What is cracking Reddit, I’m here today to talk about my depression and vent a little bit I guess, long story short my mom was addicted to drugs and drug me through a WILD childhood, I saw things no child should ever see. At one point ended up trapped at some crazy doctors house with my mom when I was around 7 or 8 for like a week straight because he had her so doped up on Oxys and ambien doing god knows what locked in his bedroom. Saw my mom get beat up a few times. Lived without electricity and water at times I watched my mother go through the worst depression I have ever seen anyone in EVER at times she would just be crying randomly, she always had horrible migraines, spent countless nights of my life sleeping in different hospitals around the country….. Got severely bullied in school because of my weight and horrible cystic acne. Also sexually abused as a child etc…. Ya know the usual stuff😂 although my mom dragged me through some horrible things as a child I forgive her and will love her until the end of time. Unfortunately she passed away about 2 years ago. But through all of this she was my best friend, my rock and my entire world. She was also the person that supported me emotionally the most and now she’s gone so that’s a bit rough. I’m 22 years old now and since I was born my living situation has probably changed upwards of 25 different times If not more.
After a turned 15 I decided that I couldn’t continue living with my mom. So I moved in with my dad where I would stay until I turned 17. Of course my dad wasn’t the greatest role model. I won’t go down that road too far but, at that time it was just me and my dad. He is a very stubborn and aggressive man, I know he loves me with all his heart but the verbal and mental anguish his outbursts would leave me was crazy. Going from living with my mother who did nothing but give her best (Given the circumstances) to show me how much she loved me. And her will to survive and make sure I was okay. To that really messed me up.
Anyways I’ll get to the more recent times in my life. I started a great career in oil and gas when I was 17 about to turn 18 and had just graduated. At the time living with my dad still. Things were going great, until about 2 years in I was living with my dad still, Smoking weed and getting drunk VERY frequently. All while holding a banger job for my age. And then all of a sudden one day I’m there playing Apex, and the next second my aunt is yelling crying and banging on my front door telling me my mom is dead. What a way to tell someone their mom died right??? Anyways that same day I decided to change my life and my bad habits. That next week I moved out of my dads into my other aunt and uncles house who had basically been my second mom and dad my entire life. The rest of my moms family is VERY VERY well off. Here I was in a safe and clean environment where I could be drug free. (With the occasional drunken metal head bbq nights with my uncle😂)
At this point I felt like my life was set and I was on a roll for success! Everything went great for the next couple years until I was badly injured at work. Now I’ll be honest here, I could absolutely go back to work but instead I decided I wanted a change of pace in my life and now I am pursuing higher education. I won’t go into much detail here but I’m the past few months I have Decided to change my career, Started my first semester of college, and moved into a brand new house with my previous roomates who are also my good friends. But for some reason out of nowhere, I have hit the worst and saddest depression I have ever felt. First it started with digestive problems about a month ago and now I’m in a full blown state of constantly grinding schoolwork because I’m so scared of failing and letting my family down, barely eating and sleeping and the occasional manic (Suicidal thought) episodes when laying in my bed at night. I just want to scream and cry, I can feel the emotional turmoil in my head but I can’t let it out? My body just won’t let me… I recently smoked weed HEAVILY for a few weeks straight and was feeling a little better during this time but quickly put a stop to it as I started to become lazy with school and weed just started making me paranoid because my family has always associated drugs with failure. So now I’ve been completely sober and I’m still pretty depressed/Scared and I forgot to mention that I have crippling anxiety. When it gets bad my hands shake uncontrollably and my whole body gets super fidgety and twitchy. I don’t think it’s weed withdrawal because up until about 5 weeks ago I hadn’t smoked weed but once or twice in 3 years! Anyways. I’m all caught up with straight A’s in school, completely sober, never had a problem going cold Turkey on any substances, Live with my best friends and have literally every single thing I want, New car, Badass gaming setup, a TCG collection to DIE FOR and a wonderful group of family and friends who would support me till the end of time but I just can’t kick this depression and I feel like I’m going crazy!!!!!
Anyways sorry for the unreasonably long post. But please if anyone has advice send it my way, I just want to feel good again.
PS. I LOVE YOU ALL, if anyone ever needs someone to talk to PLEASE REACH OUT TO ME I UNDERSTAND AND I AM HERE FOR YOU❤️❤️❤️

PART FIFTY-FIVE
[Previous Part] [Beginning]
I FUCKING HATE THE FUCKING COLD!!!
After five days of travelling in this manner, a tiny part of my brain was almost willing to throw up its hands and say, ‘Fuck it – let ’em have the stupid copper mines,’ but I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t do it. It didn’t matter if I never thawed out again. The Consitors weren’t getting their grubby little mitts on the empire. They messed up their own land, and they weren’t coming here to mess up ours.
No. Fuck, no. Hell to the fuck no. But fuuuuuuuck, I hate the cold!
It didn’t get much warmer when we reached the coast, either. Sheets of ice clung to every ridge, and the snow might’ve only gone halfway up the shins of our horses as opposed to the knee, but overall, it wasn’t much of a concession.
At least our horses had figured out that by the end of the day, they’d be inside our dome with us. And on top of the warm space, we had plenty of food for them, courtesy of the imperial palace, which meant they were probably eating better than they ever had.
The first two days had been a matter of following Milo’s lead toward the coast. After that, I dropped back, and Thalien took my place beside Milo as Polly reached out with constant course corrections based on where the Consitor ship seemed to be heading. Only once did we have to double back half a day when apparently something made the boat do a tight U-shape manoeuvre in open water. At the time, I had grumpily vocalised if it was too much to ask for a dozen sea dragons to eat them and be done with this for good, but Polly informed us on the subsequent correction that they were still inbound, which made us keep going.
Harmony, of course, had reminded me over dinner that night that if the sea dragons had managed to devour the ship (and not perished under their hideous nine-gun barrage), our entire journey from the gateway would be for nothing, and that would’ve made me even crankier.
She was right. I would’ve raged for days if we went through all of this only for a dragon or ten to beat me to our target, though if I was speaking honestly, it wouldn’t be the first time in our careers as adventurers.
By the morning of day five, we were in position on a coastal precipice overlooking what would have been a pretty bay in summer, but right now, it reminded me of a partially frozen drink I’d once had in the far northern provinces. The deep blue in the middle was a nice touch.
As soon as we arrived, we reached out to Polly and discovered that due to the shallows and the Consitors’ unfamiliarity with the underwater terrain, we were more than a full day ahead of them.
This close to the shore, Polly strongly recommended against setting up Thalien’s dome for warmth. She had explained that even though the Consitors didn’t have access to her scrying (she called it a work-net or something, but I was sticking to the term I understood best), they still had powerful spyglasses that could see far beyond what our captain’s spyglasses could see; by a ridiculous multiplier.
For the same reason, we couldn’t make a fire either, so last night, we ate whatever dry foods I had that were ready to eat (smothering dates in honey was one of the ways I made it barely tolerable) while huddling inside a canopy that Tarq and Milo had spent the day pulling together for us. A wind break at best, and one that didn’t fit our horses.
Hence, my really, really delightful mood this morning.
By the time dawn broke, despite the extra blankets and comforters, I was ready to kill everything that breathed my air. My muscles had seized up countless times through the night, and my bones constantly ached, all of which reminded me that I hadn’t died … yet.
“Emeron, you know I love you to bits,” Milo hedged after I tied my hood to the point I couldn’t see anything through the fur. He hooked both pointer fingers into the fur and worked the gap until it opened wide enough that I could see … some of his face. “But I swear if you don’t stop belly-aching about the cold, I will wring your neck and take my chances with your son’s wrath.”
Tarq snorted long and slow, making him look like an irked bull. I read a lot into that snort. It was his way of silently saying that while he didn’t necessarily agree with Milo’s threat and certainly wouldn’t permit it to reach fruition, he too was fed up with my vocal displeasure.
Frustrated at all of them, I dusted the snow from my jacket and stomped over to the horses, and together we stamped our feet and bumped our gums in noisy commiseration of ourselves.
“I’ve just figured you out, Uncle Em,” Harmony said a short time later. I shot her a dirty look that she probably didn’t see through the tiny gap after I’d retightened my hood string. Either way, she kept going. “I always thought you cooked because you loved to cook.”
“I do.”
“But you also love the warmth that the fire gives off more. You get to spend hours staying toasty warm. Even in the desert, it still gets cold at night.”
I hunched my shoulders and rubbed my fur-covered hands. “I’m beginning to think I’ll never get warm again.”
“You can thaw out once we go underground, Uncle Em.”
When we faced off with Augustin Morales and the rest of his Consitor insurgents. That had my blood heating for an entirely different reason.
My friends took turns coming over to keep me company, probably to make sure I hadn’t turned into an ice block when they weren’t looking. They did their best to keep me distracted, reminding me of some of the ridiculous close calls we’d found ourselves in that thankfully NEVER made it into Lanna’s songs.
Like the time we went after a black dragon that had supposedly been terrorising a community in the swamps of the mid-east. We found it. It was on its side with its back to us, and while Thalien neutralised its magic, we had positioned ourselves to attack from all sides. Tarq and Milo had gone frontal, and I was up on a ridge behind its back with my sword pointing downwards. The girls were ready to keep it distracted.
It was a perfect plan, with one minor exception: the damn thing had died of old age at least two weeks earlier. And when we ruptured its bloated body, it exploded like a volcano, covering us in rotting guts and an avalanche of rats that were not happy we’d disturbed their feast.
We laughed later. A lot later. Fifty million baths and just as many drinks later.
There were a lot of stories like that, many of which I’d deliberately chosen not to remember.
Four long hours later, Thalien rushed over to me, followed by everyone else. “Polly says they’re in range!”
“FINALLY!” I groused, making my way to the lookout that gave us a clear view of the bay below.
Sure enough, about half a mile past the mouth of the bay, the ship that had been about two feet long in Polly’s rendition was terrifyingly bigger in real life. Tarq handed me a spyglass, and by magnifying things, I could see what Polly was talking about in terms of age. The thing was massive and made of metal, but how it had made it across an ocean had me scratching my head. There weren’t holes per se in the hull, but the metal (something we didn’t use on ships) had rust lines over six feet wide and several yards long. Iron that badly rusted meant the pressure of a finger in the central mass would have it caving in. I could only assume some level of magic was holding it together.
As far as I was concerned, they were close enough.
I handed Tarq back the spyglass, raised my hand as high as it would reach, and then dropped it forward to point at the ship I wanted destroyed, just as Polly had instructed.
And a grand total of nothing happened.
I waited, glancing back now and then at the mountain behind me, thinking that perhaps Polly and I had misunderstood each other, and she thought my gesture was to unveil that spinning turtle shell weapon.
“Something was supposed to happen, right?” Shay-Lee asked, moving up on my right.
“Supposedly,” I said, fighting the fear and rage that had my heart climbing into my throat as the ship cruised through the mouth of the bay. We were too far away, and it was too big. I could now see the people on the top deck scurrying like ants. I’d sent the elven troops north in preparation of digging out Morales, assuming whatever Polly had planned here would work.
That assumption would get all those soldiers killed, as these Consitors would move up from the south and catch them in a pincer movement with their guns. If we were down on the ground, we might be able to take them out in a similar manoeuvre to what they’d done to my great-grandfather’s travelcade, but up here, we were woefully out of position.
I whirled on Thalien, but he was already gesturing to reach Polly in a scry. I knew the gestures. I’d seen them often enough. Not enough that I’d be willing to try them myself, but enough to recognise them when he did it. And it was just as clear he wasn’t getting through.
“Could Polly be compromised?” Harmony asked.
Lanna, Tarq and I all shook our heads. “No chance,” I decreed, not knowing how I knew that but knowing it was true nonetheless.
“I don’t understand what could be blocking a scry,” Milo frowned.
I didn’t, either. What was the point of making it to this exact spot if all I could do was stand there and watch the Consitors land?
It gutted me to see the ship clear the mouth and release the massive anchor attached to the ship’s nose, having it splash into the water. The whirring of the equally impressive-sized chain as it raced through the hole behind where the anchor had been was just as crushing.
“Damn you, Polly,” I whispered, earning similar sentiments from my friends. After everything we’ve been through…
“Emeron, I’ve got her,” Thalien said, but quite frankly, it was too little, too late.
Which was why my response was distinctly un-emperor-ish. “What the fuck, Polly?!” I snarled, not roaring at the top of my lungs just in case, like their super spyglasses, they had some means to hear me from where they were anchored.
“With all due respect, sir, there is no need to be so vulgar.”
I gestured towards the bay behind the empty room in the scry … the bay in front of me, knowing Acropolis wouldn’t see what I was looking at. At least, not through this particular scry. “Are you kidding me?!” I growled, about half a second from losing my absolute mind at the ancient structure at the heart of our people.
“I’m waiting for your order, sir.”
My brain exploded in an instant headache. “I gave that order fifteen minutes ago!” I raged, no longer caring that I was shouting. “You should have already been doing your rod of god thing!”
“Oh, that was you?” she asked, and I swear I heard a condescension in her tone I hadn’t heard in a long time where my old tutors were concerned. “I couldn’t be sure.”
And it suddenly dawned on me what she was pushing for. “You don’t … seriously … expect me to strip from the waist up so that you can see the brand on my shoulder when I make the gesture?!” My tone was so low and lethal even Tarq gave me a cautious side-eye. And he had every reason to be fearful, for I was absolutely going to kill someone over this. I really, really was. How many were still up for debate, but my starting point was triple figures. Or maybe I’d settle for just one cold-hearted bitch from ancient times. “I hate the fucking cold!”
“Sir, you’re running out of time,” Acropolis argued, and leaning to one side, I saw around Thalien’s scry to see that smaller boats were indeed being lowered into the water.
I guess I was about to find out if blind fury was a good substitute for warm clothing. And if I died, I vowed to make it my mission to haunt Polly until the end of fucking time!
“Everybody, please step away from the Shadow President,” Polly said. “At least ten paces.”
I had no idea why, nor did I care. It was taking everything I had to force myself through the unwilling step of disrobing in this god-forsaken climate! My fingers shook as I picked at the ties until I had the ones that held my hood in place undone. Then I loosened the ties that held the fur jacket against my shirt and grabbed a fistful of fur and fabric at the base of my neck. From there, I took several deep, steadying breaths, silently counting on each exhale until I reached the magical ‘three’. Then, before I could talk myself out of it, I hauled it all forward, making sure my shirt and the slatted eyewear came with it.
The cold slammed into my torso on all sides, and as much as I wanted to press the fur against my chest, I wasn’t willing to risk needing to do this a second time. If Polly required to see this damned brand, she would see ALL of it once and once only! I tossed the jacket to the ground and fisted my hands, willing the breath frozen in my lungs to move, if only to stop my teeth from chattering.
“Be Emperor Ronan, once last time, sir!” Polly shouted. “And lose the gloves!”
I was too far into hypothermia to ask why the gloves had to come off. I was already dying, so what difference would it make if my fingers snap-froze too? I gritted my teeth to keep them still and snatched the gloves off, letting them fall to the pile at my feet.
Be Emperor Ronan…be Emperor Ronan… I mentally chanted, knowing exactly what she wanted me to do—what I had to do, even though that and what I wanted to do were at opposite ends of the spectrum.
I straightened, digging into reserves I hadn’t needed in a long time. My shoulders went up and back, and my chin lifted into the stance that had been minted on coins. I glared at the invaders with everything I had left in me, and then my hand went over my head, my fingers straight like I was about to give the order to advance. I stayed like that for a second or two longer than I should have until I vaguely remembered there was a second part to this move.
Ahhh….y-y-y-yes….
I locked my elbow in place and rolled my shoulder to drop my hand forward. This time, my fingers pointed hatefully at the invaders, wishing I had the means to shoot them all dead instead of merely pointing at them.
High above, a glow appeared behind the clouds, growing brighter and brighter until fire burst through the bottom layer, hurtling towards the ship. I couldn’t lift my eyes, for they were too cold to look up. They merely glared at the invaders, burning with the depths of my hatred.
People screamed. I heard them scream from where I stood, probably because they knew what was happening better than I did. In the following seconds, the long fire streak pierced through the clouds and slammed into the vessel's centre, bending it in half with an explosion that rivalled any volcano eruption. As the air and water coiled, I saw the ship was already gone, driven beneath the waves and into the ocean floor by the force of the impact.
My hand fell to my side, and I was too cold to do anything but stare at the rolling cloud that was fast approaching me. I couldn’t change my focus or expression as much as I wanted to. I wanted to watch my imminent death coming at me, but my gaze was locked on the strike point and the subsequent white explosions surging from beneath the waves. Those weren’t light weapons being triggered. They were more … boom-ish.
The water over the wreck reached higher and higher with each new explosion, but the rolling wave of air coming at me was levelling everything in its path. Trees were flattened. Sand was collected. I’d been caught in sandstorms before, and I knew this would be so much worse than that. I almost laughed at myself when I realised I wouldn’t be cold for much longer since the dead didn’t feel the cold.
It broke the edge of the precipice before me, but something happened to the air before my eyes as it reached me. I watched as tiny, almost invisible pinhead-sized dust particles interlocked across my skin, holding me in place and somehow warming me simultaneously. My sigh of sheer delight as the rolling wave slammed into me and passed by without moving so much as a hair on my arm had me relaxing where I stood, even going as far as to smile.
Then, I lowered my head marginally and turned slightly to look at my friends over my shoulder.
“It is done,” I declared in vindication, not knowing how … not caring how Polly had pulled off the protective suit I never wanted to lose. I’d thought the elven fur was warm, but these near-invisible dots were heated somehow, and I always wanted to keep it with me. If I could, I’d never be cold again!
My friends had all been flattened and driven over thirty yards away, but we’d been doing these things like this a long time, and they were already scrambling to their feet; their expressions unified in their shock at what had happened. At me!
Then, of course, my protective shield disappeared as fast as it came, and the cold that crushed against me was strangely mitigated by what felt like fire licking from my left shoulder into my head. The combination of the two left me unable to cope, and I fell to my knees and then to my side in a bone-jarring shudder that I couldn’t control.
“EMERON!” they shouted, racing towards me as my vision warped and went black.
* * *
((All comments welcome. Good or bad, I'd love to hear your thoughts 🥰🤗))
For more of my work including WPs: Angel466 or an index of previous WPS here.
FULL INDEX OF WE PLAN, GODS LAUGH TO DATE CAN BE FOUND HERE!!

PART FIFTY-FIVE
[Previous Part] [Beginning]
I FUCKING HATE THE FUCKING COLD!!!
After five days of travelling in this manner, a tiny part of my brain was almost willing to throw up its hands and say, ‘Fuck it – let ’em have the stupid copper mines,’ but I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t do it. It didn’t matter if I never thawed out again. The Consitors weren’t getting their grubby little mitts on the empire. They messed up their own land, and they weren’t coming here to mess up ours.
No. Fuck, no. Hell to the fuck no. But fuuuuuuuck, I hate the cold!
It didn’t get much warmer when we reached the coast, either. Sheets of ice clung to every ridge, and the snow might’ve only gone halfway up the shins of our horses as opposed to the knee, but overall, it wasn’t much of a concession.
At least our horses had figured out that by the end of the day, they’d be inside our dome with us. And on top of the warm space, we had plenty of food for them, courtesy of the imperial palace, which meant they were probably eating better than they ever had.
The first two days had been a matter of following Milo’s lead toward the coast. After that, I dropped back, and Thalien took my place beside Milo as Polly reached out with constant course corrections based on where the Consitor ship seemed to be heading. Only once did we have to double back half a day when apparently something made the boat do a tight U-shape manoeuvre in open water. At the time, I had grumpily vocalised if it was too much to ask for a dozen sea dragons to eat them and be done with this for good, but Polly informed us on the subsequent correction that they were still inbound, which made us keep going.
Harmony, of course, had reminded me over dinner that night that if the sea dragons had managed to devour the ship (and not perished under their hideous nine-gun barrage), our entire journey from the gateway would be for nothing, and that would’ve made me even crankier.
She was right. I would’ve raged for days if we went through all of this only for a dragon or ten to beat me to our target, though if I was speaking honestly, it wouldn’t be the first time in our careers as adventurers.
By the morning of day five, we were in position on a coastal precipice overlooking what would have been a pretty bay in summer, but right now, it reminded me of a partially frozen drink I’d once had in the far northern provinces. The deep blue in the middle was a nice touch.
As soon as we arrived, we reached out to Polly and discovered that due to the shallows and the Consitors’ unfamiliarity with the underwater terrain, we were more than a full day ahead of them.
This close to the shore, Polly strongly recommended against setting up Thalien’s dome for warmth. She had explained that even though the Consitors didn’t have access to her scrying (she called it a work-net or something, but I was sticking to the term I understood best), they still had powerful spyglasses that could see far beyond what our captain’s spyglasses could see; by a ridiculous multiplier.
For the same reason, we couldn’t make a fire either, so last night, we ate whatever dry foods I had that were ready to eat (smothering dates in honey was one of the ways I made it barely tolerable) while huddling inside a canopy that Tarq and Milo had spent the day pulling together for us. A wind break at best, and one that didn’t fit our horses.
Hence, my really, really delightful mood this morning.
By the time dawn broke, despite the extra blankets and comforters, I was ready to kill everything that breathed my air. My muscles had seized up countless times through the night, and my bones constantly ached, all of which reminded me that I hadn’t died … yet.
“Emeron, you know I love you to bits,” Milo hedged after I tied my hood to the point I couldn’t see anything through the fur. He hooked both pointer fingers into the fur and worked the gap until it opened wide enough that I could see … some of his face. “But I swear if you don’t stop belly-aching about the cold, I will wring your neck and take my chances with your son’s wrath.”
Tarq snorted long and slow, making him look like an irked bull. I read a lot into that snort. It was his way of silently saying that while he didn’t necessarily agree with Milo’s threat and certainly wouldn’t permit it to reach fruition, he too was fed up with my vocal displeasure.
Frustrated at all of them, I dusted the snow from my jacket and stomped over to the horses, and together we stamped our feet and bumped our gums in noisy commiseration of ourselves.
“I’ve just figured you out, Uncle Em,” Harmony said a short time later. I shot her a dirty look that she probably didn’t see through the tiny gap after I’d retightened my hood string. Either way, she kept going. “I always thought you cooked because you loved to cook.”
“I do.”
“But you also love the warmth that the fire gives off more. You get to spend hours staying toasty warm. Even in the desert, it still gets cold at night.”
I hunched my shoulders and rubbed my fur-covered hands. “I’m beginning to think I’ll never get warm again.”
“You can thaw out once we go underground, Uncle Em.”
When we faced off with Augustin Morales and the rest of his Consitor insurgents. That had my blood heating for an entirely different reason.
My friends took turns coming over to keep me company, probably to make sure I hadn’t turned into an ice block when they weren’t looking. They did their best to keep me distracted, reminding me of some of the ridiculous close calls we’d found ourselves in that thankfully NEVER made it into Lanna’s songs.
Like the time we went after a black dragon that had supposedly been terrorising a community in the swamps of the mid-east. We found it. It was on its side with its back to us, and while Thalien neutralised its magic, we had positioned ourselves to attack from all sides. Tarq and Milo had gone frontal, and I was up on a ridge behind its back with my sword pointing downwards. The girls were ready to keep it distracted.
It was a perfect plan, with one minor exception: the damn thing had died of old age at least two weeks earlier. And when we ruptured its bloated body, it exploded like a volcano, covering us in rotting guts and an avalanche of rats that were not happy we’d disturbed their feast.
We laughed later. A lot later. Fifty million baths and just as many drinks later.
There were a lot of stories like that, many of which I’d deliberately chosen not to remember.
Four long hours later, Thalien rushed over to me, followed by everyone else. “Polly says they’re in range!”
“FINALLY!” I groused, making my way to the lookout that gave us a clear view of the bay below.
Sure enough, about half a mile past the mouth of the bay, the ship that had been about two feet long in Polly’s rendition was terrifyingly bigger in real life. Tarq handed me a spyglass, and by magnifying things, I could see what Polly was talking about in terms of age. The thing was massive and made of metal, but how it had made it across an ocean had me scratching my head. There weren’t holes per se in the hull, but the metal (something we didn’t use on ships) had rust lines over six feet wide and several yards long. Iron that badly rusted meant the pressure of a finger in the central mass would have it caving in. I could only assume some level of magic was holding it together.
As far as I was concerned, they were close enough.
I handed Tarq back the spyglass, raised my hand as high as it would reach, and then dropped it forward to point at the ship I wanted destroyed, just as Polly had instructed.
And a grand total of nothing happened.
I waited, glancing back now and then at the mountain behind me, thinking that perhaps Polly and I had misunderstood each other, and she thought my gesture was to unveil that spinning turtle shell weapon.
“Something was supposed to happen, right?” Shay-Lee asked, moving up on my right.
“Supposedly,” I said, fighting the fear and rage that had my heart climbing into my throat as the ship cruised through the mouth of the bay. We were too far away, and it was too big. I could now see the people on the top deck scurrying like ants. I’d sent the elven troops north in preparation of digging out Morales, assuming whatever Polly had planned here would work.
That assumption would get all those soldiers killed, as these Consitors would move up from the south and catch them in a pincer movement with their guns. If we were down on the ground, we might be able to take them out in a similar manoeuvre to what they’d done to my great-grandfather’s travelcade, but up here, we were woefully out of position.
I whirled on Thalien, but he was already gesturing to reach Polly in a scry. I knew the gestures. I’d seen them often enough. Not enough that I’d be willing to try them myself, but enough to recognise them when he did it. And it was just as clear he wasn’t getting through.
“Could Polly be compromised?” Harmony asked.
Lanna, Tarq and I all shook our heads. “No chance,” I decreed, not knowing how I knew that but knowing it was true nonetheless.
“I don’t understand what could be blocking a scry,” Milo frowned.
I didn’t, either. What was the point of making it to this exact spot if all I could do was stand there and watch the Consitors land?
It gutted me to see the ship clear the mouth and release the massive anchor attached to the ship’s nose, having it splash into the water. The whirring of the equally impressive-sized chain as it raced through the hole behind where the anchor had been was just as crushing.
“Damn you, Polly,” I whispered, earning similar sentiments from my friends. After everything we’ve been through…
“Emeron, I’ve got her,” Thalien said, but quite frankly, it was too little, too late.
Which was why my response was distinctly un-emperor-ish. “What the fuck, Polly?!” I snarled, not roaring at the top of my lungs just in case, like their super spyglasses, they had some means to hear me from where they were anchored.
“With all due respect, sir, there is no need to be so vulgar.”
I gestured towards the bay behind the empty room in the scry … the bay in front of me, knowing Acropolis wouldn’t see what I was looking at. At least, not through this particular scry. “Are you kidding me?!” I growled, about half a second from losing my absolute mind at the ancient structure at the heart of our people.
“I’m waiting for your order, sir.”
My brain exploded in an instant headache. “I gave that order fifteen minutes ago!” I raged, no longer caring that I was shouting. “You should have already been doing your rod of god thing!”
“Oh, that was you?” she asked, and I swear I heard a condescension in her tone I hadn’t heard in a long time where my old tutors were concerned. “I couldn’t be sure.”
And it suddenly dawned on me what she was pushing for. “You don’t … seriously … expect me to strip from the waist up so that you can see the brand on my shoulder when I make the gesture?!” My tone was so low and lethal even Tarq gave me a cautious side-eye. And he had every reason to be fearful, for I was absolutely going to kill someone over this. I really, really was. How many were still up for debate, but my starting point was triple figures. Or maybe I’d settle for just one cold-hearted bitch from ancient times. “I hate the fucking cold!”
“Sir, you’re running out of time,” Acropolis argued, and leaning to one side, I saw around Thalien’s scry to see that smaller boats were indeed being lowered into the water.
I guess I was about to find out if blind fury was a good substitute for warm clothing. And if I died, I vowed to make it my mission to haunt Polly until the end of fucking time!
“Everybody, please step away from the Shadow President,” Polly said. “At least ten paces.”
I had no idea why, nor did I care. It was taking everything I had to force myself through the unwilling step of disrobing in this god-forsaken climate! My fingers shook as I picked at the ties until I had the ones that held my hood in place undone. Then I loosened the ties that held the fur jacket against my shirt and grabbed a fistful of fur and fabric at the base of my neck. From there, I took several deep, steadying breaths, silently counting on each exhale until I reached the magical ‘three’. Then, before I could talk myself out of it, I hauled it all forward, making sure my shirt and the slatted eyewear came with it.
The cold slammed into my torso on all sides, and as much as I wanted to press the fur against my chest, I wasn’t willing to risk needing to do this a second time. If Polly required to see this damned brand, she would see ALL of it once and once only! I tossed the jacket to the ground and fisted my hands, willing the breath frozen in my lungs to move, if only to stop my teeth from chattering.
“Be Emperor Ronan, once last time, sir!” Polly shouted. “And lose the gloves!”
I was too far into hypothermia to ask why the gloves had to come off. I was already dying, so what difference would it make if my fingers snap-froze too? I gritted my teeth to keep them still and snatched the gloves off, letting them fall to the pile at my feet.
Be Emperor Ronan…be Emperor Ronan… I mentally chanted, knowing exactly what she wanted me to do—what I had to do, even though that and what I wanted to do were at opposite ends of the spectrum.
I straightened, digging into reserves I hadn’t needed in a long time. My shoulders went up and back, and my chin lifted into the stance that had been minted on coins. I glared at the invaders with everything I had left in me, and then my hand went over my head, my fingers straight like I was about to give the order to advance. I stayed like that for a second or two longer than I should have until I vaguely remembered there was a second part to this move.
Ahhh….y-y-y-yes….
I locked my elbow in place and rolled my shoulder to drop my hand forward. This time, my fingers pointed hatefully at the invaders, wishing I had the means to shoot them all dead instead of merely pointing at them.
High above, a glow appeared behind the clouds, growing brighter and brighter until fire burst through the bottom layer, hurtling towards the ship. I couldn’t lift my eyes, for they were too cold to look up. They merely glared at the invaders, burning with the depths of my hatred.
People screamed. I heard them scream from where I stood, probably because they knew what was happening better than I did. In the following seconds, the long fire streak pierced through the clouds and slammed into the vessel's centre, bending it in half with an explosion that rivalled any volcano eruption. As the air and water coiled, I saw the ship was already gone, driven beneath the waves and into the ocean floor by the force of the impact.
My hand fell to my side, and I was too cold to do anything but stare at the rolling cloud that was fast approaching me. I couldn’t change my focus or expression as much as I wanted to. I wanted to watch my imminent death coming at me, but my gaze was locked on the strike point and the subsequent white explosions surging from beneath the waves. Those weren’t light weapons being triggered. They were more … boom-ish.
The water over the wreck reached higher and higher with each new explosion, but the rolling wave of air coming at me was levelling everything in its path. Trees were flattened. Sand was collected. I’d been caught in sandstorms before, and I knew this would be so much worse than that. I almost laughed at myself when I realised I wouldn’t be cold for much longer since the dead didn’t feel the cold.
It broke the edge of the precipice before me, but something happened to the air before my eyes as it reached me. I watched as tiny, almost invisible pinhead-sized dust particles interlocked across my skin, holding me in place and somehow warming me simultaneously. My sigh of sheer delight as the rolling wave slammed into me and passed by without moving so much as a hair on my arm had me relaxing where I stood, even going as far as to smile.
Then, I lowered my head marginally and turned slightly to look at my friends over my shoulder.
“It is done,” I declared in vindication, not knowing how … not caring how Polly had pulled off the protective suit I never wanted to lose. I’d thought the elven fur was warm, but these near-invisible dots were heated somehow, and I always wanted to keep it with me. If I could, I’d never be cold again!
My friends had all been flattened and driven over thirty yards away, but we’d been doing these things like this a long time, and they were already scrambling to their feet; their expressions unified in their shock at what had happened. At me!
Then, of course, my protective shield disappeared as fast as it came, and the cold that crushed against me was strangely mitigated by what felt like fire licking from my left shoulder into my head. The combination of the two left me unable to cope, and I fell to my knees and then to my side in a bone-jarring shudder that I couldn’t control.
“EMERON!” they shouted, racing towards me as my vision warped and went black.
* * *
((All comments welcome. Good or bad, I'd love to hear your thoughts 🥰🤗))
For more of my work including WPs: Angel466 or an index of previous WPS here.
FULL INDEX OF WE PLAN, GODS LAUGH TO DATE CAN BE FOUND HERE!!

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Freehand FN #1, B/O: $1867

★ Butterfly Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $1098

★ Butterfly Knife Blue Steel BS, B/O: $907

★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $789

★ Butterfly Knife Stained FT, B/O: $695

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★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW #1, B/O: $888

★ Bayonet Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $727

★ Bayonet Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $608

★ Bayonet Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $521

★ Bayonet Rust Coat BS, B/O: $253

★ Bayonet Night FT, B/O: $251

★ StatTrak™ Bayonet Lore MW, B/O: $751

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★ Karambit Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $1343

★ Karambit Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $774

★ Karambit Rust Coat BS, B/O: $537

★ Karambit Boreal Forest FT, B/O: $488

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★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1523

★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1523

★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $1008

★ M9 Bayonet Blue Steel FT, B/O: $534

★ M9 Bayonet Rust Coat BS, B/O: $449

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★ Flip Knife Fade FN, B/O: $703

★ Flip Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) MW, B/O: $509

★ Flip Knife Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $406

★ Flip Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $228

★ StatTrak™ Flip Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $332

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★ Falchion Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $292

★ Falchion Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $264

★ Falchion Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $258

★ Falchion Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $133

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★ Stiletto Knife Fade FN, B/O: $822

★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $569

★ Stiletto Knife Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $530

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $396

★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $172

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★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $830

★ Gut Knife Fade FN, B/O: $204

★ Gut Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $138

★ Gut Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $104

★ Gut Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $92

★ Gut Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $82

★ StatTrak™ Gut Knife Rust Coat BS, B/O: $93

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★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $258

★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $165

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel FT, B/O: $82

★ Shadow Daggers Bright Water FT, B/O: $82

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel WW, B/O: $80

★ Shadow Daggers Rust Coat BS, B/O: $74

★ StatTrak™ Shadow Daggers Marble Fade FN, B/O: $186

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★ Classic Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $311

★ StatTrak™ Classic Knife Stained BS, B/O: $163

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★ Talon Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $605

★ Talon Knife Scorched MW, B/O: $290

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★ Ursus Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $405

★ Ursus Knife Night Stripe MW, B/O: $162

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★ Paracord Knife Stained WW, B/O: $125

★ Paracord Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97

★ Paracord Knife Safari Mesh FT, B/O: $96

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★ Navaja Knife Safari Mesh FT, B/O: $71

★ Navaja Knife Scorched WW, B/O: $71

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★ Nomad Knife Fade FN, B/O: $1015

★ Skeleton Knife, B/O: $909

★ Bowie Knife Boreal Forest MW, B/O: $106

★ Survival Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97

GLOVES

★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave FT, B/O: $335

★ Driver Gloves King Snake BS, B/O: $270

★ Driver Gloves Lunar Weave WW, B/O: $113

★ Driver Gloves Overtake WW, B/O: $88

★ Driver Gloves Overtake BS, B/O: $67

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★ Moto Gloves Transport MW, B/O: $171

★ Moto Gloves Polygon BS, B/O: $137

★ Moto Gloves Transport WW, B/O: $71

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $62

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★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Kimono WW, B/O: $1027

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike FT, B/O: $654

★ Specialist Gloves Mogul FT, B/O: $295

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander FT, B/O: $277

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web FT, B/O: $275

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★ Sport Gloves Slingshot FT, B/O: $796

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious BS #2, B/O: $699

★ Sport Gloves Omega FT, B/O: $656

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★ Broken Fang Gloves Unhinged BS, B/O: $60

WEAPONS

AK-47 Case Hardened BS, B/O: $130

AK-47 Bloodsport MW, B/O: $79

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Bloodsport FT, B/O: $70

AK-47 Neon Rider MW, B/O: $60

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AWP Fade FN, B/O: $864

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $84

AWP Containment Breach FT, B/O: $69

AWP Containment Breach FT, B/O: $69

AWP Wildfire FT, B/O: $59

AWP Chromatic Aberration FN, B/O: $59

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $65

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $65

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Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $565

Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $565

Desert Eagle Printstream FN, B/O: $155

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $58

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M4A1-S Icarus Fell FN, B/O: $414

M4A1-S Printstream MW, B/O: $204

M4A1-S Printstream MW, B/O: $204

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M4A4 Poseidon FN, B/O: $1402

M4A4 The Emperor FN, B/O: $152

M4A4 Asiimov WW, B/O: $97

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USP-S Kill Confirmed MW, B/O: $65

USP-S Printstream FT, B/O: $69

StatTrak™ USP-S Kill Confirmed FT, B/O: $123

StatTrak™ USP-S Neo-Noir FN, B/O: $106

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AUG Flame Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $218

P2000 Ocean Foam FN, B/O: $139

Souvenir SSG 08 Death Strike MW, B/O: $81

CZ75-Auto Emerald Quartz MW, B/O: $61

Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory

Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. Commander, Crimson Web, Mogul, Forest DDPAT, Buckshot), Sport Gloves (Pandora's Box, Superconductor, Hedge Maze, Vice, Amphibious, Slingshot, Omega, Arid, Big Game, Nocts, Scarlet Shamagh, Bronze Morph), Hydra Gloves (Case Hardened, Emerald, Rattler, Mangrove), Broken Fang Gloves (Jade, Yellow-banded, Unhinged, Needle Point), Pistols - P2000 (Wicked Sick, Ocean Foam, Fire Element, Amber Fade, Corticera, Chainmail, Imperial Dragon, Obsidian, Scorpion, Handgun, Acid Etched), USP-S (Printstream, Kill Confirmed, Whiteout, Road Rash, Owergrowth, The Traitor, Neo-Noir, Dark Water, Orion, Blueprint, Stainless, Caiman, Serum, Monster Mashup, Royal Blue, Ancient Visions, Cortex, Orange Anolis, Ticket To Hell, Black Lotus, Cyrex, Check Engine, Guardian, Purple DDPAT, Torque, Blood Tiger, Flashback, Business Class, Pathfinder, Para Green), Lead Conduit, Glock-18 (Umbral Rabbit, Fade, Candy Apple, Bullet Queen, Synth Leaf, Neo-Noir, Nuclear Garden, Dragon Tatto, Reactor, Pink DDPAT, Twilight Galaxy, Sand Dune, Groundwater, Blue Fissure, Snack Attack, Water Elemental, Brass, Wasteland Rebel, Vogue, Franklin, Royal Legion, Gamma Doppler, Weasel, Steel Disruption, Ironwork, Grinder, High Beam, Moonrise, Oxide Blaze, Bunsen Burner, Clear Polymer, Bunsen Burner, Night), P250 (Re.built, Nuclear Threat, Modern Hunter, Splash, Whiteout, Vino Primo, Mehndi, Asiimov, Visions, Undertow, Cartel, See Ya Later, Gunsmoke, Splash, Digital Architect, Muertos, Red Rock, Bengal Tiger, Crimson Kimono, Wingshot, Metallic DDPAT, Hive, Dark Filigree, Mint Kimono), Five-Seven (Neon Kimono, Berries And Cherries, Fall Hazard, Crimson Blossom, Hyper Beast, Nitro, Fairy Tale, Case Hardened, Copper Galaxy, Angry Mob, Monkey Business, Fowl Play, Anodized Gunmetal, Hot Shot, Retrobution, Boost Protocol), CZ75-Auto (Chalice, Crimson Web, Emerald Quartz, The Fuschia is Now, Nitro, Xiangliu, Yellow Jacket, Victoria, Poison Dart, Syndicate, Eco, Hexane, Pole, Tigris), Tec-9 (Rebel, Terrace, Nuclear Threat, Hades, Rust Leaf, Decimator, Blast From, Orange Murano, Toxic, Fuel Injector, Remote Control, Bamboo Forest, Isaac, Avalanche, Brother, Re-Entry, Blue Titanium, Bamboozle), R8 Revolver (Banana Cannon, Fade, Blaze, Crimson Web, Liama Cannon, Crazy 8, Reboot, Canal Spray, Night, Amber Fade), Desert Eagle (Blaze, Hand Cannon, Fennec Fox, Sunset Storm, Emerald Jörmungandr, Pilot, Hypnotic, Golden Koi, Printstream, Cobalt Disruption, Code Red, Ocean Drive, Midnight Storm, Kumicho Dragon, Crimson Web, Heirloom, Night Heist, Mecha Industries, Night, Conspiracy, Trigger Discipline, Naga, Directive, Light Rail), Dual Berettas (Flora Carnivora, Duelist, Cobra Strike, Black Limba, Emerald, Hemoglobin, Twin Turbo, Marina, Melondrama, Pyre, Retribution, Briar, Dezastre, Royal Consorts, Urban Shock, Dualing Dragons, Panther, Balance), Rifles - Galil (Aqua Terrace, Winter Forest, Chatterbox, Sugar Rush, Pheonix Blacklight, CAUTION!, Orange DDPAT, Cerberus, Dusk Ruins, Eco, Chromatic Aberration, Stone Cold, Tuxedo, Sandstorm, Shattered, Urban Rubble, Rocket Pop, Kami, Crimson Tsunami, Connexion), SCAR-20 (Fragments, Brass, Cyrex, Palm, Splash Jam, Cardiac, Emerald, Crimson Web, Magna Carta, Stone Mosaico, Bloodsport, Enforcer), AWP (Duality, Gungnir, Dragon Lore, Prince, Medusa, Desert Hydra, Fade, Lightning Strike, Oni Taiji, Silk Tiger, Graphite, Chromatic Aberration, Asiimov, Snake Camo, Boom, Containment Breach, Wildfire, Redline, Electric Hive, Hyper Beast, Neo-Noir, Man-o'-war, Pink DDPAT, Corticera, Sun in Leo, Elite Build, Fever Dream, Atheris, Mortis, PAW, Exoskeleton, Worm God, POP AWP, Phobos, Acheron, Pit Viper, Capillary, Safari Mesh), AK-47 (Head Shot, Wild Lotus, Gold Arabesque, X-Ray, Fire Serpent, Hydroponic, Panthera Onca, Case Hardened, Vulcan, Jet Set, Fuel Injector, Bloodsport, Nightwish, First Class, Neon Rider, Asiimov, Red Laminate, Aquamarine Revenge, The Empress, Wasteland Rebel, Jaguar, Black Laminate, Leet Museo, Neon Revolution, Redline, Frontside Misty, Predator, Legion of Anubis, Point Disarray, Orbit Mk01, Blue Laminate, Green Laminate, Emerald Pinstripe, Cartel, Phantom Disruptor, Jungle Spray, Safety Net, Rat Rod, Baroque Purple, Slate, Elite Build, Uncharted, Safari Mesh), FAMAS (Sundown, Prime Conspiracy, Afterimage, Commemoration, Dark Water, Spitfire, Pulse, Eye of Athena, Meltdown, Rapid Eye Move, Roll Cage, Styx, Mecha Industrie, Djinn, ZX Spectron, Valence, Neural Net, Night Borre, Hexne), M4A4 (Temukau, Howl, Poseidon, Asiimov, Daybreak, Hellfire, Zirka, Red DDPAT, Radiation Hazard, Modern Hunter, The Emperor, The Coalition, Bullet Rain, Cyber Security, X-Ray, Dark Blossom, Buzz Kill, In Living Color, Neo-Noir, Desolate Space, 龍王 (Dragon King), Royal Paladin, The Battlestar, Global Offensive, Tooth Fairy, Desert-Strike, Griffin, Evil Daimyo, Spider Lily, Converter), M4A1-S (Emphorosaur-S, Welcome to the Jungle, Imminent Danger, Knight, Hot Rod, Icarus Fell, Blue Phosphor, Printstream, Master Piece, Dark Water, Golden Coil, Bright Water, Player Two, Atomic Alloy, Guardian, Chantico's Fire, Hyper Beast, Mecha Industries, Cyrex, Control Panel, Moss Quartz, Nightmare, Decimator, Leaded Glass, Basilisk, Blood Tiger, Briefing, Night Terror, Nitro, VariCamo, Flashback), SG 553 (Cyberforce, Hazard Pay, Bulldozer, Integrale, Dragon Tech, Ultraviolet, Colony IV, Hypnotic, Cyrex, Candy Apple, Barricade, Pulse), SSG 08 (Death Strike, Sea Calico, Blood in the Water, Orange Filigree, Dragonfire, Big Iron, Bloodshot, Detour, Turbo Peek, Red Stone), AUG (Akihabara Accept, Flame Jörmungandr, Hot Rod, Midnight Lily, Sand Storm, Carved Jade, Wings, Anodized Navy, Death by Puppy, Torque, Bengal Tiger, Chameleon, Fleet Flock, Random Access, Momentum, Syd Mead, Stymphalian, Arctic Wolf, Aristocrat, Navy Murano), G3SG1 (Chronos, Violet Murano, Flux, Demeter, Orange Kimono, The Executioner, Green Apple, Arctic Polar Camo, Contractor), SMGs - P90 (Neoqueen, Astral Jörmungandr, Run and Hide, Emerald Dragon, Cold Blooded, Death by Kitty, Baroque Red, Vent Rush, Blind Spot, Asiimov, Trigon, Sunset Lily, Death Grip, Leather, Nostalgia, Fallout Warning, Tiger Pit, Schermatic, Virus, Shapewood, Glacier Mesh, Shallow Grave, Chopper, Desert Warfare), MAC-10 (Sakkaku, Hot Snakes, Copper Borre, Red Filigree, Gold Brick, Graven, Case Hardened, Stalker, Amber Fade, Neon Rider, Tatter, Curse, Propaganda, Nuclear Garden, Disco Tech, Toybox, Heat, Indigo), UMP-45 (Wild Child, Fade, Blaze, Day Lily, Minotaur's Labyrinth, Crime Scene, Caramel, Bone Pile, Momentum, Primal Saber), MP7 (Teal Blossom, Fade, Nemesis, Whiteout, Asterion, Bloosport, Abyssal Apparition, Full Stop, Special Delivery, Neon Ply, Asterion, Ocean Foam, Powercore, Scorched, Impire), PP-Bizon (Modern Hunter, Rust Coat, Forest Leaves, Antique, High Roller, Blue Streak, Seabird, Judgement of Anubis, Bamboo Print, Embargo, Chemical Green, Coblat Halftone, Fuel Rod, Photic Zone, Irradiated Alert, Carbon Fiber), MP9 (Featherweight, Wild Lily, Pandora's Box, Stained Glass, Bulldozer, Dark Age, Hot Rod, Hypnotic, Hydra, Rose Iron, Music Box, Setting Sun, Food Chain, Airlock, Mount Fuji, Starlight Protector, Ruby Poison Dart, Deadly Poison), MP5-SD (Liquidation, Oxide Oasis, Phosphor, Nitro, Agent, Autumn Twilly), Shotguns, Machineguns - Sawed-Off (Kiss♥Love, First Class, Orange DDPAT, Rust Coat, The Kraken, Devourer, Mosaico, Wasteland Princess, Bamboo Shadow, Copper, Serenity, Limelight, Apocalypto), XM1014 (Frost Borre, Ancient Lore, Red Leather, Elegant Vines, Banana Leaf, Jungle, Urban Perforated, Grassland, Blaze Orange, Heaven Guard, VariCamo Blue, Entombed, XOXO, Seasons, Tranquility, Bone Machine, Incinegator, Teclu Burner, Black Tie, Zombie Offensive, Watchdog), Nova (Baroque Orange, Hyper Beast, Green Apple, Antique, Modern Hunter, Walnut, Forest Leaves, Graphite, Blaze Orange, Rising Skull, Tempest, Bloomstick, Interlock, Quick Sand, Moon in Libra, Clean Polymer, Red Quartz, Toy Soldier), MAG-7 (Insomnia, Cinqueda, Counter Terrace, Prism Terrace, Memento, Chainmail, Hazard, Justice, Bulldozer, Silver, Core Breach, Firestarter, Praetorian, Heat, Hard Water, Monster Call, BI83 Spectrum, SWAG-7), M249 (Humidor, Shipping Forecast, Blizzard Marbleized, Downtown, Jungle DDPAT, Nebula Crusader, Impact Drill, Emerald Poison Dart), Negev (Mjölnir, Anodized Navy, Palm, Power Loader, Bratatat, CaliCamo, Phoenix Stencil, Infrastructure, Boroque Sand), Wear - Factory New (FN), Minimal Wear (MW), Field-Tested (FT), Well-Worn (WW), Battle-Scarred (BS), Stickers Holo/Foil/Gold - Katowice 2014, Krakow 2017, Howling Dawn, Katowice 2015, Crown, London 2018, Cologne 2014, Boston 2018, Atlanta 2017, Cluj-Napoca 2015, DreamHack 2014, King on the Field, Harp of War, Winged Difuser, Cologne 2016, Cologne 2015, MLG Columbus 2016, Katowice 2019, Berlin 2019, RMR 2020, Stockholm 2021, Antwerp 2022, Swag Foil, Flammable foil, Others - Souvenirs, Agents, Pins, Passes, Gifts, Music Kits, Cases, Keys, Capsules, Packages, Patches

Some items on the list may no longer be available or are still locked, visit My Inventory for more details.

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Question to fellow DMs:
How do you deal with the condition "if its soul is free and willing" in all resurrection spells? Do you even consider the afterlife or just if a player didn't trade or lost his soul another way you let the party resurrect a dead member?
From what I understand from rules and lore it would be like that:
For 3rd level spell revivify it's simple, it's only a minute at most, I can assume in most cases soul is still free and left willing part to the player's decision. If the player served well his patron god things seem to be easy, even if more time will pass - PC's soul is in their heaven equivalent, so I would assume it can be brought back, if the player is ok with that. From what I found even Raven Queen should be ok with resurrection since it's not immortality, just one more life under the same conditions.
Things start to complicate if PCs won't end in their heavens.
If a player was an elf, from what I know from lore, elves don't have an afterlife, they do reincarnate as new elves. If some time will pass (resurrection is up to 100 years) I can assume the elf's soul will be reincarnated. Maybe I would think about some kind of roll (plain luck role like toss a coin) or some persuasion test to give players some chances, maybe just let other PC resurrect their lost elven friend if they were good friends, I could just rule reincarnated PC recognized who wants to resurrect him and can decide. From what I understand I could also assume then the soul is not free since PC doesn't remember their previous life and can't make the decision if he wants to leave this one and go back (especially because a reincarnated soul is likely to be in a baby body now).
It's even more complicated if PC was faithless or his patron god wasn't pleased with his deeds. The only choice player has is to serve in the City of Judgment, go in the Wall of the Faithless, get a deal with the devil or some small chance to be kidnapped by demons. In each scenario PC's soul is not free, maybe as a part of a deal with the devil player can get a resurrection for something, but it's not simple "let the player decide if he want to continue playing this PC or create a new one".
I'm wondering what I should do in this kind of scenario. If the party won't make it with some kind of resurrection spell fast before the dead PC's soul will make it thru Shadowfell and the whole City of Judgment and won't make any deal with the devil to go back to life just rule its end of this PC, it can't be resurrected since the soul is not free, it's held back by somebody against soul owner will?
Am I overcomplicating simple things? Should I just consider time conditions and save free and willing for situations like the party is trying to resurrect a player or NPC against their will?

3187 words
A god's secret name holds the key to their deepest powers, and speaking it to their face transfers that power to the speaker. Isis once tricked Ra into revealing his secret name, giving her his powers and making her the most powerful goddess in the land. This precedent still stands for all time, as the power of the gods lies not only in their secret names, but also in the courage of those who claim it, even if they are otherwise a fool.
-RV. Chronicler of the Kenoma.
Once upon a time, as I crouched down to clean the kitten litter boxes in Madam Zoe's cluttered garage, I heard a loud buzzing noise coming from my smartphone. I paused and checked the screen, confused since I had music playing that should have overridden all notifications. An emergency broadcast was flashing across it. On the screen, I saw Ra, the Sun God. His shimmering golden fur glowed as he stood on a space chariot with billowing golden sails trailing out behind it like the sun itself. Alongside him were Set, the God of Violence in the form of an indigo lion, and Bastet, a pink Abyssinian Cat Goddess of Protection. The three of them were locked in fierce combat with a monstrous storm of green neon space dragons that swarmed around the solar chariot. Behind them, some impossibly large monster's wings blocked out all other light beyond the solar chariot.
I couldn't believe what I was seeing. It was like some wacky TV show, but the graphics were so realistic that I couldn't help but be mesmerized. After a few moments, I shrugged it off and went back to cleaning the litter boxes. After all, the posters on the walls read "the Golden Rule of Goodness is this: save all cats and kittens!" And for me, that meant keeping their litter boxes clean and tidy.
Suddenly, a weird golden cat with spinning clock eyes appeared out of nowhere in the garage with me. I yelped in surprise and stumbled backward, knocking my head on a hanging light. Catnip bags came tumbling down on top of me, adding to the mess I'd already cleaned up. While rubbing the back of my head, the golden cat hissed at me. Despite its striking appearance, I couldn't help but think to myself that there was no way this cat was actually Ra. The cat had all of its hairs standing up, its back arched, and its sparkling crystalline fangs bared at me.
"Ra!" I hissed back at the cat. I reached out to shoo it away, but something strange happened. It let out a meow that sounded like it was about to speak words. Then, I felt a strange sensation as a sound wave rippled through the room. The lights shattered, and everything started to fly off the shelves.
A surge of warm electricity coursed through me. I didn't know what was happening, but I could feel the energy radiating through my blood and bones and tips of my fingers and toes. Meanwhile, the strange gold cat had dimmed to a dull orange and was throwing a tantrum, spinning around and tearing up bags of catnip before running out of the room and down the hallway.
I was left standing there, feeling like a bolt of lightning had just passed through me. I didn't understand what had just happened, but as much as I wanted to clean up the mess, rescuing the clock-eyed cat was way more important.
As I chased the cat down the hallway, I was struck by the intricate carvings on the walls. This hadn't been there before. Usually that was just a plain jane white hallway. I hesitated to wonder where all this stuff had come from, but shrugged that thought away as well. Egyptian iconography, long lost to time, adorned the limestone walls, depicting scenes of feline gods and goddesses. Anubis, the jackal-headed god of the dead, was shown weighing the hearts of the deceased against a feather. Bastet, the feline goddess of protection, was depicted with her claws unsheathed, ready to defend her followers against any who would threaten them. The hallway itself seemed to twist and turn in on itself, like a labyrinthine temple.
As I entered the strangely embellished cat lounge, I was struck by the cozy and inviting atmosphere that hadn't been there before. The walls were adorned with holographic images of Egyptian gods, their glowing forms seeming to dance and shimmer in the dim light. The air was filled with the soothing hum of advanced air filtration systems, keeping the space free of allergens and pollutants. The furniture was sleek and modern, with plush cushions and soft, faux fur coverings.
In one corner, a group of cats lounged on a platform adorned with intricate hieroglyphs, their eyes closed in contentment as they soaked up the warmth of a futuristic heating system. Another group of cats played with high-tech toys that emitted colorful lights and sounds, their playful antics made me smile and want to tumble down and play with them.
The space was a harmonious blend of futuristic technology and ancient Egyptian aesthetics, creating a unique and welcoming environment that felt both modern and timeless. I couldn't help but feel a sense of awe as I looked around, marveling at the beauty and ingenuity of the space while also wondering how I had not noticed whoever put all this stuff there.
At the end of the corridor, I could see a faint light emanating from a door carved with the likeness of Bastet. The door was made of a strange, shimmering metal that seemed to pulse with a faint light. As I approached and reached out to touch the door, I was struck by a strange sensation - it was as if I could feel the power of the goddess coursing through my veins. For a moment, I felt invincible, as if nothing could harm me. But then, as quickly as it had come, the feeling was gone, leaving me feeling empty and alone.
Despite my initial thought that the clock-eyed cat could be Ra, I knew deep down that it was impossible. The cat was too small, too ordinary to be a god. But as I looked around me at the ancient carvings and futuristic architecture, I couldn't help but wonder if there was more to this place than met the eye. Perhaps, in some way, the garage had fused with a temple to Bastet - a place where her followers could come to seek protection and guidance in a world that had long since forgotten the ancient ways.
The orange cat ran out of the room and headbutted a fire escape crash bar on a door. Fire alarm klaxons blared, scaring the cats to scurry all over the place. Above the blaring fire alarms and mewling cats, I could hear the distant music of a piano, bass, and violin in my earbuds fighting against the song of the sirens. Looking at the time clock on the wall to my right, I took a deep breath and said to myself, "I gotta save the Kittens. No matter what!" The excitement got my breathing a bit too fast. Electric tingles trickled up my fingertips.
As I caught my breath, I noticed my favorite teal hoodie hanging on a hook. It was the softest thing in the garage (other than the cats) and always brought me comfort. The intricate patterns woven into the fabric mesmerized me, reminding me of the veins a gentle, persistent stream bores into soil or stone.
As I clocked out, the monotone voice of the time clock reminded me, "You have thirty minutes for lunch, Aktaly." Sigh.
Stepping outside, I was greeted by a teal and violet sky that hung over an oil-stricken river lined with brambles and sycamore trees. The plastic trash balls that tumbled across the causeway leading to a broken bridge were an all-too-familiar sight. 3D printed coffin towers ate up most of Neo-Babylon's horizon. Each tower had solar-powered drone ports lifting cargo from them and buzzing like flies. Madam Zoe's wise, old face was painted along each tower, but the eyes were all scratched out.
It had been my routine on lunch breaks to explore the hidden paths around the old sycamore tree. It was easy for me to chase Kittens across a half-full parking lot behind Madam Zoe's garage. I followed him towards the riverside bramble of trees to a familiar spot.
The violet sun shone down on us like the light of Pistis, illuminating our path through the tangle of the old sycamore tree. Kittens stopped to chew on some soft teal flowers and golden mushrooms that grew out of the base of the tree. Madam Zoe had a song about these symbols of the goddess Inanna's power over nature. I plucked a few petals and mushrooms to nibble on and honor her as I settled down in my secret spot.
Mellow tones from pianos and violins distracted me as I searched for a song that would make me whole. One addiction had replaced another. Searching for a song that didn't exist kept me craving with no way to fix my fix. Some scabs felt better to remain perpetually fresh.
Five years ago, I had finally sobered up after rehab and started working for Madam Zoe, the greatest musical composer in Neo-Babylon as a halfway house kind of deal. I had been an assistant for the care of her music transcriptions ever since she had lost her sight. But, someone better inevitably came along and I was demoted to care for her cats and cars. I still wasn't sure how to make a difference beyond keeping litter boxes tidy, playing with the cats, and keeping them fed.
With a deep breath, I closed my eyes and let the music carry me away. For the next few minutes, I melted into the melodies and rhythms of a string adagio, feeling more whole than I had in a long time. In that peaceful moment, I thought about the song I had been dreaming of for eternity. The sounds and vibrations called to me, pulling me toward some deep, distant plane of existence. In this world, every face and facet held a crest or trough in the waveform that harmonized with the universe. I yearned to compose a song that would let me become one with everything. Whispers of this song would visit me in fleeting moments and right before I would nod off and out, urging me to unlock its secrets.
As Kittens approached me with a meow, I couldn't resist giving him some attention. "Look at you, ooooh!" I said, patting his head and ruffling his pointy, caracal ears. Kittens rubbed his face on my hands and crawled further into my lap. A warmth tingled from my knees to my elbows and right back down my spine. "See we can be friendly kittens."
Kittens let out a contented purr as I absentmindedly stroked his fur. My hands craved to flick a lighter or pop a topper, ever tempting me like an old flame. But I refused to give up control again. I took a deep breath of cool, fresh air and closed my eyes, listening to the rustle of leaves through sycamore trees and the soft adagio of strings.
Despite being one level above tone deaf, I had poured countless hours into studying and practicing music, determined to replicate the tones perfectly. As I reached for my synthesizer app on my phone, a surge of creative energy flowed through me.
But then, a deafening sonic boom shook the ground. Startled, Kittens leapt up, clawing at my favorite hoodie. As I cursed and tried to calm the frightened feline, a bloody slit opened up in the sky, revealing a portal to distant Bronze Saturnus and its icy rings.
The sight reminded me of Inanna, who had once traveled to Saturnus to aid its defense against the Marzans through a similar crimson star gate.
But this time, instead of a Goddess, a swarm of huge, shimmering dragons poured out, their scales reflecting the light of the violet sun. Behind them, I caught a glimpse of something darker and even more massive than all the dragons combined, looming closer and closer as if pushing the invaders towards us.
"What in the world?" I gasped, my eyes wide with disbelief. But instead of succumbing to panic, I quickly shifted my attention to something playful. "Kittens!" I exclaimed, grabbing the stray cat on my lap and cuddling him close. "Do you think those dragons like catnip?" I asked, giggling as I rubbed his belly. Kittens let out a happy purr, and I could feel my anxiety slowly dissipating for the moment at least.
The dragons soon answered my question with an onslaught of green lightning. Their beams sliced through the pale coffin towers at a 45-degree angle. But even as they wreaked havoc, I kept my focus on Kittens, determined not to let the chaos consume me.
The feeling of two fingertips rubbing against each other, that uncanny sensation of mirrored texture, billowed through the air, leaving a weight upon every single breath as if a ghost was getting close.
"Nope!" My bony behind scurried back out of the bramble branches with Kittens still in my arms. I pushed through the tangle, ignoring the cuts, scrapes, and bruises the tree and cat carved into me. My coping method wasn't perfect, but it had helped me avoid a panic attack.
In the parking lot behind the garage, a few dozen people were all recording videos of the dragons in the sky. I tried to look skyward but got all spinny and nauseous at the red slit widening in the sky and dripping with shimmering space dragons. I stumbled down right in the middle of the sidewalk. Kittens hopped away only to become mesmerized by the celestial sights. His little kitty mouth was even hanging open with a bit of drool dangling.
A bicyclist zoomed down the sidewalk. I looked up in time to realize they were about to hit the distracted cat! "No!"
I rolled into the path of the bicyclist to shield the poor kitty. The bicyclist ran into my back and crashed. "Watch out!" yelled the bicyclist once it was already too late, as their head smeared the sidewalk with a fresh coat of blue. Blue blood? Aye, yai. I shouldn't have eaten those mushrooms.
Spikes of pain bloomed on my face and back, scrapes widened as my body roiled. But I had saved Kittens! Oh yeah!
I jumped up and spun around with Kittens in my arms. Our happy moment was quickly interrupted by some people yelling in the parking lot. "Hey, hey, what the, where is my signal?" was echoed from the mouths of all the rubbernecking videographers.
"Down for you too?" said some dude.
"Yeah, why don't you fix it?" said a dudette.
Then, some hobo dude ran up and stole the other dude's bike that had crashed into me, "Haha, all you stupid phone people, your reckoning's come! We're all going to Kur, but not me because-"
Suddenly, one of the shimmering dragons landed in the parking lot, crushing cars and squashing people, including the hobo and his contraband bicycle.
Rather than roar, this huge diamond-scaled beast screamed toward Kittens, who approached the dragon without any fear and meowed right back at him.
The sight triggered my amygdala, and it blasted me with cortisol. I froze up, unable to move or think. I was lock-jointed while my lips pursed for a cigarette. My heart pounded in my chest. I realized that the invasion was just the beginning. The real danger lay beyond the portal, waiting to consume everything in its path. If the dragon meant us harm, nothing would have stopped it, but no, it screamed out in pain with
The sight triggered my amygdala, and it blasted me with cortisol. I froze up, unable to move or think. I was lock-jointed while my lips pursed for a cigarette. My heart pounded in my chest. I realized that the invasion was just the beginning. The real danger lay beyond the portal, waiting to consume everything in its path. If the dragon meant us harm, nothing would have stopped it, but no, it screamed out in pain with a sharp, crystalline grating scream.
The dragon's scales reflected the violet light of the sun and the crimson slit in the sky. Disoriented, I tried to snap out of it, to take action, but all my cortisol paralyzed me still. The ground shook violently as the dragon screamed even louder, straight up into the sky, as its brethren soared above.
Kittens ran back and hopped into my arms right as a rush of air lifted me off the ground. I braced myself for the worst, but then I felt the warm, scaly tail of the dragon wrap around me and Kittens, pulling us towards its jaws. I held the cat close to my chest, trying to protect him with my body as much as possible.
As we approached the dragon's mouth, I couldn't help but think of the old sycamore tree and how close to peace I had been in those moments. And how fast all of it had been torn away. But before my life could flash before my eyes, a familiar aroma distracted me from my impending doom: toasted bread.
I opened my eyes to see the silhouette of a person holding a bagel standing in a portal that floated in the dragon's mouth. A voice came from the portal, sounding worried and confused. "Oh dear, you look like her, but you're not her. Oh, dear, oh my, this is not good."
"Hey, you! What the hell is going on?" I shouted, hoping for some answers.
"Come, receive a chance that the rest of your species shall not. If you survive the procedure, that is. Bring her in, Pep." There was a beep-boop-bop, and then the dragon's tail reeled me in with smooth, mechanical cranking towards the portal.
I held onto Kittens tightly, assuring him that everything was going to be okay. But deep down, I knew that no one was going to come save me from this bizarre situation. As we were pulled closer to the portal, I looked up and saw a face beyond that I would never forget.
A handsome, saturnine man in his fifties, at least seven feet tall with five green eyes that had bronze pupils and violet flame-like irises in between two diamond spiral horns. He had red, leathery, rune-scarred skin and wore a golden bathrobe while holding a pumpernickel rye bagel. An aura of teal light shimmered an inch above his body, and as he looked down at me, I couldn't help but feel a shiver run down my spine and through every hair on my body.
I wondered what I had gotten myself into. The answer lay ahead, beyond the portal, and I had no choice but to refrain from having a panic attack and find out.

I want to post this here because I don't know where else to share it and I want to know if anyone relates. I apologize, it is massive. It is my first time posting on this board and I am under some emotional duress.
My family unit is basically five people, myself 30m, my older sister 35f, our biological father, our younger step sister 19f and our step mother.
I have issues with my older sister. Every time we're together there's inevitably a conversation that leaves me feeling horrible. I honestly feel insane typing this, like some part of me is convinced that I'm imagining it, or over reacting. But the most recent situation went like this, at a family gathering the day after a wedding, the five of us and my amazing partner, my plus one for the nuptials. Older Sister talked to me about my relationship with a semi estranged biological mother that I have worked to repair a lot of damage from over a decade and a half from a divorce. Her tone was accusatory,
she starts with a "mom thinks you hate her", I reply "I don't think mom thinks I hate her, I know I don't visit enough but-"
"then why don't you visit more, she thinks you hate her"
"I know I should, it's just a really, really, long bus ride and-"
"why don't you rent a car? You're an adult"
I am an adult, we had just spoken earlier, as a family several hours ago, about my difficulty finding a job after being laid off in January.
"It's still a long drive. I honestly wish Mom would visit sometimes" "It's only 2 hours, that's not a long drive and you're making excuses" "2 hours is a long drive for m-" "No it isn't"
My expression changes. I am now having a bad time. After a shockingly, inappropriately short amount of time, sooner than I could say a word, my sister immediately says "what? What are you glaring at me for?" And offers a vaguely remembered taunt about me being angry.
Mom visits me about once a year, I visit her once or twice a year, usually overnight. This is more contact than we've had in the past. I talk to Mom, she doesn't think I hate her. We have less issues than ever. It's still a sore spot, for who wouldn't it be? I can't functionally imagine a situation in which my sister doesn't know this will make me emotional. In fact, I think it transcends a personal emotional effect: this is rude. It's purpose is to inflict pain. If this is the story of a repeating cycle, one that always starts the same way is it foolish to think this?
I went into an incredibly blank state, all I could do was walk around. I felt like I couldn't speak, and sitting outside the gathering I see my step mom. She asks what's wrong, I reply, she says "I see" and goes back into the party. Later on, it torments me that I tried to share this with her and neither her, nor her daughter who I used to consider very close could simply knock on my door. Accused of "closing them off" I maintain: I was just down the hall.
I felt like I could see the future. What always happens, happening again. Eventually I'll talk to my father. I just can't help it, it's very hard to contain, her words can cut me so deep. And every time he just acts like I'm a rude jerk for being upset. I don't need him to intervene, I've told him this when I apologize for being upset, i would be so helped by even condolence. I've been begging at this altar of paternal affection, I'm here to tell you: there is no God.
During a family dinner a year or more ago, the five of us, my sister complained about anxiety symptoms and I offered a suggestion: a combination therapy and anti anxiety prescription. I'm not a doctor but that's not the point: I was sharing it along with the information that it had worked for me, the first time I had told my parents I had even done therapy, frowned upon by our them, I thought this offering of information would help ease her fears about seeking treatment.
She responds, loudly and in tears "I don't need therapy, I don't have anxiety like you, I'm autistic you fucking asshole"
I feel the need to share this: she has used "autism" as a get out jail free card many times.
She cries and goes upstairs, the dinner continues silently. I ask my father if he thinks that reaction was warranted and he has no response.
"I don't know, you're being dramatic. Besides, I don't know what you want me to do"
I don't know what you want me to do. Ive heard that sentence a hundred times. The solution can not come from me, because then he can do it sarcastically. It's happened before. Words of comfort. I have told him this, how a simple "I'm sorry about that and I don't think you deserved it" would be an entire world.
This most recent time, after the conversation about our mother, I found myself in such a depression, I didn't speak for the rest of the day and just kept my head down in my room.
The next morning when she was out I said something, I could feel my blood pressure rise and my body tense as it almost unwillingly slipped out of my mouth.
"[Sister] lectured me about mom"
The eye roll I received made me want to die. Complete rejection, disappointment in a look. "You do this every time" he says. " why do you have to be all moody?" He sneers. But I've told him why, we had this conversation today, 8 weeks ago, 4 months ago, a year ago, 2 years ago. We have this same conversation, me andy father, and when he responds he always says "I don't know what you want me to do", the tone completely dismissive. This time I say it together with him, in unison, to make a point. I've heard it so many times, and all I want is for him to show the level of interest to offer me any condolence. He knows this, and it would be easy to just put an arm on my shoulder and say "I'm sorry that happened to you" but it never happens, the point is clear: I am being disruptive, and that itself is the problem.
My father is an Olympic champion of dismissal. On one family trip I was having a hard day, my older sister making many repeated small comments, criticizing looks, intelligence, morality etc. My parents, father and step mother, pull me aside to tell me that it's because in the conversation over breakfast I had referred to myself as the "athletic child" and that she had taken offense to that, as it means I called her fat. In context, my comment earlier in the day was a joke about my own athleticism: "I got all the athletics genetics" I jested, after all I had a couple semesters high school tennis and I enjoy jogging. We were a trio of very nerdy kids, unathletic kids. Im skinnier than my sister, we do not have the exact same build, but I didn't think she's overweight and I have never, ever, in my remembered life made a comment about it, disparaging or not. My sister shouts at me, red faced, as I am in line at an outdoor restroom "Owen! Move! You are always in the way!" My crime? There were people behind and I was taking a too long to figure out the coin operated bathroom door (you have to put the coin in the slot. Still, rare to see). Privately I become upset by the days events and let slip a phrase in anger "shes been yelling at me since high school", a strategic blunder as my father now pretends I'm actually angry about something that happened in high school, and he can successfully play it off as A, a ridiculous long time grudge that I'm being horrible and holding onto and B, denying knowledge of the situation. He tells me I should "save it for my therapist"
My sister gets back to and the conversation is dropped completely. The rest of family talks to my older sister as if nothing has happened and I follow like a silent wounded dog on the days activities.
I am not addressed by any member of the rest of the group trip, besides my always loving partner, who my family talks past me to speak to about anything. My dad waits a few hours to ask me a casual question, about some boat he saw, I respond in quiet, defeated, embarrassed, impotent anger "that's what you want to talk to me about?" And he resumes his previous eye roll. He takes the same dismissive voice "oh, you're still upset."
I simply have lost the spirit of it. My stomach and back feel tremendous pain from the stress, I go nearly comatose. I cant eat, I can't hold onto water, and I spend the rest of the day, luckily that same day, shivering in the bedroom of an air bnb, being held by my supportive partner, waiting for our flight. I am in emotional ruin, I've explained it so many times I've lost count but: every time this happens I feel the effects worse, like it kills a larger part of me.
My partner and I avoid talking to them. I have nothing to say. I look at my father like a stranger, so indifferent to anything, so willing to plead ignorance "how was I supposed to know you were being upset" He'll say.
We call and Uber and move to sneak away. I make a weak goodbye. "That's sad" my father says, barely looking up."
"You're a selfish, spoiled child who doesn't deserve any of this" my step mother responds. More context: I have crossed the state in a blizzard to take care of this womans pets after her original sitter, my younger step sisters boyfriend, had to suddenly leave them adrift mid vacation, with no one to feed the dog and cat. She later bought her daughters boyfriend a car. They put a down payment on my sister's house. But I'm spoiled, because they have done the pitiable charity of including me. I tell her I never want to hear from her again. You won't, she responds. I offer a final Fuck You, she returns it. I leave.
I imagine their reaction to reading this. Poking full of holes "it says recently, but that vacation was technically a year ago" they'd immediately, bluntly state.
I do not offer this sentence, full dissolution, lightly, it is not common. I understand the pain of being disconnected from family all too well: my father's father has disowned him, and, in a letter addressed to "resident". It is an early, defining memory of mine. I was too young to understand the reasons, if there were any, I still don't know. The only times I've brought it up came after equally miserable conversations. It came from me as an offer, a plea that I have to, in any way I can, claw away from this miserable maelstrom of rejection that eats me alive.
I've never felt I had the strength to follow through on it, I am so needy. I despise my weakness immensely, that I crave their approval, the comfort of something I'm so held at arms length away.
But now, writing this, here, it feels like a light. A chance for both parties to forgive, and heal, and not keep opening wounds and I think maybe I understand my grandfather a little. Maybe it's not unimaginable this would be for the best.

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Journal of Camille Lambert - April 14th (Part 4)
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The screams of monsters who unfortunately were no longer beyond my comprehension echoed through the eternal night. I looked up to see one of the nearby warped buildings buckling, as the familiar shape of the Crab Nightwalker hefted its weight on top of it.
​
It looked considerably different from when I’d last seen it in Puriysk. It's now ill-fitting shell was adorned by glowing flowers, with red vines clinging to it like a sickness and hanging off of it like tendrils. In those tendrils, I could see screaming men, being pulled toward its maw. Pulsating flesh oozed out of the Crab's armor, as if it had overstuffed itself to the point where that armor could no longer contain it.
​
I watched as the Crab began to pry into the building it stood on, and as its tendrils probed through the windows, dragging out screaming men who shot hopelessly at it as if they stood any chance of killing it.
​
In the distance, I could see the beginnings of an orange glow as somewhere in Parsons a fire spread… not started by Nina this time. Progress? Looking down toward the street, past the out of place hardware store that Calhoun had escaped into, I could see various Nightwalkers fleeing for their lives, as their former brethren, newly marked by the Rosen Prince pursued them.
​
It was like something out of a nightmare… impossible horror after impossible horror, melded together and left to tear at each other's throats. The hellish monsters I’d known all my life versus the oppressive militia who I’d long since learned to fear, while a floral parasite ran rampant through the streets, consuming them all. The fact that the backdrop to this madness was now the twisted result of intersecting one town on top of another seemed trivial compared to the insanity that dominated the streets.
​
I turned, about to descend the stairs of the clock tower to throw myself back into the chaos when from the corner of my eye, I noticed Dom scrambling up the makeshift stairwell that Calhoun had formed out of the collapsed roof of the church. He had Gretchen slung over his shoulder, and Nina was coming up behind him. She hastily swapped out the magazine in her shotgun for a new one, before looking down frantically.
​
I ran to the far side of the tower to help Dom and Gretchen up through the broken clock face. She went first, followed by him.
“What’s going on down there?” I asked.
“Good news, the Bat thing is dead. Bad news, the Rosen Prince got it.” Dom said, reaching back to pull Nina up behind him.
​
Almost on cue, I heard yet another demonic screech from the hole in the church roof behind us and I saw another familiar face clawing its way up Calhoun’s makeshift stairwell.
​
For the most part, it looked like the same Horned Nightwalker we saw in Calhoun’s courtyard although now I could see the glowing flowers of the Rosen Prince adorning its arms and shoulders. Its hands had changed too, with jutting blades now protruding from its wrist. Gretchen looked back at the Horned Nightwalker with a grimace, before giving a sweeping motion with her hand. As the Nightwalker reached the top of the makeshift stairwell, I saw it buckle, then collapse, sending the creature crashing back down to the ground floor along with a significant portion of the roof. I hoped that might keep it down for a while longer.
“Holy fucking shit, what the hell happened here?” Nina cried, looking out over Parsons.
​
“The mist was already moving the town, I had to make do,” I said. “Don’t ask me how I did it, I don’t know! I don’t think any of the locals came through, though.”
Nina looked back at me, before shaking her head in exasperation.
“Well I hope to fuck they didn’t,” She said. “Cuz I do not have any kind of rescue plan.”
“What about Calhoun?” Dom asked.
“Wounded and on the run,” I said.
​
“Well let’s track his ass down and get the fuck out of here,” Nina said. “How badly did you hurt him?”
“I shot him twice in the stomach and he fell out the window,” I said and pointed to the broken clock face. Nina looked at it again, before looking straight down.
“Christ… and he survived that?” She asked.
“Evidently… since this pocket reality is still holding together,” Gretchen said. She rubbed at the back of her neck, wincing in pain as she did.
​
“How bad is it?” I asked.
“I’ll survive,” She said, “But let us deal with Calhoun first. If he is wise, he will recognize the futility of this engagement and seek to return to the Eldest. We cannot permit that to happen. Then he may be lost to us.”
​
I stared out of the clock tower again, looking toward Calhoun’s House a short distance away.
“Can you get there alright?” I asked.
“I’ll manage,” She assured me, although before we could decide how to proceed, another inhuman scream echoed from the Church below.
​
Nina screamed back at it in a condescending tone, then added: “Shut it, you vegetable fuck! We’re having a conversation!” As if in response to that, several crimson vines latched onto the sides of the hole in the roof, slithering outward to grab purchase onto the sides, before beginning to pull something up.
Gretchen sighed, rubbing at her temples and shaking her head.
“Why are you the way that you are?” Was all she asked.
​
A massive claw appeared on the edge of the roof, as the Horned Nightwalker… or at least what it had become, attempted to climb its way out. Its hands had already changed into sickle like claws that reminded me of the Horselike Nightwalker I’d seen in Puriysk. Several spider like legs rose out of the hole in the roof, lifting the new creature out of the ruined church and onto the roof as it dragged itself toward us.
​
“Such a bounty laid out before me!” The voice of the Rosen Prince snarled, “And I have you to thank, Gretchen Di Cesare! Yet, my hunger is not yet sated… for you have not yet joined with me, child!”
​
Nina readied her shotgun, firing into the new creature's face. Batlike wings unfurled from its back, closing around its body and taking the brunt of the fire.
“I grow ever stronger, from the wonderful creatures I have dined on. They offer me little in knowledge, but much in strength!”
​
As The Rosen Prince advanced on us, I noticed something else from the corner of my eye. The Crab Nightwalker was drawing closer to us as well. I know that Gretchen saw it too. Nina stopped shooting while shimmering blossoms with pale yellow eyes inside opened on the Prince’s wings as the fires quickly died down.
​
“Ah… ironic, is it not? To find you now in the same position you were in when you invoked me here. Cornered… Helpless... Desperate…”
​
Gritting her teeth, Gretchen gently pushed Nina aside, staring down the coming Prince.
“You presume far too much, my old friend…” She panted, before looking at us. “Grab something, hold it tight, and pray to whatever God may be listening.”
​
With a wave of her hand, Gretchen brought down more of the roof beneath the Rosen Prince. It did little to slow it down, but it did enough. Gretchen turned, grabbing the metal frame of the turret clock and letting out a cry of exertion.
​
I felt the ground move beneath us again, although this time it wasn’t something in the tower she was moving.
​
It was the tower itself.
​
In one swift motion, the clock tower had detached from the rest of the church and launched itself toward an adjacent building. The lower part of it lodged itself into the roof of that other building completely, causing part of it to crumble. Somehow though, the clocktower remained intact… for the most part. I imagined that had to be thanks to Gretchen.
​
“What the fuck are you trying to do?!” Nina cried, looking over at Gretchen with a new fear of God in her eyes.
“You told me to learn…” Gretchen hissed, “I’m learning…”
​
She strained again, looking back as the Rosen Prince spread his wings to take flight. Nina, Dom, and I grabbed hold of the frame of the turret clock since it seemed like the sturdiest thing to grab as Gretchen moved the tower again, launching it into another building, this one closer to Calhoun’s house.
​
The impact was too much for me this time. I lost my grip and was thrown to the ground, rolling toward one of the broken clock faces.
“Cam?” Nina called, before letting go of the clock to dive after me. She wasn’t fast enough.
​
The wind rushed past me as I fell out of the window, landing hard on the roof of the building below. I saw Nina looking down at me from above, before leaping down after me. She landed with a little more grace, and unevenly stumbled to my side, hastily putting a hand on my shoulder.
“You alright?” She asked.
​
I gave a half nod since despite being in considerable pain I was pretty sure I hadn’t broken anything.
“CAM!” I heard Dom cry, and saw him going to the window next. For a moment, I was sure he was about to jump down too, although Nina waved an arm to stop him.
“Don’t!” She said, “Stay with Gretchen! Get to the house, and kill that one eyed motherfucker if you see him! We’ll catch up!”
​
Dom hesitated, before looking to see that the Rosen Prince had launched himself onto the last building we’d been on. The Crab Nightwalker was almost on top of him now, and I watched as the two pressed together, their features sliding together as they formed into something new. Pieces of the crab's armor slid onto that twisted amalgamation of bodies, partially reinforcing its spiderlike legs. The batlike wings on its back grew larger to accommodate the new size of this creature, then split to form new wings. It morphed and changed, adapting to the prey it now hunted, becoming something draconic, arachnid, equine, humanoid, and floral all in one unholy mixture. Such a thing should not have ever been… and yet it was and when the change was complete, what was left was an armored creature three times taller than a man with several chitinous horse legs, segmented like a crab or a spiders protruding from its bulbous lower body. It had a hunched-over torso like a human’s, with thick arms ending in chitinous claws and a head that split open like a flower, with gnashing teeth in its center and antlers adorning its shoulders like pauldrons.
​
Of all the horrors I had seen in this world… this was by far the worst.
​
The flesh and armor it did not take from the Crab Nightwalker slunk away, pulsating and trying to reform into something new, while the body the Rosen Prince had made for himself spread its six draconic wings to give chase to Gretchen.
​
The tower moved again, launching itself toward another building and Nina grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the hole in the roof of the building we were on that the tower had left. I had just enough time to see the Rosen Prince take flight in pursuit of the tower before we made it inside the building.
​
After all the noise out there, the silence inside was almost jarring… and if I wasn’t absolutely terrified by the fucking flower dragon made out of every horrible thing that had tried to kill me in the past few days chasing after my friend, I might have even found it calming.
​
The building we were in looked as if it’d once been somebody's apartment. Nina looked around for a bit, before finding a door leading out into a hall.
“Come on, we should hurry,” She said, gesturing for me to follow her. I was certain that she had no idea where she was going, but to be fair I didn’t either so I followed her.
“Do all of your jobs go this badly?” I asked, as we headed for a door at the end of the hall.
“Not this badly, no,” She said. “This right here is a brand new record.”
​
We went through the door, heading down a flight of stairs, and out into the lobby of the building. Nina paused by the front door, looking out onto the street to ensure the coast was at least somewhat clear before moving ‘Somewhat clear’ being the operative term here.
​
The streets of Parsons were reduced to little more than complete pandemonium. I could see the burning corpses of the Rosen around us, along with one lone member of the Sheriff’s Boys who seemed too dazed to even realize we were there.
​
As the flames of the dead burned around him, devouring ruined cars and blackening the bricks of the buildings around him, he wandered aimlessly.
​
We all paused as behind us, one of the buildings that Gretchen had hit when she’d decided to turn a building into an airplane began to collapse. I could hear people screaming and felt a knot in my stomach tighten. The lucky sounded as if they’d been crushed outright… the unlucky just kept screaming.
​
Both the man on the street and I stared at the ruins of the collapsed building, and looking back at him I was hit with the knowledge that everyone in this miserable city probably knew that this was the end. They were all going to die here… whether it was at the hands of the Rosen, the Nightwalkers, or the destruction, they were all going to die. Maybe they all hadn’t accepted it as my friend on the street had… but it was a chilling truth.
​
This that had once been their paradise was now their tomb… and once Calhoun was dead, even that would no longer remain. I wondered if we were just as doomed as they were… and I wondered if we were just in denial about it.
​
Well… no time to think too hard about it now.
I felt Nina pulling at my arm.
“Let’s go,” She said. “I think the road up ahead is clear!”
The other man was looking at me now.
​
From behind us, I could hear the cries of the Rosen and looked back to see them sifting through the ruins of the collapsed building, looking for survivors. The man on the road just laughed, before calmly taking out his gun and putting it under his chin.
​
I heard the gunshot but didn’t see him die. By then we’d already moved on. But it still made me flinch.
​
The gate to Calhoun’s House was just up ahead, although it was not unguarded. I could see several more trucks, like the one Kevin had driven parked out front, with a few of the Sheriff’s Boys stationed around them.
​
As far as I could tell, the courtyard was pretty secure… perhaps they were waiting for Calhoun’s return. The clock tower was lodged in a building half a block away, and I saw it make its final push toward the twisted house, crashing into it head-on and shattering its malformed architecture.
​
In defiance of all laws of physics though, the clocktower still held together, despite jutting out of the front of that twisted building. The Sheriff’s Boys at the gate watched it with slack-jawed awe, before a familiar voice on a megaphone brought them back to attention.
“GUNS UP BOYS! COMPANY’S COMING!”
​
Between the cars, I could see Kevin holding his megaphone and pointing toward the building the clock tower had just jumped from. Of course Kevin was still alive. This day just hadn’t gone badly enough…
​
The Sheriff’s Boys manning the guns on their trucks got to work immediately, spinning to take aim at the Rosen Prince as he loomed over the nearby building, regarding the assembled prey with every eye on his sickly, pulsating body. I saw his wings spread wide as he began his final descent toward the courtyard. The bullets tore away chunks of his writhing flesh, but they did not slow him down. Instead, he simply folded his wings over his torso, shielding his body from the hail of gunfire as he made his advance.
​
The Rosen Prince lunged forward with one jagged claw, crushing one of the nearby trucks like it was made of paper. I saw Kevin take a step back, grimacing in rage before tossing his megaphone aside. Some of his men fled, but he stood his ground… probably because he physically could not run.
“You sonofabitch…” he growled, before pulling a gun from his holster. My eyes widened as I recognized it.
​
Gretchen’s revolver.
​
Kevin must have found it after we’d left!
​
I wondered if he knew what it did, and I got my answer only moments later. He pulled the trigger, striking one of the wings of the Rosen Prince.
​
The creature shrank back, letting out a hiss of pain, although seeming more confused than hurt. Pink mist rose up from its wing, and I saw the flesh begin to bubble and sear. The Rosen Prince recoiled, its flesh twisting as every eye on its body widened. Kevin kept the gun trained on the Prince, but didn’t fire again. The Rosen Prince retreated back up on top of the building. Its burning wing detached itself, although that didn’t quite seem to be enough. Entire chunks of what I suspect used to be the Bat Nightwalker sloughed out of its body as it tried to shed whatever flesh that Gretchen’s blessed bullet had destroyed.
​
“Keep shooting!” Kevin called, starting to limp back behind the remaining trucks. “Governor Calhoun is on his way! And get me somebody to help deal with that fucking flying tower!”
I looked over at Nina and saw her eyes narrowed as she watched Kevin leave. I watched her grip her gun tightly and put a hand on her arm.
“Don’t!” I warned, “Those trucks will tear us to pieces!”
​
I could see in her eyes that she wanted to argue, but clearly she knew better. Her eyes then darted toward the wall and I could see her doing the math in her head.
“Left side of the street, move fast, keep low,” She said. “We’ll jump the fence.”
That sounded like a slightly smarter idea, and I let Nina take the lead.
​
The trucks didn’t even seem to see us, and kept shooting at the Rosen Prince. I could even see a few crimson flares shooting up from some of the Sheriff’s Boys, catching the Prince’s body and setting his flesh alight as he retreated back atop the building again. Nina reached the fence first and I boosted her up to the top. She straddled it for a moment, reaching down to help pull me up before we dropped down into the courtyard together. She grabbed her shotgun again, keeping at the ready for when the inevitable shooting began.
​
The courtyard was in an even worse state than we’d left it in. The fountain was almost completely destroyed and had soaked the ground beneath us, turning anything that wasn’t protected by the cobblestone into mud.
​
Countless bodies, belonging to men, Rosen and Nightwalkers along with a few blackened things that I think were Nightwalkers, littered the ground. The truck that Kevin had used to attack us was crashed into a nearby wall and looked more or less completely totaled. We could see Kevin limping over toward where the clock tower was, looking up at it as he barked orders.
​
“Where’s my fucking explosives? We need to get back inside the house without letting any more of those things out through the fucking door!”
Nina stifled a laugh.
“Oh man… I forgot about the portal to hell…” She said under her breath, as if it was the funniest joke she’d ever heard.
​
The clock tower shifted, as the section of the house it had embedded itself in began to crumble. The tower sank down to the ground, still remaining intact. I took that as a sign that Gretchen and Dom were still inside.
​
“MOVE!” Kevin cried, ushering his men back as a cloud of dust flooded the courtyard. Nina and I shielded our eyes for a moment, although I realized as soon as she did the kind of opportunity that had just appeared for us. She gestured for me to follow, leading me toward the house under the cover of the dust.
​
“Whoever’s in that thing, I want them fucking dead!” Kevin said, coughing through the dust. He turned away from the clock tower, waving a hand in front of his face to try and escape the dust. Nina and I were almost at the front door now, and I already knew what she planned to do.
​
Honestly, I thought it was a terrible idea. But at this point, I was still on board with it.
​
Kevin looked up, noticing us just as we reached the door. Through the dust, I could see his eyes widen as Nina reached the front door and pulled it open.
“NO!” He cried, reaching out as if he could somehow stop us.
He couldn’t.
​
On the other side of the door, I could see reddish sands. I could feel the acrid heat and burning wind on my face. And I could see dark figures amongst the sands, looking up as soon as the door opened.
​
Not Nightwalkers… not Rosen.
​
Something else.
​
Nina fired a few rounds from her shotgun, forcing Kevin to try and run. He dove to the ground, crawling behind the shattered remains of the water fountain, as the Sheriff’s Boys turned to see that on top of all their existing problems, they now also had to deal with a portal to actual literal Hell. Because why not? I’m sure it really sucked to be them at that moment.
​
I saw the first of the blackened Demons charge through the door, snarling like a wild dog. It was torn to pieces by some gunfire from one of the Sheriff’s Boys almost immediately, but more followed.
​
There weren’t a lot of demons that poured out of that door… but there were enough.
​
I saw one of them leaping onto one of the Sheriff’s Boys. Its entire torso split open vertically, revealing a velvety mouth, full of teeth that clamped down on the poor man before he could do more than scream. As the Sheriff’s Boys tried to deal with the demons, Nina unleashed burning death upon them all, mindlessly shooting anything that moved. She paused only to pull the door closed, since I guess it made sense not to just leave that hanging open and unattended. I suppose it’s not like she needed even more Demons.
​
Behind the fountain, I saw Kevin struggling to stand as he tried to escape the carnage… and I started toward him.
​
Kevin saw me coming and hastily reached for Gretchen’s revolver, but I was faster. I raised my gun and fired twice, hitting him once in the arm and once in the chest. Kevin let out a cry of pain. The revolver slipped out of his hand and clattered uselessly to the ground. He left it where it lay, trying desperately to pull himself back as I pulled the trigger again, shooting him in the stomach two more times.
​
Finally, I was on top of him and pressed my foot down on his injured leg, earning a final cry of pain from him.
“What was that you said to me the other day?” I hissed, “When I kill you, I’ll have my boys do it… I’ll let them have their way with you first…”
My eyes burned into Kevin’s, and though he tried to keep a defiant face, I could see the fear in them.
​
“Where are your boys now, Kev?” I asked.
“It’s… Kevin…” He rasped, although I could still hear the fear in his voice.
I’ve gotta be honest… it was kinda funny.
“I know,” I replied as I squeezed the trigger one last time.
​
I might have only been using a .22, but it did the job perfectly. Kevin’s head jerked backward and he sank down into the mud, his eyes still open and staring quietly into infinity. I’d remember those eyes… but they would not haunt me.
​
I looked over at Nina, who gave a wide berth to the Sheriff’s Boys and the Demons trying to maul them as she ran to my side. She looked down at Kevin’s body, and I saw a wry smirk cross her lips, though as she reached down to pick up Gretchen’s revolver.
“Guess he shouldn’t have run for office,” She said, before looking toward the clock tower.
​
Through some of the crumbling bricks, I could see two figures limping out of the ruins.
“Dom…” I said, running toward him.
Gretchen was slung over his shoulder, but it was hard to say who was supporting who at that point. He collapsed down into a sitting position, and let her flop down onto the ground. The only indicator I could hear that she was still alive was her slight groan of pain.
​
“Oh my God, you’re okay?” I asked.
Dom just gave me a meek thumbs up.
“Next time… let’s… let’s not do… whatever that was…” He said, pointing vaguely at the clock tower. I pulled him into a hug, that he weakly returned.
​
“Hey… you good?” Nina asked, looking down at Gretchen and giving her a slight kick.
“Test results… sub-optimal. Do not recommend second attempt,” She groaned.
“Yeah, you’re fine. Get up, you big fucking nerdy baby.”
​
She reached down to help pull Gretchen to her feet again.
“Hot tea…” She murmured, as she leaned against the crumbling clock tower for support. “Hot tea… and a bath…”
She looked over at Nina.
“What are you doing when this is all over?”
“Oh, I’m gonna get fucking drunk and buy a lottery ticket,” She said. “I do not know how we’re all still alive right now, but I’m feeling pretty damn lucky.”
“Alcohol… yes… in tea…” Gretchen agreed, “You’re buying.”
​
With a trembling hand, she took her journal out of her jacket, turned to a fresh page, and in letters large enough for me to read wrote: ‘TOWER. NO.’
​
A distant roar pulled out attention back toward the gate. Above it, I could see the Rosen Prince descending from the building again for round 2. He was smaller this time, and had shed his wings… yet his form was otherwise unchanged.
Gretchen just closed her eyes in exasperation before sighing.
“Right… him…”
​
Through the gate, I could see the Sheriff’s Boys in the trucks trying to fight the Demons and the Prince to no avail. One of the trucks hastily sped off into the night. The other one stood its ground, shooting vainly at the Rosen Prince as he came for them. He brought one claw down like a hammer, crushing the men in the truck like it was nothing, then drawing it back to hit them again out of rage.
​
Hissing in satisfaction, we watched as the Rosen Prince continued toward the gate, his many legs going over it as he advanced into the courtyard.
“This night draws to its close, my old friend.” He snarled. “It seems you can run no more… while my strength, is everlasting. It is time… come into my ocean, as you were always meant to.”
​
“Oh fuck off already,” Gretchen huffed, before noticing Nina out of the corner of her eye, offering her the revolver. They traded a look before Gretchen took it and aimed it at the beast that advanced on us. The moment it realized what was being aimed at it, I heard it snarl with rage. Its body tensed as it lunged for us, trying to close the distance before she could shoot.
​
But it was already too late.
​
The gunshot echoed through the courtyard as the bullet hit the Rosen Prince square in the chest, and I saw his body begin to seize up. He clawed at his chest, many eyes going wide. A pained scream escaped him. Pink mist rose from the wound, causing its flesh to bubble and squirm. The Rosen Prince’s eyes fixated on Gretchen again as his body began to die.
“WRETCHED WOMAN!” It hissed, throwing its weight toward us as its body convulsed and boiled. “THIS WORLD REMAINS MINE… YOU SHALL NOT RUN FROM ME AGAIN!”
“Yes, this world is yours,” Gretchen agreed. “Enjoy it while it lasts. I imagine it won’t be for much longer. Your services are no longer required here. But thank you for your assistance.”
​
“TREACHEROUS WITCH!” The Rosen Prince snarled, desperately trying to crawl toward us. I saw the lower half of its body break away. Its legs curled in on themselves, twitching weakly in death. Only the Prince’s rotting torso remained now and Gretchen stared into its countless eyes, cold and unblinking.
​
As it tried to pull itself closer to us, one of its claws broke off. It’s movements slowed, as the amalgamation of corpses the Rosen Prince had assembled melted away. I could see the luminous flowers on its body starting to die, as the eyes turned white and fell away. In a few moments, the body of the Rosen Prince lay still as the flesh melted off of its bones… and silence filled the air.
​
“Is it dead…” I asked quietly, “Really dead?”
“No,” Gretchen replied. “The other drones will still be active, and I suspect he’ll be coming back for us shortly, once he can build something even worse to throw at us. We should leave now, while we still have the chance.”
“What about Calhoun?” I asked.
​
“If he’s not dead already, I vote we leave him to the Rosen Prince,” Gretchen said. She checked the cylinder of her revolver, “Seems whoever had this wasted the last of my ammunition… luckily I had foresight. Camille, you still have the bullet?”
“Right here,” I said, reaching into my pocket to take it out.
​
“Good,” She handed the revolver off to me, before turning away and heading toward the door. Her gait was slow and she gave the Rosen Prince a wide berth.
“I’ll remove the rune on Calhoun’s door. If we can find the room with the Eldest again, we should have a way out. We can use the last bullet on him, and see if it works… no promises, but right now I we’re low on options so it will have to suffice fo-”
​
A sudden onslaught of gunshots interrupted her. I saw Gretchen hit the ground with a pained cry, clutching at her side. Nina ran to her immediately, dragging her behind the ruins of the fountain, while Dom and I ran back toward the clock tower.
​
A single figure stood under the gate, shuffling past the ruined trucks with a heavy pistol in his hand.
​
Governor Calhoun looked significantly worse than when I’d last seen him. His skin looked a shade paler and his good eye seemed sunken. He’d stripped off both his shirt and suit jacket and I could see the bullet wounds in his stomach from where I’d shot him… although that was not what stood out the most. His skin was adorned with fresh cuts, with streaks of blood flowing from them like rivers. In his other hand, he held his ritual dagger.
​
“Leaving me for dead?” He asked, his voice hoarse and cold, “After all you’ve done… to ruin my world… to burn my temple and salt the earth upon which it was built, and you can’t even finish the job? Disappointing.” Nina tried to pop out of cover, but Calhoun shot first, grazing the stone by her head and sending her back down.
​
“It’s a shame it had to come to this,” Calhoun said. “I would have saved your world. I would have saved each and every one of you. But now after you’ve gone and wasted everything I’ve done… decades of good… I see now that there is no salvation for you people. There never was. I built paradise! And you’ve burned it! Corrupted it! Unleashed plague upon it! Why? I did no harm to you! I left you people be! And yet in stubborn defiance of my efforts to resolve this peacefully, you’ve-”
“Kill yourself,” Nina called, and Calhoun trained off.
​
“Excuse me…” He hissed.
“We’ve got you four to one, and you’re already looking like death warmed over… so cut the speech, Calhoun. Cut the theatrics… and let’s just get this the fuck over with you self-righteous fuck!”
I saw Calhoun actually crack a smile there.
“Ill-mannered until the end,” He said, before finally lowering his gun and tossing it aside, “Well… at least you were consistent, in life.”
​
He took another trembling step forward before sinking down to his knees. I saw Nina rising out from behind cover, while Dom and I did the same, our guns remaining trained on him. Calhoun looked at us, before slowly taking his knife and turning it toward his stomach.
​
Was… was he actually going to do it? Just like that?
​
Nina seemed surprised, pausing as she locked eyes with him.
“If there’s no salvation,” Calhoun said, “Then all that remains is death…”
With that, he drove the dagger into his stomach, sucking in a breath as he did. Nina actually flinched at the sight of it, but I stayed still, watching as Calhoun buried the dagger deep into his body, and as the blood dribbled down his hands.
“Holy Lugal,” he rasped, “I have no home to defend… no souls to offer. And so, I offer my own. Grant me retribution and I shall become yours.”
​
My eyes widened, and I could see Nina's doing the same. We understood all too late why he’d mutilated himself…
​
We fired on Calhoun, but it was too late.
​
A blinding crimson glow had already spread through his body, traveling along the carvings he’d made in his flesh and I could feel the air around us rippling. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear Calhoun screaming, followed by a faint voice over all of the noise. A voice I only barely recognized as Gretchen’s screaming:
​
“RUN!”

I dunno how this really works
PSN: phatcat6990
I know the rules say no modded stuff already but pls no modded stuff. Even if it’s within what something can roll. I will most likely know by looking at it if it’s outside parameters. Thanks!

I’m currently on spring break and I decided to go on a t break for at the very least 1 week. Usually when I try to get sober or go on a t-break I get atrocious withdrawals. Can’t eat without gagging, nausea, horrible anxiety, digestion issues, etc. What is really odd is that in the past few months I have been ingesting a ton of cannabis almost every day (like smoking 1/2 of an extremely potent dispensary pre-roll infused with hash oil as well as taking anywhere from 15mg-40mg of edibles on top of that per day.) To put it in perspective I’m a skinny little 5’6 woman, so in theory that should be a lot for my body.
But for some odd reason, the past 4 days have been kind of a breeze. I don’t really miss it? I’m pleasantly confused. Being sober actually feels really nice.
Here are my theories as to why my T break isn’t as bad this time around:
-I’m in a better mental/emotional state than my last T break I was forced to take a month after a gnarly breakup. I studied abroad in Scotland for 4 weeks and I had to gag down food for the first 1-2 weeks I was there. Also kinda drank like a fish and did a lot of pubbing/clubbing which definitely didn’t help (but that’s Scotland, baby).
-I’m spending a lot of time around loved ones and having meaningful conversations and connections with them. I’ve been getting a lot of good hugs, and it sounds silly but I swear to god that helps. Also lots of cuddles from my cat and dog.
-I’ve been spending a lot of time outside in the sun, walking around in nature with my shoes off. Earthing sounds like bullshit but it is truly grounding and healing like no other.
-My nutrition has been a lot better while I’ve been home and I’ve been incorporating more fruits and veggies into my diet as well as a potent vitamin d supplement. My dad’s love language is smoothies and he makes me a really nutritious smoothie for me in the mornings with a bunch of greens and nut butter and fruit. Overall, my diet has been a lot less inflammatory and balanced.
-I’ve been doing a little yoga before I go to bed to relieve tension in my body. I do notice the past 4 days how incredibly tense my body has been getting at the end of the day, which is probably part of the withdrawal. I wouldn’t be surprised if emotions I’ve been suppressing with weed got trapped in my muscle fibers and without the weed they’ve been “coming to a head”, so to speak, and resurfacing.
-I’m drinking much more water and keeping on top of my hydration.
My brain is definitely still slower than I would like and I imagine it’s going to take quite a while for my natural wit to come back, but I’m okay with that.
I think a LOT of my weed usage stems from loneliness. Weed makes the loneliness less painful and makes me okay with being lonely. 8 months ago I was dumped by a guy I was absolutely head over heels with at the time (he was abusive, though) and it sucker punched my ego unlike anything I’ve ever known. I’ve never been broken up with before (I’m 23 years old) and I’ve been a serial monogamist since I was 13. I literally have almost never been alone in the 10 years I’ve been dating (which I know is very unhealthy). I was just so unbelievably angry when I realized I was abused and sexually coerced the entire time, but I was also angry that by breaking up with me, he essentially gave me back to myself. And I had no idea what to do with that. I was dating another person briefly 3-4 months after I was dumped, but i called it off and realized I needed to learn how to be alone and how to make healthier relationship choices. It was really really hard, and loneliness has been so painful, especially because I’m an introvert and autistic/adhd and getting myself out there can take a huge amount of energy. So I started using heavily again and smoking my brain cells away. Spending an unhealthy amount of time cooped up in my apartment alone extremely stoned. I think I want to crawl out of the hole. It’s time.
So far so good! Hopefully y’all can learn from the things that are helping me so that if you are currently experiencing withdrawals or planning on going on a t break or quitting, these are some things that can help make it so you suffer a lot less. Keep going y’all. It’s worth it!

Context: After a very tiring and long day of training the Dragon girl Cyndir comes to check up on you, only to find you distraught.
Tags: [F4M] [Tomboy] [Wholesome] [Comfort] [Hugging] [Confession]
Usage: You may tweak or record this script.
Monetization: All forms of monetization are OK with me! YouTube, Patreon, etc. I would appreciate being able to listen to the recording, if possible. Let me know if you have any questions. Thank you!
Note: Part 1 is Here and Part 2 is Here. I still have trouble with saving drafts with this, but I hope this goes through all right. Hope you enjoy the reading and have a lovely day/night
[Scene opens up with Cyndir entering your office]
***
[SFX: Door opening]
“Hey, Boss. You got a minute?”
[You nod]
“Thanks, Let me just pull up a seat.”
[SFX: Chair moving]
“There we go.”
[She sits down]
“So, what did you want to talk about?”
[You ask if there is something wrong with yourself]
“Is there something wrong with you? Where did that question come from?”
[You hand cinder a letter]
[SFX: Paper shuffling]
“Let’s see here. Yup, definitely a letter.”
[Pause]
“I assume you wanted me to read it.”
[You nod]
“Ugh. Fine. Let’s see.”
[She shakes the paper a little to straighten it out]
“To the vice-captain. It has come to my attention that you seem to care more for your work and kingdom than I or any other maiden.”
[She looks up to you]
“Trouble in paradise is it?”
[You nod]
“Dude, don’t worry about it she probably is going through something that you don’t know.”
[You are troubled by the ways she phrased it]
“I meant she might be having issues at home god, no need to look too deep into it.”
[She continues reading]
“Since the choice came between your…duties or to me? I hope that you will be happy with your decision?”
[SFX: Paper crumbling]
“What is even this? Does she not realize the hardships you have to go through?”
[You ask her to calm down]
“Calm down? Calm down?! No, this isn’t right. This sounds like she’s breaking up with you. Worse of all through a letter!”
[SFX: Crumble paper]
“This is what I think of her letter!”
[SFX: Dragon breath]
“There. Out of sight out of mind.”
[You asked why she did that]
“Why? Why else? I can tell you one thing; if I was your girlfriend and I was going to break up with you, I have the decency to do it in front of your face.”
[Pause]
“This just make my blood heat up so much. I just…I just…”
[You hold her hand]
“Huh? What is this for?”
[You ask her to please calm down]
“Okay, okay. I’ll calm down. I just…need a minute.”
[She breaths in and out slowly]
“Okay. I think I’m good now.”
[Pause]
“I know you asked me for your opinion earlier on if there is something wrong with you. Let me just settle it right here right now.”
[SFX: Sitting on a chair]
“There is nothing, and I repeat; NOTHING wrong with you.”
[She cups her claws on your cheeks]
“I don’t care how long it will take, but I will beat this message into you.”
[Pause]
“You’re a great guy, any girl…and I do mean any girl would be lucky to have you as a boyfriend.”
[Pause]
“Hey, trust me. I have seen a lot of shady dudes in my travels. When I met you however, I realize that there was something different.”
[She moves closer to you]
“At first, I thought it was your strength. Now, however I see that it is something more.”
[You ask what it is]
“What is it? Why, your love for the people you serve silly. You care so much for these people and they appreciate you.”
[Pause]
“If you’re still worried about all of this just ask yourself. Why would a simple guy, go out of his way, just to help A dragon girl?”
[You say because you see potential]
“You see potential? Not really the response I was expecting, but let’s roll with it.”
[She clears her throat]
“With the potential you see in me, other would just see fear or another monster. You see beyond that. You wanted to protect me, even carrying me to the infirmary.”
[Pause as she is a little more embarrassed]
“I…have to admit though. I was well enough to walk to the Infirmary by myself.”
[You ask why didn’t she]
“Well, you see…the reason I didn’t walk into it by myself is…is…”
{She sighs begrudgingly]
“The truth is, I…kind of wanted to know what it was like. You know being carried by a young and handsome knight.”
[You ask if she really thinks that you’re handsome]
“Well of course silly. I mean you have to be either blind or dumb to not notice that handsome mug of yours.”
[You mention that she’s the first to say that you’re handsome]
“Seriously, I’m the first? I mean, your parents must say-“
[You mention that they think you’re cute]
“Well, I guess that is to be expected. Parents calling their kids cute kind of goes hand in hand.”
[She leans back]
“Wow. So I am really the first girl to call you Handsome. Interesting, very interesting.”
[Pause]
“Say, since the letter seems like she was breaking up with you, how’s about we make her jealous of you.”
[You refuse]
“Aw, come on. It’ll be fun~. Maybe get a cute girl or a fair maiden to wrap her arms around your shoulders and act all lovey dovey with you.”
[She chuckles a little]
“I mean, you can’t honestly tell me that no maiden would want to be with you.”
[You remain silent]
“Wait, seriously? No one would be you’re…”
[She gets closer to you and hugs you]
“I’m so sorry dude.”
[You ask why she is hugging you]
“Why am I hugging you? Well, for starters you looked like you could really use one.”
{She leans next to your ear]
“And just between us, I find that there is nothing that can cheer someone up quite like a hug. Don’t you agree?”
[SFX: Kissing gently]
“Oh, I’m sorry. I just got carried away there. I bet you probably didn’t want me to kiss you huh?”
[You shake your head]
“Um…you don’t mind it?”
[You say that you don’t]
“Oh what a relief. I was worried that you would find it weird. A dragon girl, kissing you. Not to mention one who has feelings for you.”
[Pause]
“Did…Did I just say that out loud?”
[You nod]
“And, you heard that whole last part too?”
[You nod again]
[She looks away blushing hard]
“Oh, man. Did I really mess it up now?”
[She turns back to you]
“Look, I understand that our relationship up to this point has been purely platonic. I can’t however just ignore how I feel about you.”
[She leans into you]
“The way that your girlfriend broke up with you is not only very bush, it’s a disgrace. I would never do that to you. I want you to know that. If what I feel is too awkward for you, you can end it now and I’ll be happy just as your friend.”
[Pause]
“The silence is killing me dude. Say something, even if it’s a grunt to show me that you are-“
[Before she could finish you kiss her passionately]
[SFX: Kissing]
“Woah. Didn’t think that you could kiss like that.”
[You ask if you are enough]
“What do you mean if you are enough? Of course you are. To me, you are greater than any gold. Than any treasure. Than any wondrous artifact in this world.”
[She makes out with you again]
“I love you. My knight in shining armor.”
[You say that was cringe]
“*Blushing* Yeah, I have to admit. It sounded cooler in my head. Although this does leave a more important question.”
{You ask what it is]
“Am I enough for you? A weak and worthless dragon girl. Only being trained by a vice captain?”
{You say she isn’t weak or worthless]
“You really mean that huh?”
{You nod]
“Aw, you’re so sweet~. Come here~”
[The two of you continue to kiss]
“*Giggle* Just so you know. I appreciate everything you ever did to me. For you didn’t see a mere Tomboy dragon girl. But a…possibly a…fair maiden?”
[You nearly snicker]
“I know, I know it’s just that…at least once, I wanted someone to look at me like that. Even if it is an act.”
{You say that you do see her as a fair maiden?]
“Really? You mean it?”
[You nod]
“I don’t think I can resist such a handsome face anymore. Come here~”
[Before she kisses you, you interrupt her]
“Huh? What’s with the sudden change in attitude?”
[SFX: Drawer opening and closing]
[You hand her a letter]
“Huh? What’s this?”
[SFX: Ripping envelope open]
“Dear sir or madam, you are cordially invited to attend the royal ball of…Wait, are you inviting me to a ball?”
[You nod]
“*Sigh* I guess I’ll go. What’s the dress code?”
[You say a dress]
“*Sigh* Figures, Okay I’ll go. But you owe me okay?”
[You nod]
“Good, see you at the ball…Boyfriend~”
[She kisses you and walks out as it fades to black]
[To be continued…?]

Question above.
Is it worth grinding for a god roll of one specific piece of armor? Or can I just get the roll I want and transmog it to how I want it to look?

OCOC
Part 1
Aha, welcome back good reader.
Now where was I?
Oh yes. I was enjoying my second glass of homemade Lemonade and contemplating the round of sandwiches before me.
“These…sandwiches… I have not ever eaten anything like them before,” I said as I lifted the top piece of bread with an extended index talon to see for myself what lay within. It was as the Magus said, just sliced ham of a very high quality and cheese. I was impressed to see no mould or rot in either the cheese or ham. The Magus must be very wealthy to have such fresh and fine produce.
“I don’t suppose you have Meridiana. You’ve been away for a long time, over a thousand years if I am correct?”
I nodded as I replaced the top piece of bread, withdrew my talon, picked up the triangle of two pieces of bread with contents and took a bite. My eyes flew open after a second as the English Mustard went straight through my palate like a ballista bolt and smashed into my nasal cavity, exploding as Greek Fire would do. An utterly, delightfully mildly painful sensation and taste experience.
“Oopps… sorry… that’s the mustard you are experiencing. I did warn you but perhaps I should have explained more…” mused the Magus as he observed my reaction with a curious expression.
I waved away his apology and crammed the delicious food into my mouth, devouring it in less than a few seconds.
“…mmmpphhh… no… it’s delectable … a perfect torture! A fabulous flavour enhancement plus delectable pain! Fantastic!” I said with my mouthful, spitting out some crumbs and bits of meat as I spoke. Demons are not renowned for their table manners. Ahem.
“Ahh I see… how interesting. Well then, you are going to love a lot of food we can produce these days… Vindaloo curry, Szechuan Hotpot, Wasabi… Carolina Reaper Rectum Wrecker Chili Sauce …”
I burst out laughing at that last one, dribbling some half chewed bits of sandwich from my jaws, down the front of my chest. I didn’t care, that was immensely funny. If only Senior Management knew of it… perhaps they did? Meh…
“Ha! I always suspected that Demons had a sense of humour,” said the Magus with an interested air, leaning back in his own chair as he observed my giggling.
I wiped myself up, scooping up and eating the dribbled remnants, trying to regain a little dignity once more.
“Of course we have a sense of humour. We have been dealing with humanity since you lot became self-aware tens of thousands of years ago. You semi-bald monkeys are an endless source of entertainment for us.” I sat back in my plastic chair, my tail swishing in amusement. “Show me this “hot sauce”. I must see it!” I insisted.
The Magus reached into the pocket of his pants and took out a small black glass covered device and started tapping on it. The glass lit up instantly.
“What is that?” I demanded to know. The device looked magical in nature.
“This is a phone. There is so much I have to teach you Meridiana. You are immortal and have a genius intellect so it should not take long in either case. Once I show you the basics I know you will be fine. This device lets me have the sum of human knowledge at my fingertips. Oh… I see you do not believe me. It is true. I have no reason to lie to you. We have come a long way since you were last here Meridiana. Humanity has split the atom and created weapons that can devastate entire cities from tens of thousands of miles away, we have been to the moon and back, over 5 times. We are a globally interconnected species now who can board a machine and be whisked to another continent in mere hours, all safely I may add. I can use my phone and speak instantly to another person halfway around the globe. Here, this is the Hot Sauce you are interested in…” he said as he looked up and back at me, passing over the device.
I took it from his soft hands. He had not done any physical work in over a decade. There were no callouses present that a labourer, tradesman or peasant would have on their hands, just smooth supple pale skin. The hands of a scholar I noted.
The device or ‘phone’ had a picture now displayed on the glass. The picture was of a small bottle of sauce but I couldn’t read the writing.
“I can understand your language Magus but I am unable to read it,” I said as I looked at the picture.
“Oh but of course! A minor detail I have overlooked. The last language you were familiar with was Latin, correct?”
I nodded still staring at the phone in my hands. Such a remarkable device yet he treated it so casually. And he had forgotten a minor detail. This was indeed welcome news. What else had he missed I wondered? No matter, such things would reveal themselves in due course.
“Umm… let me see now… you are capable of reading another person’s thoughts right? That’s in your power set yes?”
My eyes shot up to his.
“How did you know…”
He held his hand to stop me from speaking further, then sighed for a moment, rubbed his chin before considering his next words.
“Most people these days don’t know, or to be honest, don’t care about your kinds existence. In fact, demons have become part of human entertainment. You are seen as figures of myth and fantasy. While I know that some demons still occasionally get through the void, usually through cracks in reality and often cause mayhem here, it is quite rare these days to see that happen. On the whole I think that the majority of those that do get here see what the world is like and decide to keep their heads down and blend into human society. I think that they actually like it here and that does not surprise me at all. Anyway… the thing is… and you aren’t going to like this… is your power set, or what most people believe it to be, was codified in a game some fifty odd years ago. A man who created the game did a lot of research on all demons, putting it all that into a book which a game could be played from. Your kind became fantasy monsters for people to kill in their imaginations by rolling dice to determine the outcome.”
I sat with my jaw gaping wider as he spoke. We had become figures of entertainment? No longer inspiring fear and terror into humanity? I began to grow enraged. My eyes started to blaze with infernal heat.
“CALM YOURSELF!”
The Magus invoked his power and will upon me, seeing my wrath was beginning to engulf me. I was completely under his control despite his promise of not doing that. Interesting and also a touch arousing. I swallowed nervously, bowed my head in a sign of docility and obedience.
He sighed as my fury dissipated.
“I am sorry for that but I can’t afford to have you going berserk in my garage. You are a genius Meridiana, I know you are. You are a demon who has been imprisoned for over a thousand years and you have a lot to catch up on but losing your temper will not help you... at all. Please, do not make me do that again but also be aware that if you lose control, I will bend you to my will, totally. I want you to use your mind Meridiana, please, try and think first before reacting. It is not my intent to control you. A free agent is far more effective than a mindless automaton drone. Besides, I don’t want to have to replace furniture or clean up the mess. In addition, I would be fucking furious with you if you damaged the car as my insurance premiums will rocket if that happens.”
The look he gave me was visceral, he meant every word he said. Fascinating.
“Yes Magus,” I said meekly, not knowing what the car or insurance premiums were. I considered it best to play along and discover what this Magus required of me.
More so, I had not felt power like that since I last came before a demon prince, like the one who cast my into my cell for a millennia. Who is this man? He seemed calm now, so I returned to eating the rest of the gourmet bread snack also known as the sandwich.
“Anyway… as I was saying… we are aware of demonic powers. I was going to ask if you could read my mind. I can allow that. Your power of Extrasensory Perception as we call it, should be sufficient enough for you to learn how to read English, which is one of the more common languages spoken and used in the world today. I will allow this as it would take far too long to teach you to read. And time is of the essence here.”
I swallowed my last mouthful of food after savouring the exquisite pain of the mustard once more.
“I agree, I will do this Magus. And if that sauce is anything to go by… painful going in and coming out! Marvellous! Humanity had almost reached a level of infernal punishment it appears,” I said as I returned my attention to the Magus with a coquettish little smile. “I must say that this is a novel use of the power that you seek me to use. To learn rather than use it to gain knowledge and thus power over you. You are being naïve Magus. How do you know I will not misuse my ability, ferret out your secrets to hurt you with?”
He gave me a cold laugh that actually made me pause for a moment.
“Because really I don’t give a fuck about myself Meridiana. What you see is the husk of a man. I have nothing except my knowledge, my money, this house, its contents and car. All meaningless items in the grand scheme of things. My life blew apart two years ago. Nothing you could do would hurt me because I have gone beyond feeling pain. I knew that you would try and betray me, hurt me, try to drag me into hell to torment me for eternity. Don’t bother, I’m already there.”
I stared deep into his eyes.
They were dead deep down inside.
This was a man who smiled and felt some amusement yet that was the body and the mind going through reactions and reflexes from a lifetime of experiences. Simply put there was no joyousness in him, no spark of life.
Whatever joy this man had felt had been burned out of his soul. I would know, I had done it to countless humans before. That he was still functional showed he possessed an incredible amount of willpower and inner fortitude. Most mortals would either have taken their own lives by now or be snivelling, dribbling wrecks, covered in their own filth, rocking and crying hysterically in the corner of the room until they died, wasting away from the void that ate them from within.
I sat back, momentarily stunned. My Magus was like a living Lemure, the first form a damned soul takes when they appear in hell. Soulless, formless, blobs of creatures which had no spark left within, just the memory of the guilt, rage and sorrow to torment them for eternity. What had happened to extinguish this man’s spark I wondered? And why does he require my servitude? The most interesting aspect of his demeanour was that I did not have to corrupt him at all, he is already writhing in inner torment. My attitude shifted once more. I will now view this Magus as a Demon Prince, one of power, cunning and potential cruelty. That I can work with.
“Shall we begin? I will enter your mind to learn how to read as you command Magus, nothing more,” I said as I sat forward giving him a reassuring smile.
“Needs must as the devil drives,” he muttered to himself. I raised my eyebrow at that phrase, most curious.
He held out his hand to me which I took gently in mine. I made sure my talons were withdrawn and looked down at his pale hand in my dark ruddy bronzed one. It was small in comparison yet I could feel the power within. This Magus was not one to be manipulated without consequences.
“We shall begin, my mind to your mind Magus,” I said quietly as I concentrated on forming the mental bridge between our consciousnesses.
In my minds eye I saw the Magus’ mind. An imposing mighty fortress of grey stone with a small sally port door open next to the main portcullis that was firmly shut. I stepped cautiously in, noting the murder holes above me and sensing the immediate danger of imminent harm if the Magus chose to attack me within his mental fortress.
I could go no further and dared not reach out to test his defences. A small book appeared in the air in front of me. This would be the conduit for the transfer of knowledge. I took the book in my hands cautiously, pressed to my forehead and began to absorb the knowledge it contained.
A couple of moments later I was done. I looked back at the cover of the book and now could read it, “Teach Your Child How to Read”. I laughed out aloud. My Magus was being a tease, cheeky little swine! I let go of the children’s reading primer and stepped back outside, ending the link.
“Very amusing Magus. For one who has no spark, you still appear to appreciate a joke.”
“Yeah… some things I just do, habit I suppose?” He shrugged and sat back again. “I appreciate your restraint Meridiana. I know you could have tried to assault me from within, our minds and wills becoming locked in conflict but you choose not to attack me. Why?”
“The answer is simple Magus, I wish to stay here… with you. You have made it abundantly clear that I am bound to you. How, I do not know. In any case, you freed me from eternal boredom. For that alone I am grateful. Yes, we demons can feel emotions such as gratitude surprisingly enough. In my past all who summoned me demanded my servitude and compliance, you asked first. That is novel. I like new things as you seem to understand. So I adhered to your request. And now I can read English. What a versatile language it is! And confusing as well…”
“Yeah, you’ll get that. English is weird but it works. I still have trouble with where and were when I write. And I’m a native born speaker! Anyway, I think it is time I should you around your new home Meridiana. However, I think you will have to shift your form from it’s current state. You’re just too tall for the doorways and your wings are huge.”
“Oh yes… of course…how did...oh right… you already knew…ha! That you know so much about me and my powers is… liberating in a way. I shall be interested to see what else you think you know,” I said as I stood up and focused my power of Shape Alteration, morphing into my other true form, that of a coffee dark skinned, black eyed human female with long black flowing tresses that went well past my shoulders. My breasts were ample, hips curvaceously wide, legs long and shapely, cheek bones high and lips pouty. I was totally naked. My height was now a modest 5’6” in the old measurement, perfect for my generous proportions.
The Magus raised an eyebrow, giving me an appraising glance that hinted that his base urges still were functional. The hind brain and little head still seemed to worked within him. I smiled demurely back at him.
“Will this form be sufficient?” I said as I stretched my arms above my shoulders, thrusting my chest out provocatively then pirouetting for him, showing my well-rounded ass.
“Is that your mother’s original form? Lilith?” he asked with genuine curiosity.
“My, I am impressed at your scholarly knowledge Magus. No, my mother is Naamah, not Lilith. I would be Lilium if Lilith was my mother. Let me test you now, who is my father?”
“Cain as far as the bible says.”
“Well done!” I clapped my hands with a little peep of true amusement. Even though my Magus is a mortal, he is a learned one and I appreciate intelligence in a being.
“I now have to ask you something Meridiana, a cosmological question, just for my own curiosity. Your origins are what we historians refer to as the Judo-Christian stream of culture and religion. Yet there are dozens of human cultures with differing belief systems, featuring gods, demons, angels, divine beings and such. Do they exist in conjunction with your kind or are they merely different manifestations of the same thing?”
My eyes widened once more. Firstly because my naked form was not driving the Magus into a slathering lustful man who’s penis should be bulging with longing by now, aching to be inside me. More so though, he was truly interested in the realms beyond. Incredible! His discipline and mental control is something to be wary of.
“Truthfully, we are but one realm amongst a myriad of others. I know of the ones you speak of. We stay out of each other’s… territory to use a euphemism. The Deva and Rakshasa from the Hindu pantheon stay within their boundaries as do Oni from the lands of Nippon and so on,” I said as I folded my arms over my tits and pouted at his lack of sexual enthusiasm.
He nodded as he stood up.
“I knew it! But also Sir Terry Pratchett was right…maybe? My question now is… did we create you with our thoughts. Was human belief the catalyst that brought your kind into existence? Chicken and egg…” he said musing to himself as he walked over to one of the shelves, removing a large white fluffy robe then coming back to hand it to me.
“What has poultry got to do with anything? And who is this knight you speak of that deduced the multiple realms that lay beyond the universe” I said in a mildly aggrieved tone as I snatched the soft robe from his hand. It was made from the finest cotton weave I had seen, far higher quality from anything that could come from looms of Egypt. I put it on seeing how my nudity was not having the effect I wanted. What bliss it was as I relished the supple softness of the material against my skin. My Magus must have paid a fortune for such a garment.
“I’ll explain later. Come, this way,” he said gesturing to a small flight of tiled stairs that were in a corner of the basement garage.
I sniffed haughtily and walked forwards, taking the lead.
Walking up the two dozen or so steps, I came out into a marvel of lavishness and luxury.
Stunning polished white ceramic tiles made up the floor. Ahead oh me was a superbly created and polished, reddish granite top bench, full of sparking crystals that refracted the light when it hit the surface. I sensed this was a food preparation area, a kitchen but of the likes that I had never seen before. A metal spigot, presumable for water stood above two deep looking metal troughs in the centre of the stone bench. A few bowls and plates sat unwashed in the trough. I saw glass faced cabinets that held within more crockery and glassware that Gerbert ever had, even when he was Pope! Other cabinets held bottles of…something? I was not close enough to read the labels.
Another large, tall, double doored metal box stood opposite the stair doorway. The Magus saw me staring at it.
“That’s the fridge.”
“What?”
“The refrigerator. It is where we store food and drink to keep it cold and fresh for preservation.”
He walked over to the metal box and opened the door to show me it’s contents.
Inside was a cornucopia of jars, bottles, containers filled with food and drink. A light illuminated the interior as the door opened.
“Such powerful sorcery Magus!”
“No Meridiana, just technology. It is merely a machine, not magical at all, although in a way I suppose it is to you. Heh… a very wise man once said, “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic”. Sir Arthur was right of course.”
I nodded in wordless agreement. That was profound wisdom indeed. And yet another knight who exceeded their station through knowledge. So much to learn!
“Would you like a beer? I need one I think,” said the Magus as he bent down to open another compartment of his food storage machine.
“Beer? You mean Ale?”
“Hmm… I don’t have any IPA’s, just lagers. Try this and see if you like it,” he said as he withdrew two small brown glass bottles from the lower compartment. The Magus placed them on the bench, took out a small tool from a sliding drawer and popped the metal bottle tops off with a swift motion. He passed me the icy cold bottle then took up his own and toasted me.
“Here is to our partnership Meridiana.”
The Magus tipped his bottle in a small salute to me then drank deeply of his… beer.
Returning the gesture, I then took a hesitant sip. It was cold like the lower levels of hell, slightly bitter yet oh so crisp and refreshing. Totally different to the Lemonade I had just drank and very unlike ales I had consumed in the past. I swallowed and enjoyed the sensation.
“A partnership hmm? Most interesting Magus,” I said as I looked further around the space I was in.
The room was like a lords hall, one long space that measured at least 66 feet in length, maybe more, it was hard to tell with a cursory glance. The width was probably 18 to 20 feet. To my right was a large well made table surround by half a dozen plushily upholstered leather chairs and beyond that a space where there were luxurious divans and more chairs.
What excited me the most though were the shelves filled with books that bordered an entire wall. My mouth opened at the sight of so much knowledge! In front of the large table, surrounded in what must be an emperors ransom in the clearest pure glass was a little open air atrium, filled with flowing plants, creeping vines and small fruit trees as well as a small fountain in the shape of the head of a childlike Dionisius, with water spewing from his mouth, splashing into a little stone pond in front of its face.
“Do you worship the god of wine?” I asked intrigued as I gazed at the stone head wreathed in grapes and vines.
“Huh? No. That was a leftover from the previous owner’s bad taste. I couldn’t be bothered to get rid of it as it would have cost a fortune to do so so I’m stuck with the little bastard. I keep the fountain on because it stopped the bloody mosquitos from breeding in the pond,” he muttered darkly.
Fascinating!
“You astonish me Magus. You live in an opulent palace, surrounded by glass, granite and marble yet you complain about the cost of removing the effigy of a dead god… how intriguing.”
I shook my head. So much to take in all at once. It was a heady rush. He shrugged as though this was nothing to be proud of, merely something he lived in.
The pristine white tiles felt cold upon my bare feet as I wandered over to the bookcases. In front of me was a blue…velvet? … couch piled with colourful cushions. That would be my seat of power I decided.
Behind the couch was another huge set of windows, framed in dark burnished metal and obscured by a gauze curtain. To each side, pulled back, were two more heavier curtains made of another ever so finely crafted fabric. On the floor was a large carpet that had the look of one that had come from the inner steppes of Asia. I knew of these as there were a highly prized item in Gerbert’s day, each costing a small fortune in gold.
I turned and stared at all the books lining the shelves, marvelling at this priceless horde of knowledge. Some of the books were tall and large while others were small enough to fit into the palm of your hand. I could now read the titles that were clearly written in the most precise calligraphy across the spine of each book. So much to read!
I took my ease upon the wonderfully comfortable blue divan, relaxing amidst the plush silk and fluffy cushions and gazed back at my Magus who took his seat in a black leather clad… throne?... that swivelled on a pivot! Astounding!
“So my Magus…what do you intend of our partnership? To be honest, and that’s rare coming from a demon, I am still confused as to why you require me? You seem uninterested in the carnal exquisite pleasures I can bestow upon you, you are already richer than my last master… and he was a Papal Prince! So what is it then?”
He leaned forward, placing his half-drunk bottle of beer on a low level table that separated our seats. Sitting back he, steepled his fingers into a pyramid of evil contemplation as he calmly regarded me.
“Oh… that’s quite simple and from what I know of your abilities and powers, it will be super easy, barely an inconvenience for you. What I want is for you to kill some people who deserve an express ticket to hell. Their rotten souls are destined for your realm anyway, you just get them there, painfully, ahead of schedule.”
My eyes widened, lighting up with both surprise and savagely gleeful delight as this was turning out to be the most extremely interesting summons I have ever had as I took another sip of my beer.
How supremely fascinating indeed.