Un brouilleur de signal est un appareil électronique qui interfère avec la transmission des signaux radio, y compris le GPS, le Wi-Fi, le Bluetooth, les radios, etc. Dans certains cas, tels que les agences gouvernementales, les bases militaires, les prisons et d'autres endroits qui exigent la confidentialité, les brouilleur d'onde sont utilisés pour empêcher le personnel illégal d'utiliser des appareils de communication radio pour transmettre des informations ou pour l'écoute clandestine. Mais la sécurité des brouilleurs de signaux est-elle vraiment utile ? Cet article examinera cette question d'un point de vue à la fois technique et juridique.
Tout d'abord, d'un point de vue technique, les brouilleurs de téléphone peuvent effectivement perturber efficacement la transmission des signaux radio. Le brouilleur de signal empêche la transmission normale du signal radio d'origine en transmettant certains signaux d'interférence pour empêcher les communications illégales. À certaines occasions, comme B. les bases militaires, les agences gouvernementales, etc., les brouilleurs de signaux peuvent en fait empêcher les communications illégales d'avoir lieu. Cependant, les brouilleurs de signaux ont aussi quelques problèmes.
Tout d'abord, les brouilleurs de signaux provoquent également des interférences avec les équipements radio environnants. Lors de l'utilisation du brouilleur de signal, il interférera également avec les radios environnantes, affectant la communication normale. Cela peut se produire à des occasions qui nécessitent une communication normale, comme B. les hôpitaux et les gares, ont un certain impact.
Les brouilleurs de signaux présentent également certains risques de sécurité. Certains contrevenants peuvent utiliser des brouilleurs de signaux pour mener des activités illégales telles que les écoutes téléphoniques et le vol. Dans le même temps, les brouilleurs de signaux peuvent également avoir certains effets sur la santé des personnes qui les entourent. Ces problèmes doivent être pris en compte lors de l'utilisation de brouilleurs de signaux.
Deuxièmement, d'un point de vue juridique, les brouilleurs de signaux sont légaux dans certaines situations et illégaux dans d'autres. Dans certains pays, comme B. aux États-Unis, l'utilisation de brouilleurs de signaux est illégale. En Chine, l'utilisation debrouilleur de traceur gpsnécessite l'approbation des départements concernés et ne peut être utilisée qu'à des occasions spécifiques. Si le brouilleur de signal est utilisé sans autorisation ou dans un lieu illégal, cela sera considéré comme un acte illégal et sera puni en conséquence.
En général, les brouilleur internet peuvent effectivement jouer un rôle de sécurité dans certains cas. Cependant, l'utilisation de brouilleurs de signaux pose également certains problèmes qui doivent être pris en compte. Dans le même temps, l'utilisation de brouilleurs de signaux doit également être conforme aux lois et réglementations en vigueur, sinon ils seront pénalisés en conséquence. Par conséquent, lors de l'utilisation de brouilleurs de signaux, nous devons vérifier attentivement et suivre les réglementations en vigueur.

Matched with lady at the beginning of last week. Had a week of multiple messages daily through the app and we seem to get along great. She mentioned in her profile that she owns a cabin in a area quite far away where she enjoys spending her time. In the chat she reveals she's going to the cabin next week ( so this week now).
After both stating we want to do a quick meeting she says it will be a bit hard planning since she has her kids. I say it is no big deal and we can schedule something when she's back from her trip to the cabin because she will start working at an office in my city anyway. ( After working from home up till now). She comes back she want to plan something before she goes away for the week. I say cool, you just suggest something which fits you the best. She makes a suggestion for a coffee date at saturday halfway to which I happily agree. The date went very good and even though we're both introverts we have a really nice 1,5 hour. Lots of talking both seriously and laughing. Great. I sent her a message through the app afterwards that I feel a connection and want to go ahead and explore and go on dates in the near future when she's back. She agrees.
Next day Sunday she will be travelling and she had stated in one of her texts and verbally during the date that it is about 650 km to the cabin and a 8 hour drive which she does not like driving. I sent her a message wishing her a save trip and also ask if we can go to another app since I have my notifications for the dating app turned off and I don't want to miss her messages. I specifically stated only when she's comfortable with this and no pressure. I don't hear from her till later in the evening with a short message that she's really tired and will answer tomorrow ( yesterday on monday).
Monday comes and no messages till the evening. Asking how my day was. Stating hers was cool with activities and no she is not comfortable yet in sharing her number. I say that is cool ( which it really is). Nothing further.
Now the thing I do I sometimes go through the profile again to see if there are some talking points to use in our convos. I then notice ( already on Sunday) that the distance indicator is at 450 km which is significantly differently than stated by her. This stays the same up till now. Now offcourse it is non of my business what's she's doing but I just wonder why this is.
Maybe she's seeing a friend or family on her way to the cabin? But then I think she would have mentioned. Or it could be a competitor which she ( understandably) does not want to reveal and she is already a bit further in the dating process with. But why insist in doing a date before this week then? Why not wait and hold me off till after this week? BTW she was the one swiping on me first.
I use the distance as a vetting tool in profiles to see if their stories match the data so to speak. So if they state they work nearby or live nearby I check this against the distance and never have seen such a difference
Again it is none of my business but I wonder if anyone else seen this or has another explanation?

i dont know what to do i feel awful right now i needed to say something so that i wouldn't start SH again. so baisicly my dad has barely been involved in my life i was completely raised by my mom and trough out my life i have never felt like i was good enough because of my dad but recently hes been more involved in my life and its because of my step family hes spent 5 years of his life being a parent to them and caring for then but not even sparing me a glance and all of a sudden hes acting like im his baby girl and it hurts it hurts to know that the only reason hes reaching out to me is because of them i feel like im just an accessory to say heyy i have a kid too i feel like it really proves that i was not worth it and i never will be worth it and the worst part is i need him i need my dad i feel so alone now i cant talk to my friends about this because it was affecting my friends too and i cant afford a therapist and i cant talk to my mom since shes just going to say pry to god over and over and to be honest every time she says that i feel a little more hopeless i want to drown my self i know it will be painful but it will help me stop every thing and right now im at my grandparents house even though i begged my mom multiple times to please let me stay at home but no matter what my mom wouldn't listen for context being at my grandparents house is so stressful i hate having my grandma barge into my room trying to wake me up it i hate having a space thats supposed to be mine and having somone constantly barge in feels so violating and that while also being sleepy its ten times worse and on top of that i hate loud noises and my grandma yells everything i almost started crying a few days ago when my grandma was talking on the phone while we where in a car it was too loud it was scary so and i asked my mom is she can ask my grandma to stop but i know shes just going to brush me off and say that im being overly dramatic again i hate this (im sorry for the spelling mistakes and grammer errors)

Hi friends! I submitted a diary in February 2021 that you can find here! Since then we’ve sold one house, started higher-paying jobs, moved states to be closer to family, rented a kind of busted house, bought another charming fixer-upper of a house, and given in fully to lifestyle creep, especially when it comes to plants and gardens.
❤️ Section 1: Assets and Debt
Total Net Worth: $108,763 if you believe the equity calculator I reference below. Negative tens of thousands if you think the housing market is about to crash or even just reset!
Retirement Balance: $10,000 for me, split just about evenly between a Roth and a 401k; $25,500 for my husband, L. This will make more sense when you get to the “income progression” section, and after you accompany me as I spend money like I have money to spend, every day.
Savings Account Balance: $17,000 split between an “upcoming house repairs & dental fund.” The first $7k is spoken for already between a big chimney repair ($3k) and an expensive upcoming dental appointment for L ($4k), both in April. The remaining $10k we don’t touch – it’s for an emergency fund.
Checking Account Balance: $1000ish. I try to keep this pretty low to discourage my own spending, which works only sometimes.
Credit Card Debt: $12,100 left from our home renovations and move last October. We got two 0% APR cards to finance this, and will pay both off before the APR jumps at the end of this year.
Student Loan Debt: $80,000 for L’s undergrad and MAT. $18,000 for my undergrad and (unfinished, womp womp) MAT. We aren’t paying on this til we have to, and are hoping it will be forgiven – mine via Biden, since I was a Pell Grant recipient, and L’s via PSLF.
Equity: $145,000. This number is from an online equity calculator, and is for our century-old house in a very walkable neighborhood in a popular Southern city, but who knows whether it’s real or not. Numbers that are real: We paid $570,000 for the home last fall, including a 20% down payment that my dad split evenly with us – his portion from his recent inheritance, our portion from the sale of our previous home.
When we started looking in 2021, our “stretch budget” was $450k, but the housing market exploded and it seemed like overnight the base budget for kind of place we were looking for was more like $650k (I’m committed to city living, and we wanted to make sure there was enough space for my sister, J, and her boyfriend to continue living with us, given the skyrocketing rent prices). We bit the bullet on this place after my dad offered to pay for half the down payment. That gift helped us avoid PMI, so that the rent we were paying for a worse place was comparable to the monthly payment on this one. We spent the remaining $15,000 from our previous home sale buying down the rate and on moving costs, repairs, furnishing, gardens, appliances, etc, and then still took out about $12,000 more in credit card debt to renovate the bathrooms and make a few other upgrades.
❤️ Section 2: Income
Monthly Take Home: My base pay is $125,000, and L’s is $55,000. We bring in about $11,400 a month after taxes. The whole family’s health insurance is paid in full by my work, and our pre-tax retirement contribution details are below.
Income Progression: I’ve been working since I was 15 years old, moved out at 18, and paid my own bills starting that year, but income below starts the year I graduated college.
Year 1: $15,000 (part time ABA therapist, full time baby anarchist)
Years 2-8: $28,000 (This is a rough average of my income across these years. I accepted a spot in Teach for America right out of college in order to have a salary, despite my maximalist politics at the time, and kept working with young people for years after my TFA service ended. I paid for L’s expenses in college and supported a few other family members off and on while I taught. When I took a big pay cut to do youth organizing work for a couple years, L’s teacher salary helped support us).
Year 9: $45,000 (got a full-time nonprofit fundraising job, quit teaching)
Year 10: $55,000 (got a raise)
Year 11: $65,000 (got a raise and promotion)
Year 12: $75,000 (was promoted again, realized I was still underpaid)
Year 13: $98,000 (was hired by my current employer)
Year 14: $125,000 (was promoted!)
❤️ Section 3: Expenses
Mortgage, Taxes, & Insurance: About $3,000. My sister and her boyfriend currently live with us and contribute $600 of this total payment each month, but we budget as if we pay the full mortgage ourselves.
Investment Contribution: L’s retirement is pulled out of his check before he receives it: it’s $289 a month. I put $170 into my 401k, directly out of my check. I also contribute $100 to a Roth IRA through Acorns each month. Through Acorns we also have a UTMA/UGMA account for B which gets $100 a month, and we put $40 a month into a taxable brokerage account.
Savings Contribution: We tally an extra $1.5k-$3k a month beyond expenses, and are expecting $6k back from our tax return this year. But we aren’t prioritizing savings right now, and instead are: 1. cashflowing L’s timely dental work (found out in the course of this diary that we’re looking at about $11k this year); 2. paying down the debt on our credit cards ($12k, see above); and 3. cashflowing a few must-do house projects (estimating about $8k total for those).
Debt Payments: See above! As I mentioned, we have student loan debt to the tune of $100k but aren’t paying right now. I actually paid my loans down by $10k during COVID with money from our first house sale. But I panicked when Biden said he was going to forgive loans and got my full payment during the pandemic – all $10k – reversed. That money is now our emergency savings account.
Electric/Gas: $150ish, varies significantly. We installed a high-efficiency wood stove when we moved in, which cuts down on the cost of our old furnace a bit.
Internet: $80
Water: $75
Cellphone: $100, for L & I both
Subscriptions: $10 Spotify; $10 Youtube music; $2.99 Apple data; $22 NYT, for newspaper and cooking app; $5 for Acorns. I also pay yearly: $40 for the Freedom app, $20 for Hobnob, and $60 for Insight Timer.
Car Payment and Insurance: $200 for insurance. This covers both of our used cars and my dad’s used handicap van. We paid off our 2012 Honda Fit when we sold our last house, and recently paid cash for a Honda CRV with 180k miles which we use for family trips.
Medical/Therapy: $0. My therapist is $181 a session, and I see her twice a month – but this is covered by my job’s MERP card. I also get an inhaler at least twice a month - that’s reimbursed too, but would cost $60 otherwise.
Pet Expenses: Our precious pittie suffered some injuries before we adopted her. She’s on Gabapentin daily for pain management which is about $60 a month.
CSA: $40/week minimum – this is a special CSA service that has all kinds of tempting goodies, so I usually spend more.
Coworking space: $150. I expense $100 of this to work.
Gym memberships: $75 for a family Y membership, and $120 for my spin studio; I also buy 10-packs to the yoga studio down the street every few months, which are $120 a pop.
Donations: Varies. We give $10 monthly to our local Democratic Socialists of America and $10 monthly to the Working Families Party. We give one-off donations when asked or when we come across a need, usually $50-$100 at a time. Once we have less immediate debt, I plan to up our recurring gifts.
Childcare: $600. B goes to the best public preschool in the land – he was on the waiting list for 18 months. We previously paid double this for a subpar Montessori school run out of a church basement. Often babysitting is an extra $100 or so a month.
Kids’ Activities: $120 every three months or so – think swim lessons, toddler soccer, etc.
Outdoorsy memberships: $110 yearly for memberships to nonprofit parks, botanical gardens, etc etc. These are not too expensive and a fun way to spend a day with little ones.
House cleaner: $320. They come twice a month and charge $160 each time. This is some of the best money I spend each month.
Nuuly: $94. This has been a gamechanger for work travel.
❤️ Section 4: Money Diary
✨DAY 1: TUESDAY✨
5:00 am: I wake up wheezing with two pudgy legs draped right across my chest. My three-year-old, B, gave me a cold that I’ve just recovered from, but my asthma is still a bit aggrieved. I disentangle myself from B and head downstairs to make a french press and get some work in before everyone’s up.
6:30 am: B comes running downstairs, naked and boisterous as ever. I spare a thought for my little sister, J, and her boyfriend, who share a wall with him. J and her boyfriend have been living with us since the deep pandemic when we all moved together, which has been a blessing for us. But the early mornings and constant circulating upper respiratory infections are doing them in, and they’re moving to a nearby apartment in May. This very basic apartment one-bedroom will double their monthly rent D: And, since J is finishing up school right now and doesn’t have a steady income, L and I had to cosign their lease in order for them to even qualify for the place. Big sigh on housing across America right now.
7:15 am: B and L head out, and I get dressed and do a little more work. At 8:30, I head to my first-ever dermatologist appointment. My mom recently treated me to a mothedaughter facial where I learned that the creeping redness on my nose is likely hereditary rosacea! The facialist suggested I make an appointment with a dermatologist after I informed her that my skincare routine has to date involved only a wet rag and a heavy moisturizer.
The dermatologist suggests a gentle papaya cleanser; a phyto vitamin c serum; a rosacea triple cream; and a moisturizing sunscreen. The cost for the appointment itself ($150) is covered by my MERP card from work, but I pay for the cleanser, serum, and sunscreen from his office ($141) and the rosacea triple cream from an online pharmacy ($49) out of pocket. Thus begins my first-ever skincare routine. Sadly, the dermatologist’s proprietary packaging is ugly, so if you use something similar but cute, please share a link.
10:00 am: I’ve walked the dog, made another cup of coffee, turned on Freedom, and am settling into my laptop for a day of toggling between Google Docs and Zoom rooms.
12:30 pm: M barks rancorously as I’m wrapping up a Zoom call. The Tubies I ordered last week for me (and B) were delivered. It’s SPRING and we are about to eat SMOOTHIE POPS, everybody. It’s also time for lunch, so I heat up this very yummy soup (we subbed veggie sausage and it worked well) and toast a piece of focaccia. I read “I Went On A Package Trip for Lonely Millennials” while I eat. It is every bit as unsettling as it sounds.
1:40 pm: L calls — B has had diarrhea at school and needs to come home. B’s preschool is in the public school where L teaches, which means L handles all pick up and drop off, but my work schedule is much more flexible than L’s so I often do early pickups like this one. I shift my afternoon meetings, notify my direct reports that I’m signing out early, and stop for gas on the way to pick up poor little B. ($40)
4:30 pm: B and I spent the afternoon doing quiet things together – he took a bath, played with toys, and watched some PBS Kids, and I took a few minutes to tie up some loose ends at work. When L gets home at 4:30, we set up the sprinkler on our tiny front “lawn” (currently actually a patch of very-tilled dirt), where we recently seeded low-growing wildflowers.
6:00 pm: I want to drink wine with L while we make veggie fried rice for dinner, but think better of it given that I just got over a cold. L offers to make me a hot toddy (yesssss) but then realizes we’re out of lemons. He and B head to the grocery store around the corner while I finish up dinner. They get lemons, a lime, and a giant bag of lollipops for L’s students. ($11) The hot toddy is delicious.
9:00 pm: B’s bedtime routine is a wrap and my new skincare routine is complete – turns out my face does feel cleaner after a cleanser! I take a nebulizer treatment and read my favorite book that has completely transformed my life, Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, or Disturbing Thoughts, until we turn out the lights. Goodnight!
🌿 DAILY TOTAL: $241
✨ DAY 2: WEDNESDAY✨
5:00 am: I wake up wheezing deeply again. I head downstairs to eat a cold banana and take a prednisone left over from the last time my asthma was aggravated by a cold. I decide to sit for a little Sarah Blondin meditation by the woodstove before I start my early-morning work block. Lesson 8 in this course is my go-to, and is alone worth every bit of the yearly Insight Timer fee.
7:00 am: B and L are awake, but B is staying home from school today so things are a bit slower. I make a mango smoothie for B and then add kale and protein powder for L and I. At 7:45 I don my favorite lilac workout onesie (I have it in black too) and head to my spin class.
9:00 am: I am but one month into spin classes and totally enamored. The dark room and loud music extremely do it for me. After class I stop at the coffee shop next door and buy a big drip coffee to split with L, a sticky bun for L and B to share, and a bag of coffee beans cause we are almost out at home. ($28)
9:30 am: Take a quick post-spin shower while I listen to Iris Dement’s new album, which serves the sound I grew up on and a very earnest progressivism that reminds me of my parents and their sweet Boomer friends who care deeply about abortion access and post anti-racist memes on Facebook. I cover my body in Warm Feelings, spritz on Winter (the best), wriggle into some cheetah-print overalls, and head down to work until L leaves in about an hour and a half.
12:00 pm: My meeting with my boss ran over so L had to leave for work while I was mid-call. I extricate B from Disney+ (we use J’s login) and receive only a moderate tantrum in response. After some breaths, B lays on his blue rug and pretends he’s eating his lunch (a mango pop, grilled cheese, & berries) in the shallow end of a swimming pool. Pre-nap, we read Gabito, a recent fave, and B’s eyes flutter closed during the last few pages. Back to work!
3:30 pm: B comes running into my office but I need to wrap up an important task, so we listen to superhero stories together while I tappity tap. It’s raining out, and L isn’t due home til 6p, so I make a gametime decision to spend the afternoon doing one fun inside thing for me (pick out berry bushes for our garden!) and one fun thing inside thing for B (ride rides inside the mall near the garden center!). B and I gather $2.50 in quarters for his rides, and he dons his Ironman costume and rainboots for the occasion.
At the garden center, we pick out two triple crown blackberry bushes, two chandler blueberry bushes, one heritage everbearing raspberry bush, and, after a quick phone consultation with L, one black tartarian cherry tree. L loves cherries and is very excited to use them in his cocktail-making. We also pick up a galvanized steel watering can since my old thrifted one keeps leaking all over the floor when I water my inside plants. The total is $253. Because I am very excited about this purchase and it’s for our house, it counts as free in my heart.
4:30 pm: B and I are the only nerds in the mall wearing KN95s and clutching quarters in our fists. So far B has purchased a ride on a train ($1) and some tiny banana candies ($.50). He settles on a very exciting race car for his final four quarters – but the greedy car eats his money!!! ($1) We are both very sad, and start searching for a ride that might take a debit card. Then, suddenly, to our left, appears a LEGO STORE. B dashes in and we find that you can build your own tiny Lego person. He happily obliges and I spend $5 on a three-inch-tall Lego man with a spider face and a big helmet.
6:30 pm: Back at home, L and I discuss our most exciting news of the week – L’s youngest sister and her partner arrive at their new apartment in our city TONIGHT! They’ve been living several states away for years. L’s whole family lives in the area and we are all thrilled these two are coming back home. L, B, and I plan to help them unpack tomorrow, and I think we should take them a gift. L heads out to the bottle store down the street to buy two bottles of Morphos (one for us!) ($52), and then goes to the grocery store to buy White Claws and some pull-ups for B. ($25) We could save more money but life is for living.
Dinner is leftover fried rice, and B doesn’t fall asleep til 9. L and I take our favorite CBD gummies before bed and I read the “soft fruits” section of Down to Earth to prepare for our big planting this weekend.
🌿 DAILY TOTAL: $365.50
✨ DAY 3: THURSDAY✨
6:00 am: I wake up late today – I had trouble sleeping because I couldn’t breathe all night. I make my favorite smoothie for breakfast (which is something like this but incorporates protein powder and frozen kale and cayenne), L eats oatmeal, and B eats two mango smoothie pops plus a cereal bar. They leave around 7:15 am and I get myself together to walk the dog before heading to my coworking space for the day.
8:30 am: I pack up my stuff and ride my bike to my pretty coworking space. The sun is out! It’s spring! The trees are blooming! Everyone is glad.
1:45 pm: I heat up fried rice and drink some of the on-tap kombucha. While I eat, I read Today in Tabs and consider adding it to my monthly expenses so that I can read it more. Our cleaner texts that they’re done at the house, and I Venmo her $160 (included in monthly expenses).
3:10 pm: I decide to bike home before the final Zoom call of the day. I cannot stress enough how glorious it is outside. It’s also glorious inside, thanks to our fabulous cleaner.
Post-call, I make some smol avocado toasts and L calls to say his sibling is not in fact up for a visit tonight – they are whelmed by boxes. We pivot: bike ride to the playground! While at the playground, B is the first kid to hear the ICE CREAM TRUCK approach. Chaos ensues and we spend $5 on one scoop of cookie dough ice cream.
7:00 pm: For dinner we make mini pizzas on TJ’s cauliflower crust. I also make asparagus with a delicious flaked salt left by my bestie the last time they stayed over, and the result is pretty enough to text to them. L makes us gin fizzes with strawberries and with mint from the garden. 🌱
8:00 pm: Teeth brushing is always a slog with B, but on this night I am visited by a stroke of genius. Tonight, I explain to him that the tooth fairy has been hired for a residency at our place and is listening in while he brushes his teeth and uses the potty. If he does a good job, she’ll leave him a coin somewhere in his bedroom. L overhears and makes tooth fairy sounds (think tinkling giggles) from the hallway – B is delighted and brushes his teeth with aplomb. This is a big win! While he uses the potty, I steal away and hide a quarter under the toe of his stuffed Spiderman. He requests tooth fairy bedtime stories and falls asleep listening. ($.25)
🌿 DAILY TOTAL: $5.25
✨ DAY 4: FRIDAY✨
6:00 am: Another late wakeup for me. I have a spin class at 8 and a packed workday, so I make my favorite smoothie again and walk M while it’s still dark out. Afterwards, I help B with his teeth brushing/potty routine, and it continues to be so much smoother than ever before thanks to our friend the tooth fairy. This time, L stashes a dime under B’s stuffed bear. B proudly puts the dime and last night’s quarter in his coat pocket and, as I buckle him into his car seat, announces he is NOT sharing his money with his teacher today. I suppose the discussion about whether money should be treated as a public good or a personal asset can come later. On the way to school, L stops for gas. ($25 for gas, $.10 for the tooth fairy)
8:00 am: I arrive at the spin studio and learn that the teacher I expected overslept. His sub unfortunately leaves half the lights on and plays lots of Eminem. I survive the weird vibes and head home for a quick shower before work – no coffee shop stop this time! I am a disciplined and frugal Recessionist millennial.
10:15 am: Our CSA is delivered! It includes spinach, heirloom tomatoes (!! new this week!), apples, lacinato kale, meyer lemons, limes, oyster mushrooms, shiitake mushrooms, red onions, shishito peppers, and mixed cherry tomatoes, plus a delivery charge, for $63, $23 more than the monthly minimum I included in set expenses. I fetch it from the sunny porch and am reminded that urgently want a pair of white platform Birkenstocks for spring. I find a pair in my size in EUC on Poshmark and buy them now: $60 with shipping, a steal compared to $110 new!
1:00 pm: My delightful neighbor and I take lunch together! We walk to a nearby eatery where I get a tempeh reuben and diet soda (my vice), $18 including tip. Over lunch we discuss parenting, gardening, her upcoming major home renovation, and how squirrels can sometimes relocate crocus bulbs. Meanwhile, B and L have early release at school so they head to a kid’s play place as a special treat to B. ($23 with snacks)
3:30 pm: B is home early but, curses, I still have much work to do! He and L chill while I tappity tap for a while longer. I eventually wrap up, but will have to do more work over the weekend.
L wants to work in his shop for a while, so B and I take the bike to the playground. He is a very good friend at the playground, running around happily with a couple of 7-year-olds he’s never met and then, when they leave, chatting amicably with an 18-month-old and his parents. He periodically begs me to let him take his pants off so he can better pretend he’s in the pool. The answer is no, but he is shirtless, shoeless, and covered in “tattoos” (washable marker), and I think that’s a pretty good compromise.
7:00 pm: Back home, L is making dinner (avocado tacos!), and I announce to him that we need a few more spring items: new (unscratched) oversize sunglasses and a beaded eyeglass chain for me, and little kid Tevas for B. I use my dad’s Amaz*n to buy the glasses and chain for me ($20) and three pairs of Tevas for B to try on. They’ll only charge us for the ones we keep, which will be $21.
L and I spend the evening drinking the Morphos he bought earlier this week and hanging out with J and her boyfriend. We turn on the AC for the first time which reminds us that we need to get an HVAC repairperson out here to check out some weird details of the old AC system our inspector caught. I mentally add it to my to-dos for the week.
We get B in bed late again – around 9 – and we watch Schitt’s Creek til almost 11. We will never tire of re-watching this show.
🌿 DAILY TOTAL: $185.10
✨ DAY 5: SATURDAY✨
6:45 am: I wake up breathing easy today! Blessings, prednisone; blessings, springtime.
8:00 am: L and I make eggie toasts with heirloom tomatoes, and L reveals that he had a long-awaited budget chat with the medical hospital where he’s been getting dental work done. They’re estimating we’ll need to spend an additional $11k this year to get L’s teeth in order. This kicks off a Big Conversation, during which we realize we absolutely need to be spending less than $8k monthly in order to cash flow his teeth, cash flow our must-do house projects, and pay down our cards by end of year. This should be doable, in theory, but will be a big adjustment as for months we’ve been splashing out on everything from gifts to travel to furniture to tools to fabric to support my baby-clothes-making hobby. As the conversation drags on, tension rises, and we’re both mad at each other but not sure why.
After a few breaths, I realize: we are just launching big numbers back and forth across the room, completely unmoored! I offer to make us a big fancy draft annual budget with monthly projections and schedule a date night to review. HOW FUN! L obliges after I convince him that I actually, truly, want to do this, and I find a very nice budget template on Etsy. ($20)
10 am: I run down a hill and across a parking lot to yoga, and slip in some vom along the way. Meanwhile, L and B head to the gym together.
12 pm: I take our e-bike (the one we’ve been riding around all week) to the shop and tell the bike guy that the lights and the breaks are in rough shape. He tells me they’ll fix it up, but that we should consider replacing it with a Yuba Spicy Curry which is $5200. I think not, but in my heart, I do really want to sell this one and buy a RadWagon or a Blix Packa Genie. Ebike moms and dolls, send thoughts.
When I get home, L heads to Aldi and spends $125 on berries, lots of bananas, eggs, rice, oat milk, oatmeal, snacks for B, frozen berries, fresh broccoli, yogurt, and a bunch of other stuff including Aldi swag that he is very stoked about: a matching pullover, socks, and tumbler. He then goes to Ace Hardware and buys s’mores sticks for use with our fire pit and some light bulbs ($37). B takes a nap and I plant the berry bushes and cherry tree while he snoozes!
6 pm: We head out to dinner to celebrate the big move with L’s sister and her boyfriend. It’s a long walk to our favorite taco place, but a beautiful day. B rides his pink scooter and is very cute, but reader, he is a spirited child and today he is having A Day. We field multiple meltdowns and lots of not-listening on the way to the restaurant. Dinner itself is delicious, though, and we watch the sun set over the water as we eat. It’s $58 with tip for the three of us, including a coconut margarita for L and a watermelon sangria for me.
🌿 DAILY TOTAL: $240
✨ DAY 6: SUNDAY✨
5 am: Up and thinking about parenting. L and I had a long conversation after B fell asleep about what we could do differently to help him manage his emotions. He’s a big child in size and in personality – at 3 he’s wearing size 6 clothes and talking as much as any child that age too. He has big joy, big wonder, big imagination, and also big anger and big sadnesses. We’ve tried to follow Janet Lansbury’s teaching since B was born, but at times gentle parenting, which Janet teaches, has seemed too lax for B. I decide to return to her work anyway. I read the transcript to her newest podcast episode, and wonder if maybe we’re overengaging with B’s big feelings. Then I read this one about another child struggling with aggression, and am glad that B is at least not spitting, I guess?
10 am: B’s morning is going great after all, and we decide to pack a lunch and head out for a hike. B makes himself a ham, cheese, and hummus sandwich, and I make L and I veggie sandwiches with pesto. We happen upon a plant sale on the way home and L approves a “Fuzzy Mystery” peperomia for our bathroom. ($8) Afterwards we drop off my Nuuly at UPS (prepaid!) and head home to watch a movie while it rains. I do work things and start our new annual budget spreadsheet during the movie.
5 pm: J takes a walk with us and M the dog to a playground nearby, and while we’re out, our neighbor texts to suggest once-a-week family dinners on Tuesday (yes please!). For dinner tonight, I make Smitten Kitchen’s tomato sauce with onion and butter using the heirloom tomatoes from our CSA and it’s very good as always. L and I drink some Pinot with dinner, and B eats his spaghetti with his hands.
9 pm: My anxiety (her name is Esther) visits while I’m putting B to sleep, so after he’s down, I decide to get to the bottom of a few things via Google. As usual, this is a bad idea! I walk to bed crying and lay on L’s chest. I cry a lot more, including about the trailer for You Hurt My Feelings which I saw three days ago, and about how scary it would be if L were to die, and about how L’s parents’ best friends’ lives have never been visited by tragedy and is that possible for us too?
Therapy is on Tuesday, everyone! We will make it.
🌿 DAILY TOTAL: $8
✨ DAY 7: MONDAY✨
6:30 am: I wake up later than I wanted to after a fitful night. B was coughing a lot (post-nasal drip, ick), and I was thinking a lot. I have back-to-back calls today with lots of prep beforehand so I get dressed quick and grab a pre-made smoothie from the freezer for breakfast. B and L leave at 7:15; I light my Gardener candle and tuck in to work.
1:00 pm: Lunch is fried rice with a chonk of a Trader Joe’s milk chocolate hazelnut bar, yum. I eat on a call but politely turn off my camera.
4:00 pm: B and L are home and I’m still wrapping up. On the way home, they picked up some natural honey cough syrup stuff for B ($12).
6:00 pm: L and I drop B off at the Y childcare, and find out they are hosting a spring break camp for 3-5 year olds. L wants to build B’s long-awaited tree house over the break, so we sign B up for four days of camp. Very cute! And also less than half the price of other camps in the area. ($100)
6:15 pm: I check the NYT as I start up the elliptical and am sent reeling by news of the school shooting in Nashville. I try to distract myself with The Crown. Unfortunately, Princess Di is really going through it, so the distraction is a bust. I turn on Sarah Blondin’s Learning to Surrender meditation instead, and listen to it twice. I’m trying desperately to trust the universe but the hellscapeness of it all makes that difficult sometimes.
Life marches on anyhow: After our workout, we head to Trader Joe’s to buy the items Aldi didn’t offer over the weekend (fancy bag salad, plantain chips, challah, frozen greens, a Galia melon, a few other things), plus a lot more broccoli because we need it for the tofu and veggies we’re making with the neighbors tomorrow. I love this peanut butter tofu recipe, in case you’re looking for one. ($31)
8 pm: We three look at videos of baby B over dinner, and L says maybe he is ready for a second. I think I am too.
adrienne maree brown posted today,
put your attention on suffering – which is constant and everywhere – and it is all you will see. joy will come, and laughter, but you will find it brief, possibly a distraction.
put your attention on joy, being connected and feeling whole, and you will find it everywhere. your heart will still break. you will know grief. but you will find it a reasonable cost for the random abundance of miracles, and the soft wild rhythms of love.
return to love as many times as you can.
🌿 DAILY TOTAL: $143
❤️ Section 5: TOTALS
Total Expenses: $1228.85
Food & Drink: $376
Fun & Entertainment: $130.85
Home & Health: $557
Clothes & Beauty: $101
Transport: $64
❤️ Section 6: REFLECTION
This week was spendy for us between the plants and the skincare routine – but I’d say we usually have at least one week a month where we spend like this, and that needs to shift if we’re going to pay for all the things we need to pay for this year without drawing from our life savings. I’m also aware that N’s student loan payments will likely resume, and that having a second baby isn’t cheap – so I’m excited to finish our budget spreadsheet and treat it like a goal rather than a suggestion (I currently treat Mint’s categories like unsolicited advice from an obnoxious internet stranger).
I do like what we spend money on though, and feel really very lucky. Thanks for reading!

She called me when I got home from a meeting and broke up with me. she met with one of her friends after work and I assume they had a girls talk about our relationship because apparently she had been considering this for a few months now. I got sick in February and March with the flu and wasn’t able to go out for Valentine’s Day and missed out on her birthday. Those were the times I couldn’t be there for her. I forced myself to work through the sickness as I got promoted to a supervisory role and could work from home. She singled those out as really bothering her, but since being in relationships was new for her she didn’t really know how to communicate that. I told her we can have a make up date, and I wanted to do nice things for her. I bought her all the games she wanted to play ($100) and gave her a gaming pc I built during Covid as a hobby ($1000 used parts, but very good build) because her aging laptop finally died.
I’m a former university drop out going back to school taking 4 courses and working 30-40 hours a week in IT to pay for school and living expenses. I made it clear to her that I couldn’t text much during the day and would be more than happy to talk at night since she wanted to talk or text more. I would either be playing video games with friends or solo, and I figured talking to her at some point between 7pm and 11pm rather than getting angry being bad at online games was a better use of time.
She was shy and grew up kinda sheltered. We both went to Catholic schools, but she went to an all girls school because of parents. I encouraged her to talk to more people and push her self to meet others. She said that I taught her to value herself and not take mean comments towards her as normal. When she broke up with me (few hours ago) and said I was patient, kind, perfect, all she could ask for, she just didn’t love me anymore. Our relationship was 8 months and she said that she’s now a different person since when we started and no longer loves me. She is an extremely well practiced illustrator and we both love art. She inspired me to get back into drawing and painting but now I feel like everything she helped me with is tainted by sour feelings.
This was her first relationship and this is my 3rd serious one (1st was a 1 year, 2nd was 6 years). I was toxic and a terrible human being let alone SO in my past and after going to therapy and getting my life slightly straight again, I feel hit with another huge L.
I didn’t repeat past mistakes in this relationship and still somehow ended up getting broken up with. This one hurts the most because I didn’t have a single complaint about her and have been trying my best. She says I deserve someone better and she may have been too apathetic.
When we met she identified as asexual and I’m but mostly date women. However, she’s questioning being asexual since she thinks it might be that she was just way too sheltered. Am I crazy for thinking by helping her grow, I drove her away?
I also don’t get the apathetic part. She goes out with me on dates, we’re not awkward with physical parts of a relationship (ended up being sexually active despite the asexual thing), we laugh a lot, we cuddle and cry on bad days, we talk and when she can’t explain her feelings clearly I’m willing to wait and revisit things again later.
I have no idea what I do from here. I’m reading what I wrote and I’m definitely not the same terrible person I was in my teens and early adulthood.
——
TLDR; my asexual girlfriend broke up with me even though was extremely supportive and patient. She was also shy and I helped her gain confidence; not sure if I drove her to not like after. She said she loved me, was perfect for her, and says I deserve someone better. I love her; she’s done with me.
I don’t know what to do from here. I don’t know why she left.

19f. I have always had anxiety, but I feel this past year it has become crippling and controls my life. It started only being crippling when I would begin to obsessively worry about a specific topic, but now it is general and has morphed into social anxiety, sleep anxiety, depersonalisation and generally feeling scared and unsafe all the time. This has also made me feel depressed as my entire life is controlled by my anxiety and insomnia, and i can’t do anything out of my normal routine (like staying away from home even for a night, attending social events, drinking, basically anything fun) without my sleep deteriorating and my anxiety becoming unbearable. I have been in private therapy for the past 7-8 weeks and my therapist has used a combination of CBT and ERP. He is good at the therapist bit, but NEVER emails any resources or sessions summaries afterwards as he says he would - so I wonder if this is partly why the therapy has not been as successful as I would’ve liked. Things got slightly better, but have begun to plummet again in the past few weeks. I have also started feeling out of my body and depersonalised, like I don’t know who I am and I feel lost in my own head, and I can’t comprehend that I am a human in this body. I just feel like I can’t trust myself at all and I feel unsafe even in my own body. This has led to frequent depressive episodes, where I just feel like there’s no point in living. I can’t do it anymore, I feel like I just fight so hard all the time and am still so beaten down by my anxiety. My circumstances are also stressful as I should probably mention - my mum, who I am very close to and dependant on, has recently started chemotherapy for breast cancer, I work in a high pressure accountancy firm and have recently started my qualification where I have monthly exams. Work are accommodating and understanding, but I know I am capable of so much more and could be a somewhat top performer if it wasn’t for my insomnia and social anxiety, and this just adds to the feelings of worthlessness and depression. Eh sorry for the long read, I think my main question here is - what should I do following on from this? Is medication a good shout just to help stabilise my anxiety for the time being? Anti depressants or anti anxiety? or just to find another therapist and stick it out with CBT? Any advice would be appreciated. 😇

Lord. Where do I even start? It’s been 3 years. He was a one time only one night stand. That wasn’t a typical thing for me at all! First time we do it, bam I’m pregnant. Only 2 months in of telling him I was pregnant his true colors started to show. He wanted to be with me but me, I didn’t know what I wanted. (Not to mention 3/4 years prior I had gotten clean from hard drugs, I was learning to live normally again and also recover from abusive ex.) even just writing this I know some people will look at this and think “oh she’s so naive.” “She’s gotta be the problem” but when I say every bad situation I got myself in was always because I just simply wanted to be loved. I just accepted it wherever felt happiest or most distracted. Long story short. I wanted so bad for my daughter to have her family together. So so bad. More than anything. Idk what I was thinking. He was so stalkish and inappropriate from the jump. Would have me crying having panic attacks while I was pregnant. Turned around when our daughter was having heart surgery at 1 month old. If he was upset with me then he wouldn’t come get her if I wouldn’t be there. To here we are now, I filed a restraining order, got it. And now we wait for another court date. I’m so tired. I’m so unmotivated. And he mentally abused me and I hate him for everything he’s done to me. I want him gone from my life forever. But there’s very small times when I miss the person I thought he was. I forgot to mention he has mental issues. Like bad. He made multiple death threats. I wish I could write everything down. But we would be here for years. I was so fearful of him. I feel like im geyting my power back I do. But I don’t think ill feel that i can really breathe until I have full rights to my daughter. I only ever wanted my baby. How can someone care about themselves more than their own children? Which he also claimed that I am toxic for believing your kid should come first. I guess I just need advice. I need motivation I need strength and I need a job. I want to work from home do I can be with my baby so bad. But I know it’s a shot in the dark. After being with 2 men who made me feel like i will never amount to anything? I feel so so stupid. I regret so so much. But i would do it all again to have my baby by my side. Thanks for reading my vent/rant.

This has been happening for a few months now, at night. Every. Single. Night. I hear heavy footsteps but they never come in my room. They never go in anyone else's room either. I don't think any of my family hears them cause they don't seem worried in the slightest.
They just seem to be coming from the living room even though we lock our house at night. It's driving me crazy. "Am I insane or is there something in my house that shouldn't be there?" I start thinking to myself. My family was going on a trip but I said I was feeling sick to stay home so I could solve this problem. Perfect opportunity .
What if I set up cameras in the living room?", I asked myself?. "I do have a camera to see my cats when I was not at home, so what if I just shift it in the hall?". "Lets do this then I guess. I won't be at peace till I see what it is".
I put the camera up and waited till night time. I sat in my room and locked the door. Waiting. Waiting. At about 2:30am I saw it. I saw them. They were children! There were two, a teen girl and a little boy. Except they had white eyes. No pupils, nothing. Just blank like a whiteboard. I covered my mouth to stop myself from screaming. I called my best friend up and told her to come to my place, very frantically.
She drowsily told me to call 911. I couldn't think of anything in that situation. I become blank due to the horror. I called 911 in a state of panic. But just as I dialed the number, the children looked up at the camera together, and just disappeared. I cut the call, utterly confused. I looked this up, if anyone else had a similar experience.
Turned out, they're called white eyed children and they're an omen of death. They appear in houses near woods. Right where I lived. Great. I didn't want anyone dying. I started bawling my eyes out, terrified.
How am I supposed to act like I don't know anything in front of my family members if someone passed away. I tried contacting them. But it was to late. My entire family, except me passed away in a car crash. My dad, mom, grandma and little sister suffered a traumatic death full of pain. There was no saving them. I shifted away from the woods the week after the accident to a city. I never want to go near a forest again.
This is the first time I told someone about this. I am posting this so you pray that you never meet the white eyed children. Stay as far away from forests as you can. They appear in houses near forests.Pray you never see them. Pray you never meet them. Consider this a warning. If you ever see white eyed children...death is just around the corner...waiting. Waiting for you...

Its about a princess who is homely rather than beautiful. She is mostly neglected by her parents and is always in a tall tower in the palace overlooking a forest. One day there will be a lot of howling and winds from the forest and she will see the most handsome man she has ever seen in the forest.But she won't be able to talk to him no matter how hard she tried. She will see him again the next day but he will be missing a leg. The next day he was missing two legs. And the princess who could no longer bear this anymore leaves the palace for the first time in years to search for him.

He called me last night when I said goodnight, I maybe shouldn’t have but oh well. He called me to make sure I knew he wasn’t upset or angry with me and I can’t even put into words how much that meant to me, means to me - even now I’m thinking about it and feeling so lovey and lucky. He calls that sort of thing nothing but it just shows what kind of a man he is and what kind of a partner he’ll be and it just makes me feel so beyond lucky. I really don’t deserve him. I as actually handling it well, well by then I was. I was crying and upset earlier but more because I was so upset with myself for disappointing him and showing him how useless I am yet again. I felt like he was upset with me but also he said a couple times in the messages he wasn’t and that helped me a lot. Like, a lot. I think that’s a sign of a change in me - believing he isn’t upset with me. Taking his word for it and not thinking he’s lying to me and secretly detests every fibre of my being. He was frustrated and he did vent that and I’m glad he did and he should always do so, I need to make him feel safer to do so and more able to do so without repercussions. No wonder I’m not a part of his support system he was talking about. He named all his friends and then stopped talking. Followed by my resounding silence then me saying something like “…well that’s good I’m glad” in some desperate bid to say SOMETHING. I didn’t want him to think I got upset by that, he clearly knew as he started back tracking and said “well I’m sure I must tell you things sometimes” but we both know I’m not that person for him. He’s said so several times - he doesn’t see me as someone to talk to and get actual advice from or feel comfortable or safe talking to. I realise that’s all on me and my inability to create that kind of connection and things. I’m not at all upset with him, I guess I just feel upset. But it’s okay, I’m happy he has a bunch of friends to go to.
He also told me about how utterly awful things were for him while he was on the course of medication awhile ago, taking three a day. My poor, poor baby. I didn’t know what to say, I just wanted to cuddle him and kiss him all over. I hope his girlfriend at the time looked after him, I’m sure she did. I don’t even really want to think about it, I know how bad it got he’s told me that before but just the idea of him having zero joy and the issues with eating and the idea of him having that hollow feeling inside of him… it makes me so sad. I’m so so glad things have turned around for him in recent years and he’s been feeling better and it’s more manageable, I really hope that continues. I don’t really know how to just randomly say it would make no difference to me if it did get worse again, you can’t really say that can you. I mean it would make a difference but not in the way of loving him and wanting him, if that makes sense. To be honest it would just give me more of an excuse to dote on him. My honeybunny.
Anyway it was a really thoughtful phone call for him to make and I’m so grateful for him.
Todays been busy with work and things. I cbf writing about it. I went and got a new wire cable thing for my monitor laptop set up and IT WORKS! Yayayayayayayayayayayayayy. Phewf. He asked if we should postpone playing if I don’t feel well but I feel better, last week was just really hard but I feel like I’m turning that corner now. I also don’t want to postpone, I wanna watch my man play and get to FINALLY learn this whole story thing. I’ve done so well at keeping myself in the dark.
Today is so cold and windy and rainy and bleak and grey - I love it so much. It’s like 11° and I’m so happy it’s this time of year. I stood waiting for Uber earlier in the bleak weather and I felt nice because of how chilly it was and I just love gloomy weather but I felt so sad. I had to keep drinking water so I wouldn’t cry in the middle of the street. I don’t even know why I needed to cry, I think it’s just everything. I feel a lot of pressure lately, I don’t know why more so now but I just do.
I got home earlier and a wee little cat followed me off the street. It was a little baby, maybe six months to a year old? So gorgeous, it was black and white and orange and just followed me around. It even followed me inside, I may have coaxed it inside just a little but only for a minute but then it scratched M’s sofa so she wanted it out which is fair enough so I took it back out. Beautiful lil baby. I was sk worried it didn’t have a home but it looked very healthy and I know many owners don’t put collars on them in case they get strangled in a tree but even still, I just worried. I’m still worried. I’ve been downstairs a couple times to make sure it’s not sitting by my door wanting to come in from the rain or something.
I’ve not done much tonight, I’ve watched ss and sailor moon and Andy called again and I’ve felt a bit nauseous I guess. And now I’m in bed and I have a jug of fresh flowers by my bed but they smell quite strong and it’s making me feel sicker so I should move them before I sleep. Anyway I’m sleepy and have to be up early so night night

Planning on taking the car outside of Sweden down south for the first time ever this summer. Main focus would be down through Poland, Slovakia and Hungary with the Balkans as the goal. Going back home again through Slovenia, Austria, Czech Republic and Germany.
Only things we know we want to do on the way down is;
-guided tour at Auschwitz Birkenau
-Visit Budapest
-Visit Sarajevo
On the way back we really want to revisit the lovely city of Prague.
Any other destination we really should not miss on the trip? A detour could be well worth it if you do have any good suggestions. We are mainly interested in beautiful landscapes, history and culinary experiences.
Aiming to end up in Dubrovnik/Neum as the turning point going south.

Hi reddit. I will try to keep it short but it doesn't go like that. I lied.
I can't really talk to my friends about this honestly because I'm ashamed of all this and I'm depressed as fuck so I need to let this go as it's starting to affect my every day relationships with friends and family, I'm drained and tired idk, maybe this helps.
Exactly half a year ago I was sad about my life. I have a decent job, it's not perfect regarding pay but everything else is pretty much great. I have lots of spare time if I organize correctly, let's say. The pay isn't anything wow, but it's a bit above average I'd say and in my current situation I get to spend it on basically whatever I want. So it's not the job.
My friends are great, but we are all collectively challenged. We are really bonded well, we live in a same town, but we almost never go out. If it's going out it's going to another friend's place to play some poker and that's about it. We spend about 95% time playing games on Discord and the sad part is I'm not really into fps and not many new games impress me (unlike them) so I'm left with one or two friends and I depend on playing with them, if they're online. Lately they really aren't, one found a job and the other one doesn't have one so he wakes up at like 2AM or random times and goes to sleep when he wants to. Most of us smoke weed, including me. Usually daily. I'd say we're all pretty functional though, we all have jobs and do all our daily obligations but I personally don't remember a day when I didn't smoke a bit unless I was out or if I was on tolerance break (I thought it was actual break but that's what I consider it now haha).
I realized it must be love I'm looking for and since I don't go out often and the city I live in is relatively shitty regarding night life. I decided let's try Badoo and Tinder. Also, my seduction skills are shitty, let's face it, not going out every weekend, sitting home and smoking weed isn't gonna do your social skills any good.
Anyway I meet this 9 year older girl (me 29 - she 38) and initially she seemed amazing in every aspect, I actually cried about this whole first part of relationship with her on a different alt on this same sub but I don't give a shit anymore.
She played with me mostly, to condense it all. TLDR is pretty much I was in love with her over my ears and she felt intimidated by it or whatever. At first she took me to trips with her friends for multiple days and I thought, well maybe she likes me so much she's already showing me to them! Also, the messages she sent me seemed like she was really into me, the gist is that she finds it hard to love someone, but if she does, no one loves like her. All bullshit, at least from my point of view after all this.
I designed her a nice coffee cup (I am decent in Adobe Illustrator but extremely uncreative, it took me over 10 hours drawing cartoon version of her and some stuff that I found interesting about her, filled with a couple of hearts here and there) for her birthday because a few weeks before she said she hates stuff that people order and appreciates the meaning in the gift. I was like wow! this girl must be special! She dumped me then. It was pretty much birthday party and after that she was cold until one day after drinking Friday with colleagues we had a chat over whatsapp and she said she didn't fall in love with me.
I was so fucked up for a week, but after a few weeks I pretty much collected myself and asked her to a dinner, just to say goodbye so maybe one day we can smile when we see each other in some random place in 10 years. On the dinner we speak about how yes, we're not compatible, some random stuff and occasionally we throw something jokingly about either one of us meeting another person so in my head it's ok, we've done our goodbyes. She's tiny so she didn't eat much and it was late anyway so we finished up and when we hugged she started kissing my neck and later me. Idiot me fell for it momentarily because I don't know, it's hard to explain. I am so abnormally attracted to her in every way and my lizard brain wasn't about to lose its chance for a dopamine pump.
To do a small digression, the reason I can't whine to my friends is because of the last two paragraphs, that's where I cried to them about being dumped, pt1.
Some days later she invites me over and we have a talk about how I guess I talk to much over the phone which she hates because she works as a hair dresser (often gets calls) and she's often tired, needs to hang out with friends blah blah (which I all met and they're idk what kind of people, but they all really do often go out together everywhere).
I thought to myself, I guess that's actually ok. We don't really have too many common interests and this way I get to spend a lot of time to myself but we can still see each other and this worked for a bit, then we were supposed to meet at New Years, but yup, she went to another city with her friends.
I didn't want to interrupt her as she said it was going to last a few days and she does hate phones, but after 5 days she still doesn't send any messages so I figured fuck her, if she wants to go anywhere she needs to call me now.
About a week or two later, she sends me something about needing an edit on her price list (which I made in illustrator), I edit it to her and still wait, not wanting to ask her anywhere. Nothing. Wow ok.
Two more weeks pass by and now there's a mask festival in town. If you go there, you get drunk, it's almost a custom and I got fairly drunk to be honest. At some point in the night, some guy was bothering some girl and she kind of caught me and started dancing with me to get away from him. At this point in my mind I was thinking I didn't see the first girl in basically a month so yes, I will dance with this cute girl and eventually we kiss and exchange facebook accounts.
In the morning I wake up and there's a "hey, wanna come?" message from girl 1 on whatsapp and to keep this short, this was two long weeks where I couldn't decide what I want to do. The moment I got the message I felt like I cheated on her and I got extremely depressed, just because I didn't have balls to break it off in time. I really liked both girls, but I had something with the first girl, whatever it was. The little time I got with her, I really cherished.
Digression number 2, this is where I cried to my friends pt2, most of them saying let the B go. But no, I follow my heart because romantic movies say so.
We met and she said how those same friends she went everywhere with abandoned her and they're not friends anymore basically. She listed some reasons I found legitimate because otherwise the whole thing would be a lot easier. As we left the coffee shop we met at, I asked her if we were going to be together like boyfriend and girlfriend (considering we were just great friends according to her) or not and she just hugged me hard and said something like "please, I'm really all over right now, just give me a month or two". I was a bit pissed because there was no movement, we were supposed to break up or become a thing, not stay where we are.
The whole thing was eating at me hard, I would wake up, start thinking about how I cheated on her and couldn't confess it, shed a few tears and move on with my day feeling like shit. I couldn't take it anymore one morning and I told her over a video call, it wasn't nice for me emotionally, she was pretty much insulted, and told me to fuck off.
The other girl seemed nice but not my type mentally. Other than TV shows, we didn't have any common interests, at least from the chat. (thanks for Casa de Papel, if you ever recognize yourself though!). She did chat a lot and seemed annoyed at first if I didn't answer fast enough which was a bit of a turn off and honestly, I didn't really wanna chat enough until I did what I was about to do (read on). Still, in my dumb head the logic said she's very hot and seems very kind, maybe there's more to it, I shouldn't just reject her before I get to meet her personally.
Few days in, I feel like a complete crap. Girl 1 was abandoned by her core friend group and now there's me, slam dunking by telling her I was with someone else over a video call. Also I remember her telling me of different ways boyfriends dumped her in a bad way and now I think to myself, great, I'm gonna be one more in a row when she tells it to someone else. I send her a message apologizing and saying I really feel like shit and I hope she won't hold the grudge forever, I thought lucky myself that I am good with numbers so I remember it despite deleting it... We have some kind of a fight about me being immature not having balls to tell it in her face and I end up at her place, wanting to say goodbye and all that, but again she starts kissing me and stuff happens and I'm fucked again because I'm at square one now.
All this mess in my head caused me not to want to go anywhere for next weekend, then I got sick for a week, then girl 2 got sick for a week and after all this I figured, I had something meaningful with girl 1, I'm just gonna call the girl 2 to have a coffee, give her a teddybear and explain myself and break it off.
Girl 2 at this point either got tired of me not going out and not chatting actively or not, but she said she doesn't see me like that after asking her out to a coffee. I was just an adventure for her that night. I was a bit surprised because initially she definitely didn't give off those vibes, but I also thought BINGO! Now my moral torture is done, she even didn't want to be with me so I don't feel like a complete piece of shit anymore.
Now that I was free, I was supposed to enjoy my time with girl 1, but she starts claiming she's having mental problems and she's visiting doctors so she doesn't want to see me. I say ok and I have a week of moral dilemmas regarding if it's something than I can support her through or not, especially since she's not telling me anything. Is she going to lose it and start crying, shouting on me or should I be worried she's gonna slit my throat if I sleep over?
I ask her out again and her reply is in style of "why do you still want to go out with me when I'm fucked up like that?". I replied something in style that I find it cute and we're all crazy in a way so I don't mind it one bit. I figured, she needs more time. In a week, I bought some chocolate and candy and went to her hair salon to give it to her, I really wanted to hug her and talk to her about all that, but her salon is closed. At this point I'm in a bit of a panic, she has always been opened and this thing that's bothering her must be terrible.
I contact her on whatsapp and she says to leave it in front and doesn't reply anymore. The other day, I ask her if we're never going to see each other again. In short, she says something in style of "yes, I like someone else now". I kind of lost it here and told her she was rotten. It's one of the things I'm afraid will happen to me and next to that, I went through all that shit with her, felt like I cheated on her because of something most others probably wouldn't even mention. I poured all my creativity in every gift I gave her, I went out with her whenever she asked, I thought about her when her friends didn't (regarding picking stuff up or something like that) and now she breaks it off because she likes someone. I thought (and she made me think) we had something special, multiple times, and now she just gives it all away for someone else. I also said "I hope you guys are happy" to which she replies "who says we're together?" and this is where I blocked her.
And that's all folks, last half a year has been a complete shitshow. I learned I am not a good person I thought I was and I am left all alone again. The sad thing is half a year ago I was a pothead with zero social skills and I was so happy with my life, now I'm back where I was but I hate myself and my life. I just hope it passes in a few weeks, it's really shitty having a beer or two with friends and when alcohol hits me a bit I remember her and start feeling depressed again.

Currently writing this at 3 am, can’t sleep. I turn 19 in a few weeks and this will mark the three year anniversary of my daily smoking and man do I wish I never touched it. I was addicted from the first time I got high. While I didn’t start using regularly right after my first time I fell in love with that feeling from the first time and yearned for it ever since that night. At first it was fine as I used it in moderation with my friends once every now and then. That turned into me buying my first pen, which turned into me buying my first bong, and my second, and my third. Today is the second day I haven’t gotten high in a long fucking time. Weed has absolutely destroyed my memory. I remember it used to to be amazing too, now I can’t even remember what I did the same day. I’m not me when I smoke, yet I still do it every day. I hate the come down of a high more than I hate a hangover, yet I still do it everyday. I hope one day to quit and never touch it again, truly. I’m on spring break right now and don’t have any weed at home, but I know the second I get back in my dorm I’ll take a fat pull from my bong. I really hope one day I’ll be able to quit for good. These past two days haven’t even been that hard except for the sleep, I hope I have the strength to never touch it again one day. I don’t know how it has such a grasp on me it just does.

Trigger Warnings: Possible derealisation, depersonalisation, delusions, and anxiety. The reason I wrote it as "possible" is because I don't know for sure if what I am experiencing really is any of these, but I want to keep people safe.
I originally wanted to post this on reality-shifting subreddits, but decided against it. I was worried it would be taken down for demotivating other reality shifters, so I am putting it here in hopes that someone can explain what is happening to me.
Let's start from the beginning.
For me, I have never wanted to partake in reality shifting. I knew that I was someone who was extremely vulnerable, already experiencing hallucinations that once got so intense I just threw the blanket over my head and went to sleep, so I didn't want to partake in it. However, after sending my last message on Discord at 4:58 PM, my mind suddenly remembers reality shifting and decides to take part in it using the Staircase Method, which was introduced to me by someone who has tested reality shifting before. The reason why I said "my mind" at the start was because my mind gives me intrusive thoughts which I always try to get rid of, and this was one of them.
It starts. I probably did it wrong, but I also had some mental blockages along the way as well as no affirmations that I will shift. I began to feel cold tingles in my back. I thought it was interesting, so I decided to continue. Afterwards, I was thinking of my desired reality; more specifically, a voice calling out to me. After the tingles on my back got too much, I decided to stop. I was back in my bedroom. This is where things start.
I felt around my bed and began to overthink every possible surface (e.g. When did the pillows feel so smooth? When did the mattress feel so hard?) and that is the point where I thought that I have shifted into another reality. Keep in mind that this desired reality of mine was extremely different from my current reality, but for some reason, I still thought that I was in another reality.
My mother comes in at around 5. She jokes around with me before she leaves to take a shower. I throw myself under the blanket and start crying, feeling around even more. I vented on a Discord server at 6:20 PM, who told me that this current reality is the reality that I was in and gave me advice as to calm myself down. No hope. My limbs were shaking, and getting numb; I feel a little nauseous. This is where I get extremely terrified; some time ago, I searched reality-shifting symptoms, and all of them match up. My friends all tell me that it was due to my anxiety, and I take it because by this time my attempt to shift had stopped more than half an hour ago.
Dinner time. I can't eat; I only drank half a bottle of water and a glass of juice. I try to go back to my current reality; doesn't work. Even more nauseous. I decide to write down a script with a ton of safewords to make sure that I can properly differentiate between my current reality and my desired reality. Helped a little, also considering the fact that nothing about my family has changed. I even asked my mother what time she came home just to see if any time had passed since I attempted to reality-shift: none; everything matches up.
The clock ticks until around 1 AM. I had thought about this whole reality shifting so much that I began to dream about it. When it came to dreaming about my desired reality, though, I immediately turned over, stopping my dream. I tried twice more going back to the current reality; doesn't work, so I draw the conclusion that this is my current reality. Again I have gotten numbness, shaking, a little bit of nausea, and the same cold tingles in the back.
Today, I woke up. The thought still hasn't left me. I still break down at the thought of it; I continued to wail in my blankets this morning. I thought I was watching a clone of myself do everything in this reality. My intrusive thoughts still kick in about this subject, and I still felt like breaking down when I went to the mall today.
I'm crying and getting a little bit nauseous just writing about this. I don't want to think about this anymore, let alone experience it again. I want to cut off everything regarding reality shifting. I wish I was never introduced to it, I wish I could just forget about it, I wish that I wasn't so stupid in continuing what my mind started. I feel terrible just thinking about the possibility that I may have shifted into another reality.
What is happening to me?

Its about a princess who is homely rather than beautiful. She is mostly neglected by her parents and is always in a tall tower in the palace overlooking a forest. One day there will be a lot of howling and winds from the forest and she will see the most handsome man she has ever seen in the forest.But she won't be able to talk to him no matter how hard she tried. She will see him again the next day but he will be missing a leg. The next day he was missing two legs. And the princess who could no longer bear this anymore leaves the palace for the first time in years to search for him.

So I had a simple set of rants here. To me it was about the woes of being a SP with a HCBM. But some of you pointed out worrisome patterns I wasn’t aware off.
The pattern being me dragging my SO into a better life kicking and screaming but not thinking if he is a better man for it. If my influence falls away he just becomes who he is and that might be a person I do not like. That unwittingly I find myself in the same abusive pattern as his exes. Controlling him and running his life, even though I try to do it in his and SS best interest it is still not him taking the reigns.
I took all your input to my therapist and to discuss this. She asked me if I saw improvement and if he is actively working to become better. He has. Her question was very simple… what are the depths of your patience and is he worth the wait. Honestly,I am not sure at the moment.
She knows he has a lot of trauma he is trying to deal with. Stepping up to BM is hard but he is trying. She tried to walk in again last week and he just close the door on her telling her SS will be right out. I know this is hard for him. She kept screaming : open the goddamn door! Mind you, everything was ready this was a mere few second wait.
I and my SO know that his fixation on money and saving crazy amounts is him trying to have some control. I get it but it bothers me. He knows this and says he wants to change. But I wonder if I actually know him, or if he is just trying to be whatever I want as to not lose me. I know he worships the ground I walk on, I know he loves me… I am not a meek person. I am not bossy but I have my own ideas and I welcome them being challenged but I won’t give them up without a fight.
I talked to him about this. He says he does realize I am the driving force. He sees me as his light out of the darkness and that he loves me for forcing him to be a better person. I told him this comes at a high cost for me as I feel lonely and controlling at times.
We talked about the bed and he told me that moving out of his last house was very emotional. He said that clearing out SS room broke him. He wanted SS to have a cozy spot of his own but he doesn’t know how that never happened. He says he feels like a bad dad and he realizes that washing things was the bear minimum… he has no excuses or explanation. He just found himself in that position and does not understand how he got there.
He asked me how to do better. I told him I can only give him my view on a happy childhood but it was up to him to decide what kind of dad he wants to be and what he wants to teach his son. I told him that a parent should be a home. Where you feel warm and welcome. A good parent connects the child. Having parties, family events. Make their world bigger. For me a parent makes “rituals” or “customs”, a Sunday brunch , Easter celebration, Christmas … things to look forward to and to feel part of a tribe. Openness to be themselves and to explore who they are.
Last but not least that he has like 5 years before it is too late to shape his childhood. That whatever he inherits in 50 years won’t matter and won’t bring his childhood back. SO asked how to protect him from HCBM’s influence and I reiterated the above. We can’t change her, we can’t change how she interacts but we can show another way. A welcome place where he can be himself. He will have his own battles to fight when he grows up. Just like us. Having a dad in your corner is pretty great. A place to turn to when your life falls apart. My parents did that for me and I know I was lucky because SO had no one to turn to.
I also told him that standing up against BM wasn’t harmful for SS to see if it is done in a respecting kind manner. If he knows SO has a backbone and can protect him from BM he will come to him when he needs him. It is good that SS sees not everybody needs to bend at her whims and people are allowed to put up boundaries and we can demonstrate that, show him how to do that in a respective way. Calm. And if BM blows up we ignore or react accordingly. She is a Karen and a bully. Not being scared of her is a big step forward.
He was very emotional and felt terrible for being such a terrible parent and relying on me to change. He said he really wanted to.
I decided to step up action instead of words. Because I know he will probably tell me anything I need to know/hear as not to walk. He will ramp up his therapy. We might do couple counseling in the future. Right now I need him to furnish this house and literally put his money where his mouth is.
Curtains and all! We have planned a large furniture run and he is all in.
And if the thermostat is below 58°F ever again I am going to throw a fit!

Hello guys!
First and foremost I would like to say that I don't want to blame it on her period or something like this because it could be just me as well.
So here is the story: Met a girl through Tinder, and we instantly clicked, not just like with any girl it was spot on, sometimes you can feel when someone special comes across. So we clicked instantly, on the first or second day she was calling me names and things like that. We met 3 times since all went great, she instantly messaged me afterward to let me know she had a really good time. She was complimenting me in various ways. After the third date(which went really well, when she left she even came back to kiss me again, same chatting after we got home). The next day her period came and since that she seems distant, not really complimenting me, or calling names, not even the same emojis she used to use while chatting. I don't want to see too much into it, I am just curious if you happened to experience the same. Is it a thing?
And a second question, I read somewhere where mirroring can work in situations like these, should I give it a chance or with being cold as her just kills the whole vibe alltogether?