentive, he refuses to do simple things like shooting me a goodnight text. He rarely calls me now that we're long distance and most of the time he makes me feel like an option, very low on his list of priorities. He can be very cruel when we fight and is just overall lazy when it comes to being a boyfriend. Despite this, he can be very sweet and thoughtful the rest of the time, and I think he just has a lot of growing and learning to do about being in relationships. I have always tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and I love him more than anything in the entire world. He is all I think about throughout the day, and honestly if he had proposed to me a week after we met I would've said yes. I did everything for him. I cooked him meals, wrote him love letters, called him to make sure he woke up in time for his classes, and just generally revolved my life around him. I took care of his every need and did everything I could to make him happy. Everyone who knew us thought we were soulmates, and his friends were all jealous of what he had with me. I was sure I would spend the rest of my life with him. I've ruined that now.
What's unique about my situation is that cheating on him was not ENTIRELY a drunk mistake. I've thought about doing it for a very long time. Here's why:
This past December, my BF and I were going through a rough patch. I had already tried breaking up with him once before but he cried and begged me to stay and I felt guilty. (I know I talked about him being the love of my life but because of my mental health issues I make very impulsive decisions when I feel hurt and vulnerable.) This one night, I was ready to do it. As much as I loved him, I knew there was better out there for me and I needed more love and attention than he was willing to give me. I invited him over to my apartment, and he showed up black-out drunk and knew why I had asked him to come over. He broke down in tears and confessed that he had "messed up." He said he had never seen a future with me and didn't mean anything he said when he talked about getting married and having kids someday, because he thought it was what I wanted to hear. He has told me since that he doesn't know why he said that and that he was probably just drunk rambling, but at the time I didn't believe him because it was the kind of thing that you couldn't make up when you're drunk. I felt for the first time that night what it was like to have my heart broken. But because I'm crazy, I couldn't let the relationship end that way. I had to get revenge on him for breaking my heart, so I didn't leave him so I could have time to plan out what I was going to do. I spent the next week mourning the relationship in my head, not eating and barely sleeping. I lost 8 pounds in 6 days and almost ended up in the hospital. I truly think I changed into a different person that week, because I had never considered cheating before, but for the next month or so all I could think about was how to hurt him as badly as he hurt me.
As time went by, my need for revenge faded as we grew close again. However, I knew that the relationship had an expiration date and that I would never be able to get over how much pain he had caused me. But because of how much I loved him, I couldn't find the courage to leave. I knew I needed to break my attachment before I left him, because otherwise I truly didn't know if I could survive the breakup. I've struggled with depression and even attempted to end my life years ago, and this was part of the reason I felt the need to lose my feelings for him before cutting him off. This all wasn't necessarily rational, but again, I have fairly severe mental health issues. I know that's my own responsibility, but my parents don't believe in therapy or medicating mental illnesses, and I can't afford either of those on my own without their insurance.
Anyway, I came to realize that the reason I couldn't let go of him was because of the sexual bond we had created, being that we were each other's firsts. It occurred to me that if I slept with someone else, it would break that bond and make him less important to me so I could finally get away from the relationship and focus on treating my issues before entering into another relationship. I know this makes me a complete coward, but it's hard to explain how shackled I felt by my emotions and how desperate I was to end my mental pain. Being with him was torture because I knew he would never love me as much as I loved him and that eventually my craziness would come out and I would scare him away.
For a while, the cheating plan was just something I thought about and would never put into action. I was aware that while I may be free of my attachment to my boyfriend, I would probably be caught and end up hurting him, which was no longer something I wanted to do. The cheating was completely due to my own cowardice and I didn't want it to affect him in any way because he did not deserve that. He would never understand that it was not because he wasn't enough for me, but rather that I could not deal with the hold he had on me. Since the day I met my BF I had never looked longingly in another direction. I only wanted him and never even felt attraction to any other person. I did not cheat because of lust. Honestly, I didn't enjoy it for a second and I didn't find the guy attractive whatsoever.
It happened four nights ago. I'm currently studying abroad in another country, and this evil little part of my brain knew ahead of time that if I was going to execute my plan, this trip would be the perfect opportunity. It would be nearly impossible for my BF to find out what I did.
I picked out a guy at a club. I was very drunk and we danced together, and he asked to come home with me. I said yes, brought him to my apartment, and we hooked up. It felt so wrong. My body only knows my boyfriend and I felt disgusting the whole time. In my drunkenness, I kept seeing my boyfriend's face in this random man's. I didn't enjoy it for one second, but I was resolved to do what I needed to do to let go of my attachment.
I was too drunk to really think about what I had done at the time, but the next morning, I immediately was overwhelmed with horror at what I had done. The guilt was truly indescribable and I've never experienced anything like it. I made the stranger leave my room and I spent the rest of the day unable to stop vomiting and crying. I was a delusional fool to think that f*cking a random dude was going to make me stop caring about my boyfriend. Yes, it broke the physical bond, but once that was gone I was only left with the immense emotional love I had for him. I was hit with the realization that none of the pain my boyfriend had caused me could hold a candle to what I felt now. I feel even more guilty because the sex was objectively better, but it wasn't with HIM. I now know for certain that I never want another man to touch me but I'll never get to even HOLD that sweet boy again. We'll never get to finish our favorite TV show, and we'll never get to travel to the places we'd planned. I'll never get to use the petals I carefully preserved from the flowers that he got me, which I had saved for our flower girl to toss at our wedding. I would truly give anything to go back in time and I will regret what I've done every day for the rest of my life.
You can tell me all you want that I'm trash and that I need to stop dating and work on fixing my own problems, but it won't be anything I haven't told myself already. I've accepted that what I did makes me a bad person. What I need is advice on the best way to minimize the damage this will have on him.
I know the general rule of thumb is to always tell the truth. But please consider the fact that he truly will never find out if I don't say anything. The stranger I hooked up with is from a completely different country and would have no way of finding out about or contacting my boyfriend. I feel that if I told him, it would only be to assuage my own guilt, and I know I deserve to feel the full force of every horrible emotion I'm experiencing right now. I need to break up with him anyway, so why hurt him more than necessary in the process? He has a lot of issues as well and I don't know if I trust him to not do something stupid out of grief. I myself have had to fight the urge to jump in front of a bus or drink myself to death, and I'm not even the one who got cheated on. There is quite literally no good that can come from him knowing that the only girl he has ever loved got f*cked by another dude. I don't want to give him trust issues or trauma that he will carry into future healthy relationships. You may not believe that I love him because I cheated on him, but I do.
I know Reddit hates cheaters (rightfully so) and I would really appreciate brutally honest feedback. Whatever ends up happening now is what I deserve, but I would like to take the route that has the least emotional impact on my boyfriend.
​
Side note: We've been super distant the past couple of days, not texting or calling despite being long-distance and in different countries, so it wouldn't be out of the blue for me to break up with him. No matter what reason I give, I would put it on myself and not make him feel like he did anything wrong.

I'm f23, and my boyfriend is M28. We have been together for 4 years. I have dated other guys before him, but my relationship with him was my first sexual one. We are planning to get married next year
Generally our relationship is quite stable. We can solve conflicts well, and don't fight. We solve it by talking it out calmly, about our feelings, etc, and apologise. Our sex life is good too I guess. But his libido is much higher than mine, which is not ideal for me, especially when we live together in the future. Generally he treats me well, and dotes on me like a princess. He compromises on small things, like what to eat, my ideal wedding, etc. But bigger things involving money or where we stay, he doesn't compromise.
One of the flaws in our relationship is that he wants to live in a place that is twice the price of another place I want to live in, for the same size and similar amenities around the area. I was initially very against the idea as the price was twice as much, even though the size of the house and amenities were about the same. He says he wants to live there because it's nearer to his side of the family, and prefers the amenities there, even though I think the area I prefer has similar amenities and transport. Yes, the place I prefer is nearer to my parents as well, but I personally prefer it because it is so much cheaper, and money isn't easy to earn. But eventually I compromised to save money so that we can buy a house in the estate he wants for twice the price. (We haven't bought it yet, will buy it in 3 years)
So I guess after that, money became a sensitive topic in our relationship. Sometimes I feel like I am missing out. I am working multiple jobs and saving a lot more to afford the house he wants. (We are sharing the cost, 60% - him, 40% - me, for context) I wanted to venture into an industry that I liked, but I was going to earn less, so I gave that up. It was my choice, he didn't force me to do so. But I guess sometimes I feel that if I was single, or in a relationship with someone who isn't going to settle down so soon, I would be able to have more financial freedom. So it makes me a little upset.
Recently I wanted to invest in stocks long term, and I could only take the money after 20 years, with an attractive amount of interest rate, which is enough for my retirement. I only need to set aside 200 bucks per month for it, which is not a lot. He expressed his displeasure and said even though it was only a hundred bucks per month, it was still money that I am unable to get back for 20 years, and it may take a longer time to save up for his desired house. I was upset because it was him that insisted on buying the house that costs twice as much as the one I wanted, but he is controlling my spending. He said he will let me make my own choice, and I don't know if I am defensive or what, but it felt like he was guilt tripping me.
When conflicts like this arise, sometimes I think about how much I haven't explored in terms of romantic relationships, like sex, clubbing, fooling around, etc. I would turn down every guy that hit on me, even though I found them attractive. So when we have conflicts like this, it makes me wonder if I really did miss out by marrying my first boyfriend.
Like I said earlier, he does compromise on small things and treats me like a princess, and sometimes I'm like omg I love him so much I can't wait to marry him. But other times when we have bigger conflicts due to money, I would think of breaking up and what I have missed out on by being with him
I guess at the end of the day, I am just unsure if I am the toxic one instead that doesn't treasure a good relationship. Because well, all relationships have flaws, and we do need to compromise sometimes. So I am unsure if I should compromise more or what. Am I toxic for thinking about what I missed out on for marrying my first boyfriend? Or is he the bad guy? Should I leave this relationship? Or any other alternative? I really do appreciate constructive feedback. Feel free to tell me if I am wrong too. I am here to learn and grow

Hi everyone.
To Kill a Predator is a work of fan fiction set in the Nature of Predators universe originally created by SpacePaladin15 whose Patreon you should subscribe to.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Depiction does not equal endorsement.
Hope you enjoy it!
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Memory transcription subject: Martin Russo, Human Refugee
Date [standardized human time]: November 30th, 2136
​
Three of us are riding in the back of the truck with the bound and gagged bird. We’re all ignoring him. The other two are inside. I’ve put my mask on just to avoid getting grit and dust in my eyes, mouth, and nose.
“So I know why the predator and the uplift are stuck back here, but why’d Slavik exile you?”
Hanya looks at me before scoffing. “Predator Disease, remember? Or maybe she doesn’t want my quills to scuff the upholstery.”
I sigh. “Jesus Christ I am so sick of Predator Disease. From the sound of it, you’ve got something like PTSD, you’re not a freaking serial killer!”
“Part of that didn’t translate.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s an acronym for stress as a result of trauma: literally ‘Post Traumatic Stress Disorder’, finding yourself unable to let go of the traumatic event and thus being stressed out.”
“Oh, we’ve got something like that!” Mosun chimes in cheerfully. “We call it Recurrent Hysterical Exhaustion, and it happens sometimes to people who’ve been in accidents or returned from wars.”
I nod. “Actual mental health, huh. God, I hope with the Yotul aligning with humanity instead of the Federation you can recover your culture from them…”
Hanya scoffs again. “What, and get their trains back?”
Mosun looks surly. “Why is it that you people always think our culture is nothing but trains? They were a great way to transport things over long distances, but it’s not like we worship the damn things. There’s a lot more to our species than our technology!”
I try to interject, cutting off the incoming argument with a more positive question for him. “So what’s something about your culture that you’d like to restore?”
​
He responds immediately, ears perking up with excitement. “Combat Dancing!”
I lean forward. “What’s that?”
“You know that kick you were so impressed with? Well it’s part of a system that some Yotul learn to fight without weapons.”
I give an ‘oh’ of understanding. “You guys have martial arts!”
“Oh, that’s a good name too! Dancing is a sort of art, after all. And… Well, we did. We used to have entire schools dedicated to learning the Dances. But it turns out knowing anything about Combat Dances is ‘Predator Disease’, so they burnt all the schools down and threw the teachers and students in their facilities. My mom used to be a teacher, and managed to lie to their assessors… She taught me as much as she could. In secret.”
Hanya snarls. “Well, on that count the Federation was right! Fighting shouldn’t be a dance, or an art! It’s a dirty, horrible last resort!”
“Combat Dancing isn’t just about fighting! It’s about self-control, and being smart and effective! Its most important lessons are about when and how not to fight!”
I helpfully add “It’s also a good form of exercise. I was taught some of the basics of boxing at the shelter, but I haven’t been able to get a setup at home since I started living with the Venlil. I sort of miss the full-body workout.”
Mosun responds, tilting his head curiously. “’Boxing’? The translator picks that up as ‘a punching contest’, but a lot of Combat Dancing involves using your legs and tail too. Do you humans only use your paws?”
“No, boxing is just one martial art out of… well I’m not sure how many. Dozens and dozens at least. Boxing in particular focuses on using our hands. It’s also practiced as a competitive sport.”
Hanya gets a bit agitated, leaning forward. “A sport?! Absurd! You beat each other up for fun and call it a dance, or an artform! It’s savage!”
Mosun looks at the protesting Gojid shrewdly. “Your people probably had something like it too, before the Kolshians got their slimy tentacles on you. Those claws of yours are no joke. Without learning how to fight properly you could get someone seriously hurt with them.”
​
At this, she gets less irate. Instead she glances down at her own rather long claws thoughtfully. “So your ‘combat dancing’ would be about… not using claws?”
The Yotul moves closer to her. She doesn’t move away. But I suppose he’s just an ‘uplift’, not a predator like me. Mosun’s the first non-human I’ve been able to hang out with without first having to take days to acclimatize them to my presence. “It’s about knowing what your body is capable of, and training until you’re doing the right thing even under stress. You flew space ships, right? If you panic the results can be catastrophic. I bet you were taught safety protocols over and over. They were drilled into you until they were an automatic reflex, right?”
Hanya sighs sort of wistfully. “Yeah. In pilot school they’d bang the walls or play loud sounds while shouting questions, so we’d be able to respond correctly even under stress. A few times they’d even wake us up at night by screaming scenarios at us, and have us take repeat lessons if we didn’t immediately answer with the right procedures.”
Mosun is animated, moving his paws around as he talks. He’s in debate mode. Since he’s prey, Hanya doesn’t flinch back. “Right, so it’s the same thing here… You learn how to respond to different circumstances, so you don’t lash out and cause more harm than necessary. But at the same time if it does become necessary… you learn exactly how to do what you gotta. Figuring out how to best use your claws for self-defense isn’t something you want to start doing when a hungry Arxur is rounding the corner, any more than you wanna start figuring out how the fire suppression system works while your ship’s burning! See, you view the vessel as a complete system, and train yourself in its use… so that you can operate it safely in everyday situations, avoid dangerous situations if you can, and guide it through them in one piece if you can’t!”
She looks down at her claws for a while with a blank expression. The claws on her other paw tap the truck’s flatbed bottom thoughtfully. “…Could you teach me some of it?”
---
Memory transcription subject: Jarkim, Krakotl Civilian
Date [standardized human time]: November 30th, 2136
​
Slavik spoke up after a while of silent driving. “So the people we’re up against are all Exterminators, right?”
“Yeah.”
She flicked her ear in irritation. “Fucking government bastards.”
I tossed my head back a bit to show disagreement. “They’re not with the government; they believe it’s been subverted by the humans.”
“They’ve only got their weapons and training because of the government. They broke into a home in the middle of town and kidnapped and assaulted Venlil with impunity because they’ve had government backing all this time, and nobody’s allowed to question the pricks when they’re in uniform. These ‘Liberators’ are only still operating at all because it’s too embarrassing for the government to admit they’ve lost control of the Exterminators.”
I sighed. “Fair enough…”
With an air of satisfied finality Slavik said “So, fucking government bastards.”
I signaled appeasement with a wing. “Alright, alright. They’re fucking government bastards, happy?”
Slavik huffed with annoyance. “Tell me about them.”
“As people, you mean?”
Slavik flicked an ear in the affirmative. “Good to know going in.”
“Mm. Well… Karta and Luarik were my friends back on Nishtal. Karta’s always been confident, outgoing, and brash. Luarik’s been his shadow for as long as I’ve known them. If anyone’s going to listen to reason to get Luarik back, it’ll be Karta.”
After a moment of thought, I added “Honestly they may be dating, but if they are they’ve been keeping it quiet.”
“Alright, what about the rest?”
“Never worked with Serni or Vira. Vira worked… uh, administration and statistics, I think. Serni’s been doing education, going around in schools to explain to students what Exterminators do, and a lot of seminars teaching new parents what signs to look out for in their children.”
“The kinda asshole who recruits everyone to help keep an eye out for outcasts.”
​
I couldn’t disagree, so I just continued. “Vilrak’s been bouncing between desk duty and the front line for cycles. He’d get rough with some PD occasionally and they’d put him behind a desk for a couple of paws to cool off.”
Slavik tightened their grip on the steering, their jaw tightening. But they remained silent.
“Ilnek’s always been a model Exterminator. Always made her quotas, worked well with everyone. She did a lot of the disposal jobs at the office, like running the bone-crusher and driving loads to the ash dumps.”
Slavik grumbled quietly before finding something to latch onto and complain about. “What quotas?”
“There’s a set number of people in a population that’ll have Predator Disease, and the guild’s figured about how many an office can be expected to find each cycle based on, uhh, stuff like population density, species diversity, if you’re diverting too far from the One in Thirty ratio, local political affiliations… that kinda thing.”
“And if you’re short…”
“It generally means the budget goes toward re-training rather than better chairs or fruit baskets. Sort of a gentle incentive to keep your ears up when you’re out and about.”
Slavik’s voice was filled with disgust, and I shrank a bit in my seat from the unspoken implication in their simple response of “Uh-huh”.
​
Of course they were pissed. Slavik ended up in one of the cages after a coworker of theirs reported them for not filling out their sex on employment forms. And for a lack of interest in partners. A disinterest in the basic biological urges of companionship and procreation was a sign of PD, as was an inability or unwillingness to fit into your species’ standard sex distribution. If Slavik was a Krakotl it wouldn’t have been a problem, but mammals are less fluid about sex.
It wasn’t politically advantageous to make a big deal of Slavik’s case, at the time they were arrested. So I helped smooth it out.
One of the good things I’ve done, but it was just to keep the office’s paws clean. Because the media caused a gale wind about it when it turned out a couple of the Predator Disease cases over in Dawn Creek had been in that damn facility for the same reasons, I put in some words with the assessor to get Slavik out and keep them out of the records before anyone could start making noise about it here too.
There’s no way they would’ve been dragged in so aggressively to begin with if it weren’t for someone needing to polish their numbers.
“…Anyway. Last’s Renak. For my money it’s even odds whether he or Karta is the leader. Almost as many burns on wild preds as the rest of the office put together. He understands their minds, can track them better than anyone else. He can tell if there’s a nest nearby by how one behaves when it’s cornered. He can even hear if there are mature ones around a young by burning it slow and listening for how it screams.”
Slavik looked sick and pale. “…Protector… I know they’re predators, but… Why don’t you kill them before you burn them, at least?”
I knew the answer, of course. “Because… Because standard doctrine holds that they don’t feel pain or have souls the same way other animals do, so it doesn’t matter.”
Slavik gave a scoff. “After Celany’s interview, do you seriously believe that?”
“I used to.” I paused, and then told the truth instead. “No. I didn’t. I just ignored it. There were a lot of things I had to just ignore to do my job, a lot I had to be complicit in.”
---
Memory transcription subject: Vansi, Venlil Civilian
Date [standardized human time]: November 30th, 2136
​
It was scary to be moved suddenly, of course, but my son knew best.
He had his friends take Thiva to safety here, and was working on helping cure her sickness.
The screams were the worst part. She was restrained in one of the bedrooms, he had explained, because in her diseased state she might hurt herself or try to escape. My Renak’s a dutiful and attentive son and brother, and he made sure to stay with her and keep her fed.
Next to me was one of his friends, Ilnek. A cute girl with her short Exterminator-cut fur a lovely cloud-white color. She was flicking her tail idly while fiddling with some electronics.
“So… What is going to happen next?”
“Next, miss Vansi, we’re going to drive the humans out of Greenmeadow entirely. Without a civilian presence to safeguard, their military will have to either relocate or give up the pretense entirely. Either way suits our purpose just fine.”
She was polite, sweet, and dedicated. And such a lovely color. I wondered if my son had considered a possible relationship? They must’ve had a lot in common, and I’d love to have some grandchildren before I was too old to appreciate them. I decided to try and play matchmaker, and wagged my tail gently. “What do you think of Renak?”
She didn’t look up from her work. “Your son’s a genius. He understands the evil we’re fighting, you know. Really understands it. That’s why he’s taken his sister here. She’s a test case for our plan.”
“I… don’t understand?” I asked politely, tilting my head.
“He figures, with the human going after Thiva again after you drove it out of your home… they’re probably mated.”
A sense of deep revulsion filled me, and I recoiled with horror. “N-No! Oh Protector, No!”
Her voice was grim. “Oh, yes. It’s quite common… Plenty of humans out there apparently like to play with their food. Those are the ones we’re going after first, and the easiest way is to use their victims as bait.”
“…Bait?”
“It’s something we learned. The way we figure it the humans didn’t fake the empathy tests. Even the non-sapient predators… they either feel something like empathy, or they have a sunk cost to continue their species. If you catch some offspring, or a mate, you can dangle it by a leg… and lay in wait. The predator comes for its own, and then you can burn both at once.”
​
Now she looked up, smugly. “Of course, in the humans’ case the bait are gonna be their Venlil girlfriends and boyfriends, so we’ll be more… judicious. But after that, the humans will think twice before they try to mate with their pets. Then we move on to the humans who pretend to be friends with the Venlil. They’ll turn away from forming relationships with us at all and start making all-human packs separate from the Venlil… and that’s when we hit them all at once, like with the ‘shelter’.”
The idea of Thiva being used to bait the human was… “But… how do you make sure that the Venlil you’re using for bait don’t get hurt?”
“Miss Vansi, when someone is already in a predator’s clutches… collateral damage is a given. Most people who survive direct predator attacks would end up with the predator’s taint anyway.” She paused while finishing the last detonator. “…But I’m sure Renak has a plan to keep his sister safe, don’t worry. Alright, I’m going to get something to eat.”
As she walked out of the room, I was left to sit with the feeling of uncertainty and fear. Hearing the faint echoes of Thiva’s screams from the room up above, I wondered if perhaps Renak could be mistaken?
No, that’s simply not possible. I just don’t see it yet, I need him to explain it to me. He’s smarter than I am.
If I couldn’t see the plan, if I didn’t have the stomach for the cost, I simply had to trust in my son’s strength of will and vision.
I closed my eyes and listened for the next scream. She was saying the human’s name, calling out for it. Not her brother or her loving mother, but a filthy predator.
I imagined the sounds as akin to bleeding a festering wound. A deep, cleansing pain as you force out the insidious poison coursing through the veins. Burning out the infection and leaving room for renewal.
I prayed for her, fervently. I begged passionately to the Protector for power and wisdom for Renak and his cause, and for the downfall of the humans and the erasure of the taint they’ve left on the world.
Most of all I prayed my daughter could still be saved, and for the strength it would take if it turns out she could not.
--
[First] [Previous]

I'm f23, and my boyfriend is M28. We have been together for 4 years. I have dated other guys before him, but my relationship with him was my first sexual one. We are planning to get married next year
Generally our relationship is quite stable. We can solve conflicts well, and don't fight. We solve it by talking it out calmly, about our feelings, etc, and apologise. Our sex life is good too I guess. But his libido is much higher than mine, which is not ideal for me, especially when we live together in the future. Generally he treats me well, and dotes on me like a princess. He compromises on small things, like what to eat, my ideal wedding, etc. But bigger things involving money or where we stay, he doesn't compromise.
One of the flaws in our relationship is that he wants to live in a place that is twice the price of another place I want to live in, for the same size and similar amenities around the area. I was initially very against the idea as the price was twice as much, even though the size of the house and amenities were about the same. He says he wants to live there because it's nearer to his side of the family, and prefers the amenities there, even though I think the area I prefer has similar amenities and transport. Yes, the place I prefer is nearer to my parents as well, but I personally prefer it because it is so much cheaper, and money isn't easy to earn. But eventually I compromised to save money so that we can buy a house in the estate he wants for twice the price. (We haven't bought it yet, will buy it in 3 years)
So I guess after that, money became a sensitive topic in our relationship. Sometimes I feel like I am missing out. I am working multiple jobs and saving a lot more to afford the house he wants. (We are sharing the cost, 60% - him, 40% - me, for context) I wanted to venture into an industry that I liked, but I was going to earn less, so I gave that up. It was my choice, he didn't force me to do so. But I guess sometimes I feel that if I was single, or in a relationship with someone who isn't going to settle down so soon, I would be able to have more financial freedom. So it makes me a little upset.
Recently I wanted to invest in stocks long term, and I could only take the money after 20 years, with an attractive amount of interest rate, which is enough for my retirement. I only need to set aside 200 bucks per month for it, which is not a lot. He expressed his displeasure and said even though it was only a hundred bucks per month, it was still money that I am unable to get back for 20 years, and it may take a longer time to save up for his desired house. I was upset because it was him that insisted on buying the house that costs twice as much as the one I wanted, but he is controlling my spending. He said he will let me make my own choice, and I don't know if I am defensive or what, but it felt like he was guilt tripping me.
When conflicts like this arise, sometimes I think about how much I haven't explored in terms of romantic relationships, like sex, clubbing, fooling around, etc. I would turn down every guy that hit on me, even though I found them attractive. So when we have conflicts like this, it makes me wonder if I really did miss out by marrying my first boyfriend.
Like I said earlier, he does compromise on small things and treats me like a princess, and sometimes I'm like omg I love him so much I can't wait to marry him. But other times when we have bigger conflicts due to money, I would think of breaking up and what I have missed out on by being with him
I guess at the end of the day, I am just unsure if I am the toxic one instead that doesn't treasure a good relationship. Because well, all relationships have flaws, and we do need to compromise sometimes. So I am unsure if I should compromise more or what. Am I toxic for thinking about what I missed out on for marrying my first boyfriend? Or is he the bad guy? Should I leave this relationship? Or any other alternative? I really do appreciate constructive feedback. Feel free to tell me if I am wrong too. I am here to learn and grow.

I'm f23, and my boyfriend is M28. We have been together for 4 years. I have dated other guys before him, but my relationship with him was my first sexual one. We are planning to get married next year
Generally our relationship is quite stable. We can solve conflicts well, and don't fight. We solve it by talking it out calmly, about our feelings, etc, and apologise. Our sex life is good too I guess. But his libido is much higher than mine, which is not ideal for me, especially when we live together in the future. Generally he treats me well, and dotes on me like a princess. He compromises on small things, like what to eat, my ideal wedding, etc. But bigger things involving money or where we stay, he doesn't compromise.
One of the flaws in our relationship is that he wants to live in a place that is twice the price of another place I want to live in, for the same size and similar amenities around the area. I was initially very against the idea as the price was twice as much, even though the size of the house and amenities were about the same. He says he wants to live there because it's nearer to his side of the family, and prefers the amenities there, even though I think the area I prefer has similar amenities and transport. Yes, the place I prefer is nearer to my parents as well, but I personally prefer it because it is so much cheaper, and money isn't easy to earn. But eventually I compromised to save money so that we can buy a house in the estate he wants for twice the price. (We haven't bought it yet, will buy it in 3 years)
So I guess after that, money became a sensitive topic in our relationship. Sometimes I feel like I am missing out. I am working multiple jobs and saving a lot more to afford the house he wants. (We are sharing the cost, 60% - him, 40% - me, for context) I wanted to venture into an industry that I liked, but I was going to earn less, so I gave that up. It was my choice, he didn't force me to do so. But I guess sometimes I feel that if I was single, or in a relationship with someone who isn't going to settle down so soon, I would be able to have more financial freedom. So it makes me a little upset.
Recently I wanted to invest in stocks long term, and I could only take the money after 20 years, with an attractive amount of interest rate, which is enough for my retirement. I only need to set aside 200 bucks per month for it, which is not a lot. He expressed his displeasure and said even though it was only a hundred bucks per month, it was still money that I am unable to get back for 20 years, and it may take a longer time to save up for his desired house. I was upset because it was him that insisted on buying the house that costs twice as much as the one I wanted, but he is controlling my spending. He said he will let me make my own choice, and I don't know if I am defensive or what, but it felt like he was guilt tripping me.
When conflicts like this arise, sometimes I think about how much I haven't explored in terms of romantic relationships, like sex, clubbing, fooling around, etc. I would turn down every guy that hit on me, even though I found them attractive. So when we have conflicts like this, it makes me wonder if I really did miss out by marrying my first boyfriend.
Like I said earlier, he does compromise on small things and treats me like a princess, and sometimes I'm like omg I love him so much I can't wait to marry him. But other times when we have bigger conflicts due to money, I would think of breaking up and what I have missed out on by being with him
I guess at the end of the day, I am just unsure if I am the toxic one instead that doesn't treasure a good relationship. Because well, all relationships have flaws, and we do need to compromise sometimes. So I am unsure if I should compromise more or what. Am I toxic for thinking about what I missed out on for marrying my first boyfriend? Or is he the bad guy? Should I leave this relationship? Or any other alternative? I really do appreciate constructive feedback. Feel free to tell me if I am wrong too. I am here to learn and grow

I want to pre apologize for how poorly this is written, it's my first post and I'm in a hurry
M(33)F(38) we had just started our discussions about getting into the lifestyle only a few days ago. We were both curious and we were talking a big game about jumping into it full blast and being some badasses.
Once the horny big talk wore off we got realistic and after some thinking we decided to go to one of the clubs in Houston this weekend.
Our stomachs were churning and the nerves were insane. The night was getting started and we were all over the place with emotions.
My wife had a bucket list item to have sex in front of people, and that's all we had planned to do at most. Our sex life was mostly vanilla up until this night so we didn't expect anything too crazy.
The night came and we got to the club. We took our seats and did some people watching. There was a nice couple sitting next to us that we had started talking to and they were so helpful. We told them we were new and they gave us all kids of tips and things to look out for.
The drinks got flowing and the conversation got interesting. They walked us around and started showing us some of the play areas and we saw a few things that got my wife's juices flowing (pun intended). She pushed me into a room and started blowing me in front of whoever wanted to watch. Our new friends were very respectful and stayed out of the room and watched.
With everything going good we decided to ask our new friends if they wanted to join. They said yes and things got going.
We jumped straight into a full swap, we had no reservations and it was on. Here is where I feel like mistakes were made, there was some foreplay and we worked up into full fucking. Watching my wife get fucked was amazing, the woman I was with was also amazing and fucking her was great.
The moment I realized I messed up was I started thinking too much into it. I started doing things to this other woman that I know my wife likes but maybe she didn't like. She didn't give me any signs that she was not enjoying herself but I'm used to how my wife responds and obviously it isn't the same.
Me being too caught up in my own thoughts I was thinking that this woman might not being enjoying this with me so I asked her husband to switch. Which of course is not the point of swapping, so of course on my request he switched with me.
My wife and I kept going like nothing happened but the other couple said they were going to take a water break and meet us back at the table, my wife then took that as they didn't want to play with us and was worried that it would be awkward if we went back to the table so she wanted to leave. We ended up getting dressed and slipping out the door.
I'm sure we thought too much into the situation and it could have been nothing. We had fun at the club with the other couple and we had even more fun once we got home but we have no regrets and are planning on trying more in the lifestyle.
I just wonder if these nerves and misreading of the situation is normal for most newbies?

I met a girl a week ago in the club, we both slept in the same bed that night but didn’t bang because we were wrecked. Went on a date a week later n slept together n had sex, then she invited me to see her the next day. Spent the last 2 days with her, was really nice, she told me she hadn’t been banged like that in a long time. Last night she invited me out (3rd night in a row) to do something with her and her friends but as I needed to be up for 6 for work I couldn’t.
She seemed pretty dissapointed, today she replied to my texts this morning but has been ignoring me all afternoon. Has she lost interest? I usually manage to play it cool quite well but the reality is I’m kind of punching above my weight and really like her. We said we’d do something this week, I guess time will tell

I feel so numb, and like I'm choking. We had been together 1 year and 9 months, we were just friends at first and everything just went naturally. I have never appreciated someone and felt so seen and safe. We have had our ups and downs, he has been manipulating and I'm toxic but we always figured things out and grew together. I have trust issues and that was a big problem, Im working with it but I know it comes from a bad childhood, so how I reacted towards him in heated arguments was uncalled for. but the result of my reactions he would say that I was dramatic, I felt guilt tripped.
Yesterday thought, I was borrowing his computer with his permission to write a paper for school. I was downloading lots of pictures for the paper, and when I was adding them to the document some naked pictures of him showed up. I and thought that maybe it was just nudes he had sent me, but I doubled checked our conversations on social medias but it was not to be found. so I had to ask him what was the purpose of them. he told me "Honestly I have had really low self esteem and needed to take some pictures" my first thought was that he had been sending them to other girls so I asked him and he said no, I chose to trust him. and I continued to work with school, but I just felt something was off, and we have had an agreement that we trust but if we need confirmation we are both allowed to search through each other phones/pc. So I did that, I opened his mail and I searched "tinder", and he had paid for a subscription there for 2 months, and that was newly. and he has also made a profile on another website where you meet people for just sex, he had been trying to meet girls but never got any replies. since he went out I had to call him and asked him wtf he had been doing, and he said he would come back home. 20-30 minutes had past and I called back to hear where he was and he told me he went to the club 🙃 i begged him to please come home so I could at least get an explanation, but he didn't wanted to keep fighting and hung up. I called a few more times before he eventually answered and he continued to say he was going to sleep at his friends house. I went crazy and acted out and said I was going to throw everything out the window, and then finally he said he would come. And honestly I would never actually do something like that, I'm rational lol. But I thought that maybe that would get his attention.
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My English is bad so I'm sorry for all the mistakes or if its messy🥲 I just needed to rant, I want to scream it but I feel so humiliated and dumb and that would make it worse.